


Translucence

by ssalemghostss



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Empress Rey, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jedi, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi Kylo Ren, Jedi Rey, Renperor, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Force Bond, Slow Burn Rey/Kylo Ren, The Dark Side of the Force, The Light Side of the Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-16 15:58:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 129,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7274437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssalemghostss/pseuds/ssalemghostss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The New Republic is under the threat of extinction at the hands of The First Order. War has been declared. The Republic, along with its allies, what is left of the Jedi, and the Resistance, must combat the continuous attacks, which grow more deadly everyday. A young Senator by the name of Kylo Ren refuses to sit idly by and do nothing. Rebelling against the Senate and the Resistance, he, along with Rey, the young Padawan assigned to keep him safe, must carve their own bloody path to victory for the Republic. But Ren himself poses perhaps the largest threat of all...one that could seal the fate of the galaxy forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! Let me preface this story with a tiny disclaimer: this is a Reylo fan fiction set in wartime, with slight canonical references but mostly of an AU design. There will be violence, there will be some slightly nsfw material, and there will be cliff-hangers (which I apologize for in advance, whilst barely concealing my evil laugh). I received inspiration for this fic from a lovely piece of Reylo art on Tumblr and from some equally lovely people who talked me into it (note: it didn’t take much to do this). I’m also trying a few different writing techniques, so bear with me for that. Most importantly, I hope you enjoy what I have created here. Please leave me feedback, it really makes a difference! If you want to contact me directly, please refer to my tumblr: reylo-solo.tumblr.com. Now seriously, enjoy.

_What a strange man-creature you are. Strange indeed…_

                Kylo Ren watched Brasmon Kee’s fish-like mouth move as he spoke. As off-putting as his pink, scaly flesh and bone-white hair were, it was his mouth that unnerved Ren the most. He would never tell Kee that, though. That would be disrespecting another Senator and if he did that he would never hear the end of it.

 

                A meeting of the Senate had just gotten out and aliens and humans alike exited the government building and flooded the streets, branching off in different directions. Everyone was heading home for supper but Ren was stuck on the stone steps of the building listening to Kee drone on about the First Order. _We just spent over three hours discussing this very thing. How can he possibly have any more to say about it?_ Ren thought. Kee was from the planet Abednedo, which had been a target for destruction following the Empire’s defeat at the Battle of Endor. That being the case, he was perhaps more nervous about the threat the First Order posed than the rest of the Senate; certainly more than Senator Ren.

 

                His stomach growled hungrily and he frowned. “Senator Kee.” His voice was deep and his tone was serious. Kee instantly stopped his blubbering and focused his watery black eyes on Ren’s face. “I understand your nervousness. Don’t think for one moment that the rest of the galaxy isn’t nervous also. But, as was mentioned and discussed _at length_ during the meeting, the Senate does not find the First Order to be an immediate threat at this time. We are doing all we can to prepare and we’ll be ready when they are.”

 

                “But how can we prepare, Senator? How can we prepare when we don’t even know what’s coming?” Kee demanded.

 

                Ren cast him a hard stare and pursed his lips for a moment. “I’m afraid that’s something you’ll need to mull over in your bed tonight, Senator Kee. As of this moment, I have nothing more to tell you, and besides that, I’m starving. So frankly, I would rather be discussing food than the First Order.”

 

                Kee looked aghast. He stammered, tripping over his words. Ren waited patiently. “You, sir, do not belong on the Senate! Electing you was a mistake. No matter what your mother says, you are a rude, belligerent, toxic presence! Goodnight!” He stalked off towards the main square. Ren watched him go from the steps.

 

                It was not the first time a fellow Senator had lost their temper with him. He was an acquired taste. As his mother liked to remind him: he had the stubbornness of a Skywalker and the smugness of a Solo. It was, for relationships sake, a dangerous combination.

 

                Ren was still standing on the steps watching Kee storm off when he watched him die. Someone dressed in all black with a well-worn mask appeared in the street. In what felt like a decade but was only a few seconds, the man produced a red lightsaber and thrust it upwards into Kee’s body; under the ribcage and into the throat. The man said something then, but Kylo Ren couldn’t hear. He was speaking only to Kee, in his final moments before the lightsaber was pulled out and his lifeless body collapsed.

 

                Without thinking, Ren took off after the murderer, chasing him down the street and into an alley. The man stopped running and activated his lightsaber, whirling around to face Ren. He was crouched and ready, both hands on the hilt of his weapon. Ren kept his distance but was also prepared to attack. His heart thumped against his chest as he looked around for anything he could use to deflect the blows. He found a long piece of metal that must’ve been used on a ship of some sort with a dangerously sharp tip on it. He knew it didn’t stand a hope if the lightsaber were to make contact with it, but he also knew that he didn’t necessarily _need_ an energized weapon to defeat the killer. He just needed to be faster.

 

                If he moved, he was dead. He needed his weapon of choice in his hand before he could move at all. His mother had warned him to keep his talents with the Force under wraps except for when it was an absolute necessity that he exercise them. He considered his present situation to fall under that category. Like a puppeteer who held all the strings, he flew the metal shard through the air and into his outstretched hand with just a thought. It had a nice weight to it. He eyed his opponent, who was clearly taken aback by Ren’s sensibility. His stance had weakened and his saber had dropped slightly. Ren seized the opportunity and lunged. The man jumped sideways so Ren ran past him. Ren whirled around, teeth bared and ready for another attack. The killer swung his blade left, right, swinging again and again and Ren dodged every pursuit. Ducking and jumping he moved like a dancer, never tripping up or giving pause. He thought he had a clear shot, so he lunged again and missed, but the killer’s saber aimed true. There was a searing pain across Ren’s face and he grunted in pain, stumbling backwards. For a second he couldn’t see anything, but he could feel the hot, wet sensation of blood coursing down his cheeks and into his mouth. He wiped the blood from his eyes, spit out what was in his mouth, and toyed the metal in his hand. The killer was laughing behind his mask.

 

                Ren aimed and threw the metal at his opponent like a javelin, sharp end first. It pierced the man’s wielding arm through the wrist and he instantly dropped his weapon, screeching in agony. Ren wasted no time sauntering over, the thrill of winning the duel making his blood run hot. He forced the killer to his knees, roughly yanked out the metal piece and directed its tip at the man’s throat, right underneath the mask.

 

                Speaking only to the killer, and in a very low, dangerous tone, he said, “Where did you come from?”

 

                Stammering, the killer responded. His voice was altered by the mask. “T-the First Order is coming. I will not be the last. They will destroy the Republic and—”

 

                “Oh, how unfortunate,” Ren cooed. “The right answer was ‘nowhere.’”

 

                He pushed the metal through the man’s throat and watched him bleed out, gurgling and choking in the middle of the alley. Once he was positive the man was dead, he stripped him of his mask. He was shocked when the face that looked back at him with wide, unseeing eyes was that of a young boy, no more than fifteen years old. Disgusted, Ren dropped the lifeless body and backed away from it. Not only was the First Order clearly recruiting youths, but Ren had just killed one. He had never killed a child before. _I didn’t know._

 

                “Ben? Ben!”

 

                He jerked his head around at the sound of his mother calling his name, and he groaned in pain as the tear across his face burned. His eyes were shut but he felt hands on him. He knew his mother’s touch.

 

                “Oh…oh, Ben. Orris, quick! Help me get him to a medic!”

 

                Ren didn’t open his eyes, not even when he felt two pairs of hands on his body, hoisting him into a standing position and supporting his weight, in case he were to collapse from blood loss. If he opened his eyes, all he would see would be blood and terrified faces and maybe Kee’s body, getting colder by the minute. He would rather see the insides of his eyelids than be subjected to such a scene. But he could smell the blood, taste it, and hear the voices of a dozen people who had rushed to the source of the screams. Had those people been there the whole time? He couldn’t remember. He just didn’t want to _see_ it.               

 

**

                “They sure got you good. But I’ve patched you up and it looks like all you’ll be left with is a scar. Shame it’s on your face or I’d say it wasn’t noticeable.”

 

                Ren frowned. He didn’t find the medic’s joke very funny. He hadn’t seen his face yet. The medic had used a type of laser graph treatment – _How ridiculous, using a laser to fix a lightsaber wound_ , Ren had thought – and it had hurt almost as bad as receiving the blow had.

 

                The medic finished bandaging him and bowed as he backed away. “You’re all done, Senator Ren. I wish you a quick and easy healing process.”

 

                “Thank you,” Ren mumbled.

 

                The second he left the room he was flooded by a group of people headed by his own mother, General Leia Organa. She looked very stressed.

 

                “Who was it? Who sent them? They killed Kee and then they almost killed you!” She snapped.

 

                “Yes, General Organa, I was there,” Ren replied hotly. “He appeared to be some sort of messenger for the First Order. Although, I’m not entirely sure what his message was, other than to be a gigantic nuisance and keep me from my dinner.” He began to walk through the group towards the front doors.

 

                “He murdered a Senator! _Just outside of our government building!_   I think the message is clear, Senator Ren. They wish to destroy the Republic!” Senator Varish Vicly argued heatedly. He struggled to keep up with Ren’s long strides.

 

                “Hmm, I’m not sure how you came to _that_ wild conclusion…” Ren said sarcastically. “Were you not just discussing how the First Order was _not_ a threat to the Republic?”

 

                “Things have changed,” Leia said sternly. “We cannot let this get any farther than it already has. The time to act is _now_! I told you all in the meeting and I’m telling you now: the First Order is going to become the new Empire if we’re not careful! We need to become militarily involved.”

 

                “General Organa, to militarize now would be to set ourselves up for another civil war!” Orris Madmund spoke up.

 

                “We’re already at war!” Leia yelled. She glared daggers at the group. “Do what you will. _I’m_ calling in my brother.”


	2. Two

He had no idea where he was. Was he still in the same galaxy? It certainly didn’t look like it. There was fog all around him and eerie noises that simultaneously sounded far away and dangerously close. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Someone was watching him.

 

                He had nothing but the clothes on his back. He didn’t even have his sight to help him; the fog was too thick. Perhaps foolishly he called out “Hello?” Despite all of his weaknesses, he knew someone was out there, he just didn’t know if they were friend or foe.

 

                Someone screamed behind him, causing him to jump and whirl around. It was a bloodcurdling scream; like someone was being tortured. It went on forever, making his ears hurt. Instinctively, he ran towards the screams, hoping to help and gather some answers. But the more he ran towards the sound, the farther away it got until it eventually faded out. Confusion, paranoia, and panic overtook him. He was breathing heavily now, twisting his body this way and that to try and see something, anything.

 

                “Who’s out there?” he shouted, growing frustrated. “I can feel you!”

 

                Where one second it was nearly opaque with fog, the next a misty arm was reaching out towards him, shrouded in brown fabric. He could see the outline of the person it belonged to. They were wearing some sort of rough spun cloak with the hood up to cover their face. They didn’t speak, but Ben felt calmness wash over him as he stared. He meant to take the hand but before he could touch it it had vanished. The person was walking away from him, intending for him to follow, he thought. So he did. He followed for what felt like hours, walking on and on in endless fog until finally it cleared. The ground he stood on was black with the same ash that swirled around him like snow. The sky was red as blood and all the vegetation was dead and crumbling. Wherever he was, it was uninhabitable. The world was on fire.

 

                The person turned to face him again. “Who…” he began, but he could not continue for they began to remove their hood. The face that looked back at him made him softly gasp.

 

                She couldn’t have been more than nineteen years old. She had brown hair pulled back into three small buns with one skinny braid twirling around her throat. _A Padawan._ Her eyes were familiar, somehow; chocolate brown and mesmerizing. It felt like she had stolen all the breath from his lungs with one look. He could not speak.

 

                “You are in danger,” she said ominously. Her mouth barely moved and she did not blink.

 

                He opened his mouth to ask her what she meant, but no sound came out. He felt entirely incapacitated. _Who are you?_

 

                A lightsaber activated at her side, glowing a deadly electric blue against the black ground. He stepped back, alarmed. Her face had contorted into an expression of anger and also fear; she was the most wildly beautiful creature he had ever seen, even if she was about to kill him. She hoisted the saber into the air above her head and screamed at him.

 

                “WAKE UP!”

 

                The weapon came slashing down towards his face. He awoke in his own bed covered in cold sweat and gasping for air. His heart felt like it was about to beat through his chest. His room was dark but everything was the same. _It was a dream,_ he realized. _But why did it seem so real?_

                The girl was nowhere to be seen, of course. Had she ever been real? He’d never seen her before but he found a part of him desperately wanting to see her again. His mouth was dry as bone with a sour taste in it. He shuffled out of bed and down the hallway to get some water, where he nearly ran right into his mother. She gasped and put a hand to her chest.

 

                “Ben,” she breathed, “you scared me. What are you doing? Are you alright? How’s your face?”

 

                He lightly put his hands on his mother’s shoulders and bent down to kiss her head. “I’m fine. I’m just getting a drink. I…I can’t sleep.”

 

                “Oh, of course,” Leia murmured sympathetically. She was a tough, outspoken woman, but she had the utmost compassion for her only son; some would say to a fault. “Let me get you some water, you wait right here.”

 

                “Mom, I can get it myself, I’m—” But she was already gone to fulfill her task. Ren ran his hands through his hair. He had learned long ago to just let her do what she needs to do when she was in such a state. Whenever his father had left on some smuggling venture, his mother could never have enough to do to keep her mind off of missing him; wondering when the day would come that he would leave and never make it back. She worried easily, although she didn’t like to show it often. Ren had always meant to have a place of his own, and he had for a little while, but he was always called back home. _“I need you, Ben. I hate when he’s gone. The house is too quiet and everything seems to fall in on me, all at once. Please come home. I’m so sorry.”_ He remembered the night she had told him that. All he could think was, at least she’d finally gathered the courage to say it out loud.

 

                Leia Organa reappeared moments later, pushing a blue cup into her son’s hands. He took it and slowly drank it all. He wiped his mouth on his arm and watched his mother’s face. She was tired, and she was beginning to show her age. The immense stress she was under had turned some of her hairs grey, deepened the lines on her face, and highlighted the veins in her hands. But despite all of that, she was still his mother, and he loved her more than anything or anyone else. For most of his life she had been all he had, and now he was all she had. He set the cup aside and took his mother’s hand in his.

 

                “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

 

                He led her into her bedchamber, handed her some sleeping clothes and prepared her bed while she changed in her washroom. He dimmed the lights so it was easier on tired eyes and he closed the curtains over the window. When she came back into her room, he pulled out a chair for her to sit on. She gave him a humoured look.

 

                “Really?” she asked pointedly.

 

                He beckoned at the chair again. “Sit. You used to let me brush your hair all the time when I was younger; you told me it was your favourite thing. Do you remember? Because I do.”

 

                She chuckled but said no more and sat down. He took her hair out of its bun and began to brush it. He began at the back and moved around to the sides and front. His mother had always had long, beautiful hair. He smiled to himself when he saw her smiling serenely with her eyes closed. _She needs small moments of peace like this,_ he reminded himself. _She’ll never get any otherwise._ When no knots could be found in her hair, he tied it in a loose ponytail and slung it over her shoulder.

 

                “How have we not found you a wife yet?” Leia asked as Ren brought her to her bed and helped her under the covers.

 

                He shook his head. “Mother, you are the only woman that matters to me, and frankly, the only one I care for at all. I have no time for a wife, anyway.”

 

                “Hmm,” she murmured, grinning as he sat on the edge of her bed. Slowly, she cupped his face with a hand. “Surely those bandages can come off now.”

 

                “Surely,” Ren agreed with a soft smile. “I’ve been trying to avoid seeing the damage.”

 

                “It won’t be that bad. Here, let me see you.” He leaned over a little so she could reach better. Her deft fingers began to peel away at the tape on his face, careful to not pull the skin. She took a good, long look at her son when she had the bandages off.

 

                “Is it terrible?” he quietly asked after a little while. “Am I a monster now?”

 

                Leia smiled and shook her head, though there were tears in her eyes. “No, no. You look so handsome. Just like your father. Now you just have a battle scar. I think it suits you.”

 

                Ben nodded and kissed her forehead. “Thank you. Goodnight.”

 

                “Goodnight.”

 

                He shut the light off when he left.

 

                On his way back to his own room, he paused before a mirror. It took some effort to remove his eyes from the floor and examine his own reflection. He could still feel the scar on his face; tingling and burning if he wrinkled his nose or yawned. Finally though, after going over every worst-case scenario in his head, he saw himself. It wasn’t half as bad as he thought it would be, but it was a significant change to his appearance. The scar began at his jaw on the right side of his face and ran diagonally across the bridge of his nose to end over his left eyebrow. It was pink and sore-looking still, but eventually it would fade to white. He looked at it for a long time. He had never seen true battle, only minor disputes and training. And yet he had a facial scar that gave him the appearance of a worn veteran. He was no war hero, though. He was only a man with a fancy title and soft living spaces. _And the Force._ But what good was the Force when he couldn’t utilize it whenever he wanted? What sort of power did it give him? He was no Jedi. _I was almost a Jedi._ No. He was a Senator.

 

                _Senator,_ Ren scoffed and re-entered his room. _How am I a Senator of all things? I hate politics. I hate being stuck here. But I can’t leave, not now. Maybe not ever._ When he had come back “home” (he had spent his childhood and adolescent years elsewhere in the galaxy, and thus Hosnian Prime had never truly felt like home) per his mother’s request, the former monarch of the planet Arakis had died, and Leia had been offered the chance to represent the planet in the Senate, since she had been the former leader’s closest living relative. She did not want the position, though; certain her efforts were better placed on the military. Fortunately, Ren had been eligible for the Senate at that time and no matter how many times he voiced his dislike of the idea, his mother continuously assured him it was the safest choice. So he took the position. He was the youngest member of the Senate, and he knew that put him at a disadvantage. No one took him seriously. His opinion rarely mattered. He had only ever been to Arakis twice and he had hated it there. _Maybe after all this they’ll listen to me,_ he thought. _Maybe now I’ll actually command some respect._

 

                He laid in his bed on top of his blanket for awhile. The Padawan girl he’d seen in his dreams kept floating back into his mind. Who was she? What danger did she speak of? The First Order? _She’s not real,_ he told himself. _She was only a dream, brought on by the day’s events. It’s only my subconscious…_

 

                He couldn’t sleep. He read a whole book that night. And still, he saw her face in the morning.


	3. Three

The entire Senate chamber was in a state of chaos. Everyone was speaking at once and there were hardly any agreements. Voices rose into shouts and fists were banged on tables. Some people even stood up out of their chairs to declare their distaste. Kylo sat in his chair with his cheek resting on his knuckles, watching the madness happen. He found his own temper rising; it doubled every time someone accused his mother of something ridiculous and tried to blame her for what had happened. As he felt himself get more frustrated and watched his mother get angrier, he found he could no longer put up with such farce.

 

                Sharply, he yelled, “Enough!” Although he was the youngest person on the Senate with no real prior experience in politics (having grown up listening to his mother talk politics did not count, apparently), his deep voice commanded everyone’s attention. Almost immediately the blabbering stopped and all eyes were on him. He made sure to meet each stare as he spoke. “I don’t know how any of you expect to reach a conclusion on this matter by acting like children; placing blame on others so you don’t have to shoulder it. Are we that weak-minded, Senators? Can we not act like adults, capable of protecting our galaxy?”

 

                After a moment of shameful silence, someone spoke up. “The First Order has taken one of our own! We must take action _now_!”

 

                “Yes, I think we can all agree on that, can’t we?” Ren asked. Murmurs of agreement went around the room. “General Organa has stepped up and contacted my uncle, Master Luke Skywalker of the Jedi. This is how we shall begin protecting ourselves, with his help and the help of the Jedi. As far as military goes, that is General Organa’s call.” He turned his gaze to his mother, who nodded at him.

 

                She began to detail her plan of action, which involved heavy armament and a chance at retaliation. But of course, they first needed information. What was the First Order planning? What was the reasoning behind sending an assassin to take out a member of the Senate? Was it Brasmon Kee they intended to kill, or was the lightsaber meant for another? Other Senators asked similar questions like how they would go about retrieving inside information on the enemy. This was indeed a tricky thing to do, but Leia was certain that with the help of the Jedi it would be made easier, and Ren agreed.

 

                While discussing the cost of war, the Senators were interrupted by a quiet knocking on the chamber door. It opened moments later and a droid poked its head in. “Senators,” it chirped, “Master Luke Skywalker and his Padawan are here.”

 

                “Let them in,” Leia said. There was a hopefulness in her voice.

 

                All the Senators stood and bowed in formal greeting to their guests. Ren stood back up, barely concealing a smile, and felt the atmosphere change as soon as they walked in. He could feel the Force all around him, tightening its grip on the sensitive. Ren had never become a Jedi, but he had always admired the effect they had on a crowd.

 

                Both Luke and his Padawan had the hoods of their cloaks over their heads, casting shadows over their faces. They did not remove their hoods until they were both standing in the middle of the chamber, facing all the Senators. Ren grinned. His uncle had gotten more grey hairs and wrinkles since he had last seen him. Despite his age he stood there as powerful as ever; someone to be admired. He was a hero to the Republic and the Jedi. His legacy could never be forgotten.

 

                Ren turned his attention to the Padawan. His uncle had had dozens of Padawans over the years and Ren had only met a handful of them. He knew nothing about the current one. But the second she removed her hood and revealed her face, a strange sensation of déjà vu rendered Kylo frozen. He had seen that freckled face with the brown eyes. He knew that hairstyle. _The girl from my dream…_ The hairs on his arms stood on end.

 

                “Senators,” Luke said, bowing in return. The girl copied his movements. “I wish we were meeting on better terms.”

 

                “As do I,” Leia replied.

 

                Ren was so busy staring at the Padawans’ profile that he was the last person to sit down. Thankfully everyone was so focused on their guests that they didn’t notice he was distracted. He barely listened to the conversation as it occurred. He could feel her all around him, like she was the only other presence in the room. He got a sensation like he had known her for hundreds of years and yet, he knew not one thing about her.

 

                “Have you spoken to the other Jedi?” Leia asked from the dais.

 

                “I have alerted them to the current situation,” Luke replied. “They are ready and willing to help.”

 

                Leia gave a small sigh of relief. “Excellent. We will need bodyguards for each member of the Senate, if possible. With the last attack being directed at us, it is too risky to be unprotected. If the First Order wants to overthrow the Republic, it only makes sense that they would come for us first. They’ll want to gain power over the galaxy by first cutting off its head.”

 

                “I think I can take care of that,” Luke nodded. “How many will you need for patrol?”

 

                “It is unknown how many loyalists and kingpins are among us here,” Senator Sindian spoke up. Her golden skin seemed to shimmer with every muscle she moved. “But we cannot take the recent attack lightly! We shall need at least two hundred on patrol, and we should bring in a thousand military personnel or more…”

 

                Kylo heard his uncle scoff. “Unfortunately, I do not have access to two hundred Jedi. We’re still recovering from near extinction, you know…”

 

                Carise Sindian’s hard eyes narrowed and she bared her pointed teeth. “Then the rest of your Jedi will patrol and we’ll make up the rest with soldiers. I do not appreciate your tone, Master Jedi.”

 

                “No offense meant, Senator,” Luke bowed his head. “I can offer you fifty for patrol and a bodyguard for each of you. I wish I could commit more, but that is all I have.”

 

                “It will be more than enough,” Leia spoke quickly and loudly, to cut Carise off from making another snarky comment. Indeed, the Senator tightened her grip on the arms of her chair and leaned back, glaring at the wall ahead of her. Leia continued, “We are grateful for your help. You came so quickly. We should’ve been more prepared for an attack, but I’m afraid we underestimated our enemy.”

 

                “And what a senseless attack it was, with a senseless death,” Luke agreed. “Senator Kee deserved better than that. And…Senator Ren,” He turned to face his nephew, “are you alright?”

 

                Ren raised his eyebrows and lifted his cheek off of his palm. He gave his uncle a sly smile. “He barely nicked me,” he said.

 

                Chuckles echoed sparsely around the room, but she didn’t laugh at all. She had finally turned to face him, and her soft brown eyes were sad. He could feel her gaze upon his scar; still pink and fresh and glaring. He furrowed his brow in concentration, looking directly at her. _It_ is _you._ He knew she had heard him when she blinked, clearly shocked, and hastily turned her face back to the dais. There her eyes remained, glued to his mother instead of him.

 

                “I think it is important we take action as soon as possible…” Someone said. Ren was no longer paying attention at all. He leaned back in his chair and watched the Padawan girl as she listened. He didn’t even know her name. Surely his uncle had introduced her upon their entry, but he had been too preoccupied by her familiar face to catch it. How had she infiltrated his dreams? Had she known she was in his dream the whole time, or was it just some Force trick? It was clear even to Ren himself that the stranger had made a significant impression on him.

 

                “If all is settled, then we will adjourn for the evening,”

 

                Ren snapped back into focus. How much time had passed? Had anyone noticed his glazed eyes and blank expression? He looked around the room and stood up. If they had noticed, more people would be glaring at him disapprovingly. But only one person was looking at him, and when he caught her eye he looked right back. Before he could say or do anything, however, she was lost amidst a crowd of Senators as everyone rushed forward to shake her hand before leaving. Ren sighed but he knew he’d get his chance.

 

                And he got it once he finally made it out of the Senate chamber. He located his mother and uncle talking quietly in one corner of the front room, and Luke’s loyal Padawan was right at his side. Casually, Ren made his way over.

 

                “Uncle Luke,” he called, “you’ve gotten old.”

 

                Luke turned around at the mention of his name and grinned broadly, embracing his nephew in a tight hug.

 

                “Well, little Ben isn’t so little anymore,” Luke said. He had to look up to meet his nephew’s eyes now. “Or should I call you Kylo Ren now?”

               

                “Ah, you’re family. I’ll permit you using my real name.” He winked. “And I wasn’t that little the last time you saw me.”

 

                “No, but at least I could still rest my arm on your shoulder if I wanted to.”

 

                Ren chuckled politely and turned his eyes on the Padawan. Her eyes were wide and innocent but her posture was firm. She straightened as he looked at her.

 

                “And who’s this? I’m sorry, I don’t think I caught your name.” He offered her his hand.

 

                “I’m Rey,” she replied. She had a firm handshake and an accent Ren hadn’t heard in years.

 

                “Kylo Ren,” he responded, giving her a polite bow.

 

                “Pleased to meet you, Senator Ren.”

 

                _But you have already met me._

 

                “Barely nicked you, eh?” Luke said, taking hold of his nephew’s chin to inspect his wound. “You’re lucky you kept your eye.”

 

                “Mm, and to think, if he hadn’t attacked me, I was considering sparing him so he could stand trial. But I guess we all make mistakes.” He couldn’t recall if he had made a conscious decision to spare the boy or not. But he figured by saying it, it made him sound like less of a murderer.

 

                “Indeed we do. And he was young, you say?”

 

                “Yes. I don’t think he was even sixteen years old. He was trained with a lightsaber, but he was weak with the Force.”

 

                Luke shook his head sadly. “This is worrisome.” He gave his twin sister an anxious look. “Leia, I think you and I have some catching up to do.”

 

                “I agree. I think we should talk in private.” Leia said quietly.

 

                “Yes. Rey, I want to assign you to my nephew. He will take you back to the apartment and show you around. You are to protect him, remember. Let no harm come to him.” Luke instructed his Padawan with a firm voice.

 

                She nodded. “Yes, Master Luke.”

 

                “I will meet you at the apartment later on and we’ll confer.”

 

                The pairings broke off, Luke and Leia going in one direction and Ren and Rey in another. Rey had to walk faster than usual to keep up with Ren’s strides. When he noticed her struggling he made a conscious effort to slow down.

 

                “I have a lot of questions for you,” he said. “But I feel it may be best to leave them for another time.”

 

                She was looking at him in a slight panic for a moment before he confirmed that he wasn’t going to be demanding anything of her just yet. It just felt awkward to begin a professional relationship with a question like “why did I dream about you.”

 

                “Yes, Senator,” She spoke obediently, with a sort of militant punctuation on her words. It was as though she didn’t grasp how to behave in an informal setting; to her, every setting was strictly formal. “I have questions for you, as well.”

 

                Ren raised his eyebrows. “Is that so? I’m intrigued.”

 

                “As you should be, Senator.” Rey concealed a smirk.

 

“You can just call me Kylo outside of the chamber. Or Ren. Whichever feels better on your tongue.”

 

                She nodded but didn’t respond. Ren didn’t like the silence.

 

                “Are you hungry?” he asked.

 

                She looked at him with a desperate fierceness in her expression. He had seen that look before, on the faces of the hungry orphans he would play with as a child. If he mentioned food around them their attitudes would change immediately, especially if they had been orphaned for a very long time. They had grown up with the harsh realization that they must never refuse food, because they never knew when the next time they’d get to eat would be. It made his heart feel heavy seeing that look on Rey’s face. She had to have been training with Luke for several years already, considering that she was clearly a Senior Padawan. Yet still, she felt the reflex to never refuse food or to fight for it if need be. _What has happened to you?_

 

                Surprisingly, she shook her head. “No. I can wait until you’re safely at the apartment.”

 

                Ben chuckled to himself. “A bodyguard…” he mumbled. “Where were you two days ago?”

 

                “Not where I should have been, clearly,” she replied, playing along with him. He laughed and it sounded like a chorus.

 

                All the things Luke had told her about his nephew were racing through Rey’s head. He was as dangerous as he was charming, and he needed more than just a bodyguard. For a long time, Luke had been worried about his nephew. The Skywalker family had produced both exemplary Jedi and deadly Sith, and Ben was right in the middle. But then Luke had had a prophetic dream the night before they departed for Hosnian Prime, wherein he had seen a black-cloaked monster in a battle-scarred mask wielding a red saber over his head. Immediately he had turned to Rey. _“He needs someone to make sure he goes down the right path. Steer him into the light, Rey, please. It’s a huge task, I can assure you, but I know you can handle it. I’m afraid if something isn’t done soon he’ll be a danger to himself. I’ve seen what he can and will become if he falls into the wrong hands. Keep him safe, Rey. Keep him home.”_


	4. Four

Kylo Ren was seated at his desk, drowned in the orange light of a small lamp, reading a book he had read a hundred times before. It was very late. The city was quiet outside his open window. And yet, to Kylo, the galaxy was screaming.

 

                His leg shook relentlessly under the desk. He’d been reading the same line over and over again without realizing it— _again_. He couldn’t sleep, and he couldn’t focus. There were three other people besides him who were Force sensitive in his house as opposed to just his mother. He could feel their energy all around him and in his head; it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t ignore it.

 

                He slammed his book shut. He was feeling very agitated; likely due in part to the lack of sleep. In the back of his mind, though, where no one could hear him admit it, he knew his mood was being deeply impacted by the sudden presence of Jedi all around him. It made him envious to see them all. _All these years and I still can’t help but to think of the future I could’ve had if I’d been able to continue my training._ Ren hadn’t thought about his expulsion from the Jedi Order for a very, very long time. He had quickly learned to compartmentalize, and he had kept that particular memory locked up tight. It made him furious to think about it. But it was too late; he had reopened an old wound and in his current state of disgruntlement, he was powerless against the memory.

 

                He had been only fifteen years old; just in the midst of his angst-filled, conflicted teenage years. He had been training with his uncle for a few years and his skills were improving drastically. He was proud of himself, even if others weren’t. Some of the other Padawans gave him funny looks, like they were afraid of him. _They should be afraid of me_ , he had thought. _I would ruin them in battle. I’m better than all of them._ When he had made his own lightsaber using a cracked red Kyber crystal, even his uncle had looked concerned, frowning at his creation. But young Ben Solo had been so proud of his achievement he refused to wield any other weapon from that point on. He trained relentlessly, even in his room during his many sleepless nights. He would sneak a training remote into his room and he would stay up all night long besting it in combat. He had annihilated some fifty remotes in his time in training.

 

                One night, though, shortly after a rough training session where Ben had left another Padawan bruised and bloody, he was just exiting the shower room when he heard voices around the corner. He recognized them as belonging to his uncle and his mother. He paused against the wall and listened closely. It wasn’t long before he caught mention of his name.

 

                “Ben has immense potential, Leia. He is very strong, both physically and mentally. He’s already close to mastering the Force. He’s learning faster than I can teach him.” Luke was saying in a hushed voice.

 

                “Well isn’t that a good thing?” Leia interjected. He could hear the sharpness in her voice.

 

                “Yes, and no. I sense a very delicate balance between the Light side the Dark within him. He is showing signs of talent in both and he knows how to manipulate the Force in both positive and malicious ways. You saw him in training today. You saw what he did to Jez. Do you see why this concerns me?”

 

                Leia was silent for a moment. Ben dared to peek around the corner. He could just barely see her face; Luke’s back was to him. She had her arms crossed over her chest and she looked frustrated but also deeply saddened. Ben didn’t understand. He thought he was a great Jedi; the best the Order had ever seen.

 

                “No, Luke. He won’t be like him. He’s my son!” Leia argued.

 

                “Exactly!” Luke hissed. “He’s _your_ son. And he has his grandfather’s blood and temperament because of that. The skills he’s showing in both sides of the Force are eerily similar to—”

 

                Leia sobbed once, sniffled, and rubbed her eyes harshly. She looked more stubborn than ever. “I tried so hard, damn it! I tried so hard to keep that information from him and to try and influence him in positive ways…so he wouldn’t turn out like _him_.”

 

                “Try as hard as you might, Leia, you can’t erase the boy’s heritage. He’s a Skywalker as much as he’s a Solo, and that part of him is beginning to show its face. He’s acting out, for one reason or another, and you should be worried. His behaviour is like that of our father, when he was still Anakin Skywalker. He never learned how to control that rage and uncertainty and look what happened to him. He tuned to the Dark Side and became Darth Vader.”

 

                “My son will not be Darth Vader!” Leia screeched.

 

                “Then we must get him under control now, before it’s too late for him!” Luke argued back. “He is a threat to himself, yes. But he is also a threat to the galaxy. I’m afraid the training is only pushing him closer and closer to the Dark Side and for that reason I don’t think I can continue to train him. He’s already too powerful. I don’t want that power and uncertainty to singlehandedly destroy the Jedi Order.”

 

                Ben stood frozen on the other side of the wall. Fifteen years had gone by and he had no clue his grandfather was Darth Vader. His family had kept that information from him, and now he knew why. They thought Ben would be the next Skywalker to turn to the Dark Side and wreak havoc on the galaxy and the Republic. He felt something hot and heavy slide into his stomach. For a minute he thought he was going to be sick, but he fought it off. At the drop of a hat his feeling of betrayal and shame turned to rage. His blood began to boil and in his moment of anger he stepped out from behind the wall and began to scream at his mother and uncle. Why hadn’t they told him? Why had they so little faith in him? He couldn’t stop his training now, not when he was so close to succeeding. It wasn’t fair! _IT’S NOT FAIR!_

 

                Ren slammed his book shut atop his desk. His hands were shaking. The memory made him so angry. _I am not a threat_ , he told himself adamantly. _Then why are you so easy to enrage? Why do you dream of murdering those who have hurt you?_ The little voice in the back of his head nagged at him. Frustrated and needing to blow off steam, Ren put his black boots on and walked to his own training room. It was much smaller than the one he used to practice in with the other Jedi-in-training. It was still rather spacious, however, with padded walls lined with an arsenal of weaponry: staves, an electrostaff, a dozen training remotes, guns, blasters, targets, and one lightsaber in a locked case in the middle of it all that he hadn’t touched in years.

 

                He had discovered the crossguard design years ago in one of his books: a history of the galaxy. It was based on a design used thousands of years ago during the Great Scourge of Malachor. He had never seen another lightsaber like it, and although the book had warned of unhindered power and instability due to the cracked Kyber crystal, Ren had known instantly that he had to make one for himself. The crossguard acted as vents for the crystal, which stabilized it significantly. It allowed excess heat to escape, which gave the blade a serrated appearance. He liked the metaphor of using a cracked crystal. Everyone thought he was so strange, so wrongly different, and his weapon of choice paid homage to that. No one else had a lightsaber like his and he had been very proud of that. He was still proud of it, but the saber held very few good memories for Kylo Ren. Yet as he stood there in his training room looking at it in its case, he couldn’t help but feel a need to use it. His fingers twitched at his sides.

 

                He located the key for the case and removed the saber. The hilt had a sturdy weight to it that felt perfectly balanced in his hand. Holding it then felt like he had never stopped using it. He turned it over a few times. It truly was a beautifully constructed piece. It vibrated ever so slightly with force and power when he ignited it. The electric hum of the triple beams was amplified in the room, filling Ren’s ears like a hoard of angry bees. Casually, he swings the blade from side to side in the air, in a figure eight position. He swings it up towards himself, stopping the blade only a few inches away from the tip of his nose. He holds it there for a moment, staring into the fiery red beam. The reflection made his eyes look more predatory, somehow; like they had slits instead of human pupils.

 

                With fierce speed and agility he swung the blade around in a wide circle before lunging and stabbing the air in front of him. He did this a few times, dancing about the room, lunging, pivoting, striking, swinging. It was effortless for him. The saber felt as it always had: like an extension of his arm. He took out one training remote and quickly grew bored. He wanted a _challenge_. So he took out another, and another, until it was three against one and Ren was still winning. _I’m an excellent fighter,_ he thought to himself. _I built my own lightsaber and they all judged me for it; they were scared of it. But I wielded my lightsaber better than any of them wielded theirs. I could’ve mowed them all down in less than ten minutes if I had wanted to. I did want to. They were so scared of me._

 

                He clenched his teeth together so hard it hurt and heaved a mighty swing towards two of the remotes, destroying them both. Parts of them flew everywhere. The other remote was hovering near the ceiling on the other side of the room. He eyed it hungrily, swinging his blade again and again, like a panther twitching its tail as it hones in on its prey. _I can and will destroy you, all of you, for what you did to me. You ruined me. You did this. You. You. You._ With an angry roar he cleared the room in a few strides and obliterated the last remote just as it dove at his head. He whirled around, breathing heavily, and noticed the dummy he used to practice physical attacks on. The dummy took on a hundred different appearances in Ren’s eyes. One minute it was his uncle, then his mother, and then his absent father. Then a face he didn’t recognize; it was scarred and dead-looking, with sunken eyes and a wrinkled slit for a mouth. Suddenly he yelled again, forcing the blade of his saber through the chest of the humanoid dummy. Immediately after that he seemed to get his senses back for the most part and he grimaced at the sight before him. He had lost control. When he lost control, he was certain he was only proving that his uncle and everyone else were right about him. Disgusted at himself, he tensed his muscles to pull the blade back out of its target. It came out with a bit more ease than he expected and the blade swung around him until he caught himself. He nearly jumped out of his skin. The tip of the blade was an inch away from Rey’s throat.

 

                She looked nonplussed, however. She held her gaze firmly on him and did not flinch or back away or scream. Her expression was deadpan.

 

                “Senator Ren,” she said, “you’re still awake.”

 

                Ren realized he had been gawking at the girl. Quickly, he shut his open mouth and sheathed his weapon. “Yes. You should probably get used to that.” He replied calmly.

 

                “You don’t sleep?” she asked, tilting her head a little.

 

                “Not well,” he answered.

 

                “You know, if you’re trying to make yourself tired, you might want to try something a bit more calming. Training tends to only wake you up.” She entered his room and casually walked around, looking at all the weaponry and the charred, shattered pieces of the training remotes.

 

                Ren was locking his lightsaber back in its case. “I had my reasons.”

 

                “I don’t doubt that. You were very angry.” She ran her fingers along the barrel of a blaster gun.

 

                Ren had no response. Instead he stood near the doorway and watched the girl. He hadn’t even noticed she was there until he had almost killed her. What had she even been doing, standing that close?

 

                Rey took a staff down from the wall and tested its weight in her palms. She spun it around three times and it whirled through the air with a high-pitched humming noise. Her fingers were fast and agile, always one step ahead of the staff. She grinned.

 

                “I like these,” she said. “They’re not as deadly as a lightsaber, but they’re fast.”

 

                “The material they’re made out of is specially designed for perfect balance,” Ren said. “But the ends are weighted a bit more and can deliver a deadly blow if aimed properly.”

 

                “Hm,” Rey took the second staff down from the wall and tossed it at him. He caught it deftly. “And where should one aim?”

 

                He tossed the staff back and forth between his hands for a minute and smirked. Carefully, he swung an end out towards her and just barely touched it to her temple. “This can crack a skull in an instant,” he purred. He dropped the end to the centre of her chest, again just barely brushing against her tunic. “This can break the ribcage and puncture the lungs.” He slid the end down again until it touched one of her knees. “And this can bust kneecaps.”

 

                She had a deviant smile on her face. “Interesting,” she said. She spun her own staff around in the air and it whirred past Ren’s ear, just brushing the tips of his hair. He didn’t flinch. When she caught it, it was pointed at his chest. “Shall we play?”

 

                He looked at the tip of her staff, grabbed it with his hand and pushed it away. “It’s late,” he said. Without warning he brought his staff around behind her and caught the backs of her knees, bringing her feet out from under her. With a loud _oomph_ and a thud, she was on her back on the padded floor of his training room and he was grinning elfishly down at her. “You should get some sleep.”

 

                Stunned for only a second, Rey jumped back onto her feet, crouched in an attack position. Kylo prepared himself. They circled each other for a moment until Rey lunged, swinging her staff out and aiming for his shoulder. He blocked every single one of her attacks at first, playing the defensive. He let her follow him around the room. The sound of their staffs clashing together echoed all around and rang in their ears. It was like a well-choreographed dance, the way they spun and ducked and lunged and parried. At one point their staffs slammed together between them, forming an X shape. They stared each other down from either side of their trembling weapons before Kylo shoved her away and they continued.

 

                Rey never took her eyes off of him. She watched for any sign of muscle movement or facial expression that could hint at an attack. They were only playing, really, they weren’t trying to hurt one another as that would be the opposite of why Rey was on Hosnian Prime in the first place, but the energy in the room was electric, causing her skin to prickle with goosebumps. Ren could see why an opponent may be intimidated or even afraid of Rey; she stalked like a predator and every one of her moves was careful and calculated. She was not a rash, panicked fighter. She was calm but deadly. If they were actually fighting, she would certainly be a worthy opponent for him.

 

                _Crack!_ Their staffs made thunderous noise. Again and again they made contact, blocking blow after blow until finally, Rey dodged around his carefully positioned staff, having the foresight to know when and where he would try to block her, and the end of her staff connected with his sternum. It wasn’t enough of a force to break any bones, but it was enough to make him gasp and send him back against a wall. Quick as lightning Rey pinned him there, firmly holding her staff across his chest. They were both panting and after a moment, the sound of Ren’s staff clattering to the ground in defeat broke the silence.

 

                Rey was smiling proudly when she released him. Ren gently rubbed the spot where her staff had caught him.

 

                “You’re good,” he said. “It took you awhile, but you got me.”

 

                “I was just watching you,” she explained, tossing her staff around smugly. “I was learning your style and your tricks.”

 

                Ren smirked. “I can assure you I have hundreds more up my sleeve.”

 

                “I wouldn’t dare doubt that,” She smiled and put her staff back on the wall where she had found it. She turned to face him and gave him a little bow. “Thank you, Senator Ren. It’s nice having a challenge thrown my way every once in a while. But I should return to my watch and let you continue not sleeping.”

 

                “When does your watch end?” Kylo Ren asked.

 

                Rey was walking to the door. “Dawn,” she answered.

 

                “Can I come along? I’d rather walk than lie awake staring at my ceiling.” He followed her out the door.

 

                She hesitated. She thought it might be strange, but she was in no position to question him or deny him that right. It was his own home, after all. “If you’re sure. I have to check the perimeter.”

 

                “Well then we’d better get going.”

 

                They walked in silence for a little while. It was strange, walking around in a quiet house with a practical stranger; perhaps even more so due to the circumstances.

 

                “How long have you lived here?” Rey asked as they turned down a dark hallway.

 

                “Mm…six, seven years, something like that,” Ren shrugged. “I’ve lost track of time.”

 

                “It seems like there’s no lack of things to do,” Rey offered.

 

                “Maybe not. But there’s certainly a lack of what you see.”

 

                After a pause, Rey asked, “Do you miss being a Jedi?”

 

                Ren laughed, but there was very little humour in it. “I was never a Jedi. I see my uncle gave you a brief introduction to me?”

 

                Rey looked down at her feet, mildly flustered. “A very brief one, yes,” she replied quietly. “Master Luke told me your name – your real name – and that you’re gifted in the Force and the ways of the Jedi Order, but you never…um, completed your training.”

 

                Ren wore a bitter smile. “No…I never did.”

 

                “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Rey said, in that formal tone of hers. “Please forgive me, Senator.”

 

                He couldn’t help but shrug it off. “It’s fine; it’s just not a memory I like to relive often. You don’t need to apologize. And you don’t need to call me Senator.”

 

                “Right,” Rey nodded, “Kylo.”

 

                There was something in the way his name sounded off her tongue that felt very familiar, warm, and inviting to him.

 

                “I’m not very interesting,” he said as they inspected the entryway of the apartment. “You, on the other hand, are an enigma.”

 

                “Me?” Rey gave him a puzzled stare. “Hardly. I’m no one.”

 

                “Well, you had to come from somewhere,”

 

                “I don’t know where I came from,” she answered quietly. “I don’t really have any memories of a home, or parents or anything like that. I just remember sand, flying, and being alone and really, really scared. After that, all I can remember is your uncle and training to be a Jedi.”

 

                Ren furrowed his brows. Her childhood sounded tumultuous at best, and he could relate to that. “Is being a Jedi all you want in life?” he asked. “Is it all you ever wanted?”

 

                He watched her as they walked. She wore an expression of concentration.

 

                “It’s all I want _now_ ,” she finally answered. “When I was little, I remember, I had a ragdoll that was dressed like a pilot, like the ones that used to fly for the Rebels.  I remember wanting to fly for the Resistance; to be able to pilot my own ship and fight at the same time. But I’ll be a Jedi Knight soon. I’m content with my choices.”

 

                He didn’t say anything else on the matter. Instead they walked in silence for a while, checking all the darkest corners and listening for sounds of distress. Ren could sense the silence made the Jedi girl uncomfortable. So he dared to broach the subject of the likelihood of an impending war, possible genocide, and other such gentle, friendly topics. He was not prepared to discuss the events of his dream just yet. She hadn’t warmed up to him enough for that.

 

                “What will you do when the war comes?” Rey asked. “Sorry, _if_ the war comes.”

 

                “I’ll fight,” Ren answered instantly. “I’ll fight for the Republic and for my people.”

 

                Rey scoffed. “Do not forget your title, Senator Ren. They won’t allow you to fight. You’re a politician; you’re too important.”

 

                “I sense some bitterness for government,” Ren smirked. “Don’t worry; I’m on your side there. I didn’t want this career path. I wanted to fight. I was born to fight. Do you know how many times I’ve been told that? A lot. Well, now I have a chance to really prove everyone right. I have a chance to actually _do something_ instead of sitting on a cushy chair in my…my fucking beads and silk and expensive jewels. I _hate_ my job. I hate not being able to actually do something worthwhile. Passing bills and laws and holding meetings to ensure the protection of the galaxy is all the Senate ever does and it is clearly not effective anymore. I’m not sure it ever was. This could be my only opportunity to do what I need to. They can try and hold me back, but I will not stay.” After a brief pause, he added, “Besides, all the other Senators are aging and fragile; or just not wanting to get their hands dirty. I wasn’t meant for the Senate and so I won’t act like I ever was.”

 

                Rey nodded pensively. He was certainly bold and direct, she had to give him that. A certain power radiated off of him like constant waves, lapping at her skin with an icy cool tongue. He was damaged, but he had yet to be broken.

 

                “So you will kill, to protect your people?” she asked quietly. She wouldn’t meet his eyes but she gazed at his jawline.

 

                “Yes. With war comes death. I’m prepared for it all.” _It won’t be my first kill. But I sense it might be yours._

 

                “You’re brave,” she said.

 

                “Huh,” he breathed a laugh. “Haven’t heard that one before.”

 

                She smiled softly at him, but she wasn’t sure he noticed.

 

                “Ladies first,” he said, stepping aside so she could ascend the staircase to the next floor. She gave him a polite nod as she walked past.

 

                “You have something you want to say,” she said suddenly as they got to the floor. “Please, say it.”

 

                Ren opened and shut his mouth quickly. How could she tell? Had he truly let himself get so vulnerable, or was she just that good?

 

                He cleared his throat. “Good eye. I suppose I’m just curious…and this is going to sound weird, but, I dreamt of you, the night before you got here. Before I even knew who you were. Or do you know about that already?”

 

                Rey’s chin inclined infinitesimally. She paused and he turned to look at her.

 

                “It felt different,” He admitted, “like I wasn’t exactly alone in my own subconscious.”

 

                She sighed. “When your uncle told me of you, I felt something deep within me…like someone was tugging hard on a string that was attached to my core. Urging me to help, to locate them. I couldn’t make sense of it. I still can’t, to tell you the truth. I just…I had a terrible feeling about you. I had to cut Master Luke off so I could leave the room and then I had some sort of premonition…it was like flash images in my head. I saw you struggling. You were fighting to survive; to keep yourself from dying. The coming war is not going to be the only hard battle you will see, Kylo.”

 

                He furrowed his brow. Her words sent an unpleasant chill down his spine.

 

                She continued walking and although he felt frozen he managed to tag along. “I don’t know, it doesn’t really make any sense to me. Why I did it, I mean. It was hard; I tried and failed so many times to contact you. I couldn’t find you for the life of me. But then I heard this sound, like bells softly ringing in the distance. I followed them, and I found you. My message was jumbled, I know. My connection was rather weak. It must have frightened you awake, though.”

 

                Ren’s mouth was dry as he spoke. “It was…unexpected.”

 

                “I apologize.”

 

                “Don’t,” he said. “I’m…impressed that you did it. I’ve trained myself to keep outsiders out of my head as best as I can. But you got me in deep sleep, lucky you. Interesting…you said you heard bells?”

 

                “Yes,” She nodded, “very soft bells. I was compelled to follow them…” Her voice died off.

 

                “Strange,” he marvelled.

 

                “For not being a Jedi, you’re remarkably skilled in the Force,” Rey admitted. “I mean, as long as we’re being open here. Your uncle told me about your talent but I didn’t realize he was making an understatement. I just hope it doesn’t make you a target.”

 

                Ren nodded solemnly. “Me too.”

 

                They walked and talked for hours as they roamed the apartment, checking each open room and keeping their senses sharp for any sign of distress. Ren was reminded of the days he had spent in his uncle’s academy, learning to patrol and guard. He still remembered his lessons. Be careful, be alert, think clearly, and always act quickly.

 

                They wandered the outside perimeter after that, making idle conversation until they got back to the door they had come out of. Rey looked up into the soft pink morning sky, where stars and three other planets were just visible in the distance, and frowned.

 

                “Do you feel that?” she whispered.

 

                Ren looked up too. Anxiety flooded his chest. “Yes,” he answered. “Whatever it is, it isn’t good.”

               

                The night, although it was still and quiet, vibrated with negativity and fear. The air was chilling them both to the bone despite it being a rather balmy night. The entire city knew of the murder of Brasmon Kee and they were all afraid. Although they were asleep in their beds, nightmares plagued them, even the children. Dreams darkened by war, bloodshed, and horrors unimaginable even to the unconscious mind. And somewhere else in the galaxy there were enemies, resting up for an attack. It made both Ren and Rey feel immensely uneasy.

 

                A door opened behind them and they both jumped. It was Luke in his brown cloak and white tunic. He looked surprised to see Ren standing there.

 

                “Good morning,” he said, walking up to them. “Rey, your shift is over.”

 

                “Thank you, Master,” She nodded in respect.

 

                Luke looked up at his nephew. “Senator, you’re awake? Still battling with those old insomniac demons of yours, are you?”

 

                Ren cleared his throat. “Yes.”

 

                “Well you should try to get a few hours of sleep, at least. You know your mother will lecture me if I don’t tell you that.” He winked.

 

                “Yes, uncle, you’re right,” Ren bowed to Luke and turned to Rey to do the same. “Thank you for allowing me to accompany you tonight. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

 

                “It was no trouble,” Rey said with a gentle smile. “I’ll see you later, Sen—Kylo.”

 

                Ren grinned. “You certainly will.”


	5. Five

                Kylo Ren stood before a full-length mirror as several attendees swarmed around him, making final adjustments on his wardrobe for the Senate Address. He had been washed and preened and draped in layers of black silk adorned with splashes of blood red rubies around the sleeves, hem, and collar. The collar itself also functioned like a headpiece, flaring out at the back and encircling half of his head. His face had been painted white, with two red teardrops just under his eyes.

 

                Ren glared at his reflection with fiery contempt. He felt sick to his stomach every time he had to dress up like that. The man in the reflection was not Kylo Ren. Though the silk was light, cool, and smooth, the feeling of it against his skin set his teeth on edge. It did not help that every time he moved, the rubies would softly clink and rub together. The sound irritated him to no end. Within the long, hanging sleeves his hands were clenched into tight fists at his sides.

 

                The attendees stood back, bowed to him, and dispersed, signalling that he was finished. _Finally presentable to the Republic,_ Ren thought bitterly. There was something wrong that day, he could feel it. It wasn’t just the upcoming address that had him stressed. He had woken that day with a feeling he hadn’t had in three years, and despite his unwavering attempts at ignoring it, it kept gnawing at him. _I cannot deal with it today. I will not._

 

                Seething, he stalked off, heading for his weapon room. It simply felt like a day where he would have need of a weapon. At the very least, he figured he could take out his anger on a few bushes and trees—usually no one objected to a free pruning. He wasted no time removing his lightsaber from its case and fastening it to his belt, making sure to shield it. He had hardly touched it in years and this was his second day using it in a very short time frame. Wearing it again felt familiar, and yet strange at the same time. The weight at his hip felt especially prominent and he worried someone might notice it under the silk right away. If anyone would notice it, it would likely be his mother. She, like many others, had never cared for his handmade weapon of choice.

 

                When he arrived at the Square only a few minutes later, he found his mother waiting behind the Senate stage. She looked dishevelled and upset. Upon closer inspection, he found her eyes to be red and puffy, like she had just been crying.

 

                “What’s wrong?” he asked immediately.

 

                Leia Organa gazed up at her son balefully. She opened her mouth to speak but thought she shouldn’t say the words, not just yet. Instead, she shook her head.

 

                Ren had been about to argue but the address had commenced.  Leia walked away from him immediately, composing herself and heading towards the stage. “General!” he yelled. She ignored him. He had no choice but to follow her and the other Senators up to the stage where he would take his assigned seat.

 

                The crowd was large and abuzz with nervous discussion. They didn’t applaud or bow when the Senators took the stage; rather, they fell deathly quiet, like they were awaiting the worst of news—which was exactly what they were about to receive. Among the crowd, standing between a barrier and the stage, was Luke, Rey, and the other Jedi that had shown up following their arrival. Rey began scouring the stage for Kylo instantly and it didn’t take her long to find him. She gasped softly when she saw him. He looked nothing like himself, covered in glistening rubies and soft, shiny silk. He looked very regal; like a King rather than a Senator. She was suddenly very aware of the informal way she had behaved in front of him during their duel and the watch that followed. Her cheeks burned. But he didn’t look like he was enjoying any part of his masquerade. He wore a frightening scowl that hardened his appearance significantly. Her eyes jerked to his hip when he moved to take his seat; she noticed something move just beneath the silk and she instantly knew what it was. _Maker…_ she thought.

 

                Chancellor Villecham stood before a microphone, gazing out at the eerily silent crowd with a nervous expression.

               

                “Good morning to you all,” he said, his voice echoing around the Square. “The Senate has called a meeting of the utmost importance, concerning the preservation of the Republic and the safety of its people.”

 

                Anxious murmurs drifted through the crowd. Kylo Ren shifted in his seat. His lightsaber rested heavily on his thigh.

 

                “As I’m sure you all have heard, we have lost a valued member of our community. Senator Brasmon Kee, the ambassador to Abednedo, was murdered with a lightsaber just outside of the government building. This was a very specific plot to cut off the head of our Republic, likely one-by-one. Another Senator was injured in the attack but managed to restrain the attacker.”

 

                Ren could feel hundreds of eyes on him; on his scar. Habitually, he lowered his gaze to his lap in an effort to hide his face. _Why didn’t they say I killed him?_ He thought, furrowing his eyebrows in suspicion. _Why are they lying?_

 

                “It is time that we admit to the truth,” the Chancellor continued. “The First Order is a legitimate threat; more so than we have allowed ourselves to believe thus far. Like the Sith and the Empire before them, they wish to destroy the Republic and gain control over the far stretches of this very galaxy.”

 

                The anxious murmurs grew in volume and fervour. People began shuffling uncomfortably. Ren could sense the mounting tension and frustration. He could practically hear them, hundreds of little voices saying _this can’t be happening again._ His fingers twitched on the arm of his chair.

 

                “The Senate as well as the military under the order of General Organa are working together to determine the best course of action,” the Chancellor said, raising his voice over the crowd. “We believe that if we stand strong, we stand a chance at—”

 

                “What are you doing to protect us?” A voice yelled out from the crowd. Ren located the speaker immediately. He didn’t know the man by name, but he was older, tall and broad, with ornately shaved facial hair and an angry expression. “I lived through the Empire; I’ve heard this all before. I lost family members because of the Empire. How are you going to make sure that won’t happen to anyone again?” There were shouts of agreement from the crowd.

 

                Mildly amused because the events were going about as well as he had predicted, Ren watched the Chancellor’s reaction. He could see beads of sweat beginning to form on the creature’s forehead. He swallowed nervously before speaking and his long white beard twitched.

 

                “As I said, we have taken military precautions,” he said. “The Resistance lives on! General Organa is a trustworthy leader who will lead our troops to victory against—”

 

                “What if it’s not enough? We’ve tried this before!” “When will it end? When will someone just bloody well end it?” “Your words are dirt!”

 

                The crowd was nearing a state of panic. They became a sea of angry and terrified faces. Kylo Ren couldn’t help but smile just a little bit. No one had listened to him when he tried to tell them how this would end.

 

                Eventually they had to call the meeting to a close. The crowd didn’t disperse as quickly as the Senators did. But that night many families left Hosnian Prime for another, safer system. _Fools_ , Ren had thought when he found out. _It doesn’t matter where you go. They will find you._

 

                Immediately following the meeting, Ren retreated to his chambers and haphazardly removed his jewelled garments and his foolish makeup. He traded them for a loose grey tunic, black pants, and a black cloak. The only article he kept on his person from earlier that day was his lightsaber. For some reason he didn’t feel it was time to put it back yet.

 

                When he left his chambers he could hear arguing coming from the direction of the ship hangar. Curious, he walked towards the voices. The closer he got the more he recognized the male voice. Eventually he was sure of it. Something cold and heavy slid into his stomach. He began running towards the hangar. When he got there, he froze. He could hardly believe what he saw. His father, Han Solo, who had not been seen in or near the Hosnian System for over three years, was standing by the Millennium Falcon, embracing his mother, who was not returning the favour. Rage bubbled up inside of Kylo Ren rather than happiness over the return of his estranged father.

 

                “What are you doing here?” he yelled. His voice echoed furiously around the hangar.

 

                Han’s head snapped in the direction of his son and his expression warmed, albeit cautiously. “Ben,” he said as his son approached. “Where’s your makeup and jewels? I’ve missed you, son.” He held out his hand for Ren to shake.

 

                He glared at his father’s hand, disgusted. He shook his head. “No. You don’t get to come back here after _another_ _three years_ and act like you never left. I won’t stand for it anymore. I’m tired of picking up the pieces you leave behind.” He gestured to Leia. “Either you remain with the people who need you the most or you leave and this time you don’t look back. Pick one, because you can’t have both anymore.”

 

                “Ben…” Leia sighed, rubbing her temples. She was not in the mood to watch her son and husband fight. “Please. Not now.”

 

                Kylo whirled around to face his mother. “ _No_. I will not let this keep happening! Look at what it’s doing to you!”

 

                Rey and Luke entered the hangar then, being attracted by the raised voices. Rey wanted to run to Kylo’s side; to calm him somehow. But Luke stuck his arm out and stopped her. She could feel Ren’s anger filling the hangar, like the electricity that fills the air before a lightning storm.

 

                “Don’t yell at your mother,” Han said flatly. “She doesn’t deserve that.”

 

                His rage broke like dangerous waves over a barrier. Without thinking his lightsaber was buzzing like a hundred angry bees, casting a red glow upon himself and his parents, who hastily backed away in shock. He could hear the agonized cries of Chewie coming from the Millennium Falcon. No one hated their fights more than Chewie.

 

                _“You don’t know what she deserves!”_ Kylo screamed. “Or else you never would have left!”

 

                “Ben! Put that thing away!” Leia yelled. She looked equal parts angry, scared, and heartbroken to see her son wielding that nasty saber again. She hated what it did to him; what it could still do to him.

 

                Kylo felt a hard pressure on his left shoulder. It was his uncle, gazing at him sternly. “Disarm,” Luke ordered. Ren still felt that familiar urge to obey whenever his uncle gave an order. It was a habit he had gained in training and one he had never quite lost. In that moment, it enraged him, but he obeyed and sheathed his weapon, not pausing for a moment before storming off. He walked right past Rey without even looking at her. She shivered as he rushed by. The anger radiating off of him in waves was palpable; she could taste it—it was metallic, like blood on her tongue. It was the darkest anger she had ever felt and it froze her in place. She felt eyes on her; they were Luke’s. His face said it all. _Now you see why I worry about him._

 

                “Go,” he said to her. “Find him before he does something stupid.”

 

                Her legs still felt like they had no bones in them, but she found they worked just the same. Stiffly, she left the ship hangar.

 

                It wasn’t hard to find him. His anger and pain were so intense that he had left a sort of breadcrumb trail within the Force. She could feel him seething, growing angrier by the minute. And he had that lightsaber in his hand. Luke was right to worry. Ren stood a good chance of doing something stupid.

 

                When she found him he was seated with his head in his hands and his fingers tangled in his thick dark hair. She made no noise as she approached him. Instead, she stopped right in front of him and held out her hand. When Ren looked up, having noticed her feet, he felt a strange wave of déjà vu crash over him. She stood like she had in his dream, only without the hood covering her face. It took him a minute, but he took her hand and stood up.

 

                “Don’t follow the path you’re on right now,” she said softly. “Let the Force guide you back into the light. Breathe. Feel it all around you.”

 

                He looked at her before he obeyed anything. She had her eyes shut and appeared to be focusing all of her energy into calming him down. He could feel her influence all around him; it made him feel strangely light, almost as if he was floating. Her hand felt delightfully warm in his. She was radiating light and comfort and he found himself afraid to let go of her hand, subconsciously holding it tighter. She opened her eyes and examined him for a minute.

 

                “Is it helping?” she asked.

 

                Ren nodded. “Yes, actually. Er, thank you.” Sheepishly, he released her fingers. A small part of him was annoyed by her interference.

 

                “Why were you so angry?” she asked. “Maybe now isn’t the best time to ask that, now that I think about it…sorry.”

 

                “It’s a long story, anyway,” Ren sighed. “I’m…sorry you had to see that.”

 

                “It’s alright,” She scratched the back of her head. “I reckon I’d react the same way if my parents ever came round.”

 

                “Your parents?” Ren asked. It only took him a minute to puzzle it out. “Oh. Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you…? I mean, you have my uncle, but…”

 

                “I’m just fine, sir,” Rey smiled softly. “Master Luke is one of the greatest men I’ve ever met.”

 

                Ren analyzed her briefly. He hadn’t acknowledged the true magnitude of what she had just done for him until that moment. Normally when he got in one of his moods, not even he could coax himself out of it. The anger acted like a black cloud that followed him around everywhere he went. He could feel nothing but rage and if he wanted to he could easily project it onto others. Sometimes it lasted for days. He had missed Senate meetings because of it; his mother had told everyone he was ill. But she had managed to disperse the cloud of hatred with the simplest of touches. Was persuasion her special gift within the Force?

 

                “Sir? Is there anything else I can do for you? Kylo?”

 

                He blinked rapidly, coming out of his thoughts. She was looking at him funny, with her head cocked to the side and her brows furrowed.

 

                “I—um, no,” he stammered, “no, thanks. I think I’ll just sleep until he’s gone again.”

 

                Rey straightened. “You seem certain he won’t stay this time.”

 

                Kylo scoffed. “Of course I’m certain. He never stays. We’re only a pit-stop.”

 

                “Well, maybe things will be different this time, under the circumstances,” Rey said idly, coaxing Ren into walking with her. He followed slowly. “Please don’t be fooled into thinking I’m trying to force you into anything. I’m just…being hopeful.”

 

                “Do you do that often?” he asked.

 

                “Most of the time I try to, yes.”

 

                He sighed dramatically. “Kriff, what have I gotten into?”

 

                She hummed a gentle laugh. Both of them knew the worst was yet to come, but for the time being they were feeling alright. Rey was hopeful that she could heal Ren; to save him from ever becoming the worst possible version of himself. Ren could sense her pride and ambition, but he was not nearly as hopeful. She knew too little still. If he could, he’d prefer to keep it that way.

 

Ren still wasn’t ready to face his father again, so the two of them stowed away in the kitchen of the apartment. They ate starblossoms and flatbread and he made them each a sandwich when they found they were still hungry. There they stayed for most of the day into the late evening. There they were together and safe.


	6. Six

Kylo was awoken from a fitful slumber by Rey roughly shaking him.

 

                “Ren! You have to get up! There’s been another attack!”

 

                Groggily, he had hoisted himself out of bed, threw a cloak on and followed her at a sprint to the foyer of the apartment, where Leia Organa was talking in heated tones with her brother and Chancellor Villecham, who was dressed in a polka-dotted nightgown and fuzzy slippers.

 

                “What happened?” Kylo demanded, striding up to the group with his chest heaving. Rey stayed close to his side.

 

                His mother turned her worried eyes on him. “The First Order have landed on Jakku, a desert planet in the Western Regions. They’re waging genocide on the village as we speak.”

 

                Ren, although shocked by the news, couldn’t help but notice an exchange of glances between Luke and his Padawan. When Rey met Luke’s concerned gaze, she immediately cast her eyes downward and shifted uncomfortably.

 

                “So what are we doing about it?” Ren asked.

 

                “I’ve deployed fifteen battleships with a hundred men on each, plus a fleet of Resistance pilots in X-Wings,” Leia answered, “but I’m not certain it’s going to be enough.”

 

                “Let me go,” Ren said firmly. “We’ll round up some of the Jedi and I can go with them.”

 

                Leia gave her son a cold look. “No. You are to stay here, it’s your civic duty.”

 

                “Mother, listen to me. My one and only civic duty is to protect the people of this galaxy and if that means I have to put myself at risk I’m willing to do that. Staying here isn’t going to save those people from being brutally and unjustly murdered and you know it. Please, General. I need to go; I need to do this.” Ren pleaded.

 

                He watched several emotions pass over his mother’s face, including sadness, pride, and finally, a chilled resolution. “No. I won’t allow it.” She said.

 

                “You would risk those people’s lives because there’s a slight chance I could lose mine?” Kylo snapped. His voice was loud and sharp, causing the Chancellor to gasp. “When will you see that I’m not happy here, mother? When? How have you not already seen it?”

 

                “S-Senator, surely this can wait—” The Chancellor was thrown backwards into a wall as if by the hands of a spirit. He lay slumped in an unconscious heap at the floor while Kylo Ren’s fingers twitched in his direction. Someone screamed. All this in just one half of a second.

 

                Kylo advanced on his mother, making her step back.

 

                “Kylo!” Luke yelled. When he reached out to grab his nephew, he realized he could not touch him. No matter what he did, Kylo was always just out of reach.

 

                “I wanted to fight for this galaxy. I never wanted anything more than that. But you continue to bar me from doing so, again and again and agai—”

 

                _“He’s turned to the Dark Side, just like his grandfather!” “We all saw this coming right from the beginning, didn’t we? That stubborn mother of his forced him on us nonetheless…” “He’ll kill us all! He’s a murderer!” “Traitor, just like Anakin…he’s probably already working for the First Order…”_

                Kylo Ren was frozen in place. He had heard the same whispers a thousand times before. He was not unaware to the fact that the majority of the Senate mistrusted him and found him unbearable. But something about their words made him stop this time. He turned and caught Rey’s eye; she looked worried for him. He watched her fingers close around the hilt of her lightsaber under her cloak. He stepped away from Leia.

 

                “I think everyone in this room can agree that I was never meant for this kind of life,” Kylo began coldly. “I certainly didn’t ask for it. You owe me this, General. I am requesting my freedom. Strip me of my name, my title; do whatever needs to be done. But I will leave this system one way or another, you can count on that.”

 

                Leia’s expression was carved from stone, yet her eyes betrayed her. They were glassy with tears she was desperately holding back. They showed her guilt for what she had asked of her son; the sentence she had given him. While she had a very caring nature deep down, Leia had a tendency to get distracted by her own concerns and feelings, thus struggling to truly notice those of the people around her. Ben had inherited his mother’s ability to hide his emotions, but the more Leia thought about it, the more she realized that her son had been begging her for years to help him. He had felt trapped, useless, and extremely lonely. She had been fostering him, practically; keeping an eye on him so that he would not endanger himself or those around him, which she had long known could and still might happen. But with the threat of war darkening the horizon, Leia had been under incredible amounts of stress and pressure, with little sleep in between. Unfortunately for Ben, his private battles had gone unnoticed by his mother because of it.

 

                After a painfully long silence, Leia peeled her dry lips apart and spoke. Her voice was very quiet and monotone, like she was on autopilot and it wasn’t her voice at all. “You will do what you’re going to do no matter what I say at this very moment. I know you, remember. I cannot keep you back any longer, clearly. If and when you make a bad decision, however, you must have someone from the Resistance with you at all times. I will not let you be confused about who the real enemy is here and whose side you belong on.

 

                “And I reject your request to leave the Senate.”

 

                Ben’s face fell. Several whispers echoed around the room, like a million tangled voices in their heads.

 

                “Please, I can’t keep wearing this mask—” Ben begged quietly.

 

                “You will go to visit Arakis for me. You will calm your people and convince as many of them as you can to fight for the Republic against the First Order, provided they are of age. We will be needing all the help we can get. After that, we can discuss your future on the Senate.” With that, General Organa turned face and began to walk away.

 

                “What about Jakku?” Ben demanded, trailing after her.

 

                “You are not needed on Jakku like you are needed on Arakis,” She turned a scorned face to Ren.  “ _That_ is how you can restore peace to the galaxy.” She left the hall, and her son, behind.

 

                Ren’s chest heaved as he breathed hard with anger. His mother had been right in one respect: he was going to do what he wanted to, no matter what she said. He hastily left everyone behind, heading back to his living quarters. Rey followed him but at a careful distance. She didn’t want to confront him just yet. So she saw him as he turned left, away from his quarters, and down a dimly lit hallway with one locked door at the very end. He punched a passcode into the keypad and the door opened with a soft hiss. Rey, as quiet as a cat, snuck in behind him just before the door shut again and took cover behind a half-wall.

 

                When she could actually examine her surroundings, a cold chill crawled up her spine. There was nothing in the dark, steel-walled room save for a chair and a tall glass case that was as tall as Ren himself. He blocked her view of whatever was being held in the case, but she could sense that whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

 

                When Ren spoke, there was the slightest hint of desperation in his voice. Like a lost little boy he pleaded with the thing: “I have always struggled with wrong and right. I don’t think I can ignore the constant battle raging within me any longer. While part of me is convinced I should do the easy thing and just go to Arakis, I know it isn’t the _right_ thing. I will fight for what I think is right, like you did and like my own mother did. I don’t feel like I’m holding myself together very well; I’m falling apart, I have been for a while. But I will fight these battles and whatever becomes of me…” His voice trailed off as his thoughts wandered into dangerous territory. “Please, let the Force guide me and keep my mother safe.”

 

                He touched his fingertips to the cool glass for a brief second before turning around. Rey ducked back into the darkness as he strode past her and once he was gone she peeked around the wall to see what he had been talking to. It felt like cold, icy fingers had reached into her lungs and stolen all of her breath from her. She caught the edge of the wall with her hand so she wouldn’t lose her balance. The warped and charred mask of the once mighty Sith Lord, Darth Vader, rested upon a bed of ashes, its unseeing eyes boring a hole in Rey’s soul. She had long ago been taught to fear and hate the Sith, Darth Vader especially, for their crimes against humanity and traitorous beginnings. But in that moment she didn’t feel an ounce of hate, only pure fear. She knew Vader was long dead, and the mask was only a ghostly remnant of who he had become, but for some reason it didn’t feel dead. The mask felt very much alive and she could feel it looking at her. She could almost hear a rhythmic whoosh of air, like someone was breathing behind the mask’s mouthpiece. Her heart was racing when she finally opened the door and got out of the room. In her moment of panic she had lost track of Kylo, but it didn’t take her long to find him. She had a feeling she knew where he was headed next.

 

                Sure enough, Ren had just entered the ship hangar when she found him. She watched him for a moment, interested in his choice, and was shocked to find him making a direct line for his father’s ship, the Millennium Falcon. Finally she reminded herself she couldn’t just let him do this.

 

                “Hey!” she yelled, racing over to him. He didn’t seem surprised to see her at all. “What are you doing?”

 

                He grunted as he pulled the door open on the ship. “My father wants to stop and see the family, I’m gonna make sure he gets plenty of time to do that,” he said, climbing aboard.

 

                Rey, aghast, followed him, unsure of what else to do. She couldn’t exactly grab his ankle and try to pull him back. Not only would she fail at trying to weigh him down but she would likely embarrass herself, too.

 

                “And where exactly are you going to go?” she demanded. “I know it’s not Arakis.”

 

                “I’ll get there eventually,” Ren said, distracted slightly as he tried to get the ship up and running. He hadn’t driven it in many years. “I just have a couple pit-stops to make first.”

 

                “You can’t just—”

 

                He turned around to look at her. “Look, you can run off and warn your Master and my mother, but you know the second you leave this ship I’m taking off and you’ll be left behind, and you will have failed at your duties. So, are you leaving or are you staying? Because I don’t have much time to waste on you.”

 

                Rey stammered, clearly not happy about how her day was turning out. After a moment though, she resigned herself and muttered begrudgingly, “I’ll stay, just to keep you from killing yourself.”

 

                “I might need help in that department,” Ren admitted. “Do you know how to fly a ship?”

 

                Rey scoffed. “I can fly anything,” She brushed past him and took a seat in the cockpit. “Hm…this ship is all bits and pieces isn’t it?”

 

                “It belongs to a smuggler, what do you think?” Ren took a seat next to her.

 

                They bickered for a moment over which lever was the correct one and which order to push which buttons, but it didn’t take more than a couple minutes for them to fly out of the hangar and into space, rapidly leaving the Hosnian system behind. Ren had programmed his desired destination into the mapping system and the reliable Falcon took them on the proper course. Once they were safely on autopilot, Ren got out of his seat and went to look for weaponry. He was hoping Chewie’s bowcaster would be onboard somewhere.

 

                “So you’re going to Jakku, where a deadly battle is happening, and you’re going to do what, exactly?” Rey asked, following him like a lazy shadow.

 

                “I’m going to fight, like I said I was going to,” Ren replied, keeping his back to her as he rummaged through a storage compartment.

 

                “And get yourself killed or taken?”

 

                “That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” Ren turned around and eyed her coolly. Something in his gaze wilted her a little. “You’ll keep me safe and out of harm’s way?” He laughed humourlessly. “Do you know how damn impossible it is to keep someone safe from themself?”

 

                Rey furrowed her brow. “I don’t know what you mean—”

 

                “Do you honestly think I didn’t know you were in the room with me the whole time?” Ren snarled, circling up to her predatorily. “You can stay out of my line of vision but that doesn’t mean I can’t hear you and feel you around me. You saw what I was doing and you heard my words. You should know enough that if you weren’t scared before you really should be now.”

 

                He was right up on her, having backed her into a wall. Rage flashed in his eyes, aimed at her invasion of his privacy. Perhaps she had crossed a line, but she was only following orders. And she would not be talked down to or threatened, least of all by him. She shoved him back hard.

 

                “Why would I be scared of a frightened boy?” she spat. “I was just doing what I was told, which is more than you can say for yourself.”

 

                Ren laughed, long and loud. “Yes, you were only following orders…and look where it’s gotten you. Trapped on a ship with an unstable inconvenience like me, on your way to fight in a war no one asked you to join.”

 

                “Yes, well, I didn’t ask for _that_ ,” Rey grumbled.

 

                “No, but you got it. And now you’re stuck here. And if that isn’t poetic justice…”

 

                “We’re here.” Rey interrupted. Her voice echoed the foreboding feeling that coated the Falcon like a blanket as they approached the dry, sandy planet.

 

                They both stood in silence for a moment, watching as they got closer and closer. Eventually it wasn’t just a tan-coloured blob anymore but a three-dimensional planet with geographical bumps and the occasional explosion that would flare up red and deadly and perish in a trail of smoke that bled out into the galaxy. There was no time for arguing anymore.

 

                Ren picked up a modified blaster and tucked it into his belt, offering a regular one to Rey. “This is for backup,” he explained, turning around to grab something else. “This is going to be easier for you to use once we’ve landed and we’re out there.” He set Chewbacca’s bowcaster and a new set of quarrels into her hands.

 

                “I-I’ve never used one of these before,” Rey admitted.

 

                Ren smirked. “You’ll have fun, then.” He hauled up a large blaster rifle and made sure it was ready for use before taking a seat in the cockpit to facilitate their landing.

 

                “I’m assuming you gave me weapons other than my lightsaber for a reason?” Rey asked as they descended onto the sandy dunes of Jakku. It was dark outside and flashes of light in the distance spoke of death and fear.

 

                “If we use our lightsabers, especially me, someone from the Resistance is likely to see it and then we’re both screwed. I don’t want to go back to Hosnian Prime, not yet. I want to stay here and fight until the fighting is over.” Kylo explained.

 

                Softly, Rey prompted, “And what do we do if something happens to one of us?”

 

                Kylo locked eyes with her, a strange sensation pumping through his veins. He couldn’t picture her dying, because he wasn’t going to let that happen. “We’ll stay close to one another at all times. I won’t leave you. If something happens we’ll handle it together.”

 

                Rey nodded and steeled up her gaze, tightening her grip on the bowcaster.

 

                There isn’t much for protection on Jakku, certainly not anything that could properly hide an entire ship. But they landed the Falcon as best as they could, behind a rather large sand dune and well away from the fighting in the village. Once they had landed and descended from the ship, they stalked through the night towards combat. Their feet sank into the sand sometimes and they could both feel the bothersome granules rubbing up against their toes inside their boots. Once they got to the perimeter of the village, however, they forgot about the sand in their shoes and the ache in their legs. What they were staring at was far more concerning.

 

                “Are you ready?” Kylo whispered.

 

                Rey nodded, finding herself at a loss for words.

 

                “Follow me,” Kylo said, ducking down and quietly rushing towards the fighting.

 

                They ducked behind a smoldering heap that had once been someone’s home. Bits and pieces remained amongst the ashes to hint at life: some dishes, a picture frame, and the charred face of a child’s doll. Rey had to look away as the scene stirred up some unpleasant, albeit faint, memories of her childhood.

 

                Suddenly Ren nudged her, pointing at a scene only a couple yards away. Three stormtroopers had surrounded a woman and her children. One had already perished, that much was clear; she was holding a small, limp body in her arms and clutching it tightly to her chest. Her tears left streaks in the dirt on the dead child’s face. Another youngling, a little girl that couldn’t be more than five years old, was hanging tight to her mother, shaking as she eyed down the barrel of a blaster rifle. They were about to be gunned down.

 

                Ren took a deep breath in as he aimed his rifle. All he needed to do was take down one of them; it would be enough to distract the other two from their victims. He lined up his shot and pulled the trigger. The stormtrooper fell instantly; the shot pierced them in the chest. Kylo ran towards the other two, who had turned to face the mystery sniper. Rey followed in close behind.

 

                “Run!” Kylo yelled to the mother. “Run, now!”

 

                She was only frozen for a minute before she gathered up her children and tore off, away from the scene. Ren and Rey were running headlong towards the stormtroopers, who were already starting to fire blasts at them. Rey took out the slowest one with the bowcaster, but the other one was heading straight for Kylo. He was ready, though. He used the butt of his rifle to knock the stormtrooper’s gun out of their hands when they got close enough. He was dodging shots like only a Force Sensitive could and he wasted no time weakening his opponent before finally doing them a mercy. As soon as the trooper was lying limp and lifeless on the sand, the two party crashers took off to continue what they had come to do.

 

                There was so much carnage and panic that no one noticed them because no one had time. Bodies were everywhere, darkening the sand around them; houses that had been lit on fire glowed along the horizon and all around them. People were screaming, shots were fired constantly until they just became background noise. Ren and Rey fought successfully back-to-back for the first little while. They left bodies in their own wake; like Death and his Angel, bringing mercy to the damned and vengeance for the innocent. Time seemed to fall away around them. Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like days. Eventually, there were signs of an end to the brutality. Dozens more X-Wing fighters shot through the sky, laying waste to what remained of the enemy.

 

                Kylo had just fired his rifle at one of the last troopers. He wanted it to be over. Rey wasn’t far away from him; he would grab her and they would leave Jakku behind, like they had never been there at all. His first battle had been a success for the Republic. He finally felt like he’d made the right decision for once in his life. The smoke hadn’t even cleared from the barrel of his rifle when it felt like something had bit him on his side. In shock, he fell to his knees. There was a smouldering tear in the side of his banded shirt, and through it he could see his own raw, bleeding, burnt flesh, exposed to the air. The blast had taken a decent sized chunk out of him.

 

                Rey had seen everything. “Kylo!” she screamed. An immense rage boiled her blood. She threw all caution to the wind, grabbing her lightsaber from her belt and activating it. The stormtrooper was distracted from their pursuit of Kylo by the flash of blue light to their right. Rey was running directly at them, looking half-mad and murderous. The trooper didn’t stand a chance. Rey severed their arm from their body and did the same to their head in two swipes of her saber. Chest heaving, she turned her weapon off and rushed to Ren’s side. He was clutching his wound and not getting up. She knelt beside him and held him, supporting most of his weight so he wouldn’t have to.

 

                “No, no…” Rey was muttering frantically. “C’mon, stay awake. Stay with me. We’ve got to get out of here, _now_. I-I used my lightsaber…”

 

                “Help…” Ren groaned. His wound was stinging, burning, like it was on fire. Every movement he made only made it hurt more.

 

                “Lean on me, let’s get you up,” Rey struggled only a little, hoisting his bulky body into a standing position. She felt the Force surround them both. They just had to get away from the village. They could make it that far at least. “C’mon, walk with me…you got it…you’re going to be okay.”

 

                “Why does it hurt so bad?” Ren asked, his voice getting rougher and quieter.

 

                Rey’s lower lip trembled but she wasn’t going to cry. “Shh, it’s okay. I’ll fix it. I’ll make you better again, we just have to get back…”

 

                So they tripped and stumbled their way through the soft sand, back to the Falcon. By the time they got there, Ren was practically on his knees, all his strength drained from him. Rey fashioned a bed for him out of things she found around the ship and set to work tending to his injury as he twitched and groaned in some sort of fitful dream. In truth, neither of them got any sleep that night. There were only nightmares and wide open starry space.


	7. Seven

Kylo opened his eyes to a small, dark room. He immediately tried to sit up but was greeted with a stabbing pain in his side. He hissed and clutched the area only to find it padded an inch thick with bandages. It took him a moment, but slowly everything that had happened came rushing back to him. He remembered thinking he had been fatally injured, because that was what it had felt like, and that Rey would have to return to Hosnian Prime to inform his mother that he had died in his first battle, which he had attended against her wishes. The last face he could remember seeing in his mind’s eye was his mother’s, disappointed and heartbroken. But Rey had taken care of him, and he was quite certain he would be dead if not for her.

 

                Slowly and carefully he stood up in the cramped space. There was barely enough room for the small single cot that was in there. _She seriously stuck me in a closet?_ He thought to himself, fumbling for the door latch. The hallway of the ship was dimly lit, but he knew his way around by memory. He heard light clinking and banging coming from the back of the ship, so he began to follow those sounds. The air in the ship was cool on his bare skin; he was down to a black sleeveless shirt and pants he couldn’t remember seeing before.

 

                The sounds got louder and louder until he rounded the corner to find Rey tinkering on the interior mechanics of the ship. About a dozen wires were exposed, numerous flashing lights and various bits and pieces. Kylo softly cleared his throat, causing Rey to scream and jump to her feet with a wild expression on her face. Kylo couldn’t help but crack a small smile.

 

                “It’s just me,” he said, his voice cracking from lack of use.

 

                “Maker…” Rey clutched her chest, breathing heavily. “What are you doing up? You should be resting still.” Kylo didn’t miss the quick glare she tossed in his direction.

 

                “Believe it or not I got a little bored and sore in that closet,”

 

                Rey sighed. “Sorry. This ship is an absolute disaster. I did the best I could.”

               

                “Yes, I owe you my gratitude. I’ll be sure to let my uncle know you performed your duties with excellence.”

 

                Rey scoffed as she pulled an entire chunk of the ship out and began to open it up.

 

                “Would you rather I never spoke a word?” Kylo asked, laboriously sitting down.

 

                “No, that’s not it,” Rey said softly. “It’s just…you make it sound like you’re grading me; like the whole thing was a test that I passed and not just an act of goodwill. Do you think I would let you die in that place at that time?”

 

                Kylo smirked, adjusting himself to get comfortable in the hard chair. “You would have had every reason to,” he answered. “I may be damning you to death on this misguided journey of rebellion, as my mother would call it.”

 

                Rey made a soft humming noise while her fingers worked on the ship as if separated from her consciousness. “I wouldn’t mind. Provided you make it an excellent rebellion, it may be worthwhile.”

 

                Ren chuckled to himself. “I’ll try my best, Padawan.”

 

                “I don’t think I could leave you now anyways,” Rey admitted. “I mean, yes, I could easily steal this ship, or a better one, once we have landed on Arakis and leave you behind. But that would likely get me kicked out of the Jedi Order or worse. Besides all that, though…I just don’t feel like I could leave. I have to stay with you.”

 

                “Ah,” Ren sighed, clutching his stinging side. “So you’re saying I’m stuck with you? For how long?”

 

                Rey rolled her eyes. “You make me sound like a burden. And…until this war passes, I suppose. Or the Force wishes us to be separated.”

 

                Ren was silent for half a minute before responding, “Until then.”

 

                A loud beeping alarm broke them from their conversation. For a moment both of their hearts leapt in a panic at the thought of being attacked. But once the panic subsided and Ren listened more closely, he heaved a sigh of relief.

 

                “It’s just the GPS,” he said. “We’re here.” He winced as he got up out of the chair and began to walk. Rey flanked him, keeping a wary eye on his body language.

 

                They both entered the cockpit and settled into the seats, preparing the ship for landing. As they descended through a heavy mist, Arakis finally came into view; it had lush, green forests and strangely-shaped mountains stained red by the sunset. Arakis had two suns and five moons that graced its sky, with twinkling stars beginning to glow around them. Rey stared in awe; she was not expecting it to be that beautiful. The city was dotted with lights, but Ren kept the ship around the edge of it all, heading northeast. They flew around a small mountain until a large, white building was displayed to them, hiding amongst the tops of the trees. It was a strange building; it had wide bases that appeared to have rooted into the ground, but upon the base were long, narrow stalks that supported several massive, egg-shaped pods with long, dimly lit horizontal windows. Ren began to lower the ship even further towards the landing docks.

 

                When they finally entered the dock Rey instantly noticed the flurry of activity going on. Dozens of flight personnel and staff were helping guide the Falcon in and preparing for its park. There were others, too, tall figures in long, unhooded black cloaks. As the ship moved closer, Rey noticed that the cloaked figures had pale blue or yellow skin, with large, dark eyes, small mouths, long fingers, and oblong heads that seemed far too big for their faces. A strange chill ran up her spine. She had never seen this breed before; they were known to rarely leave their places of settlement. Judging by their troubled, puzzled faces, she assumed General Organa had sent an ominous note ahead of their arrival.

 

                “They’re all…looking,” Rey whispered.

 

                “I don’t come here very often,” Ren said. “So when I do show up, they tend to think something very bad has happened.”

 

                “Well…they wouldn’t be completely wrong in this case.”

 

                Ren didn’t acknowledge her comment. He finished parking the ship and grabbed a cloak. “Come. Put your hood up and keep your lightsaber visible.”

 

                Rey followed his lead. When they stepped off the ship the hangar was silent. Dozens of eyes were trained on the two intruders. Rey kept a hand trained on her saber. She followed Ren up to the discoloured cloaked figures who were eyeing them with something akin to revulsion.

 

                “Senator. What great catastrophe has brought you back here?” One of them spoke and its voice was deep and throaty. Its beady eyes found Rey, who bent her head to keep her face shadowed beneath her hood. “And with a guest…how strange…”

 

                “I do not come bearing good news, as I’m sure you already know, Uthorf,” Ren stated plainly. He did nothing to keep his voice quiet. “I will brief the council tonight and we will have a more detailed discussion in the morning. It is late and we’ve travelled a long distance.”

 

                Uthorf made a deep growling sound in his throat, squinting at Rey and Ren. “Let us go to the chamber, then.”

 

                Following the council out of the hangar, Rey wanted so badly to speak to Ren so that he might help her collect herself. She felt out of her element and anxious; the people of Arakis had not given them a warm welcome. Would she even feel safe enough to sleep alone? Without noticing, she bumped into Ren’s side, knocking arms with him. She gasped softly and peered up to find him looking back at her with a bemused expression.

 

                The chamber room was lofty and dark, lit only by strange glowing white orbs that appeared to hang in mid-air just above a long, narrow table. The council members took their seats at the table but Ren did not follow their lead, choosing instead to stand opposite them, one hand poised on the hilt of his lightsaber at his hip.

 

                “Well? What unwelcome news do you bring this time, doomsayer?” Uthorf asked, folding his hands together atop the table.

 

                “The Republic is at war,” Ren said. “A neo-Empire group called the First Order has declared their intention to destroy the Republic and replace it. They, too, are influenced by the dark side of the Force. And you can bet, with all your resources, that Arakis will be a main stop on their journey. They will commit a genocide of your people and plunder your planet and wealth and when they are done they will leave you with nothing left. This is why the Republic requests your cooperation in the fight against the First Order and hopes that you may seriously consider contributing a part of your military to defend the galaxy. That is the gist of it, anyway.”

 

                The council members looked stunned. They had been expecting bad news, but clearly they had underestimated just how bad it would be.

 

                “War…?” One of them said. “We have seen many wars and still, I do not wish to see another.”

 

                “Yes, well, General Organa anxiously awaits your response. I urge you to send as many troops as you can afford to. I will stay here for a short while as well, until we have a better idea of how this may transpire.” Ren responded. “But we will discuss details tomorrow. For now, I wish to allow you to decide how many of your men you would send to fight. I would also like to get some rest. Have the servants prepare my quarters and the guest quarters in the west wing, as well. My Padawan will need a place to sleep.”

 

                Uthorf narrowed his eyes. “ _Your_ Padawan? You are no Jedi.” He sneered.

 

                 Rey didn’t dare to blink. Her eyes moved back and forth between Ren’s face and the Araki man. She wondered if Ren had called her his Padawan by mistake, inciting Uthorf to so eloquently remind him of his biggest failure. She was expecting to sense rage coming off of him in waves but all she felt was radio silence.

 

                “She will stay with me,” Ren spat back. “You will prepare her a room and you will _stand down_ and obey me.”

 

                Whispers and hisses echoed around the room. Uthorf straightened and gave a loud, sharp grunt of anger. “You overstep your rank, _Senator_ ,” he snarled. “What loyalty do I owe you? You are a plague upon my people; bringing death every time you step foot on Arakis.”

 

                The electric _whoosh_ of a lightsaber drowned out any other noise for a split second before fading to a menacing hum. The room glowed red as Kylo Ren swung his weapon at his side. The council members were frantic; some were screeching horrendously and trying to escape while others, like Uthorf, were simply standing there slack-jawed and paralyzed with fear.

                “Sith! _Sith_!” One screamed. “The Dark Side is here among us!”

 

                “The roles of rank may change in a time of war,” Ren spoke, his voice deep, dark, and eerily steady. “I know more about the situation than all of you put together so you will take me at my word or you will die. You will obey me, or you will die.” He pointed his saber at Uthorf’s chest. The creature sucked in a breath, visibly shaking. His eyes were wild with terror. “Now, you will prepare her a room.”

 

                They didn’t need to be told a second time. Everyone scattered, busting through the chamber doors and splitting off in the hallway. Ren sheathed his weapon and relaxed his jaw. Rey was stunned for a moment, unsure what to make of the situation. She took cautious steps towards him.

 

                “You shouldn’t have done that,” she warned. “If that gets back to the people on Hosnian Prime…”

 

                “Servant!” He interrupted her like he hadn’t even heard her speak. Two young human children in fine clothing scurried into the room and bowed their heads. “Show my guest to her room.” Without another word, he left.

 

                They got to the hallway and the children began to tug on Rey’s hands, trying to pull her in the right direction. But Rey was distracted, looking this way and that for any sign of Kylo but it became clear right away that he was gone.

 

                Rey was fuming, cursing him under her breath. “…moody son of a bantha…” More than once her two young guides gave her strange looks but they didn’t speak a word.

 

                She was left alone in her room for what felt like hours but she didn’t dare leave. If she left, she would either get lost or decide to not come back and steal the first ride off the stupid planet. Even the Force couldn’t help her find a balance in her emotions. Never in her life had she appreciated being deliberately left to her own devices. She could handle being alone and in many cases preferred to be, but after being abandoned as a child on a strange planet with no friends or family to call her own, she had developed some passionate notions about the act. So when her door finally opened and Kylo Ren stood there dressed all in black with an unreadable expression on his face, everything she had been thinking came tumbling out.

 

                “You…you… _idiot_!” she screamed. “Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can just leave me like that, with hardly even a word, and sentence me to my room for the night? Have you lost whatever shred of sense you had to begin with? I can’t understand what made you think threatening the council was a good idea! You’re going to get yourself killed with that kind of stupidity.”

 

Kylo had entered the room but now just stood there, watching her with no expression. His lack of response and obvious empathy only made Rey angrier. She charged him and slapped him hard across the face. He didn’t even wince, although his head turned. He straightened it and looked at her again, analytically this time. Some kind of understanding appeared to dawn on him. But still, he didn’t speak.

 

“I thought you abandoned me here!” She said sharply, her voice quavering only near the end. She sniffed and started beating on his chest, but her punches were deliberately weak. It felt like she was hitting a marble statue; solid and cold. “Don’t-do-that-to-me-again!”

 

He caught her wrists in his hands and she froze. His dark brown eyes were seemingly bottomless; as if there were a hundred thousand different dimensions to them. She couldn’t break away from his stare. She suddenly felt extremely vulnerable; the fire and anger had been wiped out and replaced with a hollow chill.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, releasing her hands. She didn’t pull them away instantly.

 

“I…you should be,” she stammered. Her voice was just above a whisper.

 

After a pause filled with silence that only got heavier with each second, Ren spoke. “Do you like your room?”

 

Rey blinked and looked around. The room was quite spacious with a large window that boasted an excellent view of the forested landscape of Arakis. The bed was easily the largest one Rey had ever had all to herself. “Um,” she said awkwardly, “yes, it’s nice.”

 

“Good,” he said. “If you require anything, the kitchens are down the hall on your left. There will be people in there than can help you with whatever you need. When you’re hungry go there; they’ll have food for you.”

 

Rey swallowed as her stomach gave a light grumble at the mention of food. “T-thank you. Are you joining me for dinner?”

 

He shook his head. “Not tonight. I should let my mother know I’m obediently following her orders.” His tone was bitter.

 

Rey just nodded. Was he going to disappear on her again?

 

As if he had heard her thinking, which was quite possible, he said “I’ll be right across the hallway if you need me.”

 

“Yes, alright.”

 

“Goodnight, Rey.” He bowed his head in her direction and headed for the door.

 

“Goodnight.” Rey stood in the middle of her room for a moment, briefly pondering her first day in Arakis. She didn’t waste more time than that, though. A delicious smell wafting out of the kitchens was calling to her.


	8. Eight

_“You are strong in the Force! Do not let your talents go to waste._ Use _them to your advantage. Show them your power and they will wither before you. They are nothing but weaklings; you are their Maker.”_

Kylo Ren blinked awake to a room that was still dark. His head was throbbing and he had had the strangest dream yet. In it, a corpse of a man was leading him along a narrow and winding path, speaking to him as they went about Kylo’s power within the Force. Of course he had always known he was gifted, even when he doubted himself deep down he knew it still. But the cloaked man had told him he was not living up to his full potential; he was wasting his gift. If he began to feel as powerful as he was, eventually he could rule the galaxy or destroy it. Kylo had felt powerless in the scenario, unable to make himself stop following the stranger, nor could he stop himself listening to the manure the man was spewing.

 

Slowly, Kylo sat up, resting his sore head in the palm of his hand. He was tired of having dreams like that one. They woke him up and made him feel sick and confused. The crack that grew within him widened every single time he found himself in a weirdly prophetic lucid dream. Slowly but surely he was being torn apart by conflicts of interest with himself. He felt like a broken compass that was unable to align properly and instead just spun around and around, aimless and desperate.

 

He stood up and walked to the windows, pulling the curtains back so he was drenched in pale green moonlight. It was raining outside and by the light of the moon he could just see small rivulets of water forming in leaves and running down tree trunks. He took a deep breath and tried to refocus himself. As the memory of his dream began to dissipate, pieces of another picture quickly replaced it. Darkness had engulfed him, he could feel himself sinking deeper into its grasp. He could see nothing, feel nothing, hear nothing. He went to take a breath and found he could not breathe; suddenly ice cold water was rushing into his lungs – he could feel _that_. A flurry of air bubbles escaped from his mouth and nose, the last remnants of his life and soul floating off to the surface. His legs kicked hopelessly while he flailed his arms, hoping if he just kept reaching his fingers might find purchase. His chest was on fire along with every nerve in his body and slowly he began to notice the dark water was becoming more solid; darker somehow. Almost simultaneously his legs stopped kicking and his arms merely twitched. Just as his eyes were about to close, something grabbed him. A hand on his, warm and lifelike, pulling him upwards with a strength he hadn’t been able to find in himself. Everything turned bright and gold the closer he got to the surface. When he and his mystery saviour found it, they both eagerly sucked in air. His lungs lit ablaze once more as he coughed up the icy water. He tried to view the other person but he couldn’t see; everything was too bright, it was blinding him. Again he felt the warm hands on him, this time holding his face. And as he sank into the touch, he no longer needed to see her face, he could feel her. _Rey_.

 

With a gasp he jolted upright, his eyes snapping open in alarm. He had had many dreams, but never a dream like that. His forehead and neck were drenched in a cold sweat, as if he really had just been drowning. Curious and strangely startled by the nature of his dream, he very gently touched his own fingertips to his cheek, where hers had just been. His hand was freezing cold in comparison. “I don’t understand…” he murmured.

 

He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He needed to clear his head, especially if he was going to be able to secure the council’s support in the morning. He stepped out onto the modest balcony attached to his room. It was sheltered by a wooden roof, thick with moss. He sat down in a chair made out of vines and listened to the rain fall in the forest. Somewhere far off in the distance, birds were calling. Kylo shut his eyes once more but this time he shut off his mind, too. It had taken him years to be able to do that, to meditate properly. But since he knew he wasn’t going to get an ounce more sleep that night, at least he could do the next best thing.

***

                There was a sudden pressure on his right arm and he began to shake. Gasping softly, Kylo opened his eyes. It had stopped raining; the sun was just beginning to peak out over the treetops. Birds were singing, the air smelled fresh and intoxicating, and Rey stood next to him, glaring.

 

                “Rey…” Kylo mumbled, only half-conscious.

 

                “I hope you had a good sleep,” Rey said sharply. “You’re late.”

 

                It took Kylo a moment to understand her. Then he jumped up and rubbed his face. “Kriff…the council.”

 

                “They’re waiting.”

 

                “Go tell them I’m on my way.” Kylo cleared the room to the closet in three strides. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was only half-dressed.

 

                “Throw on something quick. They’ll be less pleased if I come back alone.” Rey folded her arms, seemingly looking anywhere in the room but at Kylo Ren.

 

                “Fine,” Kylo sighed. He cradled his clothes to his chest and shut the closet door, casting Rey a suspicious look. “Are you staying for the show or something?”

 

                Rey snorted, finally giving him an amused stare. “Hmph, I wouldn’t call it much of a show, you’re—”

 

                “Get out.” Kylo interrupted moodily.

 

                Rey shrugged. “I’ll be in the hallway. Hurry up.” She closed the door behind her.

 

                When the pair were finally walking the hallways for the Council chamber, Kylo spoke.

 

                “Well? How do you think this is going to go?” he asked. He looked down at her but found he couldn’t make himself meet her eyes.

 

                Rey was speed-walking to keep up with him. “They certainly didn’t look happy when I left to come get you.”

 

                “Eh, I expected that much,” Kylo shrugged. “They’re a very miserable people, the Araki.”

 

                “Yeah, I figured that,” Rey mumbled as Kylo pushed open the doors to the chamber. All talking stopped and the members of council straightened in their chairs, eyeing up their guests with contempt.

 

                “I apologize for making you all wait,” Kylo said flippantly. “But I’m here now, so let’s get right to the point. Have you reached a decision?”

 

                Zerith scoffed loudly. Rey shot him a glare but Kylo paid him no attention.

 

                “We will send some of our men to fight this silly war,” Uthorf responded, “but not as many as your mother wishes.”

 

                Kylo narrowed his eyes. His jaw twitched. “How many?”

 

                “One fleet,” Uthorf sighed. “From us, that is ninety-two men, five droids, and one ship between them all.” A smug grin grew on his toad-like face.

 

                Kylo was silent for a moment. Sure, that was good enough for him. He couldn’t blame the Araki for being frugal with their manpower. But it wasn’t going to cut it for his mother.

 

                “I think that’s a little unrealistic,” he finally said.

 

                “On the contrary, Senator, we think it is highly realistic. If a threat is coming for us like you said, we want as much of our military here on the ground as possible. We could not possibly care less about the woes of the Republic; frankly, your mother should think herself lucky we’re helping at all. We no more asked for this war than you did, but the Republic started it and it can be their men that end it, not ours.” Shouts of agreement went around the table.

 

                Every muscle in Rey’s body tensed. She watched as Kylo’s expression remained coolly impassive but she could see his hands clenching and unclenching. He knew the deal would not go easy, but he did not come to be mocked.

 

                After a long while, Kylo answered. “I will take your word to General Organa. She will not be pleased, however. So you may wish to prepare yourselves for _that_ meeting. I can assure you it will not be quite as funny to you.” Uthorf’s face fell dramatically.

 

                Without warning Kylo turned around, his rough-spun cape flourishing out behind him. Rey stood frozen for only a second before she rushed to catch up with him.

 

                “What are we supposed to do now?” she demanded.

 

                “ _I_ am going to make a very unpleasant call. _You_ can do whatever it is you do when you’re not following me around.” Kylo grumbled.

 

                “What, sleep? I _follow you around_ all day, it’s my job,” Rey snapped.

 

                Kylo rushed her against a wall, standing a hair’s breadth away from her but their bodies didn’t touch. His face was dark as he glared down at her. She faltered for only a minute before composing herself and staring resolutely back at him.

 

                “ _Your job_ should not interfere with mine,” he snarled. “I do not need you to save me when I can save myself.”

 

                The anger in Rey’s eyes changed to puzzlement. “Save you?” she whispered. “From what?”

 

                Kylo blinked. He hadn’t meant to say it; it had just come out. He was just so sick of his dreams being the same scenario over and over again…he was beginning to feel helpless in her presence. He had no explanation suitable for her though. So instead he turned and walked away once more, only this time she did not follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus, I got very busy in the last semester of my BA! But I'm finished school now and in between work I'll have more time to update. I hope you enjoy and please leave me comments/kudos so I know that you like it so far!


	9. Nine

Rey sat alone in the middle of her room, her legs crossed and her hands in her lap. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was slow and deep. In her trancelike state, she did not so much as twitch a finger, even though her body was floating a couple of feet off the ground.

                In her mind’s eye, she was walking down a very long hallway with what seemed to be a thousand doors on either side. Of course, she had seen this hallway before; she had found herself walking it since she had started training with Master Luke and every time she was there she opened a new door to a new scenario. She never knew if what she was going to see would be simple and happy or absolutely nightmarish. Sometimes she lucked out. On this particular night, she would not be so fortunate.

                The door she now faced looked no different than any of the other doors. It had a cool silver handle and seemed to loom over her as she stood there, daring her to open it and see what was inside. But should she? Would she? Of course she would, she had no choice, but she didn’t particularly want to. Behind every door was a warning meant for her. Sometimes it came as a gentle memory, but it always ended up being prophetic in some way or another. After she would open a door, she would have to decide whether or not she would understand or heed the message she had been given through the Force. It was a daunting task, and it scared her, but foreseeability was the way of the Jedi. They did not exist as long as they had without listening closely to the Force and knowing who their enemies were.

                She took a slow, calming breath and gripped the handle. It felt like ice on her skin. Fear unfurled within her but she pushed it away. It would do no good to exhibit fear in this place.

                The door opened silently to a grey wasteland. Ash rained down from the clouds, swirling around her body. She wiped at some of it that had landed on the back of her hand. It left a dark streak. _What is this?_ she pondered to herself, not wanting to speak in such a silent place. Near the horizon the ashy ground seemed to merge with the sky, both sides growing darker as they kissed. Mountains ( _or are they piles of ash?_ ) rose up on either side of her in the distance, enclosing her, trapping her. Ashes were catching in her hair and eyelashes. Then, out of the silence, she heard a faint sound. Someone was coughing hard, like they were sick or dying or maybe both. She remembered being young and falling ill back on Jakku. She had no parents to look after her and nurse her back to health. She had herself and the cruel man who watched over her and would not help her no matter how loud or how long she coughed. She knew then what she had to do and her feet did the rest.

                The ash flew around her ankles as she walked through it. She could taste them on her lips, a salty, musty flavour that felt wrong. They seemed to come down harder the further she walked toward the coughing person but she could not stop because she had opened the door and stepped inside and she could not leave until she heard its message. The coughing grew louder and louder still, now sounding more like a bark than a human cough. Finally, she reached her destination and, blinking away the ashes, squinted at it: a hunched shape on the ground, covered in a decent layer of ash that flew off of it in clouds each time it coughed. She heard it draw in a wheezy, raspy breath and a chill ran up her spine. _That is a dying breath_.

                The shape moved and Rey steeled herself, preparing for a monstrosity. As it unfurled, it took on more of a human shape; a man. As he slowly turned his neck to face her, Rey began to feel sick herself. She recognized the raven hair and pale skin tone, the long nose and full lips. And she recognized the fine-lined scar that ran diagonally across his face.

                “Kylo…” she whispered. Even a whisper sounded like a scream in this place.

                “R-R-R-” He stammered, interrupted by a loud coughing fit that racked his whole body. Rey rushed to him as he convulsed on the ground. He was ice cold.

                “What happened to you?” she asked, trying to hold him still.

                He turned his dark eyes up to her face one more time. There was no expression, no life in that face of his. He hardly even looked like the man she knew or thought she knew. Momentarily relieved of his coughing fit, he opened his dry lips to let out one short word:

                “You.”

                In an instant all hell had broken loose. Rey barely had time to comprehend what he had just said to her before he shoved her away, standing up in the midst of another violent coughing fit. Only now he was gagging too, a harsh, wet sound like his lungs were coming up through his throat. To Rey’s horror, thick black liquid was pouring from his mouth, shooting out in droplets as he hacked and gagged through it. It poured down his front and stained the pale white of his throat. Then he was laughing, as if someone had just told him a joke he had never heard before, but it was a meaner laugh, like the joke was at someone else’s expense. He turned back around to her and shrugged, his arms swinging out to his side and clapping against his thighs as he dropped them. He was grinning, showing a row of black-stained teeth.

                “You did this to me,” He said matter-of-factly. _“You.”_ He lunged.

                Rey screamed, pushing herself backwards on the ground, scrambling to stand up but she didn’t make it. His hand wrapped around her ankle and yanked her backwards. She tried kicking out at him but he was too strong. He spun her around, his fingers now digging into the meat of her underarms, and she winced. When her eyes met his, she screamed. They were no longer the soft, warm dark brown they usually were. They were the colour of lava, molten gold and red-hot; she could feel them burning right through her as he looked at her. She shut her own eyes tight and the next time she opened them, she was back in her room on Arakis. The floor rushed up to meet her backside. She was too busy panicking to feel it.

                Her chest heaving, she swung her door open and pounded on the one across the hallway. “Come in.” She practically fell into the room but caught herself. Before she could get a word out, her breath hitched in her throat.

                Kylo was indeed alive and well, as he was standing ten feet away from her next to a stack of weights and a small dresser. He was rifling around for a shirt, but it wasn’t the fact that he was shirtless that caught her attention. It was the dozens of pale white lines and former gashes that decorated his back, now illuminated by the moonlight filtering in through the windows. They were everywhere, including the most recent one from their adventure on Jakku, which was nearly healed but still pinker and puffier than the rest. No, those scars were very old, but deep and long enough to remain prominent scars. When he turned around, just before he pulled the low-collar thin green shirt down over his head, she noticed there were matching scars across his chest and stomach, too.

                “Mother of Moons…” she whispered, the words slipping out unintentionally. When Kylo looked at her in puzzlement, she flushed, instantly growing embarrassed and averting her eyes. “I am…so sorry, I shouldn’t have been looking, let alone _speaking_ …”

                “It’s okay,” Kylo sighed. “You can look. It is what it is.”

                Rey chewed on her bottom lip. “Why? I mean…who? Er, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, I just…it looks bad. How did this happen?”

                Kylo shrugged. He kept moving around, shifting his shirt and putting the weights back in order, but it was all stuff he didn’t really need to do. He was just uncomfortable.

                “They’re just scars from training,” he mumbled, “back when I was in, well, you know. Some of them are from fights too, I suppose.” His voice grew quiet near the end, distant.

                “You suppose?” Rey asked.

                Kylo pressed his lips together. “So what do you need?”

                Rey blinked, stunned. “What?”

                “You came barrelling in here like your whole life depended on it. Did something happen?”

                “Oh! Oh, no, nothing happened, I just…” Suddenly her vision didn’t seem so important anymore. “I just wanted to check on you is all.”

                Kylo breathed a laugh through his nose. “At four in the morning?”

                Rey’s eyes shot to the clock by Kylo’s bed, which looked like it hadn’t so much as been sat in let alone slept in. He was right, though, it was four in the morning. Her head spun for a moment. Usually she didn’t stay in a trance for that long.

                “Oh, so it is…” she murmured.

                “I was just going to go for a walk, if you want to join me.”

                “A walk, like, outside?” Rey asked.

                Kylo furrowed his brow, his lips twitching up at the left corner. “Yes, a walk like outside. Are you coming or not?”

                “Um, sure.”

                They walked in silence until they found the wide double-doors that would grant them entrance into the outside world. As they slid open, Rey half-expected ash to be falling from the sky, coating all the vibrant vegetation in a grey blanket of death. But thankfully this was not the case, and the various plants and trees that grew on Arakis were still vibrant, even in the dim light of the early morning. They walked for a little while until they were far enough away from the main centre and deep in the lush forest. Kylo seemed to know where he was going, like every footstep he planted was planned ahead of time. He would reach out to push a low-swinging branch out of the way like he barely even had to think about it, he just knew it was there. She watched him in awe as she followed, trying her best to take in the beauty of the forest but finding herself unable to do so as flash images of her vision and his scars kept popping up in her mind, frightening her and making her feel strangely cold even though it was a fairly temperate climate. She hurried to catch up to him.

                “Where are you leading us?” she asked.

                “Am I leading? Well, we might both be doomed if that’s the case,” he joked. She knew he was only being so lighthearted because of what had happened earlier. He was still uncomfortable but trying to shake it off. “You’ll see. We’re just in time for the sunrise. I think you’ll like it.”

                Rey pursed her lips, smiling. Jakku had had sunrises, but they had never been anything special. Just a big hot sun rising in the white-blue sky to bake the sand on the surface of the planet until it was just the right temperature to burn a bare foot clear through to the meat. She had a feeling this sunrise would be much more special.

                She followed him to a precipice overlooking a deep valley that also happened to host a perfect view of the horizon. She was stunned by the raw beauty of it. Everything was still and silent, awaiting the arrival of the sun to come to life. It felt like they were the only two living things on the planet.

                While they waited, Rey’s mind continued to bear the weight of all her crushing thoughts and anxieties. She needed to get at least one answer to ease some of it off. She wouldn’t ask about the scars, not tonight. He didn’t want to talk about them and she didn’t want to ruin the moment. So she carefully made her choice.

                “Can I ask you something?” she said.

                “Hm?” he replied, running his fingers along an overhanging branch.

                “What did you mean earlier when you said I didn’t have to save you?”

                His gaze dropped from the horizon to the ground at his feet. After a moment he said, “I guess I’m not really sure. I’ve just been…dealing with some things lately. This whole supposed war going on, I’m just not buying it. I’ve been weighing it out in my mind, good versus evil, right versus wrong…”

                “Dark versus light,” Rey whispered.

                Kylo paused, giving her a brief glance and then nodding once. “Yeah. And every time I think about it I realize that this same conflict has been repeating itself for generations. It needs to end at some point, doesn’t it? Something or someone needs to end it, but I don’t know who or what that is nor what side it will come from. I’m tired and…I feel lost. Out of all the places I should be right now, it isn’t here, on Arakis, with a bunch of people that loathe me and now loathe me more because I’m asking them to sacrifice themselves for a cause they don’t believe in any more than I do. I started out wanting to fight, and I still do, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to be fighting.”

                Rey nodded, taking in every word regardless of the fact that it scared her to hear it from him. She knew he was conflicted but she had no idea how much it was getting to him. He hid it well for the time being.

                “Where do you think you should be right now if not here?” she asked.

                He sighed. “I don’t know. But right here right now isn’t so bad. The sun’s coming up.”

                She turned her attention to the sky, which was gradually growing gold and pink, becoming more saturated as the sun broke past the horizon. Slowly, the birds woke up and they began to hear the far-off noises of people in the centre rising as well. Both of them absorbed every second of this temporary respite from the stress that would surely come with their day. But flashes of his scars and that thick, black liquid kept shooting across Rey’s mind like a disease that refused to leave her. Almost instinctively, she took his hand in hers. He jumped at first and she was afraid he would be unwelcoming to her touch, but he didn’t pull away even though his hand and arm stiffened. It was like comforting a lost or badly injured creature, something she had done often to the sand lizards on Jakku. Initially, they were afraid of her touch because it was something foreign to them. She had to be incredibly wary lest they suddenly change their mind and bite her. Kylo wouldn’t bite, though, not her at least.

She looked at him, nervous, and his expression was equally confused and curious. When he continued to allow her to touch him, she returned her stare to the sunrise, which was nearly complete. He didn’t look at it with her, though, not anymore. He was watching her now, partially amazed at her for daring to do something most people he knew wouldn’t dream of. He was also annoyed at himself for not refusing her touch and instead rather liking it after a while. Her hand was warm in his, full of life. It reinvigorated him to feel her steady pulse against the palm of his hand. All of the terror and confusion he had been feeling seemed to wash away for that small moment when it was just the two of them, joined by their hands, enjoying the silence and the sky. He hadn’t felt so unburdened in a very long time. He could barely even feel irritated by the amount of power she appeared to hold over him; on the contrary, he relished it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I owe you guys a couple quick updates after disappearing for four months. If you like this story please let me know and feel free to share it!


	10. Ten

As Rey and Kylo walked back to the centre, a droid buzzed over to them. The ghosts of smiles on their faces faded away.

                “Master Kylo, your mother is here to see you.” The droid chirped. Somehow it sounded agitated.

                Kylo and Rey both blinked. “What did you just say to me?” Kylo asked quietly.

                “Your mother is here to see you.” The droid repeated, now very irritated. Obviously tired of wasting time, it zoomed back inside, not caring if they were following or not.

                “Kriff…” Kylo cursed under his breath. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, composing himself.

                Rey was staring at the door behind which the droid had disappeared. “What does that mean? Why is she here?” Her heart was hammering in her chest. Did Master Luke know something about what had just happened? Surely holding hands didn’t fall under the never taking a lover rule…right?

                “Remember when I told the Council I would call my mother with their offer?” Kylo mumbled, slowly dragging his feet to the door.

                “Yes…and you did, right?”

                “Not exactly, no.”

                “Well. That explains it.”

                “You may not want to stick around for this one,” Kylo warned under his breath. “I doubt us stealing the ship makes her any happier. Things might get…personal.”

                “Don’t need to tell me twice,” Rey mumbled. “I’ll wait out front.”

                Kylo cleared his throat and steeled himself before facing the wrath of his mother. He expected her to be glaring daggers of ice at him; maybe she would start yelling at him the second he walked through the door, waving her arms and cursing his name…but she wasn’t. When Kylo entered the room, General Leia Organa looked at him with an expression of pleasant passivity. This stalled him for a moment and he hesitated in the doorway.

                “Come in,” she directed, “we should sit.”

                Kylo obeyed, taking a seat across the circular white table from his mother. There was an agonizingly long minute of silence before either of them spoke.

                “Where to start?” Leia pondered out loud, folding her arms on top of the table. “You’ve been quite busy in the last while.”

                Kylo nodded morosely. “I don’t know what – or if – I was thinking at the time. I know now I should never have gone to Jakku. I was useless there.”

                Leia raised her eyebrows. “On the contrary. I heard you and Rey were quite the deadly force to be reckoned with.”

                Kylo, clearly confused, asked, “Who told you that?”

                Leia managed a small smile. “Not important. I knew you were going to go to Jakku the second I told you not to. You’ve never liked the word ‘no.’ I was going to make sure you never left the base, but then I thought, maybe if he goes it’ll change his mind about all this. Maybe, just maybe, if he sees the carnage of battle, if he sees the horrors wrought by the Dark Side, it’ll be enough of a shock to put an end to the discussion. But I don’t believe it worked that way, did it?”

                Kylo sat pensive for a moment. Then, he shook his head. “No. It didn’t.”

                “What did it do, then? What did it make you feel?”

                Kylo opened his mouth to speak and closed it, thinking over his words very carefully. He didn’t want to say anything that might incriminate him even further.

                “Alive,” he finally answered. “I felt more alive than I have felt in a very long time. The feeling of raw power overtook me in some ways; I could feel the electricity of my lightsaber in my veins. The Force covered me like a blanket and under it I thought nothing could hurt me. Of course something did–” he gestured to his wounded side “–but even when that happened I didn’t feel it right away. It felt like I was meant to be there; like everything that was happening and had happened so far was meant to happen. And, I don’t know, that holistic feeling is what drove me after that. It’s what took me to Arakis. It’s why I made the call to approve the Araki Council’s offer without actually talking to you first.” He said this last part in a significantly softer voice.

                Leia swallowed. “Is it what made you steal your father’s ship, too?”

                Kylo’s expression darkened. “No. That was just good old fashioned resentment.”

                “I know your father’s arrival was…badly-timed, but what you did was wrong. I’ll be taking that ship back to Hosnian Prime, with you and Rey on it.”

                Kylo furrowed his brow. “You’re taking us back?”

                “Yes. What you do from there is your choice. But you’re no good to anyone on this planet; that’s pretty obvious from the ‘executive decision’ you made.”

                Kylo sighed. “I guess I deserve that. I’m sorry – I should have conferred with you, I just...”

                “Oh, please,” Leia waved a hand dismissively. “I expected as much from the Araki. They’ve always been resentful towards recruitment. I knew with you as their representative the chances of getting any real support from them would be even slimmer. Let’s face it: you’re a terrible Senator.” Her lips twitched up at the corners in a sly grin.

                Kylo chuckled lightly. “I am.”

                “You still got more out of them than I thought,” Leia said, standing up. Kylo followed suit. “It’s a good thing I wasn’t making bets.”

                “You done?” Kylo posited.

                “For now,” Leia replied. “I’m going to have a discussion with the council. It shouldn’t take long, but you never know. Go fill Rey in on what’s going on and make sure that ship is going to make it home, will you?”

                “Yes,” Kylo affirmed.

                When his mother had gone, he let out a long breath and pushed his hair back, combing through it with anxious fingers. He immediately went to find Rey. She was out front, where she had said she’d be, sitting cross-legged on the ground and floating six pebbles of various sizes in front of her. As soon as she saw him walking towards her, they all clattered back to the ground.

                She stood up instantly. “How’d it go? What’d she say?” It came out in a rush, like she had been keeping the words just behind her teeth and could finally let them escape.

                Kylo smirked but it quickly faded. “Everything’s alright for now, I think. She’s talking to the council. We have to take the Millenium Falcon and therefore ourselves back to Hosnian Prime today, though.”

                Rey blinked, expecting him to continue, then said, “Oh. Okay.”

                “Were you expecting worse?” Kylo asked.

                “Well…yeah,” Rey shrugged. “Weren’t you?”

                “I suppose,” Kylo said. “Let’s just get the ship ready to leave for now.”

                He walked off towards the hangar, his long legs carrying him in effortless strides. Rey frowned and followed at a short distance. She thought back to the previous night, when the two of them were simply admiring a sunset in peaceful silence. Kylo had carried an aura of rebelliousness about him that day and she could still feel the vibrant electricity that had pulsed around him. She wasn’t ready to go back to Hosnian Prime and she certainly wasn’t ready for Kylo to revert back into his Senator persona, such as it was. He was more fun and exciting when he had less ties binding him to authority. But maybe it would be different this time, she thought. Kylo was certainly different.

                They didn’t speak much as they bustled about the ship, tightening loose bolts and double-checking some things (triple-checking most things). Rey wanted to speak but she found no words that could make her mouth open. Instead she auto-piloted her way through everything and when they were done Kylo went back inside to check on the status of his mother. Rey sat on the entrance ramp and sunned herself while she waited. The sun on Arakis was not quite as hot as the sun on Jakku; it was gentler, tinged with an earthy smell and a green hue from all the vegetation. She breathed in deep, letting the fresh, warm air linger in her lungs for a moment before exhaling. Her limbs exalted in pleasure as she stretched them generously under the warm sunlight. For a moment, she was sure she could fall asleep.

                The only reason she stayed awake was Kylo, who was returning with his mother at his side. Rey had never paid close attention before, but now that she could really look she realized just how immense the size difference between the two was. Kylo was at least a foot and a half taller than his mother, if not slightly more. Leia looked small and fragile next to her mountain of a son, but Rey and everyone else in the galaxy knew that was not the case. She walked with such a confident, purposeful stride that everyone felt as though they should bow low to the ground when she passed by. Leia didn’t much care for that form of gratification, however.

                Rey stood and walked down to greet them. She was stunned for only a second when Leia gave her a hug before returning it gratefully.

                “You survived being kidnapped by my son, I see,” Leia quipped. “That’s good news.”

                Rey laughed, slightly nervous. “It was more of a willful kidnapping than anything else, truthfully.”

                “Mm, I’m sure,” Leia smirked and turned to her son with a much graver expression. “You will follow me back at close range. If you don’t land on Hosnian Prime within ten minutes of me arriving there, I will send someone to track you down and _haul_ you in.”

                Kylo shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Yes, we’ll follow.”

                “Good.” She turned back to Rey with a smile on her face. “See you back at base, dear.”

                Rey could only give her an uneasy smile in return.

                “Come on,” Kylo sighed, heading into the Falcon. “I’ve been thoroughly embarrassed and now it’s time to go.”

                Rey couldn’t help but laugh aloud. “I’m sorry,” she choked, “I can’t help it.”

                “Oh, I’m sure you can if you try really, really hard,” Kylo mumbled, wedging himself into the cockpit where he began flicking switches.

                The two of them managed takeoff with no problem. Once they were safely airborne, Rey turned autopilot on and they unbuckled. It wasn’t a terribly long ride to the Hosnian system, but neither of them wanted to be cramped up in the cockpit for the duration of it. They moved to the visiting deck where old, beaten-up booths, chairs, and tables remained, all covered in a fine layer of dust. Kylo sighed and started to dust off a couple seats. Rey began to follow his lead, running her fingertips over what appeared to be a very odd stool. Much to her surprise, it began to hum louder and louder until a fuzzy light began to flicker atop it. Rey gasped softly and withdrew her hand. Miniature versions of hulking alien creatures came into focus, all stomping around on top of the thing and shoving one another.

                “Goodness,” Rey breathed.

                “Huh,” Kylo said, astounded. “It still works.”

                “What is ‘it,’ exactly?”

                “Dejarik,” Kylo said simply. “It’s a hologame. You’ve never played before?”

                “Erm, no, can’t say I have,” Rey frowned at the strange table.

                A strange, far-off smile tugged at the corners of Kylo’s mouth. He touched the table with his fingertips, just as Rey had, causing the image to flicker and waver. “I used to play this for hours with Chewie…he always let me win.”

                Rey didn’t feel it apt to comment on that. She wasn’t even sure Kylo was aware he’d said it aloud. Instead she continued wandering around the dock, pretending to inspect things but only half paying attention. It didn’t take her long even then to notice something that needed to be fixed. Once she saw it, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. With a defeated sigh, she turned around.

                “I need tools,” she said to Kylo.

                He was digging through a random compartment tucked away in the corner. “Down the hallway, third door on your right,” he said distractedly.

                She followed his prompt and found a rather impressive tool collection. She scanned it, gathered what she thought she would need in her arms, and returned to the dock. She shuffled a stool over against the wall and stood on top of it so she could reach the busted panel on the roof. Carefully, she removed the warped, rusted, and broken metal cage that no longer served its purpose and set it aside. The panel itself was a confusing mess of wires and screws, all hooked up to a large and heavy chunk of machinery that functioned within the ventilation system. The rust was enough to make her anxious but nevertheless she started disconnecting wires and removing pieces that needed serious attention. _How any self-loving man could let his ship fall to pieces like this is severely beyond me_ , she thought, casting a sneaky peek over her shoulder at Ren, who was fiddling with something hidden from her view. _Then again, this same man let his relationship with his own son crumble…_

                She was halfway done reassembling the ductwork when she realized she was in need of a couple new screws. She checked her project before dismounting from the stool – everything looked in place for the time being. As she bent her knees the stool wobbled dangerously, causing her to gasp and brace for a collapse. In her shocked spasm, her left shoulder slammed against the wall of the ship. In a half-second that felt like ten minutes, Rey heard an ominous metal squeaking. She looked up just in time to see the large metal chunk she had been working on dangling by one pathetic screw, barely a foot above her head. With one final metallic scream it gave way. Rey shrieked and, panicking, held her arms above her head to block the impact. She gritted her teeth and braced for it, but it never came. After a tense pause, she slowly opened one eye, and then both. What she saw made her heart clench in her chest.

                Kylo stood where he had been standing before, staring about a foot above her head with his arm outstretched, his fingers appearing to be grasping for something. He was shaking, but just barely. Something was shattered at his feet but Rey couldn’t remember hearing anything break. He had a look of surprise on his face; his eyes were wide and his mouth was ajar, his lips quivering. As he slowly moved his outstretched arm to the right, Rey watched the sharp metal chunk follow, floating in mid-air across the room where it found its way quietly to the ground and rested on its side. Looking at it, Rey realized that not only did it have sharp edges, it was also likely quite heavy. Which meant that it likely could have killed her. _Why didn’t I use the Force?_ She quipped at herself in the back of her mind. _I panicked, that’s why…_

                She locked eyes with Ren, who still had that stunned expression on his face. “Thank you,” Rey breathed, getting off the stool rather shakily.

                Ren blinked as if suddenly shocked back to reality. His lips tightened into an angry line and a crease formed between his eyebrows. He turned away from her. “It was nothing,” he mumbled, wringing his hands.

                Rey walked towards him the same way a person might approach a wild animal: with determination but also an acute awareness that at any moment things might take a turn for the worst. Delicately, she touched his arm, just above his elbow. He froze up but didn’t jerk away from her touch.

                “It’s not a bad thing, you know,” she said softly. “You shouldn’t hide it or be ashamed of it.”

                Kylo huffed. “I’m not _ashamed_ …”

                “Yes, you are. I can tell.”

                “Get out of my head,” he grumbled.

                “That’s the thing, I’m not in your head,” she replied matter-of-factly. “I could be, if I wanted to. But there’s no need. You’re an open book to me now; I can see right through you. As if you were translucent…but I see all the intricate, beautiful things about you that you don’t want anyone to see. The fact of the matter is, I know you, Kylo Ren.”

                Kylo opened his mouth to retaliate, to tell her that she knew nothing, least of all him. How dare she invade his life like this? He could’ve scolded her good, but instead he closed his lips and swallowed his sharp words. He chose to glare at her instead. He could see the fire burning behind her brown eyes; she was not going to be argued with anyway. She was standing so close it made his heart race and his lungs constrict. She was still touching him; he was suddenly very aware of the gentle weight of her hand on his arm. He wrapped his other hand around her wrist, not hard, and she gasped, releasing her hold on him.

                Kylo’s eyes narrowed. “What are you thinking?”

                Rey gave him a quizzical look. Colour was flooding her cheeks. Ren couldn’t tell if it was because she was angry or for some other reason. As if she heard him thinking about it, she rolled her eyes and showed him her profile. “I don’t have to tell you that.”

                “Well I didn’t have to ask, either.”

                Rey raised an eyebrow and turned her face back to him. He looked otherworldly in the dim blue light of the room with all the dark shadows cast across his pale face. His scar reflected the light in a fine, ghostly-white line. Something unfurled within her, something deep and previously unnoticed; something that had suddenly awoken after a lifetime of hibernation. It made her feel incredibly nervous and she tried, unsuccessfully, to suffocate it.

                She sighed. “I just – I shouldn’t have touched you…shouldn’t be touching you now,” Her eyes drifted to his hand on her wrist. His skin was warm on hers. Too warm.

                “Why not?” Ren queried, even though he knew why.

                “I took a vow.”

                “What, the abstinence vow? ‘Never take a lover’?” Ren scoffed and it nearly evolved into a full-blown laugh. “You only held my forearm. That’s not a sin.”

                “I know, it’s silly, but I…” Her heart was pounding in her chest. Surely he could hear it, maybe even feel her pulse on the inside of her wrist as it raced like a fevered drum against his fingertips. Before she even knew what was happening, her fingers were unfurling from the fist they’d been clenched in second ago, curling around in an effort to touch him again. His grip loosened slightly and she could slip her arm back towards him until their fingers touched. It was a gentle touch, like feathers on skin.

                “I can’t seem to let go.” She finished in a whisper.

                Ren was watching their hands dance around each other, transfixed. He pondered her words for a moment and asked quietly, “Why can’t you?”

                Rey shook her head, a frown appearing on her face.

                “It didn’t seem to bother you before,” Ren observed.

                A glint of astonished rage flashed in her eyes and she pulled her hand back as if he’d burned her. “T-that was nothing!” she exclaimed heatedly. “ _This_ is nothing! Probably just some stupid force trick…”

                Ren chuckled. “Yeah, probably.”

                Rey sighed, turning away from him and taking a few steps. “Are we nearly there?”

                “I don’t know,” Kylo replied. “Are you changing the topic?”

                “Are you deaf?” Rey queried. “Of course I am.”

                Kylo rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s go check our positioning.”

                They got to the cockpit only to discover that they were a mere five minutes from their destination. They both wondered separately how much time they had just lost. It hadn’t felt like very long but then again, time moves much faster when one is distracted. Neither of them had much time to linger on that, however. For the moment, they both decided to forget about it and act as though it had never happened. That was what they would tell Leia and Luke, anyway. Nothing happened.

                They barely stepped foot on solid ground in the landing dock before a droid rushed them, beeping and squealing about an urgent meeting they needed to attend immediately. It ushered them along before either of them could protest, shoving at their backsides with its sharp head to make them move faster. The only words either of them had any time to speak were minor utterances of annoyance and occasionally, pain.

                The room they were shoved into was dismal indeed. Leia, Luke, the Senators, and members of the Jedi Order were crammed into the small space and not one of them looked happy. In fact, they all looked rather pale and frightened. This made both Rey and Ren feel anxious.

                “What’s going on?” Kylo asked.

                Everyone looked at Leia; Leia looked at everyone. She sighed and looked at her son’s confused face. “It’s the First Order,” she answered, her voice shaking only slightly. “They have a device that will harness the power of the Sun and…and…”

                It felt like all of Kylo’s guts had fallen to the floor. He knew the words she was going to speak before she could get them out.

                “Maker…” he breathed. “They’re going to annihilate us all, aren’t they?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah sorry for the wait! It's been a busy few months. So anyway, here's a longer chapter for you. Enjoy :)


	11. Eleven

The moments that followed were pure chaos. Bodies shoved past one another and panicked voices got louder; Rey was jostled back and forth repeatedly but she kept her eyes on the solemn face of General Organa. Leia was looking into the eyes of her son, a mixture of anxiety and sadness evident in her downturned lips. In an instant Rey understood. Leia knew everyone wouldn’t make it out in time; it just wasn’t possible. She wasn’t even sure if she would live to see her only son again, or vice versa.

                When the room had cleared some, Luke and Han entered, racing straight to Leia. The tension that had existed in Kylo’s broad shoulders shifted and he looked down, taking a step back. No one noticed, except for Rey of course.

                “What’s going on?” Han asked. “Why is everyone panicking out there? It’s like a stampede.”

                “Leia…” Luke breathed. The look of vague understanding was dawning on his face. “How long do we have?”

                Han shot Luke a look of annoyed confusion. “Until what?” he demanded.

                “An hour? Maybe less…I don’t know,” Leia sighed, turning to her estranged husband. “This system is about to be destroyed. We all need to get to safety as soon as possible. All those people…we need to save as many as we can.”

                “Leia, you know the population numbers. There’s no way we can get everyone out in time. Not even if we have more than an hour.” Han replied softly.

                “I know that,” Leia snapped defensively. “But I have a duty to protect them, _all_ of them. I have to try.”

                “Well, let’s plan this from a safe distance, shall we?” Luke prompted. “If I know my emergency protocol, a transport ship is being prepared and members of your Resistance will be boarding it. We should join them _now_.”

                There wasn’t much time for protest. Everyone headed out the door, moving as fast as they could for the dock, with Kylo bringing up the rear somewhat begrudgingly. Rey could sense his discomfort; it lingered around him like a heavy shadow. She didn’t think it would be prudent to ask him how he was doing at the present moment, however. It just didn’t seem like a necessary question; given the circumstances she was certain she already knew the answer.

                Everything was kind of a blur for a while. One minute Rey and Kylo were aboard a Resistance transport ship, watching grim face after grim face board it, and the next they were hovering in space a few thousand yards away from the Hosnian System. Rey looked out a window at the planet system. She could see ships leaving from every side. The message had gotten out, at least.

                Leia was pacing. Members of the Resistance were all in a tizzy, trying to formulate some kind of plan while their leader remained eerily quiet and distraught. It seemed like no one really knew what to do but everyone was trying to do something. They got an exact time until the super-powered laser beam destroyed the system: forty-two minutes, twenty-seven seconds. Once they announced that, Kylo walked over to his mother. Rey followed, but kept her distance. She stood near Luke, who was also listening in.

                “There’s still people down there,” Kylo reminded her in gruff tones, “in the Capitol building. Good people. How do you plan on getting them out?”

                For a second it looked like Leia was going to start yelling at him, but the fire in her expression died out rather quickly. “There’s already people working to evacuate everyone, but not nearly enough. We’d have to send a team back in to help get them out. But to get everyone rounded up on a time constraint like this…it’s a risk. There has to be at least two-hundred more people, most of them are going to be commoners at this point. Who’s going to go back and risk everything for that? And who’s going to spearhead the mission?”

                Kylo shrugged. “I will.”

                A shocked silence buffeted the small huddle of people who heard the conversation. Leia looked stunned.

                “Kylo, no…” Rey murmured, breaking the silence. She knew he had heard her and yet he didn’t meet her eyes.

                “Are you insane?” Han asked, astonished. “You’ll get yourself killed! And for what?”

                Kylo gave his father an icy stare. “I guess for about two-hundred innocent lives, give or take.”

                Rey watched Luke’s face twist in emotional anguish, although he tried to hide it. His lips tightened into a line but his eyes showed his heartbreak. Rey thought back to her Master’s warnings about his nephew; how concerned he had been that Kylo would turn to the Dark Side. What did this sacrifice mean for his fate? She judged by the look on Luke’s face that Kylo’s recklessness was not a welcome turn of events.

                “Ben, please stop trying to be so valorous,” Leia groaned. “I can’t lose you yet.”

                “You won’t,” Kylo argued. “Look, I’m the only one you’ve got right now that’s more than willing to go back down there on a rescue mission. And the longer we stand here bickering about whether or not I’m _allowed_ to, the harder it’s going to be to get those people out on time. Now, if you don’t have a problem with that kind of guilt, that’s fine for you. But I’m tired of standing still and watching things happen around me. I know I can do this. I _will_ do this.”

                There was no arguing with him. Everyone understood that immediately. Leia didn’t even meet his eyes as she began rustling up a volunteer team for him to lead. Rey felt entirely helpless. She watched Kylo as he busied himself with protective gear and touched a hand to the hilt of his saber at his hip, just to make sure it was still there. What if she never saw him again? What if he died? What if that was his point all along? She began to walk towards him but found herself barred from doing so. Luke had a tight grip on her upper arm; not enough to hurt her, but enough to warn her. This was not her business. She had no part to play in this decision. His stern face told her all this. Now it was her turn to stand there and watch horrible things happen all around her.

                Kylo walked past her about a dozen times but not once did he even glance in her direction. She believed he was avoiding her. He wouldn’t even grace her with a goodbye, in case he didn’t make it back. A part of her hated him for that. The truth was, he couldn’t bring himself to look into those gentle eyes of hers. He knew the second he did the potential reality of the situation would set in and he’d realize how dangerous it was and that he may never again see those eyes looking back at him. He wasn’t sure what he might do after that, so he didn’t want to risk it. He knew it was rude, avoiding her, but he couldn’t bring himself to face the alternative.

                Thirty-two minutes, thirteen seconds.

                The quickly-assembled rescue team – including a stony-faced Han and a nervous Chewbacca as pilots – was just about to leave the transport ship and board the passenger ship they would take back to Hosnian Prime. Before any goodbyes could be said, Rey was being shoved back, taken away from the scene at hand.

                “Kylo!” she yelled. He heard her, and his eyes scanned the floor until he saw her being ushered away. She was fighting against the tide, trying to get back to him. With a sad smile, he gave her a little salute. Then he put a helmet on and it obscured his face from everyone’s view. It would be quite unfortunate, Kylo thought, if he never got to see the Padawan again.

                Rey was furious. After cursing the men who had separated her from Kylo and tossing a few explicit gestures their way, she pressed her nose to the large windows of the control centre, looking out at the planets of the Hosnian System, which now seemed so far away. Her heart was hammering in her chest, getting louder by the minute, it seemed like. Panic was threatening to choke her but she fought it off as best she could. Silently, Luke and Leia joined her. No one spoke, they just watched. The lights of the passenger ship were getting smaller. Eventually they couldn’t be seen anymore.

                “Look,” someone breathed, half in awe, half in fear.

                A beam of bright red light was inching closer to the system. It made Rey’s eyes hurt if she looked at it for a second too long. “Come on, come on, come on,” she whispered. “It’s getting closer, hurry up…” She shut her eyes tight, reaching out through the Force, trying to feel him but she got nothing. There was no way they’d have enough time to gather all the people waiting in the Capitol Square and get out before the laser hit. It would kill them instantly, at least; there shouldn’t be any pain. Rey clenched her fists. That thought didn’t make anything easier.

                It was the worst torture she’d been put through in quite some time. A man she was tasked to protect, a man she had grown to care about quite deeply, perhaps deeper than she even knew, had flown off to his certain death and there was nothing she could do but watch. Surely there was some cruel irony there. It felt like she stood there at the window for an eternity and no one said a word. Everyone was too tense and frightened to speak. They all knew what they were witnessing; no one needed to make anything clearer by narrating.

                The beam was getting closer and closer. The planets and everyone’s faces within the transport ship were stained red by its glare. Everything suddenly looked like it was straight out of a bad dream. It didn’t look real, or right. When the first crack rumbled and tore through the centre of the first planet in the lasers’ path, Rey’s emotions began to fall apart. It only took seconds for that first planet to disintegrate. It shattered into thousands of fiery asteroids that flew and floated through empty space. It seemed as though the laser was gaining speed; it was encroaching on Hosnian Prime much too fast for comfort. Rey’s eyes scoured the surrounding atmosphere for any sign of the passenger ship making its return route but she saw nothing. When the planet began to crack apart and explode, it felt like something within Rey was doing the same. _He’s gone_ , she thought instantly. _Just like that, the stupid idiot is gone…_ Perhaps the worst part about this revelation was that she couldn’t tell if it was considered a sacrifice or a suicide. Her knees buckled from under her and the tears began to flow of their own volition. Somewhere beside her Leia sobbed once. She wasn’t certain, but Rey thought she heard her own voice screaming out as she slumped to the floor. The world around her seemed to melt away. She could feel herself going instinctively numb as her body entered a state of shock trying to deal with the sudden pain.

                “Wait…what is that…? Do you see that?” Someone asked from behind her.

                “It’s lights,” Someone else said.

                Rey felt something then; a gentle nudge from somewhere behind the Curtain. _Kylo_ , she thought. With quite a bit of effort, she forced herself to stand again. She had to see it for herself. And sure enough, a set of lights, dim in the bright glare of the exploding planetary system, were hurtling away from Hosnian Prime, straight towards their transport ship. Everyone was holding their breath and no one moved an inch. The ship was diving and rising, trying its best to avoid the hurtling pieces of intergalactic shrapnel that were now shooting their way through space. Rey felt like her heart was in her throat. When the craft was finally close enough to distinguish, she felt like she was going to collapse again, this time of relief. He was safe. He was alive.

                Rey was the first one to make it to the docking station. A path seemed to clear between her and Kylo, who was just taking off his mask and shaking out his hair. She ran full-tilt towards him, yelling his name. He had just enough time to drop the helmet before she leapt at him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Stunned for only a moment, he gingerly took her waist, then placed a remaining hand on the back of her head, squeezing gently. Truth be told, he was just as relieved to see her as she was to see him and neither of them cared what others might be thinking. They only cared that they were in each other’s arms again since, for a moment that felt like an eternity, they truly thought they would never get to experience such a sensation again.

                “You came back,” Rey whispered in his ear.

                “Of course,” he replied softly. “I had to.”

                Their noses brushed together for a second as they both receded slowly from their embrace. Rey felt the warmth of his breath trickle against her lips just briefly, causing a blush to burn in her cheeks. Kylo wanted to hold her to him, to duck his head and feel her lips on his, just for a brief second. He didn’t even care that there were people watching. He felt so relieved, giddy, and exhilarated after everything that he could find himself wanting nothing more, yet he kept his composure and reluctantly let her go.

                Rey blended back into the crowd of people that were now rushing Kylo and the rest of the crew. Leia first embraced Han, who kissed the top of her head delicately, and then she embraced her son, who held her tightly to him. The last few moments on Hosnian Prime, when the heat from the oncoming laser was scorching the ground and the people who still walked on it, Kylo had felt fear. He thought for certain he was going to die. Drenched in his own sweat, feeling lightheaded and uncomfortable, hauling person after burning person into the ship, he had mentally said goodbye to everyone he cared about. Yet there he was, hugging his mother while his uncle and father looked on, completely alive. That fact was as confusing as it was relieving. And while he was happy to see his family again, he wanted nothing more than to break away from the crowd and find somewhere quiet and cool to sit down for a while. He felt weak and his legs were trembling slightly. He needed water and rest.

                Rey was against a wall, chewing on her knuckle. Her face was red. She watched Kylo move from person to person and could tell he was just trying to get away from everybody. His eyes scanned the tops of heads, likely looking for an exit. She too found herself wanting to leave. The last thing she wanted was for Master Luke to see her in such a frenzied state. What would he think? Like a shadow, she slipped out of the busy room and managed to find her tiny, cramped cabin. The bed was hard and unforgiving on her back but she didn’t care. She laid flat, staring up at the roof above her head, and sighed. She was relieved and tense all at the same time. All she could think about, all she _wanted_ to think about, was Kylo and the way he had held her. It thrilled her to think about; goosebumps prickled her skin. She wondered if somewhere he was feeling the same. Likely not, she supposed. If he had managed to get away and find a place to rest, his mind would be blank. Maybe that was what she needed, too. She turned on her side and shut her eyes. Within moments she was asleep.

 

***

 

When Kylo woke, the ship had landed on Takodana, the closest hospitable planet in their circuit. It was much like Arakis in that it was a forest planet, alive with trees that seemed to stretch to the stars and the creatures that called those trees home. His parents had friends here, friends that would help.

                A cool breeze kissed his face and tousled his hair as he stepped off the craft. The sun was just beginning to set, its light shifting from a hazy yellow to a deep, vibrant orange. He took a deep breath in through his nose. He didn’t want to visit just yet. He turned right, away from the cramped houses and buildings, and headed east, into the woods. He wasn’t expecting to see anything exciting; maybe a couple strange-looking birds he’d never seen before, or a poisonous plant or two. He didn’t see either of these things. What he did see was a girl, her brunette hair pulled back into three separate buns, sitting cross-legged in the middle of a grassy meadow, watching the sun change the palette of the sky. He paused behind the foliage for a minute, watching her. She still wore her Padawan cloak, even though the breeze wasn’t _that_ cool and the sun wasn’t _that_ weak yet. She was playing with flowers, knotting their stems together and plucking their petals absentmindedly. He knew he should just turn around, walk right back to the ship and stay there, but he didn’t want to. Instead, he stepped into the meadow and called her name.

                She turned her head, looking rightfully surprised to see him, and stood, brushing stray flower petals from her lap. “What are you doing out here?” she asked.

                He smirked. “I could ask you the same question.”

                “But I asked you first.”

                “Alright. I went for a walk.”

                “Me too.”

                “Watching the sunset?”

                She nodded, turning back towards it. It was just beginning to fall below the tops of the trees. The sky was a vibrant pink and blood orange, fading to a purple-blue near the opposite horizon. They stood in silence and watched it until they couldn’t see it over the tops of the trees any longer.

                “You could’ve gotten yourself killed today,” Rey said pointedly, shredding yet another flower in her hands.

                “Yes, I suppose I could have,” Ren nodded bleakly. He looked down at her. “Would that have upset you?”

                She gave him a look of disbelief. “Yes. I’m supposed to be protecting you, remember?”

                Ren chuckled. “Yes, that’s right.”

                “Can’t very well do that if you’re dead, now, can I…” Rey grumbled.

                Ren still held a triumphant smirk on his face. “Did my decision offend you?”

                Rey looked like she was about to argue heatedly, but instead she just shrugged and said, “Sort of. But it doesn’t matter. You did it anyway and I couldn’t have stopped you.”

                “You’re right,” he agreed. “And I’ll admit, for a second there when the world around me started to burst into flames, I panicked. I said goodbye to you. I didn’t think I’d make it back.”

                She turned those soft, hazel brown eyes up to him, tinged with green from the surrounding foliage. “You said goodbye…to _me_?”

                He nodded. “Figured if I didn’t you’d find me in the afterlife and beat me for eternity.”

                She smiled. “Yeah, you’re right. You’re a bloody idiot, but I guess I would’ve missed you had you died.”

                “And I you.”

                Another silence, this one slightly heavier than the last. Thoughts were weighing on both their minds, it just depended on who would be brave enough to speak first. In this instance, it was Kylo.

                “Quite the greeting you gave me when I got back, though,” he mused. His voice sounded far away, lost in thought. “No one’s ever hugged me like that before.”

                Rey cleared her throat. “I-I was happy to see you made it back in one piece, that’s all,”

                “Right.” He furrowed his brow then said, “You almost kissed me, you know.”

                Rey choked, taken aback by his comment. She hadn’t! Had she? Oh, maybe she had. She didn’t know. “I did not!” she said anyway, adamantly defending herself. Heat blossomed in her cheeks and she looked down at her feet, trying her best to mask the fact that that was all she had been thinking about since she’d fallen asleep.

                He raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh. My mistake. I guess I tried to kiss you, not the other way around.”

                She gazed up at him in confusion. “What…?”

                He grinned, a secretive grin, and turned his eyes on her. They reflected the orange glow of the sunset and looked like fire burning on dark coals. It made her insides swirl.

                “I wanted to, I can admit it even if you can’t. Chalk it up to near-death insanity if you must, but…well, the moment’s gone now anyhow.” He shrugged.

                Rey almost admitted it. All the truths she’d been withholding in the deepest parts of herself nearly spilled from her mouth. She couldn’t bring herself to say it, though. It clawed at her insides, pleading, but she suffocated it. If she admitted it out loud that made it undeniably true, and then she believed she could be punished for it. She didn’t want that. The Jedi Order was all she had anymore. It had saved her from an orphaned life on a desert planet that she loathed. It had given her something to believe in, something to aspire to. She couldn’t lose that. _But then again, we’re all alone out here…no one would know but him…_ No. She simply couldn’t do it.

                “I won’t do it again,” Kylo said firmly. He was looking at her intently.

                She blinked, puzzled. “You didn’t actually do anything…”

                “No, but I wanted to,” he repeated, “and that’s bad enough.”

                “Kylo…” she sighed plaintively.

                “I should leave you be,” He interrupted her before she could say anything she’d regret. He could sense her inner turmoil and felt guilt for causing it. “Just, know that if I could have…well, I would have.”

                He started to walk away.

                “Wait.”

                Kylo felt a tug on his sleeve. She pulled him back in and he watched her, his eyes full of wonder. She looked incredibly conflicted and beautiful. He could see the gears of her mind smoking behind her eyes and his heart caught in his throat. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out her next move and it sent a strange thrill through his body.

                She whispered, “I suppose I’m gonna regret this later, but…seeing as you almost died today…”

                She had to stretch up, nearly on her tiptoes, to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. Neither of them had kissed somebody before, but both of them decided simultaneously that they liked it. His lips felt warm and soft on hers and it took all she had in her to restrain herself and pull back. Surprisingly, her inner self was silent. There was no chastising, no self-blame and hatred. There was only silence, save for the loud, drum-like beating of her heart.

                For the first time in a very long time, Kylo too felt peace. His inner demons were no longer bickering. The great, vast separation that was currently dividing his very soul seemed to shrink a little. The wind blew a few stray strands of her hair across his jaw and all he could smell was the soft, earthy scent of her. His common sense took the passenger seat and his instinct took the wheel. He dipped his head, gently taking her face in his hands and, when she didn’t pull away, he kissed her again. Their lips worked slowly and softly together, not nearly as clumsy as they’d both expected. He could feel her fingers combing through his hair and gripping it tightly. The thrill of what they were doing, the basic illegality of it, made both their hearts race. They kissed deeper and longer, until the sun disappeared behind the horizon and the deep blue clouds of night creeped in. Only then, with the light fading fast, did they separate, their lips swollen and their breath stolen away. The increasing breeze wrapped itself around them, pushing them closer together like a disembodied matchmaker.

                “I thought you wouldn’t do that,” Kylo whispered breathlessly, “because of the oath…”

                “I took that before I knew it would feel that amazing,” Rey responded, looking at him as if she was seeing him for the first time.

                He smiled. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

                “It’ll be our secret.”

                The Force swept up and around them like an invisible tornado, elated at the events and alive with an electric energy that cracked like a lightning storm in the dry air of Takodana. It shook the branches of trees and scared away a flurry of birds. It travelled quickly to the village where a man was standing pensively on the outskirts. It ruffled his hair and swirled through his cloak.

                Luke Skywalker looked to the woods, and he sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! I updated before half a year blew by. How incredible. Please let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> P.S., I've just uploaded a smutty Reylo one-shot on here, if anyone is interested. ;)


	12. Twelve

Insomnia plagued Luke that night. He lay awake in his room, transitioning from pacing to sitting to meditating and back again in rather rapid succession. He was conflicted; it wound its way around his joints like an arthritic curse, making him feel extremely old and exhausted. He was still in a stage of denial over what he had felt happen. He had already reminded himself that he didn’t actually see them kiss, and so maybe it hadn’t happened, but he knew the Force would not lie to him.

                He had cursed himself, also. He had seen this coming quite some time ago, when Ben and Rey began getting closer. After all, he had been the one to suggest she guard him. He thought back to that day, when he made that decision, and recalled a vague pressure to do it, something he hadn’t understood or paid much mind to at the time. The more he thought about it, the more he started to believe the Force had made his decision for him, before he could even think of it himself. Now, the problem was that he couldn’t quite figure out _why_.

                He wouldn’t tell another member of the Order about it. If he did, he knew it would mean Rey’s expulsion from the Order. She, like Ben, would never achieve what she always dreamed of becoming, and thus ran the risk of turning to the Dark Side, much like his nephew. He could not allow that to happen under his watch again. It had been so awfully painful the first time. Certainly, Rey was in trouble, but he would deal with her on his own terms. Ben, on the other hand, would be an entirely different story.

                As volatile as he was, Luke’s nephew was a touchy subject on the best day. He could see that Ben had a fondness for his Padawan; it was clear to anyone with working eyes. His eyes smiled when they found her, he softened his voice when he spoke to her…he was _different_. When the two of them returned from Arakis, Luke had immediately sensed a change in his nephew. The darkness that normally cascaded within him had soothed to a gentle ebb. Rey obviously had a sincere effect on Ben’s moral compass. All these years, and she was the one able to get through to him. Luke shook his head at the circumstances leading to this. Very rarely did things surprise him these days; this managed to surprise him _and_ boggle his mind. Hell, he was losing sleep over it!

                He walked out on his small balcony into the warm early morning air. Dawn had yet to break and the moon cast a fading silvery blanket on the dark foliage. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. Did he do what was right by the vow he had taken and put an end to it, or did he allow it to continue, if only for curiosity’s sake? He couldn’t say he wasn’t seriously intrigued by the dynamic between his Padawan and his nephew. They appeared to be perfect equals…only on the opposite side. They both possessed the full capability of pushing the other to the Dark Side or the Light. He just couldn’t figure out what it meant for the future of the Jedi, the future of his nephew, and the future of the whole galaxy.

                A cool breeze brushed across his face, tousling his quickly greying hair. The breeze brought a message, and a surreal feeling of tranquility in the midst of what felt like a mental breakdown. Luke closed his eyes and embraced the Force as it wound itself around him. He felt a delicate balance within it and he knew then what he had to do. The Force had a plan, as it always did. He needed to trust in it.

                Suddenly, his eyes felt heavy. He yawned.

 

*             

 

The Rebel Forces and what remained of the civilians from Hosnian Prime stayed on Takodana a total of two weeks. In that two weeks’ time, Rey and Kylo barely saw one another. It seemed as though everyone was keeping them separated. Despite the fact that he had forfeited his seat on the Senate, Kylo found himself wrapped up in council talks about war and strategy and politics once again. Rey, however, found herself dragged into far more training than usual at the hands of her Master. “You’ve been away on a task for a long time, you know…you need to brush up on your training.” For two weeks, Rey and Kylo felt eerily distant and disconnected from one another and it unsettled the both of them. Near the end their patience for others had worn dangerously thin.

Every now and then they would catch a glimpse of the other. One day, Luke was ushering Rey past the council room when the doors were open. For a brief second she saw him, his pale chin nestled in the palm of his left hand. He was staring through half-lidded, glazed eyes at a projection board. She had smiled to herself when she saw him like that. _He’s bored out of his mind._ Kylo, on the other hand, had frequently made efforts to traverse the hallways where he knew she would be. He found her training outdoors one day with her staff as Luke looked on and instructed her. He didn’t know how long he had stood in the shadows, leaning against the stone window frame and watching her. He didn’t know for sure, but he felt she knew he was there. He could feel her presence like a soft vibration at the very edge of his thoughts, wanting to come in but not knowing how.

It was not until the second last night on the forest planet that both Kylo and Rey were able to break away from their guardians. They were able to do this for one reason only: it was incredibly late and everyone had fallen asleep, except for the two of them. Rey had sat on her hard bed, floating helpless bugs in the air above her lap. Their legs twitched relentlessly as they slowly floated up and around in lazy circles. Eventually she tired of them and released them where she had found them, no less awake for having played with them. Frustrated, she left her room as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Master Luke. She walked the hallways barefoot, making her as quiet as a cat on the cool stone floors. On her stroll, she stopped in the kitchens and stole a hunk of bread to eat. It tasted more bitter than she had expected, but her stomach was grateful.

She hadn’t been paying much attention to where she was walking. She was more focused on listening for any signs of activity, so when she heard the whistling noise of wood cutting through air and light grunting, she stopped and realized where she was. She shut her eyes and could feel him, just out of her reach, like a warm flame she wanted to stay close to but didn’t necessarily want to touch. Oh, but it was enticing. His fiery passion and intensity overthrew her.

He was in his room, practicing with a well-used training staff. He had no shirt on and was coated in a light, gleaming layer of perspiration. His hair a mess, he jabbed and ducked his invisible opponent’s retaliation. He spun the staff fast in his palm and swung it out in a wide arch before him. Rey watched him, a few paces back from his open door, and admired his technique. She could barely tell when he switched the staff from one hand to the other, palming it, teasing his opponent, then viciously swinging it out to deliver what would have likely been a deadly blow. The dim light in his room caught the scars on his torso, casting shadows on the deeper ones and making them look warped, almost unrealistic, but in a mesmerizing way. His muscles moved under his skin as though made of fluid. He reminded her of a big cat-like creature, the way he lunged and jumped with such purpose. She could watch him for hours.

His dark eyes found her face and he stopped, crouched down halfway, holding the staff out in front of him. He smiled crookedly when he saw her.

“Thought I heard something wandering the halls,” he said breathlessly, standing up. “Should’ve figured it’d be you.”

She entered his room slowly and tossed him a towel that was strewn over the back of a chair. He used it to wipe his face. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said. “Though, for what it’s worth, I think you almost had him.” She smirked.

“Maybe next time,” Kylo said. He brushed his hair out of his face. “What are you doing here?”

She shrugged. “I just kind of ended up here, if you’ll believe it. Not sure how.” She held what remained of her bread out to him. “Snack?”

He grinned and shook his head. “Not for me, thanks.”

“Mm, your loss,” she quipped, tearing off another chunk with her teeth.

“Do you have a shadow?” Kylo asked.

“Well, I think everyone does, so long as there’s light…” Rey answered matter-of-factly.

“And by that of course, I meant my uncle,” Kylo grinned.

“Ah, right,” She nodded. “He’s fast asleep. Like everyone else here except for me and you it seems.”

“Good to know.”

They sat together at the foot of his bed, both rather unsure of where to go from there. The memory of their passionate embrace upon their arrival at Takodana still lingered heavily on both their minds, but neither wanted to speak about it, although they knew they had to. Not that it had been bad, of course. They had both enjoyed it tremendously, even if they wouldn’t admit it out loud. However, it carried a lot of weight; it would force them to confront the consequences of what they had done. But the circumstances surrounding the last two weeks were too suspicious to ignore.

“Do you think they know?” Rey asked quietly, her voice shaking only a little. She tore chunks out of the bread rather viciously. “Do you think…Luke knows?”

Kylo watched her nervous fingers and thought about his answer carefully. “I think there isn’t much that Luke doesn’t know. But if he knew something about us I’m sure he would have done or said something by now.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he would have,” Rey repeated hopefully, more to herself than to him. The words felt empty on her tongue.

“He’s certainly been keeping you occupied, though,” Ren admitted, his tone slightly bitter.

“Yes, he has,” Rey admitted. She was just staring at the bread in her palm now, no longer hungry at all. “He said, because I’ve been busy guarding you, I’ve missed out on training so I needed to catch up while I could.”

“The real question is why he still thinks it necessary for me to have a guard at all…”

“He must think you’re still in some kind of danger from the First Order.”

Ren was silent for a second, pondering. Then he let out a chuckle. “Oh” was all he said.

Rey looked at him, puzzled. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, really. Just, my uncle…he’s awfully transparent,” Kylo was grinning slyly.

“I’m…not getting what you mean.” Rey admitted.

He fixed her with his dark eyes. “I think, maybe, he _does_ know what we did.”

Rey gasped, her heart taking off. “Wh-why would you say that?” she demanded.

“Well, don’t you think it’s a little odd he’s putting such emphasis on you meditating and practicing your forms when an actual war has begun? It’s almost like he’s doing anything he can to _observe_ you…”

“Why would he need to do that?”

“I suppose that’s where I come in,” He chewed his bottom lip for a second, mentally damning his uncle and his schemes. “He thinks you’re the missing key to my salvation. The one thing that could pull me all the way back to the Light…” He gave her a look she couldn’t quite read.

“But, I’m not that…?” she stammered, blinking. “At least, I’m not trying to be…I don’t think I understand…”

“Think about it. The Force is his messenger; he feels the world around him through it. So he must have felt it change around us. Here,” He turned to face her completely, crossing his legs, “face me and give me your hands.”

With minor hesitation, she did as he asked, crossing her legs before him. His hands were warm and strong in hers. She took a deep breath in.

“Close your eyes, centre yourself within the Force…” His voice drifted off as he became swept up in the project.

It never took Rey longer than three seconds to centre herself. Embracing the Force was like accepting a warm, familiar hug. It encircled the two of them completely. In her mind’s eye, dazzling flares of colourful light bloomed. She could still feel the comforting weight of Ren’s hands holding hers, but it was no longer all she felt. The bed they sat on suddenly felt like a cloud; the very air she breathed felt electrified, jolting her anxious nerves like so many little lightning strikes.

“Do you feel me, at the edge of it all?” he asked. His voice sounded far away; it echoed in her ears.

As a matter of fact, she could feel him. She felt like she was gazing out at the horizon and watching clouds black as night roll in, seemingly getting closer with every passing second. It was the kind of oncoming storm where white lightning rods continuously peeked out between the angry fingers of the storm clouds and the thunder was unrelenting and deafening, even from a distance. Yet everything untouched by the storm was dead still; wrapped in the dark green shadow of the clouds but entirely calm all the same. The smell of rain tinged the electric air. It was the kind of storm that looked alarmingly devastating and viciously angry; and yet it attracted her in some way. She found herself wanting to walk into it; she wanted to feel the cool rain run over her skin and trickle through her hair. She wanted the sharp, powerful breeze to toss her clothes around and push against her. For Rey, the storm represented a thrilling opportunity and an alluring challenge.

“Yes,” she replied in a whisper, “I do.”

“Reach out to me with your mind,” he instructed, “and I’ll do the same.”

Mentally, she stretched aching fingers out towards the storm until she could feel it, like a hand reaching out of the darkness and taking hold of hers. It felt like a cold breeze was tangling itself into her hair and winding itself around her legs, arms, and torso. It stole her breath away. A strange sensation, as if she were falling from a very tall cliff, and then suddenly she was plunged into a sea of darkness, flashes of memories that did not belong to her raced through her head at an almost painful pace. She winced and made an audible noise, a sort of whimper-whine.

“It’s okay,” Kylo’s voice, distant and muted over the loud noise in her head. She thought she felt him squeeze her hands, but she wasn’t sure if it was real or not. She felt like she was floating above her body; not entirely in control or even aware of herself outside of her mind. “Accept it. It’ll be over soon…” His own voice sounded strained. She didn’t have time to wonder what he may be seeing and learning.

Suddenly, she felt like she was drowning; loneliness, anger, resentment, and confusion were pulling her deeper and deeper into the darkness. She felt the strike of a hand on her face, the smart burn of saber scrapes over her body. She saw a young boy with messy, dark hair and pale skin that looked tightly stretched over the sharp angles and jutting curves of his bones, huddled in a damp corner with his knees brought in to his chest. When he raised his head his face and the front of his chest were streaked with the blood of others and his own tears. A man who did not look like any man Rey had ever seen continuously appeared; somehow she knew him as the man who had followed Kylo when he was younger, hiding in the shadows like a predator expertly stalking its prey. His face was horribly misshapen, as if he had gotten into a terrible accident at one point in his life, an accident which had nearly killed him. Image after image, every grisly sensation and painful memory swarmed her. She wanted to scream, to vomit…she wanted it to end. The darkness was getting closer with every passing second, stealing her in its icy cold grip. Then, suddenly, relief.

She began seeing images of her own face, so bright and vivid it almost hurt to look at it. A warmth spread throughout her, drenching her from head to foot in a pleasant sensation. She could breathe again, although that same, unnerving feeling of conflict and confusion underlined it all, making her cautious.

He was there, right across from her. She didn’t have to open her physical eyes to see him anymore. She could _feel_ his presence, strong and comforting. She could feel his chest rising and falling, slower and slower as his breathing rate lowered. His pulse tickled in her own veins, his growing contentment flowed through her.

“Rey,” His voice came from her head. She knew she did not hear it with her ears. It sent a thrill up her spine. “Open your eyes.”

She did. He looked resplendent, drenched in the dim light of his room. His dark eyes were fixated on her, studying her, looking almost as if he had never seen her before. She oddly felt the same on that front. He looked, for all intents and purposes, the same, yet somehow different. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She simply found herself taking him in. A light sheen of sweat glistened on his brow and upper lip. The scars on his exposed upper body reflected the pale glow of the moons in the window, the smaller ones standing out as bone-white lines and slashes, creating a nonsensical picture on his chest and arms, the worst formed silver crescents and ridges. Despite the obvious signs of trauma, his skin and muscles remained strong and smooth. She could feel a deep, burning intensity and passion within him and, equally, within her.

“How do you feel?” She heard his question but did not see his lips move.

She tilted her head and straightened her back, thinking. “Powerful,” she finally answered, “calm.” She did feel powerful, somehow. She likened it to the sensation of the Force as it buzzed excitedly all about her and through her. It was like a constant energy boost; akin to some kind of high, certainly. She liked it. She felt like a cat, preening itself proudly after a successful hunt. She could see herself easily getting addicted to the sensation.

“Look at what we can do,” he mused in a breathy voice. “Two halves of the Force, equal and balanced as one…this is incredible.”

She felt his wonder and matched it. She hadn’t even known something like this was possible, and yet she knew what it was. They were bonded through the Force; it had chosen them to be equals. They each had the strength and skill of both of them combined and it created a euphoric sensation.

Rey could not find the words to communicate exactly how she was feeling. She nodded, eyes wide with a mystified smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She had never felt anything exactly like it. And deep down she knew she would never be able to see Kylo Ren the same way ever again.

His brow twitched and his eyes narrowed just slightly; he was concentrating hard on something. Suddenly she felt the light, warm touch of ghostly human fingers on her forehead, brushing away stray wisps of hair. With her own two eyes, though, Ren’s hands were still holding hers between their knees. She could feel the weight there. Despite her confusion, she did not pull away or deny his touch, choosing instead to stare at him in awe and puzzlement.

“Try it,” he urged, “it’s easy.”

“How?” she asked, her voice nearly a whisper.

“Just touch me,” he responded, “but not with your hands. Use the Force.”

So she concentrated, centering herself, focused on a particularly large scar at the top of his breastbone. When she felt the gentle ridges of the old scar and slowly traced its jagged shape, she heard Kylo take a sharp inhale. She could feel his skin, cool to the touch and smooth, as if she were using her physical fingers to touch it. But she knew she wasn’t. It was almost as if there existed two versions of them; the real, physical ones, and the ones made up of the Force. That was the best way her mind could make sense of it.

“What does it mean?” she asked after a while.

He scanned her with his deep brown eyes. He shrugged. “I’m not sure I know. I think we’ll figure it out in time. But for right now, I think it means we’re important.”

“I have so many questions,” she said.

“About the why, or the how?”

She fixed him with her gaze. “The why. I think I know the how already.”

He raised an eyebrow, nonverbally urging her to go on.

“When your uncle first told me about you…something stirred inside me, something both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. I had your name in my head for weeks after, all the way up until I met you in the flesh. And when I saw you I knew you…I could feel your presence in that room like you were the only one there besides me. And this whole time we’ve been in one another’s company my suspicions have continued to grow. There has always been something about you, something about _us_ that feels distinct from the world around me. Separate, but parallel, sort of. And now I’ve seen into your mind, I can understand why.” The last sentence came out much quieter than the rest, the flash images and scenes still haunting her.

Kylo’s expression darkened. He too had seen the terrors and traumas of Rey’s past. He’d seen her get left behind by parents she could no longer remember on an unfamiliar planet in the grips of an unfamiliar, unkind creature. Growing up alone, fending for herself, merely surviving day after day, praying and plotting for escape. He’d felt her fear, her rage, her loneliness and guilt, and the most pronounced, abandonment. Utterly alone. No family, no friends, nothing but what she had fought tooth and claw to gain, which was meagre at best. Within her was a deep, dark void; a festering wound reminding her of the infectious pain she had tried and failed to bury. The darkness in her was small as of yet but susceptible to manipulation. Kylo had recognized this symptom; he had harboured such a despairing illness himself, unable to escape from continuous outside influence. It had nearly swallowed him whole once.

“We’re the same,” she whispered. “Different in circumstantial ways, but the _same_ underneath it all. We both teeter on the edge of the Dark Side. Our fate depends on either corruption or salvation. And the power we wield together…”

“…puts the entire galaxy at risk.” Kylo finished her sentence ominously.

Neither of them wanted to continue thinking about it. The decision to change the subject passed between them both, silently agreed upon.

“Close your eyes and tell me what you see,” Kylo said, promptly closing his own eyes.

Rey obeyed. “I see you,” she responded honestly, “sitting in front of me, just as we were before. Only…”

“Something’s off,” Kylo offered, “but not in a bad way.”

“No. Not in a bad way.”

She saw and experienced Kylo’s fingers gently pressed on the inside of her wrist as he urged her hand to turn palm-up. It was almost as if she could feel his fingers brushing along her skin before they actually made contact. Her pulse jumped.

He began tracing the lines in her palm, applying light pressure. She could feel it but the sensation was heightened just slightly. She marvelled at the simple act. She wanted him to feel what she felt. Carefully, she placed a finger under his chin and tilted his face up to hers. She had always been oddly fascinated by the fine pink scar that ran diagonally across his face. For most men it would be considered a disfigurement, but it almost seemed to suit Kylo.

Slowly, she reached out to touch it along his cheek. Her fingers followed it gradually up across his brow bone. She could feel his curiosity and taste his desire on her tongue. He stayed still as a statue though, watching her with his eyes.

“Everything just feels so…” Her voice trailed off as she searched for the word, “…intimate.”

“It is,” he answered, his voice a deep rumble. “We’re completely vulnerable and exposed. There’s no more barriers. We could easily destroy one another if we wanted to.”

“Well, I don’t, do you?”

He smirked. “No.”

“Is it such a bad thing, though?” he asked, daring to reach out and run his thumb along the curve of her bottom lip, tugging it down gently. “For so long we’ve both been so lonely…craving intimacy of any kind…”

Her breath hitched and she trembled delicately in spite of herself. “I still feel guilty,” she admitted clumsily, “after last time.”

“I know,” Kylo said, continuing to caress her jaw, throat, collarbone. “But you don’t have to feel guilty. We’re not actually doing any of this with our bodies. If someone were to walk in right now they would think we were only meditating together. If Luke knows, as I suspect he does, and he has done nothing about it, he must be curious. Aren’t you?”

She nodded stiffly. “Very.”

“We can fix that. We can learn, together.”

The tip of his nose brushed against hers. She put both her hands on his shoulders, entirely conflicted as to whether she should allow it or push him away. Yet she found herself leaning into him, eager to learn what it would feel like. But she tilted her head down at the last second, deciding instead to press her forehead against his. He froze for only half a second before accepting her decision.

“We shouldn’t,” she breathed, “not yet.”

And somehow they both knew it to be true.

 

*

 

                Leia narrowed her eyes at her twin brother, trying to digest the theory he had just professed to her. “So what are you saying?” she asked, seeking further clarification. She needed to hear him say the words, then she might believe his certainty on the subject.

                “I’m saying that Rey and Ben are two halves of the Dark and the Light,” he said, slightly exasperated at his sister’s persistence. “Just as Ben could drag Rey into the Dark, she can pull him into the Light. They are connected, body and soul, through the Force and they’re beginning to figure that out for themselves. What I’m telling you exactly is that I would like to keep them together, even though this conduct goes against the Jedi Code, just to see what could happen.”

                “Isn’t that a tad risky?” Leia asked. “What makes you think my son won’t corrupt her? Then we’d have a real problem on our hands, bigger than the threat posed by the First Order now.”

                “I know, I’ve considered that. But isn’t the salvation of your son worth that risk?” Luke implored.

                Leia didn’t really have to think about her answer. “Yes, of course it is.” Her voice sounded slightly broken; completely out-of-character for her. The painfully slow loss of her son had taken a lot out of her emotionally. She’d tried all she could to maintain her little boy but it was a battle she knew she couldn’t win herself. Any chance she had to remedy that for good, she knew she had to take.

                “Good, I’m glad you agree,” Luke sat across the small white table from her, taking her hand. “Now, what do you propose we do to, er, facilitate things?”

                Leia chewed her lip for a moment, feeling abstractly wrong about toying with her son’s fate during a time of crisis and war. But she recounted the perfect opportunity for an experiment and knew to go through with it was the best decision for everyone, maybe even the entire galaxy.

                “We’re preparing to battle the First Order on their man-made Starkiller, but we could use a bit more fighting power. There is one planet in the Republic who has remained neutral; they refuse to meet our requirements for war. If I could send a delegate along one more time, knowing what he knows now…” Her voice trailed off as the scheme formulated in her mind. “We send Rey along as his guard…it’s where they grew to know one another, they won’t be able to refuse the memories that float to the top…”

                “You’re talking about Arakis?” Luke interrupted. “I foresee a problem with that: Kylo hates Arakis.”

                “I know that. He hated it the last time too and I still got him to go.” Leia knew her son far too well to fear he would disobey her now. She gave her brother a shrug. “I just hope you’re right about all this. I shudder to think what could happen if…if…”

                “I am right,” Luke interjected firmly, “I can feel it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lowkey hate how this chapter turned out (: hopefully you will accept this offering of trash in return for a bountiful harvest


	13. Thirteen

“You’re joking, I hope.” Kylo glared steady daggers across the room at his mother. His shoulders were tensed and his mouth was set in a grim line. “You know I’m no longer a Senator, I relinquished those duties after my last visit. I thought we agreed on that…?”

                Ren’s rising temper made the room feel incredibly cramped. Rey found herself squirming uncomfortably. Yet Leia stared her son in the eye without even blinking.

                “I know. I’m not sending you there on a Senate mission. I’m sending you on behalf of the Resistance.”

                Kylo stood up suddenly, the legs of his chair making a horrid screeching noise on the hard floor. “Oh, what is the _fucking_ difference?” he spat.

                Rey slunk back from his raised voice until she felt the solid wall behind her.

                Leia hadn’t flinched at his outburst. She was looking at him as though she had been expecting it, which she had. “The difference is that this time, I don’t care how you present yourself or what tactics you use to coerce them into helping. I only request you don’t kill anyone.”

                “That’s not a promise I think I can keep at the moment,” Kylo snarled. He began to pace back and forth, his heavy footfalls echoing sharply in the small circular room.

                Leia tilted her head to the side. “This doesn’t make you want to go?”

                “No!” Kylo exclaimed. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at her. “What would possibly make you think it would?”

                Leia shrugged. “I know you’ve always hated the Araki council. I just thought you’d enjoy scaring them into fulfilling their duties…”

                He shook his head. “No, see, that’s not what stinks here. You must think I’m an idiot.”

                Leia blinked quickly but didn’t say a word or tear her gaze away from his, no matter how searing it was.

                “Do you think sending me off to a planet I despise to be miserable is going to prevent my corruption any more than putting me on the frontlines will? I can tell you right now it won’t. Yet you mean to ship me off, like you’re swatting a persistent fly, because you’re _scared_ I won’t be able to resist? I HAVE RESISTED EVERY DAMNED DAY OF MY LIFE! Where has your faith in me gone, Mother?”

Spit flew from his mouth when he screamed. His rage was boiling his blood in his veins, making his skin flush red. Rey had never seen such a beautiful creature look so angry. The worst part was that she could feel the pure, unfiltered rage he felt, and it frightened her. It was dark; there was the potential for great evil in it, in him. Suddenly she knew, to the deepest extent, just how vulnerable he was. If he let the anger, hatred, and all the emotions he’d bottled up during his incredibly rough life take control of him, he would be gone. Maybe he’d even be a lost cause entirely. This is what frightened her about it. Suddenly she found herself remembering the promise she’d made to Luke; she swore to keep him out of the darkness. Looking at him now, she was not fulfilling her duties whatsoever.

“I’ll go with you,” Everyone stopped and looked at her, including Kylo. The words had just fallen out of her mouth unceremoniously. Though she had not exactly been invited on the journey, an invitation was all she could think of to distract him from coming undone. “To Arakis. I’ll come along with you. We’ll do what needs to be done quickly and be back in time to fight on Starkiller.”

“Why?” Kylo pulled his brow together. “Why would you want to…?”

There were many reasons why she would _want_ to, she thought to herself, but only one that really mattered. Carefully, she stepped up to him and looked up into his eyes. She cared for him, although she had desperately tried not to. She was completely unsure how deep her feelings went, but she knew that much at least. She allowed her warmth for him to flow between their souls. Kylo shifted at the sensation. He could tell she was trying to calm him down, but he didn’t want to be calm. He tried to push away, to reject her with his mind, but found that he couldn’t. Their connection was too strong to break, even temporarily.

“We will fight together, side by side, I swear it to you,” she promised quietly. The room had gone eerily still. “This is just your part in things right now. It’s not about doing what you’re told; it’s about doing what’s right, what’s meant to be done. And I won’t leave your side, even if we’re not where we want to be yet.”

The hidden messages in her speech made Kylo raise his eyebrows. He very much wished they were alone, without his mother, uncle, and various others gawking at them. He was still angry, but her soft doe eyes and tender voice made him collect himself. He found the thought of a few days alone with her enticing, of course, but it still wasn’t what he wanted to do. He wanted to fight; to be a part of something bigger than himself. A small part of him wanted to feel the thrill of risking his life, too.

Leia cleared her throat, breaking up his thoughts.

“I have a ship ready for you both,” she said quietly. She was looking at them curiously. “Can you leave within the hour?”

Since Ren was in no mood to respond, Rey gave his consent with a nod.

Once they had packed, they began to board the cramped command shuttle. Kylo remained in a brooding silence until well after takeoff and Rey did not find it prudent to nudge him into discussion, so she simply focused on directing the vessel and learning its control centre. The whole time they were flying to Arakis, neither of them realized that the end had now begun.

 

*

 

                When they approached the green planet, Kylo suddenly veered off to the right, away from the main village and council chambers. Rey gave him a quizzical look.

                “Where are you going?” she asked.

                “There’s other places to lodge on this dung heap of a planet,” he explained, “than under the slimy noses of those creeps.”

                She didn’t argue, but she bit her tongue the entire way. He ended up directing their ship into a grassy meadow, surrounded by buildings made of mud and stone, far older than the village she had known the last time they were here. Many of the buildings sat now in a state of disrepair, except for the one at the head of the meadow. A large, crumbling stone statue of a creature with wings and a tail stood proudly atop its tall tower. About five metres below the looming statue were broken windows. Something reflected the sunlight from within those black depths as they landed. Rey stared at it wide-eyed.

                “What is this place?” she asked.

                “The original village, built by the first settlers here,” Kylo explained as he flipped switches off on the control board. “I found it the first time I came to this godforsaken planet. It’s about the only interesting thing here.” He unclipped his seatbelt and wasted no time exiting the shuttle. The sun was just beginning to dip toward the treeline, casting a vivid golden glow on the landscape around them. Rey blinked and squinted when she emerged, holding a hand horizontally to her brow. Kylo was already walking away from her, towards the tall mysterious tower.

                “Well…this is fascinating and all, but don’t you think we should be getting on with it? You know…the sooner we start, the sooner it’s over.” Rey jumped and walked awkwardly. The ground was very uneven, with dangerous lumps and bumps everywhere.

                Kylo wasn’t even looking where he stepped. “I don’t want to go there yet,” he said bluntly. “If I go in there now, I’m quite sure that would be the end.”

                Rey swallowed. “Alright, we’ll wait. What’s this building, then?” She gestured towards the tower. She could just see the tips of the statue’s wings, curved towards the meadow, high above her.

                “This was their observatory,” Kylo replied. “The original settlers of Arakis were astronomers; they mapped out over half the galaxy, conducting nearly one hundred expeditions to gather their research.”

                He forced the old, busted wooden door open with a loud slam and a creak. Dust greeted them in clouds. It made Rey cough.

                “And this building was where they practiced their craft,” Kylo continued, stepping inside. “Arakis had no organized religion then; I think for a lot of them, this _was_ their religion.”

                Rey stepped inside and allowed her eyes to adjust to the darkness. The building smelled of age and decades of dust, but when she could finally see it, the smell faded. Vines crept along the walls and stairways and the tile floors; nature was attempting to take the place back and appeared to be winning. Leafy, small flowers grew in clusters along the vine trails, putting a pleasantly fresh perfume in the stale air. Windows made of coloured glass reflected vibrantly on the walls, creating abstract shapes and sweeping rainbows of colour. The strangest part about it, though, was that it looked as though it had been abandoned rather suddenly. Chairs and loungers still remained in small clusters in the corners and books were left strewn about the tables, some of them still open to the last page its reader had observed. The darkened remains of a wood log still sat in the black fireplace. Somewhere in the meadow a bird tittered loudly, snapping Rey back into focus with a start.

                “What…happened here?” she finally asked. Her voice echoed eerily around the room.

                “The Sith,” Kylo answered plainly, brushing his fingers along a table top and rubbing the dust off idly. “That’s why the people here get so afraid when they see our lightsabers. The Sith demanded the Araki helped them with their whole, you know, planetary destruction idea, and when the Araki refused, the Sith took some of their families out into the clearing there and killed them, execution-style, to send a message. Shocked and afraid, the remaining astronomers had no choice but to do their bidding, and so they did, for a short time. But then their de facto leader, Cromwell was his name, betrayed the whole cause. He strategically misled the Sith in their search for the weapon of mass destruction’s potential location, successfully ruining their first attempt at power, and the Dark Side was quick to retaliate. The Araki knew that, so they tried to get everyone out as fast as they could. People just up and left things, as you can see.”

                “Did they get away?” Rey asked, her eyes wide as she listened to him tell his story.

                Kylo shrugged, walking back over to her. “Therein lies the mystery; no one knows. Some say they got away and made homes on other planets, others say they were murdered before they could make their first destination.”

                “What do you think happened to them?”

                He pondered for a moment. “Honestly, I haven’t given it much critical thought. I’m just glad they left us all their furniture to use.”

                Rey thought that was an odd response but she let it slide, choosing instead to thumb through a book left sitting on a nearby table. It was full of constellations and nonsensical drawings. Someone had scribbled in the margins and, occasionally, on the text itself. But it was in a language she couldn’t read, and so she gained little knowledge from it.

                “You seem to know an awful lot about a planet you say you hate,” she prodded, looking at him over the top of the book.

                “Yes, well, they make you learn that stuff in Senator school.” Sarcasm dripped from his voice, making her smile. She knew it was purely tactical, or at least she thought.

Suddenly she remembered the top of the tower and how she had seen something glint within it. She wandered eagerly over to the spiral staircase and looked up. She couldn’t see the top of it. The rock was rough and filthy under her fingertips.

“If they were astronomers, do they have their…um, you know, their binocular things up there?” She pointed at the sky.

Kylo smirked. “Their telescopes, you mean?”

“Yes, those.” Rey flushed pink.

“Mhm. Do you want to see?”

She nodded, ecstatic. She had never seen telescopes before. So she kept pace with Kylo on the swirling stairs, occasionally taking two steps at a time. When they finally reached the top, Rey found herself stunned into silence, completely taken aback by what she saw before her.

The circular room held hundreds upon hundreds of bound books within its shelved walls and boasted ample seating and work space. The golden light that entered through broken windows made the dust look as though it was made of gold; it twinkled enticingly around the centrepiece of the entire room: a large, sleek telescope pointed straight out at the sky. As it had below, everything remained untouched, in only a slight state of disarray; the perfect shadow of what had once been, touched only sparingly by the finger of chaos.

“Well?” Kylo asked, gesturing to the device. “The Araki were far more advanced than any of the other planets in this strip.”

“You don’t say…” Rey whispered, stepping closer to it. She could see her warped reflection in its vast underside. Her eyes were wide with amazement.

The telescope was angled towards the largest moon. Many different adjustments and scopes surrounded it, including what looked like large wheels or gears. Rey had no idea what those were actually used for, but she admired their size nonetheless. Hefty counterweights hung on an opposite angle, keeping the entire large rig balanced. The central eyepiece and a fine adjustment knob were gold-plated, their shine muted under layers of dust and debris getting in through the windows.

“You’ve been here before?” Rey asked, taking a minute to admire his rather indifferent stride and expression.

He nodded. “I have. I wanted to see if the thing worked. It doesn’t. The lens has a nasty crack in it.” He gestured lazily to the telescope, a touch of disappointment in his voice.

“That’s a shame,” Rey agreed.

“Yeah, well,” Kylo sat down on one of the stone steps that circled the base of the telescope. “That’s what happens when things get exposed to the elements. Sometimes, they break.”

She admired him for a moment under the guise of staring at the telescope behind him. She had never really noticed before how much he looked like his father. He bore the same bold jawline, the same low brow bone, and the same attractive pout to his lips. Those lips were twisting in concentration and thought at that moment, but she also knew them to be an exact replica of his father’s crooked smile. He looked much better than he clearly felt; adorned in fitted black clothes with a vertical stripe of orange on each arm and a Resistance patch on his chest. He was really quite handsome, despite the troubled look on his face.

“What is it?” she asked. She could feel him as though he were a tumultuous sea, battering the rocks on the shore.

Kylo hesitated, clearly put-off by her inquisition. But he knew he could no longer hide things from her, least of all his emotions.

“I just don’t want to be here,” he explained. “It’s not good for me.”

“But I’m here with you,” she consoled softly, sitting next to him.

“Yes, and that’s helping substantially, but…I’m afraid I might break. And I’m trying to figure out why my Mother would send me to a place I despise if she was so afraid of me turning on her.”

“Are you worried this is a test?” Rey asked bluntly, fixing him firmly with her gaze.

“Maybe,” Ren shrugged. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Well, maybe it is a test,” Rey said. “Maybe they’re assessing your willpower…your attitude. But, if you ask me, that sounds kind of pointless, considering I could tell them all they wanted to know if they only asked.”

Ren gave her a perplexed stare. “What do you mean?”

Rey grinned. “We’re connected now. You won’t turn away from the Light because _I won’t let you_. You’ve nothing to worry about as long as I’m with you, and neither do they.”

She gingerly ran her fingers along his cheekbone, carrying on through the silky roots of his hair. She felt him relax against her touch as he focused all of his attention onto her.

“You say I might be the key to your salvation,” Rey whispered. “If that’s true, maybe that’s my purpose here. We need to explore that. If things are getting harder for you…you need to let me help. Just let me help you…please?”

Lightly, she pressed her lips to his. He took a sharp breath in and when they parted his gentle, sloped eyes were alive and staring straight into hers. They kissed again and again, briefly each time as they both gathered up more courage. Kylo’s hands took to her waist, assuming a firm, stationary grasp. Rey licked her bottom lip, eyeing him almost hungrily; this was the first real time they felt like they were truly alone together in weeks. She had missed the gentle passion in his kisses and he had missed the feeling of her body beneath his hands. Now finally able to do something about the persistent thoughts they’d been having, they kissed each other deeper and longer as the sun set around them. Suddenly something inside Kylo shifted; he found himself not only wanting her but _needing_ her, every last part of her, and he longed to give her that much in return. He turned his body to more directly face her. She felt the cool solidity of a telescope leg against her back as he held her to it. She gasped at this sudden change in his behaviour. His breathing rate had sped up so that his pulls of air were clearly audible to her. She could feel his pulse pounding fiercely in his veins. For a second, she found herself beginning to enjoy it, but that pleasure was replaced by a deep anxiety towards the unknown lands she was about to cross into. She was a virgin, of course, and had never carried much of a desire for it to begin with until she met Kylo. Besides, kissing was one thing, but to do much else would make her vow breaking that much harder to take back or deny.

“Kylo…” she murmured into his hair. He had taken to leaving heated kisses down the side of her throat. “I-I can’t.”

He backed away immediately, leaving her feeling oddly cold. His face was flushed and a strange look of confusion danced in his eyes. His lips were slightly swollen from the passion of their intimacy, standing out that much more against his pallid skin.

“I’m so sorry,” he breathed. “I don’t…I didn’t mean to…This connection, I-I don’t really understand it yet. I lost control.” He looked ashamed, refusing to meet her eyes and fidgeting with his hands. She knew he genuinely hadn’t meant it.

“It’s alright,” she cooed, placing a confident hand on his arm. “It’s just something for us to work on together.”

He gave her a tentative smile, calming down some. His pulse still pounded in his temples. Never in his life had he acted that way; it had completely taken him by surprise. He had only been half-aware of what he was doing until it was over. Suddenly he was seeing Rey in a much different light. She had far more power over him than he originally thought, and that made him very nervous.

“Shall we get this over with then?” She gave him a sympathetic head tilt.

Dread replaced any emotion he had. He opened his mouth to say no, it could wait until tomorrow, but he sighed instead. “I suppose. It won’t be pretty.”

“I don’t mind,” Rey said. “It’s just another day at war.”

 

*

 

                By the time they had trundled over to the new Village and made their way to the council chambers, the sky had turned a deep navy blue, with only a pink strip along the horizon to say that the sun had ever been there. Kylo hadn’t said much on the way over and Rey hadn’t pressed him. She could tell he was angry, or at the very least, annoyed. She could see it in the shadows of his face, in the way his jaw tightened, and in the firm rigidity of his back. She could see why the Dark Side lusted after him so; he was a giant of strength and power. It made Rey slightly apprehensive, but she was curious to see what he would do once in front of the Council. When they entered the chambers, the silence of the room surrounded them. The strange creatures native to Arakis had not changed, although they looked slightly more discontent than the last time the two groups had met.

“Ah, Master Kylo, you made it after all,” Uthorf purred the words with a tone of sick disappointment, sitting behind the Council table along the back wall. Twelve sets of eyes were glaring at them in annoyance. It was beyond clear their presence on Arakis was, once again, entirely unwelcome. “We were wondering if you had not survived the journey.”

                “Thanks for your concern, but I’m fine. Can’t say the same for you, though.” The deadly drone of his lightsaber electrified the air and its fiery glow reflected on the shocked faces of the Araki Council. Everyone shuddered but sat stock still, eyes locked on the lightsaber, smart enough not to try and escape.

                “Senator, wh-what are you _doing_?” A councilwoman exclaimed.

                “Oh, I’m not your Senator anymore,” Kylo answered, idly swinging the weapon at his side as if it were a toy weighing little more than a feather. Rey could tell he was enjoying getting to play with his food. “But I am here on business. And this time, you will listen to me, and you will give me what I ask for. If you don’t, you won’t have to worry about the First Order catching up to you, because I’ll get to you first.”

                “H-how dare you come to our home and _threaten_ us?” Uthorf whined, all the power gone from his voice. There were some terrified exclamations of agreement around the table. “This is the second time in a few short months that you have come to exercise your greed and take away from our people; you ask for us to give you our _lives!_  What’s more, you offend us, bringing that blasted, infernal weapon under our roof! It is a harbinger of torture and death, and I want you to put it away!” His voice quivered and shook as it rose several octaves.

                Kylo swished his saber back and forth, like the tail of an angry cat. Its reflection in his dark eyes gave Rey a chill. The smile of a madman was beginning to pull at the corners of his mouth, and she didn’t like that, either. The tension and emotions in the room were bitter and sharp, cascading all around her in a whirlpool of fear and hatred. A metallic taste lingered on her tongue and she swallowed, trying to get rid of it.

                Without any warning, Kylo lunged forward and brought his saber down onto the table. Uthorf screeched in shock and pain, eyes bulging as they assessed the bloody, charred stump where his hand had once been. The fingers on his severed hand twitched before falling limp atop the table. The Council was in a flurry, some heading for the doors, but Kylo had used the Force to lock them. Rey was taken aback by the gore. Not even an hour before Kylo had been quiet and composed, kissing her tenderly. Now he was completely different; perhaps she wouldn’t have even recognized him if she hadn’t become so closely acquainted with the darkness he carried inside of him.

                “Will you listen to me now?” Kylo yelled, his voice reverberating off the walls and ringing in Rey’s ears. “You will do your duty or you will pay for it with blood and bone. This is _war_. We will not take your passivity in such matters lightly anymore. Contribute, or you will be the next planet that gets blasted to rocks and dust and _no one_ will risk themselves on a rescue mission for _you!_ ”

                “Kylo…” Rey’s voice trembled.

When he turned to face her, his expression softened and his shoulders slumped forward. She shook her head in bewilderment. The look on her face made him feel sick. Hurriedly, he sheathed his saber and headed for the doors, slamming them open and stamping down the hall. For the second time that night, Kylo was ashamed of himself and the actions he had taken. And yet again, he found himself struggling to come up with an explanation for those actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for getting this fic to 3000+ reads and almost 200 kudos. That blows my mind. You are the best, without a doubt. There's still so much more I'm excited to share with you and I hope you'll stick around to see it!


	14. Fourteen

Immediately after the fiasco in the council chambers, Kylo took off for the forest, headed back to the old Village. Rey followed him as close as she could, practically running to keep up with his long, fast strides. The screams of Uthorf and the council members still echoed hauntingly behind her. Twigs and brambles caught on her pants and pulled at her hair as they trekked through the thick forest. Night had fallen and visibility was low in the shadows of the trees. Kylo was so dishevelled he wasn’t following the worn-out trail. He was breathing hard and his hands were shaking as they snapped and pushed low-hanging branches out of his way. He could hear her footsteps behind him and he wanted to keep moving until she was no longer there. _Just give up on me already,_ he thought to himself. _I’m not worth your struggle._

                But Rey was unrelenting. Her face red with anger, lips pursed in a tight line, she stomped after him. She was still trying to make sense of what had just happened while simultaneously trying to conceive of what she was going to say to him when they inevitably stopped walking. She wanted to scream at him, but she knew in the back of her head that it wouldn’t do any good. Still, what he had done was wrong. The repercussions could strangle him, if Rey didn’t do it first.

                Finally they broke through the shrubbery and long grass into the flat green expanse of the meadow. The buildings loomed over them, eerily quiet and empty. Kylo paused once within the borders of the meadow. He swayed on his feet, trying hard to keep his balance. His pulse was pounding in his head. He could sense her anger and shock coming up hot behind him. He braced himself for the worst.

                “You didn’t have to cut his hand off,” Rey snapped, plucking twigs and leaves out of her hair and clothes as she finally entered the meadow. “You’ve likely just shot our chances of getting any help, do you realize that?”

                Kylo didn’t turn around to face her; he didn’t speak.

                “Kylo, are you listening to me? That was completely unjustified and cruel!” She walked up to his hulking figure, feeling only mildly apprehensive. Would he snap at her like he had at the Council? She kept a hand hovering at her side, ready to grab her lightsaber if need be.

                His face was paler than usual, made almost ghostly by the dim light of the moon, his eyes wide and searching for something they couldn’t see. His lips were chalky-white and trembling. When Rey walked around him and they locked eyes, she frowned. They stood in silence for a beat, neither saying a word.

                “Kriff…speak, damn you!” Rey demanded sharply.

                It was another moment before Kylo scrounged up enough courage to say anything. He didn’t even know where to start. But her angry eyes were demanding it, and he could not refuse her.

                “I…that wasn’t _me_ …at least I don’t think it was…” His voice wavered subtly, and he spoke in a very soft tone. Rey gave him time to formulate his explanation. “He looked at me like he’s always looked at me; spoke to me like I was _lesser_ than him…It happened so fast, like a switch turning on. The anger and betrayal I felt for being sent back here all boiled over and the Dark…it came for me, swooping down and swallowing me whole. The next thing I remember after that is the screaming, and then I saw you and just started walking.”

                The fear was evident in him. He was strong and more powerful than he knew, but in that moment he was terrified. He had just seen the kind of unnecessary violence he was capable of, and so had Rey. Neither one of them knew how to deal with it.

                Rey sighed, running her fingers through her hair. Kylo pierced her with guilt-ridden eyes.

                “You called me cruel,” he said, “and I am. I am hard, and cruel, and unforgiving. I’m a monster. I have killed and maimed and ruined lives. And I don’t know how much longer I can go on denying that for my benefit, or for my mother’s.”

                Rey’s anger flared again, licking up her spine like a hot flame. She glared at him. “So that’s it, then? You’re giving up, just like that? All it took was one idle hand and you’re walking away from the Light, away from me?”

                Kylo’s shoulders slumped and air rushed from his mouth. “No, I’m not walking away from you…”

                “But you are. If you go to the Dark, I can’t go with you. Don’t you see that?” Hot tears were beginning to sting the backs of her eyes. She blinked, trying to push them away. “I don’t even care that whatshisname is missing a hand. What I care about is that you let it win.”

                “I didn’t _let it win_ , it overtook me—”

                “That’s all it takes!” Rey shouted, her voice breaking. “Do you not know the story of your grandfather? His descent was not quick; it came after many years of gradual pain and suffering. He killed and maimed and ruined lives long before he became Darth Vader. The only thing you need to stop denying is that the same thing is happening to you!”

                Rey shook her head. A painful lump of emotion was lodged in her throat, making her breathe erratically. “And you want to just walk away. I’ve done nothing but try to keep you safe and this is how you tell me I’ve failed?”

                The words cut through him like a serrated blade. He took a small step back, eyeing her in astonishment. “Keeping me safe? Really? Was that your only goal?” he asked haughtily.

                She analyzed him with scrutiny. “What are you getting at?”

                “Ever since I saw you in my dream, the night before I actually met you, something changed. I know it, and so do you. And ever since then I have been more confused about myself and where my loyalties lie than ever before.”

                “So you’re blaming me for your complete lack of self-control?” Rey spat, clearly offended by his comments. “How dare you—?”

                “No, I’m not. If anything, I’m blaming you for what you make me feel,” Kylo said sharply.

                _“Excuse me?”_ Rey asked icily. She could hardly believe the nonsense she was hearing. At the same time, her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she thought she was going to faint.

                “The only other person I have ever truly cared about has always been my mother. That was all I needed; her love, no one else’s, not even my own. She was the only one who didn’t give up on me, not even when I tried to push her away. Until you came along, anyway.”

                Rey opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. Two tears fell from her eyes and she blinked, stepping away from him slowly. Part of her didn’t want to hear what she knew he was about to tell her.

                “She was the only thing that tethered me to my old self; she kept me from turning towards the Dark and embracing it. Believe me, I wanted to do that sometimes. I’ve thought about it more times than I care to admit. It’s hard not to wonder when it’s always right there, just out of my line of vision, calling to me. The raw power and strength attracts me constantly. It takes more focus than I think I have to resist. Tonight…I lost. I’m sorry for what you saw. I had no control over myself.”

                “What are you doing…?” Rey asked quietly, shaking her head. It was getting harder to quell the tide of tears that were blurring her vision. She went to take a step back and stumbled on a protruding rock. She nearly fell flat on her back, had it not been for Kylo’s fast reflexes. He grabbed her by her elbow, keeping her straight. He didn’t let go of her after, though. She had no choice but to look up, directly into his yearning, pleading eyes.

                “But then you came, and you were new, and you were different, and I couldn’t keep myself away from you,” He went on, his hand shaking as it held her steady. “You feel it, too. I’m drawn to you and no matter what I try that feeling hasn’t gone away. You are my Light, the only Light I have left. I care about you in a way I have never felt before. You make me feel _weak_ ; I would do anything, risk anything, if you asked me to do it. And that _terrifies_ me. I don’t like feeling frightened, and weak, and unsure. And you make me feel all of those things.”

                Rey blinked, lips trembling from the weight of his words. She could feel his body against hers, hard and solid and warm. He looked so vulnerable as he spoke, adding more credence to his words. She didn’t know what to do to console him, especially since he made her feel the same. Only, she wasn’t necessarily afraid of him. Nervous and apprehensive, yes. Afraid of what would happen to her future as a Jedi, of course. But about one thing she was absolutely sure, and that was the fact that Kylo Ren was her other half. More critical to her development than the family she had spent the majority of her life longing for and struggling to remember. She felt, in her heart of hearts, that the Force had put them through so much trauma and pain for a reason, one that was much larger than she could comprehend on her own. But she had long ago learned to trust her instincts and feelings, for they were always right in the end.

                Sniffing, she said, “Well. I’m sorry.”

                Kylo blew a short gust of air out of his nose, looking mildly bemused. “You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say?”

                “Well, I…” She gave an involuntary sob, somewhat hating herself for crying like that in front of him. “I don’t really know what to say.”

                He released his hold on her. “You don’t have to say anything. I’ll leave you be; I think I’ve tormented you enough for one night. Let me know if you still want to stay here or if you want to go back…wherever. I’ll make arrangements for you.”

                He made to walk away but she grabbed him firmly by his wrist.

                “Hey!” She said sharply. “Do not walk away from me, Kylo Ren.”

                He stared at her as if in a trance. The air between them crackled with intense energy, sending cool chills up their spines.

                “Do not ever walk away from me,” she repeated in a softer tone, reaching a hand out to brush some of his thick hair from his face. “That way I can’t fail, and neither can you.”

                Kylo wrapped his arms around her and held her to his front. Her strength, hope, and softness enveloped him completely, overwhelming him. All the air seemed to rush from his lungs in a hard sigh and he fell back against a gnarled tree trunk, keeping his grip on her all the same. His legs didn’t want to hold him up anymore. Rey could feel him trembling against her, as though he had a violent chill. She nuzzled up closer to him, doing anything she could to steady his tremors. For the first time since she had known him, Kylo Ren was scared to death. And if she was being honest with herself, so was she.

                They stayed that way for a long time. The only sound was their breathing, gradually slowing as they calmed down. The pain was still there; it always would be. But for the moment, it went ignored. Rey did not allow herself to think of the nightmarish possibilities of the future any more that night. Instead, she focused on healing him while she could.

Sharing her energy with him exhausted her, but in a good way. It felt immensely gratifying to watch him relax and come back into himself. There was an alluring glimmer of hope somewhere far out on the horizon when he finally reopened his eyes and looked at her. The connection between them was now far more intimate than it had ever been before. They were two halves of something much bigger than themselves, they knew it now with absolute certainty. This knowledge passed between them, mutually agreed upon in silence. They were both exhausted. In one of the larger buildings at the south end of the meadow there were several rooms with beds of varying sizes that weren’t as coated in dust as everything else was. They each chose one, not really caring about preferences at that point. Each of them collapsed atop their chosen mattress and fell asleep almost instantly. Neither of them had slept that well in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My uploading schedule is all over the place right now (basically it's nonexistent) so HERE'S A NEW CHAPTER! This one is brought to you by thAT FUCKIGN TRAILER HOLY SHIT BROS


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW - 14+!

Kylo sized up the three guards standing sentry outside the doors of the Council chambers. They already looked nervous; the hands holding their battle staffs were shaking and their eyes constantly darted left to right, anticipating an attack. He couldn’t help but smirk, somewhat proud of the fear he’d created. _They must be wondering if they’re next_ , he thought to himself. _Pocket your hands, boys. Don’t tempt me, now._

                “For the last time, are you absolutely sure you don’t want me to accompany you?” Rey asked from his side.

                Kylo rolled his eyes. “Are _you_ absolutely sure that’s the last time you ask?”

                Rey pursed her lips and glowered at him.

                “No. I don’t want you in there,” he repeated. “You’re safer outside.”

                “Since when did we switch roles?” Rey demanded. “I’m supposed to be protecting you, remember? Yet it’s always ‘Oh, Rey, stay behind, I don’t want you getting hurt’, or ‘Oh, Rey, I have to assert my male dominance and ensure your safety before my own like you’re a damsel in distress’.” She deepened her voice as best as she could to achieve her impression of him, puffing out her chest and curling her hands into fists at her sides.

                Kylo shot her a look, unsure whether he wanted to laugh or sneer. “I don’t remember ever saying that second one,” he muttered.

                “Yeah, well…I was paraphrasing,” Rey replied, sighing. “I just know they’re going to hurt you if you go in there. What if they shackle you and imprison you? Then what?”

                “Then I guess I would be the damsel in distress. How good are you at prison breaks?”

                She blinked. “I don’t know, but please don’t make me find out.”

                 “I’ll try.” He gave her a curt nod. “Time to get this over with. Stay close in case something happens, but otherwise don’t come inside. Do you hear me? _Stay outside_.”

                Now it was Rey’s turn to roll her eyes. “Yeah, alright.”

                When the guards spotted Kylo walking towards them, all three straightened their backs. Kylo could smell their fear. He stopped walking a couple feet away from where they stood, blocking the door.

                “You’re going to want to let me in,” he said firmly. “My fight isn’t with you, but it very easily could be.”

                The guards gave each other questioning looks, finally deciding to step aside and grant him entrance, knowing they didn’t stand a chance against someone like him. The hallways of the chambers were eerily empty and quiet. He followed the path to the main chamber room, retracing his steps from the night before. He couldn’t remember leaving the chambers, for good reason.

                When he entered the large, circular room, he was met by a sight he had never seen before. A dozen guards were lined up along the east and west walls, all heavily armed and all watching him. The councilmembers were not at their seats. Instead, there was one Araki, dressed in a long maroon cloak and with a murderous glint in its yellow eye, perched in the middle of the platform, across the marble table from what would have been Uthorf’s seat. Warily, Kylo stepped to the plinth, raised before the councilman’s table. The strange-looking, blue-skinned creature maintained eye contact for an excruciatingly long time without blinking. Kylo’s patience was already wearing thin.

                “Who are you?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “Where are the other councilmembers?”

                The creature grinned maliciously, displaying two rows of jagged, yellow teeth inside a black mouth. “I am Nazarh,” he responded in a throaty, dreamy voice. “The councilmembers will not be joining us today.”

                “Alright,” Kylo said flippantly. “How do you want to do this, then?”

                Nazarh did not change his unsettling expression. He looked, for all intents and purposes, like an absolute madman. It was already very clear he took pleasure in inflicting pain on others. After a minute of simply observing Kylo, Nazarh raised a webbed hand and flipped it out in a lazy gesture. Suddenly Kylo’s hands were bound behind his back, held in place by a cold, iron grip. The two guards standing behind him wore blue, reflective masks, hiding their faces. While one tightened the cuffs on his wrists, the other poked him in the back with the end of a very large electric sword. Kylo swung maddened eyes up to Nazarh, who was still grinning pleasantly down at him. The creature pushed his hand inside the deep side pocket of his cloak, slowly pulling out a small, silver pistol. Kylo had never seen a weapon that looked like it before; it was clearly modified, made specifically for its owner. It looked freshly polished as it shone with a deadly silver glare. Slowly, carefully, Nazarh pointed its barrel at Kylo’s chest.

                “I have a few ideas,” Nazarh purred. “But first I must ensure that you will cooperate. You understand, don’t you?”

                Kylo opened his mouth to speak but found himself unable to do so. Nazarh had pulled the trigger. The gun did not shoot lasers, but rather small, rounded pieces of blue-green stone, the same type that formed the mysterious crags and mountains found in the southern portion of Arakis. The makeshift bullet cracked into Kylo’s chest, a couple inches below his collarbone on his left side. The force was so strong it made his body twist in that direction. Pain bloomed and flowered across his chest and shoulders in a fiery blaze. He couldn’t help the sharp yell he had made when it hit him. He barely had time to recover before a guard’s foot kicked his right calf, sending him crashing down to one knee. He landed with a dull thud that shot pain up his leg and made his chest throb. Every breath he took hurt.

                “There, that’s better,” Nazarh said calmly, returning his weapon to his pocket.

                Kylo lifted his eyes to his tormenter, rage and pain contorting his face. “Suppose I deserved that,” he croaked.

                “Indeed you did,” Nazarh agreed. “Let’s get started.”

                Nazarh began to slowly pace back and forth along the platform where the table rested. He looked like a cat about to play with its supper. “I am the overseer of crime and punishment here on Arakis. I was called in today by the Council to conduct this discussion because it just so happens that you have committed a crime, right here in this room. You do know we have full authority to jail you for what you did, right?”

                Kylo grimaced. “So why don’t you?”

                Nazarh smiled that same, mysterious grin. “Fate has other plans for you, plans which I am entangled in. For my own gains, I shan’t interfere with a higher power such as that. Am I selfish? Absolutely. But it plays in your favour, you see.”

                So he was on the Dark Side of the war. The only question was, who did he truly work for? Was the entirety of the Araki Council twisted up in it, or just him? Kylo didn’t ask. He knew he wouldn’t get an answer.

                “So now what?” Kylo asked, straining against his binds and grinding his teeth to bite back the pain that flared as he moved. “I hope there’s more to your plan than just shooting me and talking my ear off?”

                Nazarh laughed, and it sounded like metal scraping against metal. A sharp, otherworldly screeching noise that made Kylo wince. Once again Nazarh fixed Kylo with his bemused yellow eyes.

                “You have your father’s snarky humour,” he commented.

                Kylo bristled. “Don’t,” he warned.

                “Don’t what? Don’t mention Daddy Dearest? _Ohh_ , is that a sensitive subject for you?” Nazarh came alive with excitement at this tasty morsel of information.

                The anger was beginning to broil within Kylo. He could feel it start to raise his body temperature. He couldn’t do what he had done the night before, however. He was in no position for it, and it could not possibly end well for him. He shut his eyes and took a deep breath in, reaching out for her. It was easier now, to connect with her energy. Once he found it he allowed it to fill him up, centering him, calming him. He let his breath out slowly and opened his eyes.

                “This is not about me, or my father,” he said. His voice was stronger than before. “If you speak for the Council, then let’s discuss what I came here for. The Resistance requires your entire fleet. The First Order is moving in, getting closer to this planet with each passing day. Now, would you rather stop them before they can do any damage or wait for them to come to you, so they can destroy you with barely a fight on their end?”

                Nazarh raised his slimy eyebrows. “What makes you think I would stop the First Order from attacking this place? They won’t hurt me, in any case. I’ve secured my safety.”

                “Have you?” Kylo posited. “I wouldn’t be so sure.”

                Kylo didn’t care to know too much about Arakis or its traditional inhabitants, but he knew enough to target their weaknesses. For instance, he knew that the Araki people were very superstitious, untrustworthy, and highly insecure. It didn’t take much to psychologically destabilize one, not even one as twisted as Nazarh, who was now staring at Kylo quizzically.

                “What do you mean?” he demanded.

                Kylo laughed darkly. “You hold no real power! What could you possibly offer the First Order that would be so valuable as to ensure your miserable survival? You just gave them what they wanted because of a false promise they made, like the scared fool you are.”

                Nazarh gave a short, sharp yell, and suddenly Kylo was being electrified by the tip of the sword that was pressed against his spine. The painful electricity jolted through his body, setting his teeth on edge and making his legs go numb up to his hip. It felt like every nerve in his body was being lit on fire. In the recesses of his mind, he struggled to focus, to block his end of their Force bond. He didn’t want her to feel what he was feeling, not at that moment. He deserved it, certainly, but she did not. When it ended he slackened, nearly falling forward. He growled and spat in pain, breathing heavily.

                “Scum,” Nazarh spat. “Failed Jedi scum. What was it that you did again to get expelled from the Order? I remember hearing about it. Something along the lines of massacring four of your peers, almost killing your own uncle, and starting a rather large, destructive fire?”

                Kylo glared, shaking with rage and pain. His captor was really pushing it. Instinctively, he reached out for Rey with his mind.

                “Naughty boy. Even worse, you thrived on their suffering, didn’t you? All the while you were killing them; piercing them through with that monstrous weapon of your abominable creation…you enjoyed it. It made you feel… _powerful_.”

                He shut his eyes tight, focusing on one thing only: _Rey_. He visualized her face, the way her dimples deepened when she smiled. How her face looked as she slept, all peaceful and relaxed. The sheer strength of her. A worthy opponent if he had ever seen one. He thought about her, and the way it felt when she looked at him or touched him; as though every cell in his body was coming alive all at once, vibrating in response to her closeness. He had never wanted something so badly in his life, and he had wanted many things growing up.

                “You won’t admit to it, but you don’t have to. I can see it in you. And anyway, your reputation precedes you.” Nazarh said, lounging in Kylo’s obvious discomfort. “You would burn this whole galaxy if you were given the chance.”

                When Kylo finally opened his eyes, his expression was blank. He had stopped listening to Nazarh’s ramblings, choosing instead to listen only to the slow, steady drum of Rey’s heartbeat as she wandered somewhere outside. His own pulse synced to hers, he regained his composure.

                “Are you about done?” he asked baldly. “If you aren’t going to talk to me about the oncoming war, I have other places I could be right now.”

                Nazarh frowned, clearly growing bored of his unrelenting toy. “Fine,” he hissed. “We’ll talk.”

                Once again he unsheathed his gun from within his cloak pocket and kept it firm in his grip while they talked. And talk they did. The discussion moved in tiring circles, neither bowing to the other’s orders, on and on until the sun had set. By that time, still having reached no real conclusion on the matter of defense and support, Nazarh was tired and decided to let Kylo walk free.

                “You are, of course, _barred_ from these chambers and any other building in the Village unless we request your presence.” Nazarh warned menacingly.

                Kylo rubbed his wrists where the cuffs had dug in, leaving deep red welts. “That’s the best gift anyone’s ever given me,” he muttered under his breath.

                Annoyed, hungry, in pain, and not wanting to talk anymore, he stalked off to the old Village where he planned to let off a lot of steam. He didn’t even stop to see if Rey was still there waiting for him. She was, but she stayed back in the shadows. She knew instantly that he was in no mood for confrontation, and so she let him be, following him at a leisurely distance back to their campsite. She watched him quickly disappear into the grey building they had slept in the night before. She didn’t follow him inside, choosing instead to sit under a broadleaf tree several feet away. Flickering yellow light adorned the windows after a little while; he had lit the torches which lined the walls of the long, rectangular main floor. Rey had noticed them that morning and the smoky black stains they had left on the stone walls behind their sconces. Not long after that she heard the powerful hum of his lightsaber as it turned on, followed by the sharp, buzzing noise it made when it was spun and twisted through the air. He was training; or rather, he was angry.

                Rey supposed he had every right to be. She didn’t know for sure what went on while he was in the chambers, but she knew he had been hurt. She had felt it herself, not long after he went inside. A dull pain above her left breast. It had made her flinch, not because it really hurt, but because it had shocked her. Gingerly, she had touched the spot it had come from. Somehow she had known without question she had felt that pain because something had happened to Kylo. Anxious, she had tried to get past the guards but they would not allow her entry. She had been about to discharge her saber when she heard him calling to her, reminding her there was more than one way she could help. Sidling away from the awry guards, she had closed her eyes and shared her energy with him, embracing him with her mind, shielding him from himself. She wanted to heal him; to take more of his pain away. But there was only so much he would allow her to do for him, and just as quickly as he had come he was gone again.

                The day had been just as long for Rey as it had been for Kylo. She hadn’t been able to sit still and had found herself wandering the perimeters of the building over and over again, partly to look for other ways inside and partly to keep her restless legs from aching. She had gone through phases of emotions, from calm to nervous, to angry to full-blown panic-induced hysteria. She saw a glimpse into the negative side effects of a Force bond. Being kept away from each other, unsure of the other’s safety, did not bode well on the mind or the body.

                The rhythm of his saber inside the building relaxed her tense muscles. She could hear him grunting and panting and she could feel the same relief he felt as his intense emotions slowly left him. She shut her eyes and just experienced him, through the Force. He never failed to astound her with his capability and power. His pulse beat fast and hot sweat accumulated on his brow and torso. She could feel through him the steady throb of pain in his chest, sensitive to the touch, and wondered what exactly had happened. Probing further, she sensed a deep desire; a powerful driving force of lust and passion, the likes of which made her gasp softly to herself. It intrigued her for two reasons, the first of which was that she had been experiencing something quite similar since the previous night, when Kylo had held her to his front and dared to show weakness. That display of intimacy had bound them together as one irreversibly. Second, it meant that not only did he find her attractive, but he _wanted_ her; he was willing to be absolutely vulnerable for _her_. This realization made her stomach do flips. Blood rushed to her face as she understood that she felt the same for him. But she had never done that before, nor had she felt that way before. The ferocity of the emotion overpowered and alarmed her.

                Opening her eyes, she looked up at the stars. They blinked back at her. Something was different that night. She could feel it in the atmosphere. It raised the hairs on her body and made her shiver, but it wasn’t from a chill. It was quite a balmy night, actually. Arakis was now at the height of its summer season. Rey felt equal parts hot and cold; sweat beaded along the back of her neck as she gently trembled. It felt like hundreds of hands were grasping at her legs and arms, tugging her towards the grey building, towards Kylo. She tried to resist and stay seated beneath the tree but gave up rather fast. The closer she got to the doorway the more she could sense his apprehension. He was distracted.

                When she entered, she found him with his back to her, swirling his saber in fast, deadly circles with ease. He had black pants on and no shirt, but he wore a black banded brace on his left arm. Its strap ran across his chest and buckled beneath his right armpit. The brace itself covered his shoulder and part of his chest and went all the way down to the end of his wrist. She noticed he was almost exclusively using his right arm to wield his saber, but she knew he was skilled with both hands. He was holding his left arm bent at his side, pulled in close to his body.

                His red saber was a menacing sight in the candlelit room. When he turned around and spotted her he froze, holding the weapon out at his side, angled up towards the roof. A moment passed between them as they eyed one another somewhat warily. Slowly, carefully, Rey grasped the hilt of her own saber and discharged it. The blue beam shot from the end with a sharp electric hum. She raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him. He thought about it for a moment and then smiled that crooked smile, swinging his saber around and up into position.

                Rey mimicked his signature twirl before lunging delicately towards him. He blocked her advance smoothly, their sabers making a loud zapping sound each time they crashed together. She spun and redirected her aim for his legs but he was already one step ahead of her, or rather, one step behind from where he had previously been standing. He swung his saber down at her head and she blocked it, having to use both hands on the hilt to combat his strength. Again and again he came at her from the left side and the right, making her walk backwards. As the wall loomed closer to her back, she stealthily ducked under his arm just before he brought his saber down into the wall with a noisy crash. He spun around with an expression of amusement on his face, impressed by her agility. She lunged again, spinning and twirling this way and that, attempting to disorient her opponent and distract him from the quick, deadly swipes of her weapon. Kylo stumbled backward, always keeping his right side facing out, actually trying quite hard to block every one of her attempts. With a perfectly timed thrust to the upper left, he caught the blade of her saber mid-swipe, and the two weapons locked together in a flurry of hisses and sparks. Kylo pushed down on her and she faltered back, gritting her teeth as she attempted to match his strength. The second she realized it was nearly impossible, she released her tension and let her blade slide away from his.

                Quickly she danced backward and hunched down, watching him closely. He followed her slowly, swaying his saber at his side, penetrating her with his calculating stare. The fiery red blade lashed out at her once, then twice, and each time she danced expertly out of its path. Their sabers sizzled each time they met. He advanced on her, sweeping his saber side to side. They clashed in the middle, sparks shooting out sideways, and he pressed her hard into a wall. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath on their skin. Their sabers hissed angrily between them.

                They stared deep into each other’s eyes, catching the notes of blue, red, and purple that were reflected in their pupils. That steady, analytical gaze that Kylo normally fixed her with, the one that always made something stir deep within her, was filled with longing. It made the breath rush from her lungs. Her heart pounded against her ribcage and the edges of her vision blurred momentarily. The heat from the sabers was growing intense.

                In one swift movement that almost looked lazy, Kylo used his own saber to toss hers out of her grip. It instantly turned off and clattered to the floorboards, skidding until the opposite wall stopped it. Without saying a word, he sheathed his own saber and dropped it to the floor. She had no protection against his advances anymore, but she no longer cared. His mouth was hot and urgent on hers, his kisses making her flush. His body held her against the wall, hard and steady. Her instinct said she should tell him to stop, like she had the day before, but no words came out this time. Instead she arched her back as much as she could, trying to close any space between their bodies. He answered her movement with a soft little moan against her lips. The room seemed to be dissolving around them; the Force sweeping them up in a flurry of passion and need. It told them that they needn’t be afraid; whatever happened was meant to be.

                Kylo left a trail of kisses across her jawbone and down her throat, sinking down to one knee the lower he went. He wanted her so badly, he didn’t know if he could be gentle about it, but he knew he had to try. He’d never done this before. She hadn’t either, he reminded himself. _Oh, Maker,_ he thought, _the vow._ She was probably panicking, and he didn’t want to hurt her. He pressed his forehead against her stomach and groaned through clenched teeth. Never in his life had he faced such a daunting task as the one he faced in that moment. His willpower was nearly nonexistent after the day he had had. He slammed a fist into the wall next to her hip, making her jump a little.

                Rey, sensing his apprehension, puzzled out his frustration in an instant. He was worried for her, yet again, as he always was. But she was not scared. She didn’t care about the vow anymore. Perhaps that was what felt different that night; she was no longer concerned about doing anything against the Jedi Order. _What will be was meant to be._

                Gently, she ran her fingers through his hair and down to his lower jaw, tipping his face up to hers. His dark eyes and the way they were looking at her made her feel weak in her legs. Slowly, she kneeled before him so they were somewhat level once more. In order to show him that she was okay, she started to unbuckle his arm brace with surprisingly steady fingers. As she peeled it back, a large, purple and blue bruise became visible on his chest. In the centre was a perfect circle, stained almost black, and a vast palette of colours blossomed out from it, snaking up to his collarbone and shoulder. She gasped softly upon seeing it and gingerly touched it with the tips of her cool fingers. He flinched once, shocked by the coolness of her touch, but did not pull away. She slowly ran her whole hand over the wound, trying to heal it with her energy. Kylo could feel the warmth emanating from her and flowing through his body. He put his own hand over top of hers and ducked his head to kiss her again. She tasted as sweet as honey.

                Kylo made soft, light pleading sounds as they kissed. The noises, matched with the sensation of his tongue against her bottom lip, made the fire light in Rey’s belly. She shook almost convulsively, aching for him and his touch. She pushed off from his lips and sucked on her own, testing the swell of them. His expression was dreamy; his own lips parted and searching, not wanting to stop kissing her just yet. But she made him refrain, offering instead her hand as she stood up. Slightly puzzled, he took it and stood up with her.

                Silently, she brought him up the flight of stairs and down the narrow hallway to the room she had slept in last night. Once Kylo saw they were approaching the room he stopped, forcing her to stop too. She turned and stared quizzically at him, only to find him looking back at her with that same attentive expression. Deftly, he picked her up behind her thighs until she could wrap her legs securely around his hips. He held her as though she weighed nothing, which to him was nearly accurate. She braced her hands on his shoulders, being mindful of the left one, and stared down into his intoxicating gaze. She felt like she was melting from the inside out.

The bed in her room was large, much too large for a single person, with burgundy curtains around it that were tied to the bedposts. Gently, Kylo reclined her onto the mattress, keeping her knees held tight at his sides. The softness of the blankets on her back made her sigh dreamily. With strong, steady hands, he worked on taking her shoes off one at a time. As he untied the laces, he fixed her with a stare.

“Are you afraid?” he asked.

She blinked at him. “Of what?”

“Breaking your vow?” he offered.

“No, I’m not afraid of that.”

“But you are afraid of something.”

Rey swallowed, looking away from him. “It’s just…I’ve never…obviously, I mean…I’m a virgin.”

Ren quirked an eyebrow. “Then mark me terrified. I’m one too.”

“You are?” she asked in disbelief.

He chuckled, tossing her last boot over his shoulder. “Yes,” he purred, running his hands up her body, stopping to briefly cup her breast over her shirt. “But don’t worry, I know how to do it, I think.” He smiled crookedly in amusement.

She smiled back and shut her eyes, letting the pleasant feeling of his lips on her skin carry her away for a minute. When he started to nip at her collarbone and she felt the light pressure of his fingers working at her shirt, she came back into herself for a moment.

“Will you be gentle?” she asked softly.

He paused, lifting his sweet eyes to hers. “Of course,” he promised. “I don’t ever want to do anything that would hurt you.”

She smiled, cupping his face in her hands. “I know.”

She kissed him again, now eager to help undress him as he was doing for her. Their nervous hands explored each other’s bodies, leaving gooseflesh in their wake. They took things slow; their touches were tentative at first, testing waters yet untamed by them. As they learned the little things the other liked, they progressed quicker. The only thing they both wanted was to be as close together as possible. When they finally reached that point, it was the most blissful sensation either of them had ever experienced. It was like an out-of-body experience in that they felt as though they existed on two separate planes, together.

Rey arched her back, pressing her front to his, welcoming his steady weight on top of her. She felt full and happy to the point of bursting. She took pleasure in watching him unravel; witnessing a part of him she had never before seen. His desperate fingers bunched up the blanket into fists and his soft, breathy moans displayed his euphoria. He kissed her lips, her face, and any part of her body he could reach. Never in his life had he felt so many emotions at one time. He wanted to laugh, cry, scream, he even wanted to tell her he loved her, although he wasn’t sure how he knew that. The moment of release racked both their bodies simultaneously, like a tidal wave of intense power. The Force vibrated around them, sending shock waves out into the universe.

As they laid there afterwards, collecting their breath and steadying their pulses, they felt nothing other than calm. There was no fear regarding their relationship, no anxiety for the coming war, and no lingering stress from the harrowing day they had both had. There was only Rey and Ren and the bed they rested on, and they wanted to stay in that moment forever.

Pleasantly exhausted, Ren yawned, holding her closer in his arms. She was warm and although it was a hot summer night, he would not let her go. Her eyes opened and closed very slowly, clearly fighting sleep. He gently ran his thumb along her cheekbone where a flush of light pink colour still remained. She smiled groggily up at him.

“This isn’t going to be easy for me to say,” Kylo whispered to her, “and it might just be because of what we did here, but, I think…well, I think that I…er…” He stammered for a moment, his brow creasing as he struggled to get the three words out.

Rey smiled, kissing his mumbling lips. “I know,” she said. “I think I might love you, too.”


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW

Rey’s eyelashes tickling his throat were what woke Kylo Ren the next morning. He blinked his eyes open, squinting to adjust to the dim, purple early morning light that came in through the broken window. Shifting a little and stretching his toes, he took a deep breath in and recollected his thoughts as his mind slowly woke up. Rey’s bare, bronzed skin was soft and warm against his. Absentmindedly, he ran his fingertips along the curvature of her arm from shoulder to elbow, tracing lazy circles around the joint. He listened to the slow rhythm of her breathing and watched her chest rise and fall next to his. He had never felt more at peace. If he had, he didn’t remember it, and he seriously doubted it was as wonderful as the moment he found himself in that morning.

                He placed a gentle kiss atop her head, breathing in the intoxicating scent of her. She was now the most precious thing to him; he would gladly die to protect her. He never imagined that he would ever allow himself to get so attached to someone, to be so openly and willingly vulnerable. The thought had only unnerved him until he saw her and she kissed him, though. One look at her was enough to remind him why he allowed it. She was as bright and beautiful as the sun, as deep and mysterious as the night sky. He wanted to explore her, to map out every last freckle and scar as its own stellar piece of her impeccable galaxy.

                “Mmphm…” Rey sighed, moving in his arms and breaking his reverie. Her gentle brown eyes opened slowly; the dark eyelashes rimming them fluttering with each sleepy blink. When she focused on Kylo’s face, she smiled.

                “Good morning,” she said in a raspy whisper.

                “Hello,” Kylo said happily.

                “You sound chipper this morning,” Rey mused, stretching her limbs.

                “Wonder why?” Kylo replied, brushing her hair behind her ear. “How do you feel?”

                “Hmm…quite good, actually,” Rey said. “Although I feel different.”

                “Mm, me too.”

                She wiggled up a little more so that she could better see him. His dark eyes twinkled at her alluringly. He had the long, shapely nose, full lips and strong jawline of a statue carved from the finest stone in the galaxy; the same ones she had seen on her travels with Master Luke. She remembered admiring the statues for their beauty and perfection. And yet, as if to remind her that he was no statue, that he was, in fact, a real live person, he had the slightest imperfections. His nose was slightly crooked, as if it had been broken once long ago and had mended poorly. The scar that ran diagonally across his face still showed subtle signs of freshness; it maintained a minor pink indentation on his pale skin. He had a myriad of freckles in all shapes and sizes, but Rey found these alluring. She would gladly have spent hours tracing them. All of his imperfections were the exact opposite to her; they were what made him unique. She thought back to two nights ago, and the things he had said to her. That was the night Rey finally got to peel back the layers of a hardened, pained man and see the vulnerable human beneath. She wanted to take his pain away, so that he might not feel it anymore. That was her goal; that was why Master Luke had given her the assignment, so she could keep him safe from himself. Chewing her lip, she gazed deeply into his dark amber eyes.

                “The other night, you said I made you feel weak,” she posited slowly. “You said you were frightened. Why…and how?”

                The muscles in Kylo’s jaws tensed for a second. He let out a long breath. “You make me feel weak because I love you. I was told when I was young that love blinded a Jedi and made him weak. As long as he loved someone, he was easy to kill. I used to think that meant an enemy could kidnap and use a lover to his or her advantage; getting what they want out of the Jedi by use of threats and pain. But now that I’m in that position, I’m not so sure.”

“Oh?” Rey prompted, regarding him attentively.

Kylo’s fingers traced lazy circles on Rey’s arm again. He watched this rather than look her in the eye. He could feel the heat making its way to his face. “Mm. See, I’m not so much worried for my safety, but rather for yours. I’m afraid that…well, if something were to happen to you and you were hurt, or even…killed, I don’t know what that kind of pain would do to me. I think it might break me completely. It’s indirect and it would still easily do more damage than any weapon or method of torture I can think of. Do you understand?” He fixed her once more with his gaze. This time it was sharp and penetrating; eerily serious.

Rey swallowed. She understood perfectly, and she began to feel a touch of that same fear he was talking about. It unfurled slowly in her gut like a small bird stretching its jagged, icy wings outwards until they pierced into Rey’s sides.

She nodded. “I do.”

“I just…” Kylo sighed, taking her hands in his and kissing her knuckles. A small gesture to be sure, but it pushed away the fear instantaneously. “I can’t ever lose you.”

Rey smiled softly at him, reassuring. “You won’t. I promise.”

                After a while spent in peaceful silence and delicate touches, Rey placed a kiss upon his lips and sighed. “Do you have to attend more meetings today? I’d rather we just stay right here in this bed and not move.”

                “Sounds like a dream,” Kylo grinned. “Unfortunately it’ll have to stay just that for now, a dream.”

                “Then in that case, I’m going back to sleep,” Rey said, stubbornly closing her eyes.

                “No, don’t do that,” Kylo said, kissing her forehead. “I’ll just wake you up.”

                “Give it your best shot, then,” Rey dared, keeping her eyes shut tight.

                Kylo smirked, always down for a challenge. He eyed up his opponent, quickly planning his strategy. With an intention that was perhaps more self-serving than efficient, he ran a firm hand down her side and up her stomach, using a thumb to trace the underside of her breast. He casually lifted his attentions to circling the sensitive areola. Her nipple stiffened in response, just as quickly as her eyes snapped open and she gasped. He had that crooked grin on his face again.

                “You rogue, that’s cheating!” she chided playfully, slapping his hand away.

                “Is it now? I wasn’t aware the game we were playing had any rules at all,” he murmured, casting her a smouldering look.

                “Well, it does. And you just broke them all.”

                “It’s what I do best, don’t you know that?”

                “I suppose I should take note of it.”

                “You really should.”

                He tilted her face up to his and kissed her. The playfulness melted away, replaced by a desperate mutual yearning. Kylo gently nudged her onto her back, pinning her arm out at her side with one firm hand. He was just pushing her knees apart under the blanket when they heard the familiar sound of ships moving in closer and blasters discharging. In the distance, there were screams. Lots of them. Both Kylo and Rey froze, snapping their heads up to the ceiling of the room, listening attentively to the sky above. The ships flew right overtop of them, making the walls vibrate and the bed shake. Kylo recognized the sound and placed it to several TIE fighters and at least two large transport shuttles. Instantly, he sprung up from the bed and tossed Rey’s clothes at her, fumbling for his own as well.

                “We have to go,” he said quickly.

                “Is it…?” Rey’s sentence died off as she looked at him pleadingly from the bed.

                Kylo paused and nodded. “The First Order. They’re here for me.”

                The next few minutes were a flurry of activity. The two got dressed in a hurry, Ren scrambling to find something suitable to cover his upper body. They flew down the stairs and picked their lightsabers up from the floor. From there they paused at the doorway, looking out at the pale morning sky and the enemy ships as they sailed overhead. Red and green laser strikes flashed across the sky as though they were living, breathing things, soaring about in a confused frenzy of hundreds. Stormtroopers soon came creeping out of the treeline, blasters at the ready, warily crossing into the meadow. Kylo’s eyes flashed from the nearest trooper to their command shuttle which sat parked several metres away and cursed under his breath.

                “We have to get to the ship,” he said. “They’re going to burn this planet down and we need to _leave_.”

                Rey gripped her saber tighter in her palm, the cool outer coating of the handle combined with the delicate weight of it comforted her to some degree. “How do you propose we do that? Just run for it?” She said it half-jokingly, but the grim set of his jaw made any humour die on her tongue.

                “Maybe,” he replied. “I should have known!” He struggled to keep his voice down as he kicked at stones on the floor. Rey could feel his temper rising all around her, blazing hot and unpredictable.

                “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.

                “The Araki that tortured me all day,” Kylo explained heatedly. “He was mixed up in all this; trying to get on the good side of the First Order. He must have told them I’m here.”

                Something icy cold slid into Rey’s belly. So they had come for Kylo after all. She was about to speak when he grabbed her by her arm, a look of urgency suddenly ablaze in his face.

                “We have to go,” he ordered, tugging her out of the doorway. “Head for the ship and get it ready for takeoff. _Run, now!”_

They hurtled out of the doorway and into the meadow. The Stormtroopers noticed them instantly and began to fire, shooting stun rays. Whoever wanted Kylo didn’t want him dead. Rey deflected several of the icy blue circular rays with her saber, blinking hard as the sparks flashed in her eyes. She was sprinting towards the ship, her feet hitting the ground so hard it sent stinging shockwaves up her legs. She was nearly to the ship when she heard a sharp grunt from behind her. Fearing Kylo had been hit she froze in her tracks, digging up grass with her heels, and spun around. He hadn’t been hit after all but he was several leagues behind her and the Stormtroopers were closing in. His saber spun in constant motion as he whirled and jumped and dodged. Every so often a trooper would get just an inch too close and would lose their life for it. Rey knew Kylo could handle his own, but there were too many of them and only one of him. He needed help. He saw her as she started to walk back towards him.

                “Rey, no! Get to the damn ship!” He screamed.

                She paused. He would gladly sacrifice himself just so she could get out alive. No, she wouldn’t let him do that. He may be stubborn, but she was worse.

                Boldly, she ran into the herd of encroaching troopers, striking them down one by one. Even if she could just divert their attention away from him for a little while, enough for him to get away, she would feel better.

                “Hey!” one of the troopers exclaimed, pointing at her. “Cut her down. We don’t need her.”

                Rey backed up a little as five of the masked creatures stalked towards her. She crouched down, panic rising in her chest. One of them unhooked a deadly whip from his belt, snapping it in the air above him with a deadly crack. Blue shoots of electricity crackled around its tip. The one at the head of the pack had a riot control baton gripped firmly in its hand. It lunged at Rey but before it could make contact with her a red lightsaber cut through its chest and it died with a feeble gasp. Ren’s face, revealed when the trooper collapsed to the ground, was wild and angry.

                _“Fucking run!”_ he yelled in desperation. Her loyalty touched him, but now was not the time.

                Rey, alarmed by his intensity, turned her back to the scene. Just as she was starting to run a searing pain cut across her shoulders, making her scream and fall to her knees. She could feel the warm flow of blood down her spine as the pain racked her body, making her convulse on the cold, hard ground.

                Kylo gave a pained scream of anger, ferocious as a wild animal. His blade pierced through the protective armour and bodies of the troopers repeatedly and with the quick precision of a trained killer. His yells of fury intermingled with the groans of death; that and the hum of electrified weapons were the only things Rey could hear. When she opened her eyes her vision was blurred; flashes of red, black, and white bloomed and shifted before her. When she finally focused what she saw made her heart drop. Kylo was the only one left standing in the midst of a pile of dead troopers, his chest heaving, eyes wild, and hair in disarray. He quickly jumped over the bodies to her, taking her hands.

                “Can you stand?” he asked.

                “I think so,” Her voice sounded as feeble as she felt. Using his hands to brace her, she stood up and her legs trembled dangerously under her. As her muscles tensed with the movement, the pain from her fresh injury tore across her shoulder blades once more like the heated lick of a flame and she gasped, faltering. Kylo caught her carefully in his arms and helped her up into the ship, bearing the brunt of her weight. Quickly, he settled her in one of the piloting chairs and took his seat next to her. Both of them wasted no time getting their escape shuttle up and running. They hit light speed almost as soon as they left the atmosphere of Arakis and in a split second they were thousands of miles away, floating in the vast darkness of open space. Kylo turned autopilot on and unbuckled his seatbelt, turning to face her with a grim expression on his face.

                “I told you to go straight to the ship,” he said darkly, in the voice of a man who was desperately trying to contain his emotions. “You didn’t listen to me.”

                Rey scorched him with a look. “You needed help! They were swarming you, in case you didn’t notice!”

                “I didn’t need help! I just needed you to get to safety!” Kylo bit back, waving his arms in frustration. “Why are you so _stubborn_?”

                “ _Me?_ I’m the stubborn one?” Rey asked in disbelief.

                “Yes you are! If you would have listened to me you wouldn’t have gotten hurt! You could’ve left—”

                “ _Don’t you dare, Kylo Ren!_ ” Rey screamed, slamming a fist down on the control board. “You know damned well I would never— _ahhh!_ ” In her rage she had stretched the skin taught over her shoulder blades and the wound began to bleed again, soaking through her shirt. She collapsed back into the seat, desperately clawing a hand behind her to try and put pressure on the pain but she couldn’t reach it.

                All anger forgotten, Kylo stood up and raced over to a row of compartments near the cockpit. He searched viciously for the gauze and antiseptic he knew were in there, tossing bits and pieces of things over his shoulder until he finally located them. When he got back to her she was in the process of pulling her shirt over her head, whimpering and hissing in pain as the fabric ripped itself free from the sticky, drying blood around the edges with a sickly tearing noise. He helped her remove the shirt but the blood-soaked bandeau she had over her chest was an obstacle for bandaging.

                “Sorry, your dignity has to go out the window for a second,” Kylo warned, yanking down on the stretchy piece of fabric and exposing Rey’s breasts.

                “Hey!” Rey exclaimed, using her arms to cover herself.

                “Oh, please,” Kylo muttered, busying himself with his task. “This will sting a bit.”

                He gently dabbed the cleaning solution over the wound. Rey stiffened as he did so but didn’t make a sound. The gash wasn’t so deep that it need immediate surgical mending, but it stretched the entire width of her shoulders and would likely leave a noticeable scar. The considerable blood flow was likely caused by excessive movement on her part, which he could hardly blame her for. The wound was in an inconvenient spot, after all.

                When he finished cleaning it and the blood had mostly stopped running, he gingerly wrapped it in gauze, crisscrossing the spongy material over her chest to give it more stability. They both remained silent as he did this. Rey shivered imperceptibly when his fingers brushed along her chest, as delicate as feathers. The bright, stinging pain still lingered, aggravated by the cleaning. But she found herself able to breathe easier and she knew soon it would subside.

                “There, all done.” Kylo announced, sitting back down in his chair. “Once we meet back up with the Resistance someone better trained than me will have another look at it.”

                Rey winced when she saw her blood on his hands. He followed the trail of her eyes and clenched his hands into fists.

                “I’ll go wash up,” he said sheepishly. “Are you…how do you feel?”

                She met his gaze, slightly embarrassed for some reason she couldn’t quite grasp. “I feel okay. Thank you.”

                He gave her a nod and disappeared to wipe his hands clean. Rey picked up her shirt, meaning to put it back on until she saw the damage done to it. It was slashed open in the back and soaked through with the deep crimson colour of her blood. She let it fall back down at her feet, feeling slightly sick. She stared at the crumpled heap on the floor for a while, lost in thought. She had gotten hurt before and had, of course, been in danger before, but never quite like that. When the whip tore into her flesh and the hard grassy ground rushed up to meet her, she didn’t just feel her pain, she felt Kylo’s, too. His immediate, intense anger at her assailant had left her mouth feeling dry and tasting bitter. Like the harbinger of death he had bloodied the grass that grew in the old Village, taking out his anger and seeking his vengeance on every living thing in sight. In those moments, although she had been delirious with pain, she experienced what it meant for fear to morph into anger.

                When Kylo returned, he brought with him a fresh shirt for her. It was black leather and impenetrable cloth with a low neckline and fine silver stitching that sparkled in the light. Snapped out of her thoughts, she blinked up at him in puzzlement.

                “It was all I could find,” he mumbled. “I figured you’d be needing a new one.”

                Without bothering to ask who it had belonged to, she uttered a jumbled thank-you and slipped it over her head. It was long, but it fit her rather nicely. The interior was soft and gentle on her heated flesh.

                No one spoke for some time. Heavy thoughts weighed on their minds but they both struggled to get the words out. Finally, Rey took Kylo’s hand and ran her thumb over his knuckles.

                “I didn’t get a chance to ask if you were okay,” she said quietly. “That was…pretty intense back there.”

                Kylo shrugged but didn’t meet her eyes. He felt completely ashamed and embarrassed. But underneath it all the fear still remained, and along with it, the anger.

                “I’m fine,” he said shortly. “They didn’t touch me.”

                “Why would they? Obviously their orders were capture, not murder.” Rey furrowed her brow. “I’m scared, Kylo. I’m really, really scared.”

                He came to her like a father comes to his crying babe then, cradling her face in his hands and watching her with utter concern and sympathy. “Don’t be scared, everything’s okay. You don’t need to be scared for me, beauty.”

                Tears pricked the backs of her eyes and her lip quivered. He didn’t understand. Or maybe he did and he was choosing to deny it. Either way, it broke her heart.

                “But what if I’m scared _of_ you?” she asked in a whisper.

                Kylo’s face fell and he took his hands off of her, regarding her as though she had told him his entire family was dead. His jaw clenched and he swallowed hard.

                “Are you?” he asked in a strained voice.

                She shook her head. “No, no. I mean…well, all I meant was…they could’ve taken you this morning. They almost did. And they would have turned you into someone I am afraid of, someone I don’t recognize. And that is what scares me. That’s why I came back to help. I just couldn’t let them do that to you. I don’t want to lose you that way but with every passing day of this war I feel like it’s getting closer to that. And I just want to save you, and me, from that.”

                Kylo’s muscles relaxed slightly and he let out the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He stared absently out the window at empty space, not really looking at any star in particular but rather beyond them, at something that wasn’t there.

                “Should we still go to Starkiller? Because after all that, I’m not sure I—”

                “We’ll go,” Kylo interjected firmly. “We’ll go because we need to. I need to.”

                Rey nodded, reaching out for him. She needed that physical closeness and so did he. Their aching was mutual. They sat in a shared chrysalis of vulnerability and allowed the fear and pain to saturate them, changing them. It was not in the Jedi Code to be so vulnerable and so afraid; to lend those negative emotions any credence. But in that moment they couldn’t _not_ feel it. They needed to let it in, just for a moment, before it could overtake them.

                After a while, Kylo spoke. “I’m so sorry you got hurt trying to protect me. And I’m sorry I yelled at you for it. That was wrong. I should probably be thanking you for saving my life on more than one occasion,” He gave her a weak smile.

                Rey smiled, watching their fingers dance around one another in the small space between their bodies. She didn’t feel as though he needed to thank her for anything just yet. They had a long road ahead of them still.

                Ren used his curled index finger to tilt her chin up. “Thank you, beauty. I’ll repay you one day, I hope.”

                _So do I_ , Rey thought as their lips met. _I also hope we live to see that day._


	17. Seventeen

“We’re all done back here, Miss. How does it feel?”

                At the medical droid’s prompting, Rey flexed her shoulders, rolling them in slow circles. Her skin felt a little sore where the whip had torn it open but otherwise she had full movement. She gave the droid a weak smile.

                “Much better, thank you.”

                The droid beeped in welcome and rolled off to survey one of its other patients. Rey remained seated on the edge of the cot for a moment. The halls of the medical station seemed oddly empty and quiet. When she and Kylo had arrived at the Resistance base on D’Qar, they had been greeted with relief and excitement, but Rey felt none of it herself. Instead she felt unsettled and painfully awake. The Force continually showed her a vision in the back of her mind, one where Kylo was in immense pain. No matter how hard she tried to block it out, his screams echoed in her head. As if the cot had suddenly shocked her, Rey stood up fast. She needed to find Kylo; to talk to him and try to convince him to stay behind or to leave altogether, before it was too late.

                She walked out of the medical station and turned sharply around the first corner, narrowly avoiding General Organa. Giving a little yelp of surprise, Rey froze in her tracks, instantly noticing the grim, worried expression on the powerful woman’s face.

                “Is everything alright, General?” she asked timidly.

                “Everything’s fine,” Leia responded, a little too quickly. “I was actually coming to see you. How do you feel? Do you mind if we talk for a minute?”

                Rey swallowed as her stomach lurched. She nodded, finding her mouth to suddenly be sealed shut. As she followed the General into an empty room, the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest as Leia closed the door behind them.

                The General eyed her up for a moment with just a hint of scrutiny. Rey felt about two feet tall under her gaze.

                “Something happened while you were in Arakis with my son,” she said bluntly. “What was it?”

                Rey’s vision blurred and she began to stammer. _Oh, Maker, she knows!_ Her first instinct was, of course, to deny everything.

                “I-I’m not sure what you mean, General,” she mumbled. “I can assure you we didn’t do _anything_ —”

                Leia narrowed her eyes. “He said the First Order found you on Arakis before they scorched the planet. He wouldn’t tell me what happened after that other than you got away in time, but I have a strong feeling you _will_ tell me. What did they want with him?”

                Rey about collapsed with relief, struggling not to show signs of it on her face. Chewing her lip, she debated it for a second. If Kylo wasn’t willing to tell his mother anything, would he be angry if Rey did? The penetrating stare of the General was a force to be reckoned with, however. Rey faltered beneath it.

                “They…they came for him,” she said quietly. “One of the Araki was a traitor to the Republic and sold him out, telling the First Order he was there. They were looking for him, General. And when they found us, their blasters were set to stun. They didn’t want to kill him; they needed him for something. They came to kidnap him.” The words tumbled out of her mouth in what felt to her like a jumbled mess. But the heartbroken look on Leia’s face said she had understood perfectly.

                “I knew they would,” Leia choked. “He’s always been what they needed, ever since he was a boy…and they knew it then, too.”

                Rey tilted her head quizzically. “What do you mean…?”

                Leia sighed. “They tried to take him from me once before. It was after he had gotten expelled from the Jedi Academy; after he had demonstrated his power and what he was capable of. I love my son more than anything in this galaxy, but he is far more powerful than I think even he realizes. He will quite literally destroy us all if he learns how. The First Order knows that, too. He would be their greatest asset, if only they could get their hands on him. When they came for him the first time, we barely managed to rescue him. But of course he wouldn’t tell you that. He doesn’t like to pay those memories any mind and make them more real than they are. But with this war gaining strength, I’m afraid he won’t be able to neglect the truth any longer. I have a very bad feeling about all this.”

                Rey wanted to embrace the General in a hug but she restrained herself. Instead, she sighed. “I know. I feel it too.”

                “Whatever happens when the attack on Starkiller base begins, I think our biggest objective will be to keep Ben safe. It won’t be easy, but I have some comfort knowing you’ll be there to help him.”

                Rey smiled weakly and nodded.

                “You care for him, I know,” Leia said, causing Rey to stiffen. “It’s okay. It’s hard not to.”

                When the tense meeting with the General had ended, Rey took off once more, searching for Kylo. She could feel him near the east platform and headed off in that direction as fast as she could go. When she finally caught up with him she was breathing hard, making him look at her with concern.

                “Hey, are you alright?” he asked.

                Rey opened her mouth to speak but found her throat blocked by a tight ball of emotion. She clamped her mouth shut again and her lip trembled as tears built up in her eyes. The meeting with General Organa had affected her more deeply than she had thought. She fought hard to contain her emotion but it was all too much and it came spilling out of her in one big sob. Ren quickly ushered her into a room and closed the door, much like his mother had done just moments ago. From there, he gently held her in his arms until she stopped shaking.

                He looked down at her tear-stained face. “What’s wrong?”

                Rey stepped out of his embrace and vigorously wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She took a few steadying breaths before speaking.

                “Kylo, your mother has kept you from fighting any battles until now for one reason and one reason only: she is afraid. Afraid of what you might do; of what the battle might bring out in you.”

                “Rey, we don’t have to—”

                “Yes, Kylo, we do,” Rey interjected firmly. “You need to hear this.”

                Kylo’s lips straightened into a hard line. He looked mildly annoyed by this but allowed her to continue.

                “She didn’t want to lose her son, so she kept you back to protect you. She thought she was doing the right thing after almost losing you to the Dark Side once before. And now, I’m beginning to understand that same fear of losing you. It is taking all I have in me not to beg you to stay back or leave and not fight today. But as much as I don’t want to see you hurt, or taken, I know who you are by now. And I know I can’t ask that of you. You won’t stay back, not this time. Not for your mother, not for yourself, and not for me.” She sniffed, ending her monologue with a couple more pesky tears.

                Kylo sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Rey.”

                “It’s okay. This is bigger than all of us. I understand, I think.”

                Kylo stepped forward, taking her face gently in his large warm hands. He pierced her with that same analytical, intense look that he always gave her when they had serious conversations.

                “I love you, I do. Even if something bad happens out there, that’s never going to change. I need you to know that.”

                She nodded between his hands. “Same goes for you.”

                He gave her a dazzling smile and kissed her. And when they kissed, there was no war and no other people besides the two of them. The world outside the empty room fell away and they felt oddly at peace with things. The intimate connection between the two Force-sensitives allowed for balance between them; not even the Light and Dark Sides existed when they came together.

                A fuzzy voice spoke over the speaker system, announcing that ships would be taking off for Starkiller base in ten minutes.

                “I guess this is it,” Kylo said quietly.

                “I guess so.” Rey pressed herself against his front, squeezing him as tightly as she could. She wanted to remember what he felt like, just in case she never got to feel him again.

***

                Rey had never experienced snow or ice before in her life, but one day on Starkiller base was enough to make her decide she hated it even more than sand.

                The battle had begun roughly two hours ago and had started strong for the Resistance on the ground. But it seemed like for every Stormtrooper they killed, twenty more arrived in its place without missing a beat. Rey was starting to feel exhausted when two troopers pushed her out of the circle of activity, circling her with their weapons at the ready. She had gotten so focused on fending them off that once they were dead she realized she’d lost sight of Kylo. Frantic, she scanned the area all around her, spinning in a dazed circle. There was no sign of the red lightsaber or the whirl of his black cape. Suddenly the air around her felt fifty degrees colder than it had before.

                “Kylo? _Kylo!_ ” She screamed for him, doing her best to swallow the panic that was crawling up her throat.

                _Breathe, just breathe._ Master Luke’s voice filled her head. She paused for a beat, taking a long, deep breath and centring herself. She could still feel him through the Force and he was close by, but he was in danger. She wasted no time sprinting towards his energy, all feelings of exhaustion forgotten.

                When she found him he was alone, save for the twenty-plus troopers he was facing down. Rey’s heart stopped. They were in front of a large black shuttle, where two men stood rather calmly under the wing. Rey recognized one of them as the hideous man from Ren’s nightmares. He was dressed in a golden robe that only accentuated the sickly colour of his warped skin and his glittery black eyes were focused on Ren attentively. A ginger-haired man in a General’s uniform stood next to him, with an expression on his face that made it seem as though he had just smelled something awful. This man was clearly in command of the troopers that were getting closer and closer to Kylo. He was crouched down with his saber poised at the ready. The troopers were moving in unison, closing in on him. If they all attacked at once, there was no way he was going to be able to fend them off. So Rey did what she always did. She ran towards the fray to help him.

                He saw the blue of her saber in his peripheral vision and turned his head just slightly to the right. He clenched his teeth and gestured one hand out towards her until she froze in a standing position, still several feet away from the scene. Rey struggled against his phantom grip, trying to move any and all parts of her body and failing. He was purposefully keeping her away! What was wrong with him? Had he gone completely insane?

                “Kylo!” Finding her mouth still able to work, she screamed at him as loud as she could. “Kylo, let me go!”

                He heard her, but he did not listen. He would not drag her into this, not this time. He could not bear to see her hurt again. And despite everything, Kylo knew he was probably doomed. That only made him want to keep her away even more. He wished in spite of himself that she didn’t make it to him in time to see this.

                “ _Please_ , Kylo!” Her voice broke as she sobbed, already seeing what was going to happen in her mind’s eye. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye; she couldn’t, not yet. But the eyes that looked back at her out of that pale face were already saying it. Kylo’s pain was terribly evident in his face. Somehow, he took his gaze off of her, not knowing when he would ever see her again. She screamed his name.

                Kylo winced. The troopers pressed in on him. One of them shot the ground at Kylo’s feet, melting the snow with a loud sizzling noise. Kylo didn’t allow himself to think twice about it. He used the Force to send Rey flying backwards through the air. Her shocked scream cut off as she hit the snowy ground hard and rolled some distance before finally coming to a halt amidst a snowbank. Stars danced across her vision as she tried to stand up. She could hear the sounds of fighting but could no longer see Kylo or the troopers. A hundred emotions swept through her but she focused only on getting back to him before he could be hurt. The rest would have to wait till later.

                When she finally made it back to the fight, there were only three troopers left standing. She had no time to be impressed. Just as she was about to set off to assist, Kylo received a glancing blow on his arm from a blaster. Intending to wound and weaken him, the trooper had hit its mark. Rey felt the searing pain on her own flesh and hissed, grabbing at the spot where it hurt, although no visible injury existed.

                Supreme Leader Snoke noticed her flinch and a grim smile broke upon his ugly face, looking more like a wrinkled gash beneath what remained of his nose.

                “He and the Padawan are connected through the Force. Hurt the girl, but don’t kill her!” Snoke barked at the General, who repeated the command to his troopers in a high, thin voice.

                Before Rey or Kylo could react, a blaster shot shattered her right kneecap. She screamed in pain, collapsing instantly as her useless leg crumpled beneath her weight.

                _“No!”_ Ren yelled. The ghost of her pain shot up his own leg and he staggered, falling to the ground as well. The troopers worked quickly to disarm him and shoot him down with a stun blast.

                Rey whimpered as her vision floated before her. She could just barely see the troopers hoisting an unconscious Kylo up with some difficulty and dragging him into the shuttle after Snoke and the red-headed General. Once they were all inside, the ship took off. Her heart breaking, she cried out in a weak voice and tried to stand up but found she was unable to even drag herself forward, let alone walk. The cool wetness of the snow as it melted against her skin offered no comfort and as the blackness began to swallow her, a singular tear cascaded down her cheek and froze.


	18. Eighteen

When Kylo Ren awoke, it was to the sound of a distant, familiar voice calling his name. Groggily, he lifted his sore head off of the cold, hard floor and blinked, looking around in a state of confusion. The walls around him were reinforced silver steel, slashed through with red and black bars and trim. There was an odd mechanical whirring in the background, filling the room with an eerie white noise. Slowly, Kylo lifted himself onto his knees. His body hurt from the fight and from lying on the unforgiving floor for hours. He took some time to stretch his arms and roll his neck, reflecting on everything he could remember.

                _Kylo…help me, please…_

                Rey. His eyes snapped open with sudden realization. She had gotten hurt trying to rescue him. He could hear her scream of agony echo in his mind as the blast took her down. He remembered feeling the pain race up his own leg and jolt his hips as his knee gave out from under him. With his fingers, he prodded the flesh at his hipbone and down his thigh, all of which had feeling and seemed intact. In the heat of the battle, the pain had felt so real. He stood up a little shakily and found himself able to carry his own weight, although the room swam briefly before him.

                _Kylo! They’re hurting me!_

                Ren snapped his head to the right, looking for the source of the voice. The familiar sensations of encroaching fear and panic welled up in his chest. He couldn’t remember if Rey had been taken, too. But if she had, and if they were harming her in any way, he’d kill every last person on the ship to save her.

                “Rey?” Kylo asked tentatively. His voice was raspy and quiet, so he repeated himself a little louder. He thought in the distance he heard a woman scream, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t know exactly who or what was onboard the ship with him.

                _Kylo! KYLO, PLEASE!_

He ran to the door. It was made of silvery glass, so the captors could inspect their captives. Outside he saw three Stormtroopers, all armed, standing casually across the hallway. At first they didn’t notice him. But he began to pace in front of the door, feeling more and more like a caged animal. His fear for Rey quickly turned into anger and hatred for the people who were hurting her. One of the troopers caught his movement in their peripheral vision and pointed him out to the other two, all drawing their weapons in unison. Kylo paused in his pacing and stared them down, piercing them with a gaze of pure, destructive anger.

                Without warning, Kylo thrust his fist at the glass. It rattled loudly in the door but did not break. All three troopers took a startled step backwards. Kylo wound up and hit it again, and again, until a fine white crack sprouted and grew. At six inches long, it didn’t look like much on the outside. The troopers knew that the glass was reinforced, made of several thick layers, and thus impossible to break. But the way Kylo was looking at them, disregarding the blood smeared across his knuckles, made all of them feel distinctly on edge.

                Kylo took a deep breath in and placed his palm over the crack in the glass. He shut his eyes and focused all his energy at the window; pushing it out through his fingers as though it were an extension of his body. There was a short little whoosh of air and the viewing glass in the door shattered into thousands of tiny shards that twinkled and clattered to the floor. One of the troopers gave a startled little squeak and aimed its blaster at him. But before it could pull the trigger, Kylo had sent the weapon flying down the hallway with just a twitch of his hand. Menacingly, he stepped over the threshold, glass crunching under his boots. With no lightsaber on his person, he was going to have to get a bit more creative. The rage coursing through his body made that easy. As if someone else had control of his movements, Kylo used the Force to pin one of the troopers against the far wall. It clawed at its own throat, trying to fight off the phantom hands that were closed around it. The other two closed in on Kylo but their reaction time was weak. Kylo had plenty of time to petrify them both and snap the neck of one before a loud, clear voice made him freeze.

                _“ENOUGH!”_

                Kylo stood crouched as the two remaining Stormtroopers wheezed and groaned at his feet. In the near distance, he could hear the ruffling of a delicate cloth. His breath caught in his throat. He recognized that voice. It had been quite some time since he had last heard it, and even then he had hoped he would never hear it again. But there it was, lurking in the shadows, as it always had been during his youth and training. And with the voice came the horribly disfigured body that went with it; the mysterious Supreme Leader Snoke, who had always harboured an intense interest in Kylo and his abilities. Wrapped in a shimmering golden cloak, Snoke’s beetle-like eyes traversed the scene with something akin to pride. The crooked gash that was his mouth twisted into a maniacal smirk.

                “Well, well…” Snoke said dreamily. “Look at what you can do with just a little prompting…”

                Kylo stiffened, not taking his eyes off of Snoke. “Where’s my Padawan? What did you do to her?”

                Snoke laughed, a horrible sound much like the crunching of rocks under heavy boots. “ _Your_ Padawan is safe, and alive, as far as I know. But that’s all I know.” With alarming grace, he stepped over the dead trooper, circling Kylo like a predator.

                “You’re lying,” Kylo snarled. “I heard her on this ship.”

                That terrifying grin appeared once more. “No. I’m afraid you heard only what you wanted to hear. And look at what it made you do.”

                A chill swept across Kylo’s skin, cooling the sweat that had accumulated on the back of his neck. Now that the worst of the chaos appeared to be over, he knew Snoke’s words to be true. He could not sense Rey anywhere near him. She was not aboard the ship.

                “I’ll kill you,” Kylo swore under his breath.

                “Good,” Snoke praised. “You’re angry. Use it. _Feel_ it. It will give you power beyond anything you could have imagined.”

                Kylo lunged, intent only on bringing Snoke down once and for all. But his efforts were for naught. Snoke caught him by surprise, sending him flying down the hallway with unusual force until his back cracked into a metal partition and he slumped to the floor, gasping for air. The pain was sharp as it shot through every nerve in his body and arched up his spine and over his ribs.

                “You’ve had your fun, _boy_ ,” Snoke spat, walking idly up to his latest victim. “Now your real training begins.”

                Kylo glared up at him, struggling to stand. He could taste blood in his mouth. “I will _never_ join you…I will not be your pawn. Not then, and not now.”

                Snoke peered down at him mercilessly. “You will. I have foreseen it. You simply need a little extra push…”

                The blue shoots of Force lightning racked Kylo’s body when it made contact. He screamed until his throat felt raw. The pain was like nothing he had ever experienced before and it was unrelenting. Eventually, his body couldn’t take anymore, and only when he lay quiet and limp did Snoke finally stop.

 

***

 

                Three days later, in the medical centre on D’Qar, Rey opened her eyes for the first time since the attack on Starkiller base. The room bloomed before her in a blur of white and blue. She was only vaguely aware of a relentless, rhythmic beeping noise nearby. Confused, she peered around, taking note of everything she saw. It was daylight outside; probably around mid-afternoon. Luke was asleep in the corner beside a silver wash basin, his hood pulled down over his eyes. Her leg was in a black molded half-brace, bruised, scarred, and stiff, but otherwise whole. Carefully, she tested it out by wiggling her toes. They, too, felt strangely stiff, but they functioned normally other than that. She didn’t even pause to wonder what they had done to fix it, knowing the shattered, useless mess it had been before.

                The bulky shadow in the corner shifted and two blue eyes peeked out at her beneath a large hood. Luke was awake and standing at her bedside in a matter of seconds. Rey quickly noted that although he was a Jedi Master, he was not an expert at hiding his emotions, especially when he was concerned. The sight of him, although welcome, made her feel slightly confused and scared. She was looking and hoping for someone else to be there when she woke.

                “Rey,” Luke breathed a sigh of relief. “Do you feel alright?”

                Slowly, Rey nodded. She attempted to sit up on her own but Luke insisted on helping, adjusting her bed and pillows until she nodded her approval. Luke then pulled up a chair and sat down, just looking at her for a moment. The crease between his eyebrows deepened.

                “You’ve been asleep for three days,” Luke explained. “Your knee was completely ruined; they had to replace it and restructure your leg bones. You’ll need to use a cane to get around for a few weeks, but then you’ll be back to normal; like nothing ever happened.”

                Rey digested this carefully. She supposed it was good to know, but she didn’t really care about her leg. It didn’t matter if she would be able to use it again or not if Kylo wasn’t alive. She fixed Luke with a firm stare.

                “Kylo…where is he? I need to see him.”

                Luke swallowed and looked at the floor. He had been dreading this. His mouth set in a grim line. His sudden reservation made Rey’s heart race. Something was wrong, she knew that now. Flashbacks of the attack tore through her mind, making the room spin and twirl before her eyes. Kylo was hurt, taken down because she had been too close. By using her, the First Order had captured him. It was all her fault, she thought. Tears were pricking her eyes when the room finally stopped moving.

                “Where is he?” she demanded.

                Luke let out a long, slow breath. His aged eyes were full of sympathy and pain.

                “He’s gone; the First Order took him.”

                Although deep down she knew it was the truth, and on some level she had been expecting it, she had still held out hope until that moment that it had all been a terrible dream and Kylo was still safe. Luke’s words crashed down on Rey with an unprecedented weight. She could feel herself suffocating beneath it; it was as though a heavy weight was baring down on her chest, crushing her slowly.

                “As of right now,” Luke continued perilously, “the outlook for getting him back is grim. But you know Leia. She’s willing to try anything to save her son, and she will. But I’m afraid…I’m afraid they’ll corrupt him before the Resistance can save him. And if we do get him back, he won’t ever be the same person that he was before.”

                Hot tears cascaded down Rey’s cheeks. She kept shaking her head, trying to block it out and deny it all. All of her emotions were churning and roaring within her, disorienting her even further. She felt incredible pain, the likes of which she had never known before. The pain was not on her skin, or even in her muscles. This time, the pain was _inside_ her, living and breathing, tearing down every last one of her defences. Everything burst forth from her in one long, heart-wrenching scream of raw emotion that echoed down the hallways of the medical centre. Luke winced in his chair but did nothing more.

Rey’s entire body heaved with each desperate sob. The situation was so charged with emotional energy that the lights flickered. The loneliness she felt in that moment seemed as though it had the full power to kill her, and she thought it just might. But it would be a slow, painful death. Luke’s own heart was breaking for her. He had never experienced a Force bond himself, but he knew enough about the mysterious connections to know that when broken, they could cause intense personal harm, even death. The loneliness and heartbreak were incredibly dangerous to a Force-sensitive. He had not been anticipating such a tragic end and the thought of losing his apprentice to a broken heart filled him with remorse for having put her in that position in the first place.

He put his hand over hers. She jumped a bit, gasping between sobs. She had become so enveloped in her own pain, she had forgotten he was there. Her eyes were red and puffy, her medical gown spattered with tear stains. But she was still coherent; still in her own mind. That was what was important.

“My mother died of a broken heart, you know,” Luke said quietly. Rey sniffed, listening. “I never knew her, but my father’s betrayal destroyed her in a way that even the birth of her children couldn’t fix. I can see you’re on that same path now, but Rey, I urge you to fight through the pain. In time, it will ease. But you must not give up. As long as you still fight, my nephew still stands a chance.”

Rey shook her head, speaking through her sobs. “I c-can’t…I can’t…”

Luke sighed, squeezing her hand. “Yes, you can. You’re my apprentice. You are strong with the Force and it will guide you through this.”

Rey turned her head away from him. She didn’t have much faith in the Force at that particular moment. She didn’t have much faith in anything or anyone at all.

“They had a plan to separate him from you and they executed it perfectly,” Luke said. “We were unprepared for the type of strategy they implemented; it was all so chaotic. I’m so sorry.”

Rey clenched her teeth but didn’t speak. Sorry was not going to bring him back. The failure of the Resistance to ensure his protection only made her feel more resentment towards the organization. They had known the risk of putting Ren in battle and although they didn’t have much choice other than to allow him to fight, they could have at least devised a proper protection strategy, one that was immune to the cunning methods of the First Order. She shuddered. She had been the only protection strategy the Resistance thought he would need, and she had failed.

“Before, when you were sleeping…it was medically induced,” Luke explained slowly.

Rey snapped her head back around, glaring at him with unanticipated ferocity. “Why?” she snapped, although her voice was weakened by emotion. “I could have been awake. I could have been doing something.”

“No, you couldn’t have. Your leg has only just begun to fuse now. Listen, it was my doing. I knew the First Order would likely be…hurting him, and I didn’t want that to hurt you. I can ask them to give you more medicine; you’ll go right back to sleep and the pain will go away. But I must warn you, avoiding the pain can become an addiction faster than you think. Soon you must wake up and face this, Rey. You’re the only one who can save him now.”

While the thought of the pain disappearing was enticing, Rey would not allow herself to waste any more time. She shut her eyes for a moment, channeling the Force. She focused on Kylo, picturing his face, listening to his voice, feeling the memory of his touch on her skin. He was out there, somewhere. Broken and abused, but alive. Though her heartbreak stayed with her, when she opened her eyes they were alight with determination.

“I don’t want to sleep,” she said firmly. “I’m done sleeping. I want to train.”

Luke appraised her for a moment before nodding. “Alright, then. We’ll train. As soon as you’re able.”

“Tomorrow.” Rey demanded.

“Well, I don’t think—”

_“Tomorrow.”_

“Yes, fine. Tomorrow.” Luke nodded, unwilling to argue with the fiery, injured Padawan.

Rey turned her gaze back to the window and Luke took it as his cue to leave. When the door slid open it revealed a worried Leia, standing with her knuckles pressed to her teeth. The second the door shut behind him she pounced with a flurry of questions.

“Well? I heard you talking. She’s awake?”

“Yes,” Luke said meekly, walking down the hall with his sister. “And she knows what’s happened. I assume you heard her reaction also?”

“I did.” Leia admitted quietly. “How bad is it, really?”

Luke sighed. “Force bonds are curious things. But I believe if we had truly lost Ben, she would be far gone already and she’s not. She’s in immense pain, but she’s determined to save him.”

“I knew she would be,” Leia said proudly. “We can use her to bring him back. They care so deeply about one another, even if Ben turns to the Dark Side he will come back to the Light for _her_.”

Luke stopped walking, forcing his sister to do the same.

“Yes, but Leia, if we can’t save him, if this plan is built entirely on a stray hope and it crumbles, she’s as good as dead. Do you realize that?” he asked. “They are two halves of one soul now. If one half goes to the Dark Side or dies, you can guess what happens to the other. Especially with these two. They are both dangerously susceptible to ruin. This plan of yours is not guaranteed to work.”

Leia swallowed. “Then I guess we’ll just have to be extra cautious. The sooner we can rescue my son, the better it will be for everyone involved.”

Luke rubbed at his eyes, waves of exhaustion rolling over him. “No one must know about all this. If anyone on or close to the Jedi Council hears about their bond, she will be expelled from the Academy, Kylo will be vilified, and I will be barred from training her. If that happens, I believe she will turn to the Dark Side trying to save him. Then all hope will really be lost.”

Leia frowned. Luke could see her heart was aching just as much as Rey’s over the loss of her son. For so many years she had fought to prevent this, and now it all seemed for naught. But Leia was tough, tougher than most, and she bit back her tears and her fear, allowing herself only to feel hope and determination. They were the only things that would carry her through this in one piece, as risky as it was to rely on them.

“A lot is riding on this, I know,” she confessed. “But I also know my son. And I know that he has never looked at another person the way he looks at your Padawan. She is his humanity just as much as he is hers. This is the only chance we have to bring him back, Luke. I will not lose him; I can’t.”

Luke wrapped his sister in his tired arms and squeezed. “I know you can’t. And you won’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woof, things are getting dark. And I can confirm they'll only get darker in the coming chapters. Don't be afraid to let me know how you feel about that ;)
> 
> On a separate note, I'm aiming to keep this uploading every week thing going for as long as I can. There might be a little break next week, though, depending on how much time I have to write. So if there's no upload next Friday, don't be alarmed! I will try to get something up as soon as I possibly can. Also, I'm working on a new Reylo fic that I'm hoping to have posted in the coming weeks (I want it up before TLJ comes out!). It's a modern AU (if you count the 18th century as modern lol) fic, so if you're interested, keep your eyes peeled for that!


	19. Nineteen

The frigid, salty air felt good on her healing leg. The wind blew her rough-spun cloak about her ankles, and made her hair tickle her face, but she remained unmoving; her sharp eyes watched the distant, stormy grey horizon as the sea broiled and crashed, looking for any sign of life and seeing none. The sound of the waves crashing into the rocky shores of Ahch-To roared in her ears, cancelling her chance of hearing any oncoming ships. It didn’t matter, anyway. He wasn’t out there, she could sense it.

                She sighed. She didn’t want to be on Ahch-To. In fact, she would rather be anywhere but. Master Luke and General Organa had insisted, however. They feared the First Order were not done with her, and to protect her, they had sent her to the desolate, rocky island to train. No one would find her there. Not even Kylo Ren.

                As she had done every day for the last five weeks, she closed her eyes and looked for him. Sometimes she got a strange little sensation; distant and minute, but significant. Most of the time, however, it was nothing but radio silence; a silence that was becoming more and more frequent. It terrified her. Wanting him and being unable to find him felt like torture, and it came in stages. First, there was panic. Her brain would fill with morbid possibilities of his suffering and death, keeping the images on a constant loop until her heat felt like it was going to pound out of her chest. Second, there was exhaustion, brought on by the panic. Her legs would turn to mush and her brain would just shut off, too tired to continue thinking. But it didn’t last for long. She would try to rest and find herself unable to do so. So every time, she got up and faced the third and final stage: the cold, dark realm of emotional unavailability. It chilled the marrow in her bones and filled her with a deep, impenetrable loneliness that eventually numbed her until she felt nothing at all. Only then could she sleep, or eat, or train, or do anything at all.

                Luke had warned her it would be difficult, being without Kylo and knowing nothing of his safety. But she hadn’t been expecting this. This was living death.

                Stiffly, she wandered back to the hut, leaning heavily on her wooden cane. The rain would be coming soon; she could taste it on the air and feel its dampness on her skin. The grass would be slick, and the dirt muddy, but she would do her exercises nonetheless. Rain or shine, she had not missed a day since she had been released from the medical centre. Initially, it had been quite hard to train with her freshly healing leg slowing her down. There had been numerous moments where she had gotten so frustrated she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to cry or give up and walk away. But she had not let the pain win. She refused.

                Once inside, she removed her dampened cloak and hung it up by the crackling fireplace to dry. Next, she sat down on a stool and hoisted her foot up onto one as well, extending her leg. The muscles around her new kneecap and joint were tense and she had to do it slowly, but she removed the molded brace and gently massaged them until they relaxed. The warm, smoky atmosphere of the hut brought some heat back into her legs. Her nose began to run as her sinuses thawed from the mixture of salty air and sudden heat exposure and she wiped it casually on her sleeve, reaching behind her for the metal brace she wore for training. It clipped onto her shoe and held her knee in a snug clamp, but she had full mobility in it, unlike in her molded brace. She could bend her leg at the knee and do things normally for the most part. It was slightly more uncomfortable though, and had left the skin on her leg welted, bruised, and calloused in more than one spot.

                As she was clipping it together at her thigh, Luke entered the hut looking flustered, with two moving lumps in the long sleeves of his robe. Muttering to himself, he shook his sleeves and two small porgs fell out, squeaking and yipping with displeasure. They flapped their featherless wings indignantly, stamped their feet, and made a noise directed at Luke that was comparable to a rude raspberry.

                “I told you, I’m not a transportation device, nor am I an insulated house!” Luke pointed his finger at the two small, bird-like creatures, who were the majority population of Ahch-To.

                Luke looked at Rey pleadingly. She just smiled weakly and continued busying herself with her brace.

                “Getting ready to train?” Luke asked, wishing only to get her talking so she might escape the torment of her head for a little while. “Looks like you might get a little wet.”

                Rey scoffed. That was nothing new on this planet.

                “I’m prepared,” she said distractedly.

                One of the porgs hopped up on the stool supporting Rey’s foot and peered curiously at her shiny metal brace, making gentle noises of amazement. Rey waggled her foot beside it, making it squawk in surprise. It then continued to use to the tip of her shoe as a back scratcher.

                “Needy little things, aren’t they?” Luke said, taking a sip of his coffee. “While you’re out there, I want you just to focus on…focusing, alright? You’ve got a lot of distractions right now and that can be a big weakness.”

                “Yeah, I know,” Rey said. “I need to combat train, too, though. I’m not strong enough yet. I need to be able to…to fight.” Her eyes lit up maliciously for a second. She had meant to say that she needed to practice fighting to she would be able to kill someone the likes of Snoke, but Luke did not like that particular idea of hers and so she didn’t see fit to mention it to him again. She figured he knew, anyway. If he didn’t, he was clueless.

                Luke drowned his sigh in his coffee cup. She was stubborn, just as his nephew had been. Sometimes, it was an asset. Other times, it was a curse.

                “Just be careful. Don’t push that leg too hard.” He said it every time. She brushed it off every time.

                “I won’t.”

                Hoping to avoid more uncomfortable conversation, Rey stood herself up, carefully testing her weight and balance. She then walked over to her drying cloak, the brace rattling lightly with every footfall. It was still damp around the hems, but the fire had otherwise dried the garment completely. She shrugged it on and lifted her eyes to see one of the porgs standing atop the table and staring at her with its large, black eyes. It made a curious chirping sound. Rey narrowed her eyes, catching the porg staring longingly at the spacious hood of her cloak.

                “No.” Rey said firmly, pointing at it. It huffed with resigned acceptance and slipped off the table, joining its snoring mate by the fire.

                Luke didn’t stop her as she exited the hut. The cold ocean air swallowed her instantly, buffeting her with a wind that was quickly gaining power. The waves beyond the rocky points were massive and destructive. She harnessed their energy and the power carried by the wind, discharged her lightsaber, and began to train. After practicing her forms, she released seven training orbs into the air and slipped a black blindfold over her eyes. She got six of them in a short amount of time, but the last one kept evading her swipes and jabs. She was running out of breath and the rain was coming down by that time, soaking through her clothes, but she hardly felt it. Annoyed by the resiliency of the orb, she steadied herself. The environmental energies surrounding her were not enough. Gritting her teeth, she channelled her pain. Luke had warned against doing that, as it could backfire, but he didn’t know she had been practicing it since they left D’Qar. And what he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. She could control herself. Her pain and anger were intense and powerful, but they gave her the strength she needed to finish the job. A never-ending supply of vengeance and heartache was her secret weapon.

                She barely registered that she was yelling as she chased the orb relentlessly. Hot, angry tears intermingled with the rain on her cheeks. In one decimating swipe, she cut clean through the training device, leaving it in two smoldering halves on the wet ground. She continued to hack at it until it was nothing but shards of metal and electrical wire. Only then did she lift the blindfold and assess the damage she had done. The ground around the mess that had been the training orb was scarred and burnt. She should have been scared by it, but she wasn’t. She was pleased.

 

***

 

                His chains rattled as he woke with a start. He thought he had felt her, far off in the distance; like a warm but fleeting memory, reaching out through a foggy veil to tap him on the shoulder, reminding him of its existence. But the sensation, although sudden, had dissipated as quickly as it had come. He shifted feebly in his binds and groaned. He would rather not feel anything at all.

                His chains were dependent on gravity and tension, keeping him locked in a stretched position in mid-air, each hand and foot pointed at a different corner of the room. He could not pull himself up any more than he could recline. The pain in his shoulders and neck had been blinding after the first twenty-four hours; he could no longer feel those muscles. So he remained slack, his head craned down towards the floor, and he tried to find sleep one more time.

                He had been drifting in and out of consciousness so much that it was no longer always possible for him to discern between the two. The pain he felt in his body followed him into his dreams, along with the ache of his heart. It felt as though he was raw on the inside; gutted and carved and left to rot. Never before in his life could he remember a time where he felt as hopeless and broken. He had searched the far recesses of his mind and still, despite all the trauma he had endured in his lifetime, he could find nothing to compare it to. No one had told him the specifics of a broken Force bond, how much it could hurt a person. He hadn’t known. And if he was hurting, then so was she. The thought alone was enough to make him feel sick. He felt as though he was in a constant state of suffering and, the longer it went on, the more open he was to the idea of death. Every time the Supreme Leader had entered his cell to torture him some more, Ren had felt a glimmer of hope that maybe that would be the day Snoke killed him. The glimmer had grown into a beacon; before long he may beg for the end, if he had the energy.

                He might have asked for it already, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he had seen her, on more than one occasion. It only happened when he dreamed, and the more he anticipated it, the less likely it was to occur. At the start it had just been snapshot images in his head. The interior of a ship, the perpetually worried face of his uncle, a bowl of food. But after a while he began to see things in real-time, through her eyes. Just bits and pieces of things, typically nonsensical in nature, but it had filled him with an excitement he had quickly become addicted to. The feeling of hope, of knowing she was out there, safe and alive, had given him a reason to refuse death. As long as she was alive, there was a possibility he would see her again. And so, he had kept his mouth shut and continued to endure the pain as it came.

                The last thing he had seen was an island. Mountainous terrain, the crashing waves of the seemingly endless ocean, porgs, rain, and the blue lightsaber. He recognized Ahch-To from his youth, when his uncle had taken him up there to train under the watchful eyes of his parents for a couple months. It had been nothing special, but its remoteness and insignificance played to her favour. She would be safe there, he believed. There were bad people out looking for her, that much he knew. Snoke had told him as much in one of his lengthy, often one-sided conversations with Kylo. As usual, Snoke had been teasing Kylo, testing his patience and weaknesses. Knowing Rey to be his biggest weakness, Snoke had pounced on the subject with malicious glee.

                “You feel it, don’t you? The pain of a broken Force bond?” he had asked, scrutinizing Kylo’s sickly, exhausted exterior. “Mm, a deadly affliction. It has taken the life of many. I can’t say I pity you; you did this to yourself and now you must suffer for your mistake.”

                Kylo had sat motionless on the floor as Snoke rambled on with a blank expression on his face.

                “I saw the girl, that day on Starkiller,” Snoke continued airily. “Merely a scavenger before her training, yet she has such immense power…I will say it is clear why you were so naturally drawn to her. The two of you are so similar, more than you think. She has a darkness to her too, but of course you knew that already.” His mouth twisted up in a lopsided smile.

                Kylo’s eyes darted to Snoke’s face. Something cold slid into his stomach then, making him straighten just slightly.

                “You sensed that darkness from the very start. It’s what inspired your connection to her in the first place, whether you can admit it or not. And no wonder. The two of you together, combining your skills and strength…the galaxy would never stand a chance. I must say, she intrigued me as well…”

                Kylo clenched his teeth. He wanted to strangle him for talking about her like that. He had no right. He would kill him, the first chance he got. He repeated this to himself several times.

                “I wonder, do you know where she is now? Certainly she’s not dead, or you’d be…well. You’d be far worse than you are now. Perhaps we can find her, bring her to you. I can teach you both the powers of the Dark Side. You can rule this galaxy together, with her as your Queen…”

                “You will never touch her,” Kylo snapped. The words had slipped out before he could stop them. “You have me. Leave her out of it.”

                Snoke had looked at him in amusement. “So you do know where she is.” he said.

                Kylo growled, shifting in his cuffs. “I don’t,” he grumbled. “But if I did, I would never tell you. You can torture me as long as you want, but I will never give her up to you.”

                “Your compassion for this scavenger will ruin you,” Snoke warned ominously. “She poses a threat to the value and longevity of your training. If she is seen in any battle from here on out, our entire armada has been given the command to kill her immediately. But don’t worry; you’ll know when she dies. You’ll probably realize it before she does.”

                As much as Kylo didn’t wish to show it, that threat had stuck with him. It concerned him because he knew Rey would have a significant part to play in any risky rescue mission on his part. He wanted to warn her to stay away for whatever good it would do, but he wasn’t strong enough. The physical distance between them combined with Kylo’s prolonged exposure to the Dark Side of the Force had significantly weakened their connection.

                Kylo opened his eyes, hearing movement outside his cell door. Instinctively, his muscles tensed. When the door opened, he remained absolutely still. He could hear the gentle swish of Snoke’s robe around his ankles as he moved across the floor to stand before Kylo. All Kylo could see was Snoke’s feet, bare and exposed, as always. He was missing part of his small toe on his right foot; all that remained was a tiny nub that ended in the knuckle. Kylo thought it to be an odd toe to be missing. The toenails were long and yellowed, fusing with the skin in a burst of pallid blue.

                “Get him down.” Snoke ordered, stepping back a bit.

                Two Praetorian guards unlocked Kylo’s cuffs, starting at his ankles. When his feet were free, his lower half swung limply forward. His feet stung as the blood rushed back into them, the circulation no longer restricted by the thick cuffs. When his hands were finally released, he collapsed to the ground as though lifeless. The force with which he hit the hard floor rattled his teeth and made every muscle in his body burn in agony. Bright bursts of colour bloomed before his eyes. It was the incredible pain that took his breath away, rather than the fall itself. He wheezed quietly on the floor, each breath shaking his body.

                Snoke circled around him slowly. “Hmm…” he said dreamily. “It’s a shame to reduce a man of your veracity to this condition, but a man must be broken before he can be rebuilt.”

                One of Snoke’s feet, the very same one he had seen earlier, with the missing toe, tilted Kylo’s head up and off the floor. Snoke appraised him with the type of scrutiny commonly seen on the face of a picky trader. He made a soft clucking noise.

                “Still alive, still able to be controlled…” He pressed the sole of his foot against Kylo’s cheek and applied pressure.

Kylo shut his eyes, but did not fight back. He wanted to, deep in spite of himself, but that part of him had been significantly reduced and shut carefully away. He would rather just lay there, unmoving, and wait for it to be over.

“I brought you a gift,” Snoke said, finally taking his foot off of Ren’s face. “I think solitary did you well. I’d like to begin training you. So, this is just a little something to start that fire inside you again.” There was a malicious humour to his voice that Kylo didn’t like.

Snoke turned to the red-cloaked guards and barked, “Get him up. Make him stand.”

They followed orders and hauled Kylo up to his feet. He wobbled and swayed as his knees and ankles threatened to buckle under the weight of him, having not supported him in his entirety in so long. Kylo didn’t make a sound as they fussed about with him, roughing him up with their hard, pinching grabs. Finally, they got him to stand on his own two feet. He stayed motionless, staring blankly at the room before him.

A door opened at Snoke’s request and a familiar figure strode in, still sporting that smug expression. Nazarh had survived the attack on Arakis, as the First Order had promised. Kylo stared blankly into the glassy yellow eyes, barely hinting that he so much as recognized the creature. Kylo knew the First Order had no real compassion for the Araki; why would they? He was as insignificant as they come. He wondered idly what part Nazarh played in Snoke’s grand plan to “rebuild” Kylo from the ground up.

“ _Ohh_ ,” Nazarh purred, inspecting Kylo as though he were for sale. “You have been enjoying yourself, haven’t you, Supreme Leader? He looks awful.”

Snoke grinned behind Nazarh’s shoulder, but did not respond.

Nazarh focused his attentions to Kylo now. “See? I told you I had something in my possession that was of value to the First Order: _you_.”

Kylo kept his eyes trained on Nazarh’s ugly face, not hinting at any emotion that lay beneath the surface.

“Only…they didn’t capture you on Arakis,” Nazarh turned thoughtfully to Snoke. “Why is that, Supreme Leader?”

Snoke’s face darkened minutely. “The Padawan girl had a… _profound_ impact on him and helped him escape.”

“Ah yes, the girl,” Nazarh nodded, facing Kylo once more. “I thought she may be a problem; what with her silly blind devotion to you. She was quite striking though, wasn’t she? Beautiful, yes…she kept you secure in the palm of her hand. She was your fatal mistake. How tragic.”

There was a momentary pause, filled only by the heavy energy of the room. Behind Nazarh, Kylo noticed Snoke looked hungry; a very particular kind of hunger, quenched only by the game of sacrifice. With careful prompting, he began the game.

“Did you know the girl was injured on Arakis, Nazarh?” he asked innocently.

“Oh?” Nazarh asked, interest piqued.

“Mm, yes, quite a nasty laceration on her back,” Snoke nodded thoughtfully. “That was what inspired Kylo to mow down all the men I had sent to capture him in record time. Isn’t that right, my apprentice?” He always said his new name for Kylo in a different voice; a slimy, dispassionate voice that Kylo did not appreciate.

Kylo did not respond, he barely even blinked. Something was about to happen, he could feel it in the air. It made the hair on the back of his neck rise. He wanted nothing more than to escape from the suddenly cramped cell, but he remained rooted to the floor. His stomach churned uncomfortably.

Snoke snapped his fingers and a Praetorian guard brought forth something wrapped in a sheet of red silk. When removed, it revealed the polished hilt of Kylo’s cross-guard lightsaber. That confused him, and it showed on his face.

Snoke smiled. “You must be wondering if I’m a fool, giving you a weapon with which you could easily kill me.”

Kylo wasn’t about to say he didn’t think that. Instead he just stared stone-faced at the grim spectre that was the Supreme Leader. The guard handed Kylo the saber, quickly stepping back once it was safe in his palm. Kylo tilted the saber in his hand, watching the light gleam off of its handle. It felt like years since he’d held it.

“See, you won’t kill me,” Snoke said confidently. “You’ll find that you can’t. If you kill me, you’re guaranteed to never see your Padawan again, and the order will automatically go out to put all the pressure on finding her and killing her. I’ll make sure you get to watch her die before you’re struck down as well. Do you understand?”

Kylo gripped his lightsaber instinctively, but gave Snoke a stiff nod. If he did anything while he was being held captive, he would make sure no harm would come to Rey on his account.

“I do give it to you for a reason, however.” Snoke’s eyes darted to Nazarh, who had been standing looking rather perplexed for the last few minutes. Immediately, his arms were held behind his back by two guards, rendering him immobile.

Nazarh gave a squeal of shock. “What is the meaning of this?” he spat.

Kylo knew instantly what Snoke was going to have him do; it was all too clear. By the angered look on Nazarh’s face, he hadn’t quite realized it yet.

“I told you I had a gift for you,” Snoke explained, waltzing casually around the bound Araki and Kylo. “This snivelling _creature_ sold you out. His disloyalty to the Republic nearly killed your Padawan. Do you remember what it felt like, when she was struck down? The pain you felt, the rage. It was enough for you to kill all those men in just a few minutes. _He_ was the reason that happened. _He_ brought suffering unto you and the girl.”

Like a creeping, dense fog, the memories floated back to him. Rey’s scream of pain and shock; the way she fell to the ground and just laid there, unmoving. The panic and anger that had welled up inside of Kylo at the sight of it had unleashed a power that had always lived within him, just under the surface. He felt it then, coursing through his veins like fire. He examined the ugly face of Nazarh, where realization was finally dawning. His watery eyes were bulging, the large mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping in air. He looked all the part like prey cornered by the most ferocious predator. Kylo could smell the fear coming off of him. It sent a strange thrill through his body.

“Does that make you want to hurt him?” Snoke prompted icily.

Kylo swallowed. “It makes me want to kill him.”

 _“Good,”_ Snoke purred happily. He even laughed. “Do it.”

“No!” Nazarh pleaded. “No, no! I did not ask them to _hurt_ you, o-or the Padawan! I only told them you were there, to protect myself—”

“You are selfish,” Kylo said coldly, stalking closer. He discharged his saber with a sharp hiss, causing Nazarh to squirm and whine in panic, trying and failing to get as far away from the electric red blade as possible. “That is nothing I didn’t already know.”

“ _Please_ , Senator! H-have mercy!”

“I’m afraid you’ve committed a terrible crime,” Kylo said, reflecting back on what Nazarh had so smugly said to him that day in the Council chambers. “You will pay with your life.”

_“No-!”_

Nazarh’s head rolled lazily to the wall, where it came to a grisly stop. The rest of his body fell heavily to the floor a few seconds later. Blood pooled slowly around the smoking remnants of the Araki’s throat. Kylo examined the gore for a moment, absorbing it. He felt no remorse, only pride and relief. He had avenged her. That was all he had ever wanted to do. He did it for her.

“Oh, excellent,” Snoke said, applauding him and snapping him out of his reverie. “I think you’re ready for your training to properly start now.”

Kylo sheathed his saber. All the guards appeared to take a step back from him, bowing their heads as a sign of respect. He took a deep breath in.

He felt new; powerfully different. He felt like he could rule the entire galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's mistakes, I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to upload today, so. Enjoy!


	20. Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if any of you are good at art and like drawing pure fucKING PAIN, this one's for you.

“You have not broken him. He still has an allegiance to… _them_.” The fiery-haired General spat, making a face of disgust.

                “Patience, General Hux,” Snoke replied calmly. “I have a plan.”

                Hux looked over at the nightmarish Supreme Leader as they walked side-by-side down the hall. “Would you mind enlightening me?”

                The corner of Snoke’s mouth twitched as something dark stirred within his eyes.

                “The scavenger girl is his biggest weakness,” Snoke explained. “I did not anticipate having to break a Force bond in order to have control of him, but alas, that is what I am faced with. It is proving more difficult than I first imagined, but I believe I have devised a way to speed the process up substantially, whilst simultaneously pushing him further into the grip of the Dark Side. His power and anger will increase, and that pesky allegiance you speak of will be no more.”

                Hux’s blue eyes glittered ominously, his sallow, sharply-angled face showing no other hint of emotion. The Jedi interested him on the most basic of levels; he was neither impressed nor thrilled about Ren’s presence, but the Supreme Leader considered him a necessity for the future of the First Order, and so there he was.

                “That sounds perfect, Supreme Leader, but how will you do it?”

                “The quickest way to break a Force bond is by accessing the mind, modifying it and the memories it holds ever so slightly. He is strong with the Force but I am stronger. I can convince him that my reality is the only reality there is or ever was. He will believe what I want him to believe in time. I have already been playing subtle mind-tricks on him; making him think the girl is nearby when she is not, torturing him with her screams of agony, and so on. He hardly even notices that it’s a trick, he’s so blinded by his infatuation.”

                “That sounds…complicated, and dangerous.” Hux couldn’t hide the awe in his voice. To have the power to control the minds of others…that was something he had only ever dreamed of. In fact, if he was being honest with himself, he was quite jealous of Snoke and the Jedi prisoner for their abilities.

                “Oh, it is,” Snoke confirmed bluntly. “The only way to break him is to remove the Padawan from the equation. Once I have convinced him that she’s dead, he will be mine to mould and sculpt, irreversibly…”

 

***

 

                Five months, seventeen days. That was how long Ren had been held captive by the First Order. With each passing day he found himself growing angrier, more violent. The demons that had always lived within him were beginning to once again sink their teeth into him, as they had done when he was younger. He had forgotten the fear that accompanied that sort of turmoil; it was almost worse than the vibrant pain that still remained inside of him, echoing from the hole she had left when they were separated.

                Thoughts of her still plagued him. He wondered where she was, if she was safe, if she had moved on yet. He had stopped seeing her in his dreams two months ago, when the darkness had really begun to take hold. Every day since he had pined for her, for any sign that she was still out there on the other end of the red string that connected their souls. Part of the disconnect was his doing. He knew he couldn’t risk seeing her, it was far too dangerous. Snoke knew everything, even the things Ren refused to tell him. Ren knew enough to see that the threat Rey posed greatly disturbed Snoke; why else would he have threatened to kill her if Kylo disobeyed? She was a bargaining chip, but one he didn’t want to hold for long. Kylo could not risk Snoke finding Rey through him. He had told himself that two months ago, and one month ago he began to secretly gather information on how to flawlessly go against his own word.

                As it turned out, hiding particular memories from manipulative Force users was a lot harder than he originally thought. It took a lot of practice, creating a hidden, guarded section of his mind. But finally, after constant practice, he had mastered the art. Not even Snoke could discern the truth about Rey, but for her own safety, Kylo had decided he only had one shot to make it work. He could not get greedy, for her sake. It would give him time to see her once more, to explain things to her and warn her to stay away, and that was about all he could ask for in his position. It was risky no matter what, but he had to do it before the Dark Side claimed him completely; before he lost all of his humanity.

                That night, after several hours of rigorous physical training, he had stolen a blindfold from the equipment room. It would be necessary if he was going to be able to focus all of his senses and energy into finding her. He went straight to his room after, as he always did, under the pretense of sleep. No one would disturb him; he had forbid it. Apparently due to the value Snoke placed upon him, others were bound to obey him. In his imprisonment and torture he had gained power and influence. It only made him feel more conflicted and confused at the end of the day, but that was what was intended. A jumbled mind was a weak mind.

                He surprised himself by how nervous he was. He spent quite some time simply pacing the room while the blindfold leered at him from his cot. He was at war with himself, unsure if he was doing the right thing but desperately needing to do it anyway. Ice cold fear crawled just beneath his skin, too. What if he saw her and everything else crumbled away, including his self-restraint? One look from her had been known to destabilize him in the past. If he faltered, he would be damning them both. He could not allow himself to stay with her, or to keep seeing her. It was a task he did not believe he had the strength to handle, but his desire to see her matched with the hysteria of a broken Force bond far outweighed the consequences.

                Slowly, he sat atop his cot. It creaked softly under his weight. He pulled the blindfold through his fingers, the soft material delicately brushing across his knuckles. It was thick enough to block out any light, allowing the user to access the furthest depths of their concentration. As he pulled the blindfold over his eyes and tied it behind his head, he took a slow, deep breath. It could take a very long time to find her, and he didn’t have more than ten hours to do it. He prepared his body and soul as best he could for the exhaustion that would find him soon.

                Probing gently through the thick black veil of consciousness, he called for her. At first, everything was quiet. He felt entirely alone and worry started bubbling up fast. For some reason he still found himself expecting her to be right there, just out of his reach, like she always had been. He would know if something dire had happened to her, so that wasn’t the problem. Perhaps she beat him to the punch and blocked him out first? She wouldn’t do that, would she? The pain _had_ been almost unbearable, after all. His mind raced at the thought, currents of frustration swirling dangerously in his head. He took another deep breath, chastising himself. He would never find her if he got preoccupied thinking about something horrible.

                After what felt like an eternity searching through never-ending empty darkness, there was a light; a gentle ping of life answering his calls from a far-off place. Excited, he pushed closer to it, chasing it almost. For a while it seemed to be getting farther away from him. He concentrated hard, however; focusing on Rey’s presence, calling for her to do the same. His heart was pounding by the time he found her.

                She was sat atop the grassy edge of a cliff, her legs crossed in lotus position, hands cupped purposefully in her lap. The wind blew her hair around. She had freed it from her traditional tri-bun style and the brown wisps of hair just brushed the tops of her shoulders. She did not turn around to acknowledge him. She did not move an inch.

                Kylo’s heart stopped, frozen by the sight of her. He felt like he was looking at a ghost, or as though he was dreaming. There was no way it could be real; she couldn’t be there, just out of his reach, as he had been longing for all those months. He could hardly believe he had found her, let alone the fact that he was that close to her again. He swallowed hard. What if she didn’t notice him, or worse, what if she didn’t recognize him? His outer appearance had definitely changed. He was broader, his hair was longer, and his face looked more sullen and tired than it had before. There were times where he barely recognized his own reflection. The eyes that stared back at him were somehow more lifeless; two unforgiving black holes, absorbing any and all signs of life into their depthless vacancy. Would Rey be afraid of those eyes and the darkness they now held?

                He opened his mouth and found it dry. When he finally managed to speak her name, his voice was rough and broken.

                “Rey.”

                She did not respond. She had not heard him.

                “Rey?” Desperation began to creep into his tone when, once again, she did not react.

                He paused, taking a minute to collect himself. He was already feeling exhausted, but he would not leave until he had spoken to her. He focused all of his thoughts and energy on her and her alone, working on pushing into her mind. It was not as easy as he remembered. It was as though she had put walls up, blockading her mind from outside influence. It took a substantial effort on Kylo’s part to break through her defences, but when he did, he knew. The soft curvature of her spine straightened ever so slightly and she brought her elbows in closer to her sides. She had felt it.

                One last time, he called her name.

                “Rey…”

                He heard the soft gasp that escaped her lips. A visible shiver swept across her body before she slowly started to turn around. Shock, disbelief, and heartache all crossed her face in a manner of seconds as her eyes found him. When she stood, her legs were trembling. She held her shoulders back and did not move towards him immediately, wary of his what his presence could mean. After scrutinizing every inch of him with her gaze, she finally felt comfortable walking towards him. She reached a shaking hand out to touch his face.

                “Are you really here?” she whispered as her fingertips made contact with his cheekbone. The contact made a tiny electric shock between their skin.

                Kylo’s mouth twitched and he touched her temple gently with the tip of his index finger. “In here,” he replied.

                Hesitantly, Rey pulled her questioning hands away from him.

                “What are you doing here?” Her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes held him unflinchingly in their grasp.

                “I came to warn you,” Kylo answered, surprised by the softness of his own voice. He wanted nothing more than to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her to him again, but it was not the time.

                Rey squinted. “Warn me about what?”

                Kylo shifted uncomfortably. He realized in that moment he should have thought of something better to say, or at least how to say it. They were not exactly easy words to speak. Suddenly he felt stranded and suffocated, unable to string two words together in his head. Rey stared at him quizzically; the look of distrust in her eyes only served to trouble him further.

                “You need to stay away from me,” he finally said, his voice breaking only once. “Anything you and my mother have been planning to rescue me, _you_ need to abandon it.”

                Rey’s eyes widened in disbelief. After a breif moment of silence, she spat, “What?”

                “It’s for your own safety,” Kylo explained. “I need you to trust me.”

                “ _Trust_ you?” She gestured at him. “Look at you! You’re literally _wearing_ the enemy on your back.”

                Kylo shrugged, nonplussed. “It was this or nothing,” he muttered.

                Rey shook her head. “How can I trust that this isn’t all a trap, thought up by your hideous leader?”

                Kylo gave her a pointed stare. “Look at me. You know I’m telling the truth.”

                She clamped her mouth shut and tightened her jaw, resisting the urge to look away. Of course she knew he was telling the truth; she could see it on his face and hear it in his voice. Despite everything, she still knew him, underneath it all. She always would.

                “But you’re not telling me the whole truth,” she said firmly. “What’s going on? Why can’t I play a part in saving you?”

                Kylo winced. He didn’t like hearing those words come from her mouth. _Saving you._ Like he was a helpless little child; stolen away in the night by a force of pure evil, waiting to be consumed by it. As if he had not given his mother and Rey enough grief in his lifetime, now they worried about little else besides his fate. The worst part about it was that he wasn’t at all hopeful that their efforts would find success. He could feel his time as Snoke’s main course was fast approaching, and any mission to rescue him would soon be for naught. How many would die, saving him? Would his mother die? Would Rey die?

                He chewed the inside of his cheek, pondering for a moment. Did he tell her? He supposed he should, it was the least he could do after putting in all the effort to find her through the Force. He knew her, though, just as well as she knew him. If he told her not to do something, she very well might just do it anyway.

                His long silence angered her, mostly because it was obvious he was deciding whether or not to lie to her. If he was willing and able to lie for Snoke and the First Order, her worst nightmare was coming true.

                “What’s the matter? Has Snoke got your choke collar on too tight?” she spat poisonously.

                Hurt flashed in Kylo’s dark eyes for a split second before it fizzled out and turned to annoyance. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.

                “You’re smart, aren’t you? Figure it out.”

                “You think I came here to fight with you, or trick you on Snoke’s behalf? As if I wanted any of this to happen?”

                “I don’t know anymore,” Rey muttered coldly. “It’s been nothing but radio silence from your for _weeks_ , and suddenly you show up wearing First Order rags, telling me to stay away because you’re protecting me, but you won’t tell me what from. What am I supposed to think, Kylo?”

                “I would _think_ you’d be a little more grateful and a little less disrespectful.” Kylo snarled.

                Rey blinked, momentarily taken aback. He’d never spoken to her like that before, in that angry, dark tone that barely seemed to belong to him. A chill ran up her spine. For a second she didn’t recognize the face she was staring at, and it terrified her.

                “You think I’m disrespecting you?” she asked as a humorless laugh bubbled through her lips.  “Don’t talk to me about disrespect. Do you even realize how hurtful it is for me to see you here like this? All I’ve done since you left is fight for you. Training and plotting and searching for ways to get you back. And here you are, giving in to them, just like that. You’re changing and you’re not even fighting back.” Tears choked her but she swallowed them as best she could.

                “I’m doing this for you,” Kylo said coldly.

                “What? How does that work?” Rey asked.

                “Do you want to know what I’ve done, since they took me?” Kylo asked, stepping closer to her. His eyes were wide with anger and pain. “I’ve been strung up, beaten, electrocuted, stepped on, and tormented endlessly. But do you know the worst part? The worst kind of torture they use on me? _You_.”

                He was inches away from her face now and he suddenly felt too close to her. The emotion on his face was overwhelming. Memories of an old nightmare floated through her head, terrifying her. She wanted to take a step back, to stop hearing the words coming out of his mouth, but she couldn’t. So she stood there, rooted to the ground, as he told her the whole truth and nothing but.

                “They used you to torture me, because you are my one weakness they had easy access to. They get in my head and they show me things, horrible things. They make me listen to you screaming on repeat. Because they know about you, you are their greatest bargaining chip. If I don’t do all this, if I don’t wear their clothes and do as they say, they swore to me they would track you down and kill you and make me watch. Alright? _That’s_ why you can’t help find me. _That’s_ why I need you to stay as far away from this as possible. _That’s_ why I’m here arguing with you right now! I told you I’m trying to protect you, you stubborn woman!”

                Rey’s face fell. Of course they were using her against him. A part of her had known that, ever since she met Snoke’s eyes on Starkiller base, but she had refused to believe it. She could see it now, on Kylo’s face; the worry lines were deeper and the shadows under his eyes were a darker purple, looking almost bruised. His eyes were more haunted than they had been before. There was barely any life in those dark brown pools, barely a flicker of hope to be found. Rey felt dizzy, and a little bit sick. The guilt washed over her, colder than the icy sea spray in the air, quickly extinguishing any remnants of anger or hurt that lingered in her belly. _If only I’d been more careful…Snoke wouldn’t have seen me._ These thoughts had entered her mind on more than one occasion before, but she’d always pushed them away by distracting herself with exercises or menial activities. Now she was literally staring the truth in the face and it felt like a knife was twisting in her chest. _I did this to him. Because of his love for me he’s walking down a path I can’t follow_ …

                “Oh…Kylo…” The sound of her own voice surprised her; sad but soft, completely separate from the raging tumult of emotions she was experiencing.

                He turned away from her, shaking his head. The look on her face devastated him. He mentally chastised himself for telling her. He should have lied. A lie is easier to swallow than the truth sometimes.

                “Don’t,” he said quietly, refusing her pity point-blank. “This is not your fault. This was meant to happen to me eventually, I’m just sorry you had to see it.”

                Rey’s eyebrows pulled together and she shook her head. “What do you mean this was meant to happen to you?”

                Kylo stared out at the distant horizon with glazed eyes. He was looking, but not really seeing.

                “Maybe this is my destiny,” he said. The words felt and sounded hollow. His jaw muscles clenched with resentful acceptance. “All is as the Force wills it, right? The Dark Side is…it’s where I belong.”

                The air rushed audibly from Rey’s lungs. She wanted to be angry at him for talking like that, but it just wasn’t possible. She shook her head furiously, struggling to find the words. Something inside her broke and it hurt with a deep, untouchable ache, surprising her in spite of herself. She didn’t think there was anything left within her to break.

                “No” was all she managed at first. Hot tears welled in her eyes, a hard ball of emotion lodged painfully in her throat. She could see the pain and sadness she felt reflected in his face as he looked at her. Tears glimmered softly in his eyes, too.

                “No, no,” She repeated herself several times, her voice getting equally stronger and rougher each time. “That is _not_ where you belong. Right next to me is where you belong, and I belong beside you. Do you hear me? You belong right _here_.”

                Kylo took a deep, shaky inhale and gazed at her forlornly. “Do I? You didn’t seem too keen on me when I first showed up.”

                “That wasn’t…I wasn’t trying to push you away, I just…I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t even completely believe that you were really here. I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me again.”

                Kylo’s head tilted slightly. “Again?” he asked.

                “It’s not important,” Rey said hurriedly, shaking her head. “What is important is that you’re here. I don’t know how, but you are. If you just stay with me, I can help you…”

                “No.” Kylo’s voice rang out clear and strong. “I can’t stay. I’m not really here, remember.”

                “I know, but if you can connect with me once you can do it again. I can help you that way. You can tell me where Snoke is; we can _defeat_ him, Kylo. We can end your suffering.”

                Kylo scoffed. “Who’s ‘we’? The Republic? The Resistance? They can do nothing. They’re already helpless. Snoke has more power and a farther reach than they think.”

                Rey swallowed. Hearing him talk about the Republic he had so recently been deeply embroiled in as though it was doomed to fall to the Dark Side made her feel ill. It meant that Snoke had twisted him up tighter than she originally thought. But there was still some light in him; she could sense it. If she focused, she could see the soft golden glow, just barely peeking out beneath tumultuous layers of shadowy black; the very colours of his soul.

                “It doesn’t have to involve them at all,” Rey answered steadily. “It can be just me and you.”

                Kylo opened his mouth to respond but shut it again, turning away and running a frustrated hand through his hair. Once he’d regathered himself, he fixed her with a penetrating stare. “I can’t put you at risk like that. Snoke knows everything; I’ve worked very hard to make sure he doesn’t find out that I came to see you. But I can’t hide it long-term.”

                “Did you ever think to ask me how I feel about it?” Rey queried, stepping forward. “I’m fine with the risk, by the way. I’ve been training with my eyes set on killing Snoke. To be offered a chance to accomplish that sounds wonderful.”

                “You say it as though it’ll be easy for you,” Kylo commented.

                Rey shrugged. “I never bothered to imagine any other ending to the scenario.”

                “Your confidence is admirable,” Kylo said, “but my answer is still no. I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t have bothered finding you. You were better off not knowing.”

                His words cut like shards of glass, having a heavier impact than Rey expected. The tears were back, but she didn’t bother to fight them off this time.

                “If you were having second-thoughts, why did you come? And why are you still here?” she asked, her voice muffled with emotion.

                Kylo paused. She had him there. He felt completely torn. On the one hand he knew he was doing the right thing; on the other, he fully understood that he had overstayed his welcome in this realm. Despite all the beatings and the mental and emotional pain, it appeared that Rey remained very much his biggest weakness. The darker half of himself was screaming for him to leave, but his first impulse was to stay as long as he possibly could. The Force bond, once thought by the both of them to be damaged beyond repair, had merely been dormant. Ren wanted so badly to give in to the temptation it provided. It felt like his first breath of fresh air in months; he was coming alive. An addicting sensation, the release of dopamine and endorphins into his system fascinated him. His only issue was that he had no idea how to condense all of these sensations and emotions into one simple explanation.

                “I am still very much in love with you,” he said slowly. “I have been since before I ever met you. You are all I have thought about, this whole time. I can’t even begin to tell you how hard this has been. I’ve never felt my will to live diminish so quickly before. But always, no matter how much pain I was in, you were there, the light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. You have been my crutch, my hero. And so, because of all that, I am finding it very fucking hard to walk away right now.”

                The rain started to fall slowly; the small, wet beads gently landed on the two of them, chilling their skin and dripping down their scalps. They peppered Rey’s cheeks, where tears were already leaving their mark in a soft, curved wet line down her face. Ren found his own eyes to be wet of their own volition as well. They stood staring at one another for a moment as the rain began to fall a little faster around them.

                As if guided by an invisible rope tied about her waist, Rey found herself stepping forward into his arms. They wrapped around her and felt just as they had always felt: warm and strong and safe. She kissed him, relishing in the feeling of his soft lips on hers, sighing dreamily in spite of herself at the comfort they brought her. She had almost forgotten what it felt like to kiss him, but she had always remembered just how much she enjoyed it.

                They parted too soon. Rey tangled her fingers in his dampened hair, holding on to what she could of him, to keep him from walking away. His eyes bore into hers, so close she could see all of the long, dark eyelashes which framed them.

                “Please don’t leave,” she begged quietly, “please don’t leave me.”

                Kylo sighed, shivering at her words. “Rey, don’t…”

                She placed another gentle kiss on his mouth. “Just stay right here,” she said, repeating the process over. “Stay here with me.”

                “I can’t,” Kylo muttered, his willpower crumbling fast. “It’s too dangerous…”

                “Well I can’t lose you again now that we’ve just found one another,” Rey sobbed. “Take a risk on me.”

                Kylo pressed his forehead against hers, squeezing his eyes shut tight. His choice was tearing him apart inside. He held her close to him, soaking up her warmth and affection like it was water and he was dying. Saying goodbye to her would be a thousand times harder than not saying it had been. The uncertainty of if and when they would see each other again tormented him, pulsing in his mind like a freshly opened wound. His tears intermingled with the rain that was wetting her hair and he breathed in the scent of salty ocean mist, wet earth, and her. Planting a firm kiss upon her head, he stepped away, shattering the protective halo that had kept them safe and together. Rey’s face reflected all her heartbreak.

                “Kylo, no…don’t go,” she begged, reaching out for him again.

                He flinched as though burnt and stepped further away. He felt horrible, doing to her what her family had already done years before: abandonment was something she was painfully familiar with. But he had no choice. It was this, or she would die.

                “I’m so sorry,” he breathed. The rain was coming down faster now, creating a noisy din as it bounced off the rocks. “I’m so, so sorry…”

                And with that, he was gone; melted away into the damp atmosphere. The wet ground rushed up fast and hard to meet Rey’s knees as she fell. Every sob was a stab of pain in her chest and her lungs screamed for the air she couldn’t force into them, strangled as she was by her emotion. Luke found her moments later, unsure what had happened, and rushed her inside their hut to warm up. She was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm and her extremities had no warmth to them. She continued to sob and gasp, barely aware of Luke’s tentative touch as he fussed about her. The only thing real for her was the pain. Nothing else was important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! A nice long one for ya! So sorry about the delay in posting; my place of work is very much seasonally-based, and due to the impending Christmas season we are crazy busy and I haven't had as much time to work on chapters each week as I would like. Unfortunately this may also be the case this week, so please bear with me! Thanks for all your love and support :)


	21. Twenty-One

            Rey stared into the crackling fire, searching for something within the shimmering flames, although she wasn’t quite sure what. She could feel the heat flow along her skin, and yet she still felt an untouchable chill deep in her gut that wouldn’t go away. Her brow furrowed slightly as she concentrated on the embers rising up the crooked stone chimney.

                Luke slipped the hot cup of tea into her hands, startling her out of her reverie. She took a deep breath, inhaling the flowery, herbal scent.

                “Did you eat?” Luke asked, taking a seat at the table by the fireplace.

                “Some,” Rey mumbled.

 She had found her appetite to be severely lacking as of late. She only forced food down her throat because she knew she had to, not because she was hungry. It was a strange sensation, considering that when she was younger and stranded on Jakku, she barely knew anything _but_ hunger. All she did and all she worked for day in and day out was to gain the tiniest bit of nourishment. Now, the mere thought of food exhausted her.

“Rey…” Luke sighed.

When she didn’t respond but rather pulled a ratty grey blanket tighter over her shoulders, Luke frowned. She was no good to anybody in that condition, least of all herself. He felt an innate need to help his Padawan move past this, and so he acted in the only way he knew how: by recognizing the truth.

“I know you saw him the other day,” he said, his words slicing like a blade through the loud silence. “And I know…about the bond you share.”

Rey straightened. Not wanting to meet her Master’s eyes, she kept them trained on the flames. Up until she lost Kylo, she had been perpetually stressed about the possibility of Luke knowing her secret. She had thought being kicked out of the Academy to be her one and only real fear, until she realized that losing Kylo to the Dark Side was far more prominent in her mind. The slightest bit of guilt seeped into her system, but she did not panic, much like she thought she always would.

“And?” she asked simply. “Am I expelled?”

“No,” Luke said. “I’m the only one on the Council who knows, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

Rey nodded, trying her best to mask the wave of relief that washed over her when he said that.

“So if you’re not going to punish me for breaking the rules, why bring it up?” she asked casually.

Luke shrugged. “I can see the effect it’s had on you as of late. You’ve been lethargic, moody, and impatient. Ever since he visited you last week it’s gotten worse. Now, I know you might not want to, but I need you to tell me what’s going on. What has he done?”

Rey furrowed her brow and frowned, fixing Luke with this confused, angry stare. “What has he done? Are you assuming he’s done something bad?”

“Well…yes,” Luke said modestly. It was Kylo, after all.

“He’s done nothing,” Rey shot back coolly. “That’s exactly the problem. He’s doing nothing.”

“What do you mean? What has he told you?”

She shifted under the blanket and took a sip of the steaming hot tea. It burnt the tip of her tongue and scalded her throat as she swallowed, but she took hardly any notice of it. The sweet concoction warmed her belly. She tried to construct an answer to Luke’s questions but found it to be quite difficult. She felt the inherent need to be completely honest with her Jedi Master and tell him absolutely everything, but due to the sensitive nature of the situation at hand she was hesitant. How much did he really need to know?

“Rey?” Luke prodded. “Tell me.”

She sighed, the heavy breath making her shoulders tremble. She felt as though she was being slowly and carefully crushed under an immense, invisible weight.

“He told me I failed,” she said softly. Luke had to lean closer to her to hear. “Not in so many words…but that was the gist of it.”

Luke’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure I follow,” he admitted.

“I was supposed to be the one who could save him, right?” Rey turned to face him, her expression a stark display of pained emotion. “That’s what you said to me. It was my duty to protect him and bring him back into the Light. I failed, horribly.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. Quietly, she said, “He didn’t stay, not even for me.”

Realization suddenly dawned on the Jedi Master. Rey was not moping simply because of Kylo’s absence, but because she was beating herself up for it. He felt pity and sadness wash over him, wanting to reach out and comfort her but knowing it would only push her further away. He thought his next words through very carefully.

“Ben cares very much for you. More than he cares for anyone else, I think. If he didn’t stay for you, it was not because of anything you did or didn’t do. He’s…changing. Once the Dark Side sinks its talons into a person, all of their past weaknesses and emotions are shunned; not destroyed, but locked away and forgotten until the time comes to remember them once again.”

Rey looked at him with bloodshot, glassy eyes. “What if he forgets forever?”

Luke shook his head. “He won’t. If my father could scrounge up some kind of…of _emotion_ at my expense, it is not outside the realm of possibility that Ben could return to you.”

“Then why do I feel like he’s really, truly gone?” Rey asked, peering into the glowing embers in the hearth.

Luke sighed. “Because, for now, he is.”

Rey whimpered softly, grinding the heel of her hand into her eye. She had a pulsing headache that had been with her since she had last seen Kylo. No matter what she did, it wouldn’t go away. It had just become a part of her, now; a numb pain that flared up every now and again, just to remind her that it was there, lurking in the background.

“I thought he was gone once before,” Luke explained slowly, “when he…when he was expelled.”

Rey lifted her head. She had never heard this story, not in any sort of detail, anyway. It was one of the biggest remaining mysteries that surrounded Kylo Ren. Maybe, if she could investigate the past, she could learn how to fix the future.

“Please,” she whispered, “tell me.”

Luke suddenly looked far beyond his years; tired and nervous. He was silent for a few minutes, contemplating. It was a story he had kept sealed up within the far recesses of his mind; one he never forgot, but also one he didn’t like to remember. Finally, he drew a deep breath, ready to relive the most terrifying night of his life.

“Ben spent the first fifteen years of his life not knowing about his ancestry. We – Han, Leia, and I – made sure of it. It was easier that way. From childhood, I knew Ben had an aptitude for the Force and the Jedi way of life. His first experience with it was when he was only four years old. He levitated a toy speeder, right in front of me. Afterward, when it had dropped to the floor, he turned to me with those big, brown eyes and he laughed with pure, unbothered joy. Then he returned to the game he had been playing before, like nothing had happened.”

Luke’s description of a very young Ben Solo nearly made Rey smile as she pictured it, but the dark look on his face forced her into resistance.

“When I found out, I was excited for him. The mere possibility that he would turn to the Dark Side didn’t even cross my mind at first. But when I mentioned it to Leia, the reality quickly sunk in. She was proud and happy, of course, but hesitantly so. ‘Will he turn out like our father?’ she had asked me. I remember feeling utter despair when I couldn’t answer her. I wanted him to be good, I did. Within him I sensed great potential, but I had as yet no inkling of how he would utilize that. He didn’t even know anything was special about him until his sixth birthday celebration.

“All of his neighbourhood friends showed up with gifts, a flurry of high-pitched voices and unfiltered excitement. Everything seemed fine; they were all playing together nicely. After everyone had eaten and the adults were seated around a fire, a horrible scream tore through the air, coming from inside the house. We all rushed inside, expecting the source to only be a tired child with a minor bump or scrape, but we were worried nonetheless. When we got to the scene of the accident…it wasn’t what any of us were expecting.”

Luke pressed his lips together, furrowing his brow in concentration. The memory stirred uncomfortable feelings in the pit of his gut. He could feel Rey’s interest urging him on and so, without meeting her eyes, he continued.

“The child was lying limp by the kitchen…there were absolutely no signs that he was still alive. His parents wailed in horror, rushing to his side as all the other children cowered and cried in the corner; all but one. Ben was standing as if paralyzed, not far away from the child’s body, staring open-mouthed at the scene before him. I was the only one who knew instantly what had happened. Wanting to protect him lest anyone else figure it out, I grabbed Ben and took him to his room in the back of the house. Once inside, I spun him around and I shook him…I shook him until his teeth rattled, and I demanded what he had done. He started to cry hysterically, terrified and confused, not yet comprehending exactly what had happened. I kept asking him to tell me until he finally choked back his tears enough to speak. He said, ‘I don’t know, Uncle Luke…Fior was hogging my new mini droid and it was making me really, really mad. I wished he would stop and go away. And then he…he hit the wall and it made a loud cracking sound and he looked really scared…and then someone screamed…’

“Maker…it broke my heart. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. How did I even begin to comfort him? To explain what he was capable of? Would it even have made a difference? Luckily for Ben, the boy lived. And after many heated discussions with Leia and Han, I took him to the Jedi Academy for training a couple weeks later. I thought it would help remedy this darkness he had inside of him if he learned the Force as soon as possible. He was terrified; he didn’t want to leave his parents, his home. He just kept apologizing for what he had done to Fior, saying he didn’t mean to. He didn’t understand why his mother and father were sending him away; he simply thought it was because he had done something wrong and so they were punishing him for it. He cried the whole way there. That first night at the Academy, I explained everything to him, as best as I could. Only then did the tears finally stop pouring from his eyes.”

“He must have felt so…so…abandoned,” Rey whispered.

“Mm. A feeling you are quite acquainted with, no doubt.” Luke observed. “Anyway, after that he did alright for a while. He obeyed orders, did his training exercises, and by the end of his first year he was thrilled with the experience. He was so young, so happy to have a purpose. He had always admired me for being a Jedi, and now he wanted it for himself. I won’t lie, I was happy to teach him. I truly believed he’d be my greatest achievement by the end of it all; my best student. I put a lot of pressure on him because of that, I think. He was always trying to be better, do better, to impress me. It got the best of him some days. It didn’t help that the other Padawans took notice, either. They had a deep jealousy for Ben. He was always that little bit quicker than the rest of them; always the first to catch on and succeed. The Force came so naturally to him. They didn’t think it was very fair. The Masters were always singing him praises and they felt left out. So, they tried to take their frustrations out on Ben more directly.

“At first they got the better of him. He hadn’t even caught on that they were bothered by him, so when they ganged up on him the first few times he was easily overwhelmed. They used their lightsabers and gave him quite a few permanent reminders of their dislike. They were all older than Ben, and bigger. At that time he was quite scrawny and weak; he hardly stood a chance against seven or eight of them, especially unarmed. They knew that, too. But he caught on quickly and started to fight back. This, I believe, was his first real concentrated outlet for his anger that allowed for it to grow.”

Rey swallowed, remembering all the crescent-shaped scars that criss-crossed over Kylo’s torso. She had always admired them, finding them rather fascinating and unique in their pale beauty. But now she realized the story behind them was far darker than she imagined.

“He often complained to me of his hatred for his peers. And I would always remind him that hate had no place in the heart of a Jedi. He told me he knew that, but I think he just said it appease me. It meant nothing to him. He hated them; that was a fact he had accepted and harnessed during his time in the Academy. It gave him purpose and power, in a way. He strove to be stronger, better. He wanted to defeat them when he should have wanted to help them.

“Around the time of his tenth birthday, I felt a very dark presence growing stronger. I assumed at first that it was Ben, my worries for his future constantly weighing on my mind. But it wasn’t, it was something else; a predator, lurking in the shadows, waiting to attack. But I ignored it. I should have acted the first time I felt it, but I didn’t. I-I failed him. As his uncle and his Master, I failed him.”

Rey shivered with icy-cold anger at the image of Supreme Leader Snoke. She saw him as the enemy; hardly even human. He deserved death for everything he had done and continued to do to Kylo.

“Snoke had always been around Ben, since birth. No one noticed because he kept a very purposeful distance. But once he joined the Academy and started honing his skills, Snoke found his chance to strike. He began grooming Ben in secret, twisting his mind by manipulating his dreams and misconstruing reality. As Ben got older he started to pull away from me, wanting something more. He begged for me to make him a Jedi Knight, but I wouldn’t. I said he wasn’t ready and he disagreed. It only made him angrier, more prone to outbursts of violence. There were more than a few incidents involving Ben at the Academy. He would injure his peers during training sessions, sometimes even dismember them, and then barely remembering doing it after the fact. His rage and passion were blinding him, making him vulnerable. And I did nothing. I didn’t think he was in any real danger at the Academy. The only path available for him to follow there was a good one. But I was wrong, and I learned that the hard way.”

Luke explained to Rey how Ben had overheard his uncle and mother discussing his grandfather, Darth Vader. Luke’s expression of concern, noting his faltering willingness to teach Ben the ways of the Force, struck a deep nerve in his nephew, who burst into a fit of fiery rage. Both Luke and Leia sensed Ben’s instability without a doubt that night. It was the most afraid they had ever been, all because of a fifteen-year-old child.

“All we had to do to find him was follow the screams. He attacked everyone in the Academy that night, students and teachers alike. How he overpowered them all I don’t know, but I suppose that’s a testament to the raw power he holds within him. He killed nine people that night. He left a trail of bloody footprints in the halls. In his rage, he had mentally ignited the training centre in a fiery blaze that engulfed it in seconds. When we finally found him, amongst the ash and flaming debris, he was gazing upwards, into the scarred and warped face of Snoke, as if hypnotized. His eyes were wide and blank, his mouth hanging open. Snoke was whispering something to him, something neither Leia nor myself could quite hear or understand. Leia acted quickly, shouting at Snoke and shooting at him with a blaster. I caught up to him and we battled for a brief moment before the snake slipped away into space, untouchable from that point on. All that remained was Ben, a boy who now looked so incredibly young, with his knees pulled up to his chest and tears streaming down his ashy cheeks, trying to push himself into a corner, as far away from his mother and I as he could get. He was coughing and choking from smoke inhalation and he was covered in the blood of others. Leia instantly took him in her arms without a second thought, but I hung back from the scene, far more hesitant and frightened than his mother could ever be. I saw the truth of the situation. He was far too dangerous to teach. He had only one path ahead of him and it lead straight to the Dark Side.

“I thought the only way to save him was to expel him. It broke his heart. I think in a way it made him hate me forever, in spite of himself. He felt as though I was taking his very life’s purpose away from him, leaving him with nothing to aspire to. He more or less went into hiding for some time after that, living on and off with his parents, leaving every now and again without a word of notice. I still don’t know where he would go, but he would always come back, a little more compliant than he had been before. I could see it in his eyes, though. The instability still lingered; his darker impulses were always there, just beneath the surface. We had come far closer to losing him that fateful night than we realized at the time. Snoke took a large part of him that night. It was the first step to Ben’s conversion to the Dark Side.”

Luke’s shoulders slumped as he finished his tale. He could go on, but he didn’t feel he had the energy. The retelling had drained him enough as it was. Instead of being his greatest achievement, his nephew had become Luke’s greatest regret.

“We tried to deny who he truly was for so long…” he murmured, shaking his head. “We continuously held out hope that he would get better, that he would turn out okay. In doing so, we damned him, and we damned those he killed. We left him unprotected.”

“But you saved him,” Rey commented, gazing pensively at the open space before her.

Luke furrowed his brow. “I suppose. But he was never the same after that. The part of him that made him human died that day. I didn’t think he could ever get that back, until you.”

“Maybe it can still be done,” Rey said, fixing Luke with an intense stare. “There’s still Light in him, and thus there is still _hope_.”

“Rey…”

“I know you hate that word, but it’s true. I can feel it. Even though he warned me to stay away, I think a part of him knew I couldn’t listen to that command. I _will_ bring him back into the Light, Master, like you wanted me to the first time around. I will not fail you again.”

Words evaded Luke Skywalker. He admired the girl’s passion and intelligence, along with her unwavering devotion to his nephew. He had seen that same drive in Ben’s mother all those years ago, and he had watched it nearly die several times since. But still it remained in her as well as in Rey. He felt that had to count for something.


	22. Twenty-Two

Floating aimlessly through the blank darkness of his own subconscious, Kylo was delirious. Broken voices whispered to him out of the black, screaming at him with increasing urgency but he was unable to determine what they were saying. He had lived trapped within his own mind for what felt like a miserable eternity. He was barely aware of himself and of his own physical body; the line between truth and fiction was nonexistent. The only things he could make sense of were the visions he was shown. Snoke’s fabricated scenarios, communicated to him through the Force, were his reality.

                For three months straight, Kylo lived out a nightmare. Kept in a sensory-deprivation cell, hooked up to machines designed to monitor his heartbeat, brain emissions, and breathing, without access to his hearing, sight, or touch, he was tormented daily by Supreme Leader Snoke without even knowing it. Near the end of the three-month period, Kylo appeared almost lifeless, save for the shallow rise and fall of his chest. He groaned on occasion but remained wholly limp, supported only by the chains and restraints on his wrists and ankles, bound accordingly to the ceiling and floor. Drenched in his own sweat, tears, and blood, his hair hung limp in his eyes, damp and oily. Snoke couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride when he examined his apprentice in such a ruined state. His attempts at breaking Kylo of his Force bond and any allegiances to the Republic appeared to be working. Weak and afraid, he would have no choice but to do Snoke’s bidding. The Dark Side was the only thing that could save Kylo Ren now.

                “What are your plans for him today, sir?” General Hux inquired, looking at Ren through the glass with an expression of disgust.

                “Mm, what do you suggest, General? Shall we burn her at the stake? Maybe a horrendous, tragic accident will claim her? Or should she die by his own hand?” Snoke asked maliciously.

                “Any of those will do, Supreme Leader. It’s so tough to choose; they’re all equally awful.” The redhead grinned like a knife.

                “Indeed…”

                Kylo twitched unconsciously as the vision seeped into his mind. Pitch black was replaced by dazzling light and colour behind his eyes, disorienting him temporarily. As though looking into the ripples of a pond, Rey materialized before him. They appeared to be alone on some remote planet made of thick ash. It fell relentlessly from the sky and swirled around them like a tornado, encasing them in a smoky-black shield. She had her lightsaber in her hand and she looked furious. Kylo’s first instinct was to go to her and hold her gently, to tell her how much he had missed her. But he was blocked from doing so by a deadly swipe of her saber that narrowly missed the tip of his nose. Startled, he stepped back, nearly falling.

                “Rey…” Kylo exclaimed. “It’s me! It’s Kylo!”

                She laughed mirthlessly. “You’re a _monster_.”

                The verbal jab at his morals wounded him. “What?” he demanded. “I don’t know what you mean…”

                She came at him again, forcing him to block her thrusts with his own saber. The blades crackled dangerously when they made contact. His defense only seemed to spur her on. She thrashed and lunged at him, barely giving him pause.

                “You know what you’ve done!” she snapped between attacks. “You killed all those people. Mowed them down like animals! Even the children!”

                “Wh—?” Kylo’s breath seemed to leave him. For the life of him he couldn’t remember doing such a thing, but if she was so mad about it, he had to have done it… “Rey, please! Stop!”

                “No! I will kill you, Kylo Ren. If it’s the last thing I do, I will take your life!”

                They battled for twenty minutes straight, chasing one another across the ashy plains until they were covered in streaks of soot. Kylo continuously tried to talk her out of it to no avail. He would have to stop her pursuit somehow, that much he knew. He found his own rage and pride bubbling up in response to her accusations and he could do little to stop them. When he began to really fight back, Rey started to falter and struggle. Her arms were starting to feel weak as they bared the brunt of his forceful assault. She fell once but blocked him from the ground, pushing herself back along the ground until she gained enough footing to stand once more. Her teeth were bared in anger and frustration. Despite the mess of soot and the fiery anger on her face, Kylo still felt complete admiration for her. He found himself astounded by her raw, untamed power and beauty. He stored those emotions away inside of himself, somewhere where no one could ever take them away.

                The tip of her saber caught him on the arm and it hurt like it was real. The stinging sensation raced through every nerve in his body. The smell of burnt clothing and flesh trickled up his nostrils. His anger came unchained.

                “Rey, _enough!_ ” he yelled, delivering one final swipe at his opponent.

                Rey staggered with a loud gasp, one hand going instinctually to her stomach. Kylo, confused, followed her gaze down to the slit he had made across her midsection. Ruby red blood was pouring out between her fingers, dripping continuously onto the ashy ground, which gratefully soaked it up. She fell to her knees, blood bubbling at the corners of her mouth.

                “Rey!” Kylo yelled, dropping down to catch her before she collapsed completely. “Oh, no…no…my beautiful girl…no…I’m so sorry…”

                He was shaking like a leaf. She felt limp and heavy in his arms. Her eyes were upturned, gazing into the bleak grey sky, unseeing. With one final, raspy breath, her soul left her body. She suddenly felt ten degrees colder to the touch. He burst into tears, experiencing the death of a part of himself along with her. He remained stuck, unwilling and unable to move or let go of her, as the ash built up around them. He tried to brush it from her face but it only left messy streaks, broken apart only by the drop of his tears onto her cheeks.

                In the examination room, Snoke was laughing coldly. Kylo was twitching and heaving helplessly, mumbling incoherently in his unconscious state. Seeing the physical effects of the mental torture he was putting Kylo through thrilled the Supreme Leader. The more pain his apprentice was in the easier it would be to force him to bend to Snoke’s command. He was so close, just one more vision should achieve the desired effect. This one had to count.

                The waters of his consciousness rippled once more and the scenery around Kylo changed. He was barely aware of it, the switch from one vision to the next. It simply felt like his mind gave one great lurch and then it was over.

                This time, he opened his eyes to a lush green forest surrounding him. Birds sang in the distance and in the treetops above his head. He spun around slowly, looking up at the trees which seemed to reach all the way to the bright blue sky. He was quite sure he had never seen such a place before, and yet it felt completely natural, as though he had lived and thrived there for years.

                Looking down at himself, he discovered he was clothed in a thin, loose white shirt and dark pants roughly cut below the knee. These were not his clothes. He had never worn anything like that before in his life! But they felt so real and familiar. They even smelled like him, mixed with something else, something more woodsy and fresh that he couldn’t quite place. He also realized the throbbing headache he normally had was gone, and all of his muscles felt relaxed and well-toned. He took a deep breath in.

                “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

                Kylo jumped at the voice, not expecting it to break apart the gentle sounds of the breeze combing through the trees and the birdsong. When he turned around he spotted Rey, walking towards him with a smile brightening her face. She was dressed in a long, oversized poncho made of brown wool. When she arrived in front of him she planted a kiss on his lips.

                “What have you been doing out here all this time?” she asked.

                “Uh…” Kylo blinked, looking around for anything that could give him a clue to the appropriate answer. “Just…walking,” he settled weakly.

                Rey gave him a funny look. “Alright then,” she said, taking his hand. “Well, come along. We have a dinner date, remember?”

                Kylo followed along to her persuasion with only a little hesitation. “Oh…right.”

                It started to come back to him a little bit then. He and Rey always got together for a light dinner, usually consisting of fresh fruits and warm bread. They would eat it in the gardens, sharing the odd chunk of food with visiting birds and animals. But for the life of him he still couldn’t recall why, or where they were exactly. He only knew that on some deep, personal level, he recognized this place.

                The small castle they walked up to was grand in its own right. Made entirely of dark stone that reflected blue and purple in the sunlight, it was truly a sight to see as it loomed over the turquoise lake, atop the grassy green hill. He had never seen so much vibrancy in one place before. Kylo had to pause to take it in, making Rey look at him quizzically.

                “Do we…” he stopped himself, unsure how to ask his question without sounding crazy. “I mean, we live…here…?” Trying to phrase it as a statement rather than a question had failed miserably.

                She laughed. He had sorely missed that laugh. Hearty and light, it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. It relaxed him substantially.

                “Yes, of course. Have you forgotten?”

                “No, no, how could I?” Kylo waved it off. “I just…still can’t believe it sometimes.”

                “I know, me either,” Rey agreed happily as they crossed a small bridge. The water gurgled in its slow, steady current below them. “And can you believe it’s already been three years since we came here? Freshly married and so in love…”

                Kylo blinked, taken aback. Had he heard her correctly? The shiny ring he spotted on her left hand, matched by the band on his, told him that yes, he had. His heart raced in his chest. They were _married_? Yes, of course they were…he knew that. She was his wife, and had been for three years. They lived on his beautiful planet in a lovely castle together. So why couldn’t he recall any of the specifics?

                “Do you remember what you said when you told me we’d be living here?” Rey asked, the memory making her smile warmly.

                “No, remind me,” Kylo replied.

                “You said you thought we could be happy here, for a long time,” she explained. “You said you’d do anything to give me a life on a forest planet; the life I always wanted to have. You never forgot how much I loved them, and how much I detested desert planets.” She giggled playfully, swaying their arms slowly between them as they walked. “Me, you, and our family. This life is the greatest gift you ever gave me.”

                Kylo smiled dreamily. He couldn’t agree more with her. It was the life he had always wanted, too; the one he had dreamed of, all the way back when he was first falling in love with her. Back when he had been a miserable Senator and she a brave Padawan. So much appeared to have changed since then, in order to get them to their current situation. Questions plagued him in the back of his mind. What had become of the war between the First Order and the Republic? What had happened to his parents and his uncle, and Supreme Leader Snoke? All of these memories he should have, and yet he couldn’t recall a single one.

                The gardens were large and flourishing, connected to the castle by a grand outdoor seating area, complete with a round fountain and white marble stones for an organic floor. Fruit trees bloomed all around them and larger forest trees shielded them from the harsh rays of the sun. The breeze was cool and refreshing on Kylo’s skin, now slightly sticky with perspiration after their walk.

                “Phew, I can take this off now,” Rey said with relief, unbuttoning her large poncho to reveal a beautifully simple thin white dress that accentuated the gentle swell of her six-month pregnant belly.

                Kylo’s eyes shot open, feeling himself floored yet again. He battled with himself mentally for a moment, not remembering the news of her pregnancy but somehow knowing it to be true. He willfully accepted this bit of information anyway, feeling magnetically drawn to her. Tenderly and with wonder in his expression, he placed his hands on her belly, taking her by some surprise. She smiled, however, and put her hands over his. Through the tips of his fingers he thought he could feel something; a low, distant, rhythmic pulse, responding to his touch. A sign of life. His child. His heart swelled with love and happiness, practically overflowing with it. _This is what true happiness is like,_ he thought to himself. He kissed Rey deeply and passionately, stealing her breath away.

                “What was that for?” she whispered in awe.

                Kylo shook his head slowly. “I just love you. And I love…her.” His hands slowly followed the curvature of her belly.

                Rey looked at him with excitement twinkling in her soft brown eyes. “You think it’s a girl, too?” she asked.

                Kylo nodded, wrapping her in his arms as she embraced him, laughing. They stayed like that for a long time, laughing and hugging and kissing, completely swept up in their happy little romance. All of Kylo’s concerns were forgotten for the moment, replaced by the euphoric thought of having a family with Rey, the only girl he had ever loved. In fact, she was the only girl he would sacrifice his life for. How had he gotten so lucky? How had his life done a complete three-sixty without him even noticing?

                “Well, we’re hungry,” Rey mused, rubbing her belly affectionately. “Why don’t you go to the kitchens and grab the platter off the counter? I’ll get drinks ready out here for us.”

                “Mm, I have to leave your side, you mean?” Kylo asked coyly, nuzzling into her hair. “What if I don’t want to?”

                She laughed softly. “I’m afraid you’ll have to, just for a minute.”

                “Alright,” Kylo moaned, reluctantly letting go of her and walking towards the castle.

                On his way in, he found his feet carried him straight to the kitchens, despite his mind not being able to conjure up directions. He didn’t quite understand how that was possible. Every painting on every wall he didn’t recognize, and yet he kept telling himself that he did. The more he allowed himself to think about it, the worse it got. How did he land himself such a perfect life? One that he had never before considered attainable at all? As he carried the large silver platter stacked with food back out to the gardens, he continued to fret over it.

                When the warm sunlight once again touched his skin as he entered the gardens, a choked, frightened voice gave him immediate pause.

                “Kylo…”

                When he looked up he saw Rey, being held against her will by a man dressed all in black with a matching hooded cape and a menacing black and silver mask that covered the entirety of his face. He appeared to be about the same height and weight as Kylo. The man had an arm wrapped tightly under Rey’s breasts, and he was holding a knife to her stomach. The tip of it sank into the thin material of her dress with ease, but there was no blood, yet.

                The platter crashed to the ground, food splashing out amongst Kylo’s feet. His fear and rage came up fast, making his head spin. The perfect world around him began to crack and crumble.

                “What are you doing?” he demanded sharply, stepping towards the scene. “Let her go!”

                The man poked Rey with the knife, making her scream out for Kylo to stop advancing on them. At her prompting, he stopped instantly. Being unable to see any facial expression behind the battle-scarred mask of her captor unnerved him. He was up against a faceless monster who held his happiness hostage.

                “You must choose,” the man said in a deep voice, amplified by the mask.

                The wind got up, swirling around them at a maddening pace, tossing their hair and clothes. It roared so loudly that Kylo now had to yell to be heard over it.

                “Choose what?!” he screamed.

                “You must choose who perishes,” the man responded, barely seeming to raise his voice at all. He spoke with ominous purpose. “Either she dies, or the light in you does.”

                Kylo swallowed, panicking. The man was slowly applying pressure on the blade. A slow trickle of blood began to stain the white of Rey’s dress. She whimpered and cried but did not move, afraid to involuntarily drive the knife further into her abdomen. Kylo could taste and feel her fear all around him, tripling his anxiety levels in no time flat. It was an impossible choice. If Rey died, he’d never see her again, nor would he see his unborn child. And if he sacrificed himself, he would be taken from her and would never know his child at all. Neither choice gave him what he wanted. Yet in his heart of hearts he knew the answer was obvious.

                “Kylo, please…” Rey sobbed helplessly.

                “Alright!” he yelled, steeling himself. “You can have me, but leave her out of it. She has nothing to do with any of this!”

                The man slowly took the knife away from her stomach. He appeared as though he was going to let her go, but at the last minute he threw the knife with impressive accuracy. It found its target in Kylo’s chest, where it buried itself up to the hilt. Rey screamed and Kylo stumbled, his hands instinctively going to the source of the wound but they did not touch the blade. He felt no pain but rather an odd sensation, as though his very soul was being pulled from his body. A frigid cold replaced it, wrapping him in its choking, icy grip. He collapsed to his knees, unable to make a sound. That was it. It was all over. The light had lost and darkness prevailed. He had sacrificed himself and any hope at his salvation, for her. As the sun set on his happiness, he repeated this mantra over and over in his head: _Everything I did was for her…everything…for her…_

                Rey’s screams were still echoing in his head when his physical body gathered the strength to break the mind-control and snap his restraints. They tore with unprecedented ease, ripping out of the ceiling and cracking open the floor, freeing his arms and legs. His body was heaving with the effort, sweat pooling down his chest and back, and yet he felt little to no weakness or pain. Snoke and General Hux watched from the examination room in shock and awe. To any outsider, Kylo’s raw strength appeared to have come from nowhere, but Snoke knew the truth. His apprentice now felt the power of the Dark Side coursing through his veins, guiding his every movement. As Kylo stood on his own two feet, he glared at the viewing window, feeling the presence of Hux and Snoke just behind the glass. He felt different; angrier and emptier than ever before. He had no convictions, no emotions. He was as mouldable and compliant as Snoke could possibly have hoped for.

                With a wicked grin, Snoke inclined his chin with pride.

                “He’s ready.”

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the greatest thing I've ever written, certainly, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same. I'm not sure when the next update will be posted, unfortunately. As always I'm aiming for a week or so from now, but time will tell if I get enough time to write and edit before then. :/ Bear with me!


	23. Twenty-Three

Holed up in her room on the newly-founded Resistance base, Rey was in a state of full meditation. Ever since she lost Kylo, she found herself meditating more and more. She played it off as simply being an exercise to grow her strength in the Force, but she knew it was more than that. She meditated so much for the slightest chance he may answer her call. Almost a year had passed since she last saw him on Ahch-To, and with each day that she reached out for him to no avail, her heart broke a little bit more. But her hope never faltered or died. She continued to search for him through the Force because of that one, infinitesimal chance she may find him.

                That day was much the same as the last three-hundred and forty-two days. She searched for an hour, stretching her mind to its limit, latching on to any sign of Force-sensitivity out in the broad reaches of the galaxy. She knew he was out there and she knew she should be able to find him, but she couldn’t. And she had quickly learned why.

                The thin veil that had joined their minds, bodies, and souls had up until that point been translucent; easily accessible, with one gentle nudge they would be connected. But now that veil was a dark, shadowy black, wholly impenetrable. Rey could not so much as budge it. It had taken her a while to understand exactly what it meant. At first she had assumed it had to do with Kylo’s fall to the Dark Side. A Light-Side user could not access the mind of a corrupted Dark-Side user, and so on. But as she conducted her own research she quickly began to wonder if that wasn’t quite correct. One night, she stayed up until dawn, trying to break through the thick barrier. She didn’t succeed, but she did learn something valuable, something that significantly increased her hope for his redemption. Somewhere far beyond that black shield there existed life; she could feel it pulsing against her fingertips. He was there, but he was untouchable. She had no way to reach him herself, or find out where he was. But that didn’t matter so much at the time. All that mattered to Rey was that confirmation that he was still out there, alive.

                Of course, she grew frustrated that she couldn’t break the barrier, despite being able to sense something on the other side. She couldn’t understand why she was unable to break through. But realization had dawned on her one day during her afternoon meditation. One thing she knew for sure was that the connection between them had not been severed. The issue was not a broken Force bond, but rather a severe blockage. She already knew from their last meeting on Ahch-To, as well as the day on Arakis when Kylo was being tortured by Nazarh, that Kylo Ren was proficient in blockading his own mind to save others from feeling his pain. While she appreciated his gallantry, it angered her. It was almost as though he didn’t want to be saved, but how could that be?

                A gentle rap on her door startled her out of her meditative state. She groaned, annoyed by the interruption, and stood up slowly. Her leg still ached every now and again when she bent her knee, but it was nothing she couldn’t ignore. She begrudgingly walked over to the door and yanked it open, ready to snap on whoever had interrupted her. But her harsh words died on her tongue as Luke stood just across the threshold, smiling at her in that kind, fatherly way he often did.

                “Master,” Rey greeted, stunned. “It isn’t time for our training session yet, is it?”

                “No, no,” Luke consoled. “No, not yet. But I have other matters I’d like to discuss with you, if that’s alright.”

                “Oh,” Rey couldn’t entirely conceal her suspicion. “I suppose that’s alright. What about, exactly?”

                “Why don’t you just follow me? My sister will be joining us, as well.”

                Rey shut her door and reluctantly followed Luke down the long stretch of hallway. Leia’s presence always jolted Rey just a little bit. She found herself admiring the headstrong General and often felt as though she made a fool of herself anytime they were together. In the back of her mind, she knew that if Luke had an understanding of her connection with Kylo, so did Leia. The thought made her only slightly uncomfortable.

                Luke led Rey into a small meeting room with couches and pod chairs. Leia stood as they entered, looking entirely exhausted but still boasting the royal essence she had been born with. She opened her arms to hug Rey tight. The patches of grey in Leia’s brown hair had whitened considerably. It was no mystery that the loss of her son had severely weakened the General’s resiliency.

                “Rey. How are you?” she greeted pleasantly, sitting down again. Luke sat by her side and Rey chose a chair just across from them.

                “I’m…good,” Rey answered, not completely lying but also not telling the whole truth.

                “Thank you for meeting with us,” Leia said kindly. “There’s a couple of matters my brother and I would like to discuss with you. I’ll, uh, let him go first.”

                Luke smiled benevolently at Rey, who still felt apprehensive of the situation.

                “I realize this may seem rather informal, but I hope you’ll forgive me. Now is as good a time as any,” he commented.

                “Master?” Rey questioned.

                “Rey. Although you began your training at an older age than most, you have far surpassed any expectation I had or could have had about you. Your strength in the Force is matched only by one other; I have felt your same power once before. And now I see it in you. I assigned you to protect my nephew and in doing so you have demonstrated not only your resiliency and bravery but your emotional strength during these trying times. I can see you struggle every day; such is being human. We are allowed to feel, even that which was previously frowned upon. You are a testament to the power of empathy and friendship, and love. And I know you will carry these traits with you as you move forward in your journey.”

                Rey felt confused. Her first thought was that, for whatever reason, Master Luke was leaving her. The idea terrified her. She would be truly lost if he was gone.

                “Rey, you are ready. I’ve taught you all I can. I offer you the title of Jedi Knight, so long as you swear to bring peace and justice back into the galaxy, and balance to the Force.”

                At first, no words came out. Rey didn’t think she could speak even if she knew what she wanted to say. Truth be told, she was content being a Padawan. Never once did she feel as though Luke had taught her all there was to know. As far as she was concerned, there was always learning to be done. She had long been anticipating her graduation into the Order, of course, but now that it was here she felt entirely overwhelmed.

                “Rey? Do you swear it?” Luke gave her a pointed stare.

                “Y-yes,” she finally squeaked, nodding frantically. “I swear to protect and withhold peace and justice in the galaxy. I swear I will bring balance to the Force.”

                Luke nodded once, smiling at her. “Then congratulations, Rey. I am so very proud of you.”

                All three of them embraced and laughed, without a single dry eye between them. Rey’s traditional brown Padawan cloak was traded out and replaced with a black one. She had to pinch herself in order to remember that it was real and not a dream. Coming into the meeting she had been in a foul mood and expected the worst. But it had been fantastic news that she hadn’t even expected! She wanted to live in that spotlight of happiness and pride for as long as she could, but one look at Leia took that away from her. There was still the General’s news, after all. And her face looked remorseful, rather than happy. Rey took her seat again, keeping her eyes on Leia as she did so.

“I’m also quite proud of you,” Leia admitted with a weak smile. “You’ve come such a long way. And I am so grateful the Force put you in my path, and in the path of my son, too. You have done more for me than you know.” She paused, twisting a ring on her finger nervously. “I hate to do this to you now, but…”

                “You want to talk about Kylo,” Rey interrupted, bluntly finishing the General’s sentence. Her expression was one of cool impassivity. She had figured if this seemingly important discussion would be about anything, it would be about Leia’s son.

                The first word of Kylo’s existence came to them just a few short months after he had last seen Rey. Resistance pilots had returned from a battle at a small outpost in the Western Region, sharing their stories of a mysterious masked man clad in all black, wielding a red cross-guard lightsaber. Those who had seen him and survived spoke of him with terror, describing him as a remorseless monster who mowed down any living thing in his path, but one who was incredibly strong with the Force and frightening to meet in combat. It was not very comforting news, to say the least, but it was something.

                “…Yes,” Leia nodded slowly. She often felt hesitant mentioning his name around Rey. The pain his departure had caused her was immense and much of it still lingered, clearly visible in the far-off haunted expression that was now a common style found on Rey’s pretty features.

                “I have had no luck making contact with him,” Rey explained in a monotone voice that sounded robotic even to her. “I know no more than I did five months ago, the last time you asked.”

                Leia swallowed, sharing an awkward look with her twin brother. _This was a bad idea,_ she thought. _I’m only making the poor girl resent me._

                “Do you have a better understanding of why that is?” Leia inquired politely. “He’s not…I mean, I know you’d _know_ if he was…”

                “He’s alive,” Rey said simply. “I just don’t know where.” She had answered that same question numerous times before; the General didn’t seem to want to believe her.

                “He’s with Snoke, that much we know for sure,” Luke interjected, his expression darkening at the thought of the Supreme Leader. “He has a large ship; if we only knew where it is it wouldn’t be hard to miss.”

                “I’m sorry, I still don’t understand. Why isn’t he communicating with you if he’s alive?” Leia appeared not to have heard Luke speak.

                Rey looked down at her hands, which were knotted together in her lap. The subject was still touchy; a raw, bloody surface wound upon her soul, stinging and aching each time it was mentioned.

                After a pause, she replied slowly, “He blocked me.”

                Leia’s brow creased and she frowned, looking from Rey to her brother and back. “I’m confused…he _blocked_ you? How? What does that mean?”

                Rey met Luke’s stare briefly, enough to communicate to him that she didn’t want to answer. Her fingers continued moving restlessly against her thighs.

                Luke cleared his throat. “A Force bond like the one Ben and Rey have is extremely tricky to figure out unless you’re a part of it, in which case it comes organically, like breathing or blinking. But it’s kind of like…well, here’s an example: imagine a tunnel, alright? At one end, you have Ben, and at the other, Rey. Now, they can move back and forth at will along this tunnel, to one end or the other. They can meet in the middle if they like, right? Right. But tunnels can cave in, or become blocked by some large mass. So now imagine that same tunnel but Ben has purposefully collapsed his end, making it impossible for Rey to have access to him. That’s more or less what’s happened. Ben has intentionally cut her off from seeing him or finding him. The only reason we know he’s not dead is because it’s the only thing, save for Ben fixing it himself, that can remove the blockage and allow Rey to feel all that pain.”

                “So we can’t fix it ourselves?” Leia asked quietly.

                Luke shook his head. “No. Only the one who put the wall up can tear it down.” He placed a gentle hand atop his sister’s. “I know you want to find him desperately, so do I. But there’s nothing more we can do, Leia. He has to come to us eventually. Snoke will bring him to us, I’m sure of it. We’ll find him, I promise.”

                Leia sighed. She had known this, of course, but refused to admit it to herself. Even then as her brother so kindly told her the truth, she found herself denying it. There had to be something they could do, there was always something. But deep down her resolve was quickly crumbling. Her brother was right; one look at the girl confirmed it. They had tried everything and to no avail. If anyone other than Leia herself wanted to find Ben and bring him home more than anything, it was Rey. She had truly loved him, and still did. But the blank sadness in her eyes and her refusal to smile when talking about him told Leia that she had long ago given up much hope and had submitted to the truth of the matter. Leia supposed it was probably her turn to do the same.

                Rey raised her eyes to Leia. She did not want to be asked about this anymore. She did not want to think about it, or have to remember those terrible moments in her life. She wanted the pain to go away, and this was not helping.

                “When he came to me for the last time,” she explained clearly, “he said goodbye. And I don’t think he was just saying it to me. I think it was for all of us.”

                The reiteration of the word seemed to drain Leia as she slumped just a little bit. She eyed Rey with pity and sadness. Although she could not quite grasp the concept of a Force bond, she could completely understand the troubling emotions Rey had been spiraling through as of late.

                “I’m so sorry, Rey,” she apologized sincerely. “I’ve been so selfish with you…I put a lot of my faith into you, thinking you’d be my one direct link back to my son. And I just didn’t want to admit that maybe that wasn’t the case after all. I realize it can’t be easy, reliving these painful experiences…I just needed something I could place my hope in. I…I can’t just let him go.”

                Rey mustered a weak little smile for Leia and nodded. “I know. I can’t either. And I won’t.”

                The two women shared a silent appreciation for the other’s emotional support. When it was over, Rey stood up, suddenly wanting nothing more than to leave the room behind. The expression on Leia’s face, one that perfectly matched how broken-hearted and desperate Rey had been feeling all those months, cut through her defences like a hot knife. The swell of emotion in her chest grew until it made her lungs ache with pressure. When she looked at Luke and Leia, there were tears in her eyes. Neither one of them mentioned it, knowing her display of emotion was beyond her control.

                “I’m sorry, I have some things I need to do,” she said weakly, backing away from them both. “Please forgive me.”

                Leia nodded in silence. Luke looked as though he was about to ask to her wait, but no words came from his mouth.

                At this excusal, Rey left the room behind, blindly and quickly racing back to her own private sanctuary, where she knew no one would see her. On her way there she roughly smashed shoulders with a Resistance pilot. Pretending not to notice, she continued on her way. The pilot rubbed his shoulder absentmindedly, wondering what could possibly be bugging the volatile Jedi this time.

                Rey had no sooner shut the door to her room behind her than she fell back against it, sobbing and gasping for air. She couldn’t understand why she was crying; she felt like she should be able to control her emotions better by now. Kylo’s absence should not be tormenting her still. Her frustration only added fuel to the fire, though, and the tears continued to cascade down her cheeks in hot droplets. It made her angry. _He chose his side,_ she chastised herself. _You’re not on it. Quit crying about it! These stupid tears won’t bring him back._  But no matter how hard she tried or how angry she got with him, she could not let him go. Always he was with her, weighing on her mind, influencing her every choice, even when she didn’t realize it. Everything she was doing now was to bring him back; to restore order to the galaxy and bring balance to the Force. She and Ren were an intimate part of all of that, she knew it. But it all felt so far away, so impossible, with Kylo so far out of her reach.

                She had not told anyone about Kylo’s request for her not to get involved in his rescue. She could barely reconcile it with herself, let alone anyone else. As far as she was concerned, Kylo had no idea what he was talking about. His attempt at selflessly protecting her by sacrificing himself to the Dark Side felt awfully selfish to Rey. She had never asked for him to protect her; she had been assigned to protect him! He had no right asking her to disobey orders! Who did he think he was, asking her to stay out of the way, like she was some annoying child who had no place in war? She had not asked for any of this, no more than he had! She had not asked to meet him or fall in love with him, but the Force had different plans. There was no erasing any of it now; the damage could not be repaired.

                Furious at Kylo and also at herself, she grabbed her lightsaber from its wall mount by her bed. Quickly, she escaped through her window into the temperate outdoors, where the sun was weak in a blue-grey sky. She walked into a sparsely populated forest where thin, scraggly trees sprouted in straight vertical lines from the ground. Tiny creatures ran from her as she got close, her anger and pain rolling off of her in palpable waves. Never before in her life had she found it so difficult to control her emotions. Since Kylo left she had felt a thousand times more volatile and angry. She began to wonder if she too wasn’t destined to turn to the Dark Side. Some days it felt like she was already there.

                She yelled and grunted as she slashed the trees with her saber. Sparks and smouldering chunks of bark flew in a storm around her as she carved a path through the forest. The odd, annoying tear continued to fall from her eyes and she blinked them away. She could feel her emotion fuelling her actions, filling her up with raw strength and power, giving her a reason to fight. She was tired of this torment, this rage. The fear of the unknown. She was tired of waiting. It had been nearly a year and they were no closer to him than they had been the day he was taken. If anyone was going to save Kylo, it was going to be her. She had to escape. She had to change the path she was currently on and fulfill her destiny.

                When she finally sheathed her saber, the destruction carried on in a large swath around her. Smouldering tree trunks, sliced at odd angles, and their collapsed other halves smoked on the ground. She was breathing heavily from her exertion, sweat beading along her hairline and down her collar. She felt exhausted and yet completely awake. She was finally going to go through with her risky escape plan, which she had been working on for many months but had never built up enough courage to live out. But her meeting with Luke and Leia had reminded her that time was running out. The longer they left Kylo in Snoke’s clutches, the harder he would be to redeem. And it had only convinced her that the only person who could save him was her.

                She was about to head back to the headquarters. Her plan was to steal a ship and head undercover into the nearest First Order base, but that was as much as she had figured out. It wouldn’t be the first time she had done something so rash and disobedient, only this time, Kylo wasn’t there to help her. She had no qualms about her capability, however. But something made her freeze on her way back to the headquarters, just as she was about to exit the forest border: a flurry of anxious voices, all yelling over one another.

                A group of armoured Resistance fighters were racing towards the headquarters with weapons drawn, yelling orders at one another and communicating through their radios. Rey could only make out snippets of their frantic conversations, but what she did hear made ice-cold fear slip into her belly.

                “The First Order! … On Crait? …”

                “They’re attacking the training centre!”

                “All squadrons man your stations!”

                “This is it…”

                “Prepare ships for immediate takeoff! Do you copy?”

                They had experienced this before. The First Order attacked minor Resistance stations and outposts as a threatening tactic. But there was something that felt different this time. This was real, and very serious. The direness of the situation made itself clear moments later when Rey re-entered the headquarters and found a flurry of chaos all around her. Bodies were rushing this way and that, bumping into her without hardly having seen her at all. People were shouting commands back and forth. The busiest hive of activity was the hangar station, where Resistance pilots were getting in their X-wing fighters and taking off on a seemingly constant loop. Frantic, Rey looked around for anyone who could tell her what was going on. In her mind’s eye she recalled the grisly destruction of the Hosnian system wrought by Starkiller; the inevitability of a fiery red death, inching closer as it streaked across the sky. Luckily, Luke caught up with her before the real panic could set in.

                “With me, now!” Luke ordered. Rey followed him fast through the herd of people.

                When they were through the worst of it and on the other side of the hangar, Rey demanded, “What is happening?”

                “The First Order has made their first real move,” Luke explained, shouting over the din of voices around them. “Their ships have landed on Crait, where the Resistance training centre and camps are located. It sounds as though there’s something or someone there that they desperately need. We have a lot of good people there that are going to lose their lives, many already have. Word is spreading that they’re intending to fire their death machine on the planet, once they have whatever they’re going there for. We have to push them out if they are to be saved.”

                “Crait? That’s not very far…” Rey noted nervously.

                “I know. That’s a major concern. We all need to prepare and fight. Are you coming?”

                The offer stunned Rey for a brief second before she answered in the affirmative. “Of course I’m coming. It’s time we finish this.”

                The ride to Crait was swift but tense. Rey stood on a passenger shuttle, shoulder-to-shoulder with Resistance fighters and Luke. No one spoke. Everyone just looked straight ahead, lost in their own heads, praying for their safety and the safety of those around them. In truth, no one needed to speak. The fight was always going to go one of two ways. It was up to fate and the Force how it would play out for all of them.

                Rey’s nerves were not so much for her own safety as they were for her performance. After her experience on Jakku, she had only seen minor battles and tactical maneuvers thus far, being kept away from the worst of the confrontations with the First Order. She had no idea what Crait held for her, but by what she had heard and experienced, it was serious. She couldn’t help but wonder if she would get her shot at Snoke this time around, even though she knew the chances of that happening were minimal. As far as she knew, Snoke never set foot on the battlegrounds. He stayed at a safe distance, blockaded within a ship, monitoring the event through the eyes of his Generals and soldiers. But that only made another thought cross her mind: if the situation on Crait was as dire as it felt, would Snoke send in his secret weapon to fight?

                The landing was bumpy and everyone gripped their support handles a little tighter as they were jostled from side-to-side. Rey’s other hand went to the hilt of her saber at her hip. The apprehension was setting every nerve ending in her body on edge. It hummed through her bloodstream at a high frequency, making her feel as though she was vibrating with anxious energy.

                “Calm yourself,” Luke said in her ear, sensing her disquiet. “Feel the Force flowing through you. Breathe.”

                Rey shut her eyes and took a deep breath. The Force soothed her, relaxing the tense muscles in her shoulders and slowing her breathing rate. It fit around her like a second skin, breathing life and power into her very soul. _The Force will protect me,_ she repeated to herself. _All is as the Force wills it._

                As the door dropped open and the fighters began filing out, Rey felt completely prepared. Whatever happened was meant to happen. She had no qualms about going into battle, no fears or frustration. Instead, she felt entirely sure of herself and her abilities with the Force. The sounds of battle coming in through the open door did not frighten her or set her on edge, but rather they inspired her. She fed off the intoxicating energy produced by battle and bloodshed, letting it fuel her. She wore a stony expression as she stepped towards the fray, but everything came crashing down right before she set her foot on the ground.

                She froze, gasping loudly as a familiar, alarming sensation tore through her body and shocked her mind. Her hand went out to steel herself, grabbing a support beam as she wobbled precariously on the ship ramp. When Luke realized she was no longer following him, he stopped and turned back, instantly frightened by the look on her face. Her eyes were wide, staring straight ahead as if seeing something that wasn’t there. Her mouth hung agape and her skin tone had become two shades whiter. At first he thought she had been struck by a horrific vision of the near future. His stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch.

                “Rey!” Luke yelled, hoping to snap her out of whatever trance she had just come under. “Rey, what’s wrong?”

                Her mouth had gone bone-dry. She could hardly believe it, and yet she could not deny the feeling. It was real. This really was the end. Hesitantly and gripping the support beam as tight as humanly possible, she stepped off the ship onto the snow-covered ground of Crait. Luke gripped her elbows, forcing her to look him in the eye.

                “Rey, tell me. What is it? What’s happened?”

                The cold wind tossed loose strands of her hair across her face. Its roars almost overpowered the sounds of distant battle, but still she could hear it: the hard, steady pounding of a darkened heart, beating in time with the deadly strikes of his weapon. Shaking, she managed to force two simple words from her stunned mouth:

                “He’s here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the time I post the next chapter, The Last Jedi will be out in theatres!!!! D: Ahhh. I'm seeing it on Saturday, what about you guys? Are you as fucking emotionally destroyed as I am??? Woo!!


	24. Twenty-Four

“Rey…you must stay calm,” Luke reminded her warily, approaching her slowly as one does to a frightened animal. “Do not go looking for him…”

                “But he’s out there!” Rey replied, adamant. “I can feel him…”

                “Rey, please, listen to me. It’s not safe—”

                But she was gone, having barely heard him at all. The Force was leading her now, making her decisions. Her feet followed obligingly up and over the snowy crests, where occasionally she plunged in up to her knee. It was no matter though; she barely noticed the cold as it seeped through her clothing and shoes. All she felt was Ben, out there fighting, perhaps unawares even now that she was close-by. His anger was obvious even from a distance, but he was in his element. Armed with his saber he was practically unstoppable.

                It was like she was following a honing beacon. There was some comfort in knowing that all she had to do was follow the red string that connected them, and he would be on the other end. The only thing that terrified her was the unknown answer to the question of whether or not he would be Kylo Ren as she had known him, or an unfamiliar monster of Snoke’s creation.

                She found him down in a snowy valley, behind the training centre. Several Resistance fighters on the ground were surrounding him and several more lay dead at his feet. Fighter pilots shot down at the scene but never seemed to find purchase with Kylo. Every move he made was calculated and careful; meant to kill. Rey recognized him and yet didn’t. He wore all black, with an expression of wild rage contorting his intriguing facial features. He was frightening to watch. Rey found herself frozen atop a hill, watching him from above. Something held her back for a moment; something dark and scary, wholly unfamiliar. A shiver crawled up her spine.

                Finally, her frozen legs picked her up once more and carried her down the hill. She slipped down unnoticed, staying mostly in the shadows until she came to the edge of the valley. The fighters on the ground were all but decimated. Rey pulled her saber from its holster and gripped it tight.

                “Ben!” she screamed.

                Kylo froze, standing like a statue before slowly turning around. When he saw her his step faltered a touch. She could feel his astonishment. He had not been expecting her, clearly. His mind was reeling, trying to decide if she was real this time or if it was another hallucination designed to distract him. Emotions he had kept tightly buried for a year floated to the surface, disrupting his behaviour. He didn’t know what to do anymore. He felt completely outside of himself; a stranger to his own recognition, staring his fate in the eyes. The Force encircled them both, encasing them in a bubble of protection that alerted the nerves in their bodies and made every hair stand on end.

                When she got closer, she discharged her saber. The falling snow sizzled as it came in contact with the heat generated by the blade. He looked entirely harmless; his eyes wide in astonishment, his jaw hung slightly slack. The wind tossed his shaggy hair relentlessly around his face, but his eyes remained locked on her. For all intents and purposes, he looked like he was staring at a ghost.

                “You…you can’t be…” he whispered, more to himself than to her. Rey’s eyes narrowed. “You’re dead…”

                “I’m _what_?” Rey demanded sharply, eyeing him with subtle contempt.

                “I saw you die,” Ren continued in a tone of wonder and fear. He shook his head, suddenly looking utterly broken and exhausted. “No…you’re not real. This isn’t real…”

                Rey was growing frustrated. She did not have time for this. She swiped at him with her saber, coming close enough to his chest to singe his shirt. Startled, he stepped back. Realization began to slowly dawn on his face.

                “This is not one of Snoke’s visions,” Rey said firmly. “I’m _here_. In the flesh. I came to bring you back.”

                Now it was Ren’s turn to be angry. His expression darkened considerably; any hesitation or amazement drained from his body. He now looked hard and cold as he glared at her.

                “I told you to leave me,” he said coldly through gritted teeth. “I gave you strict orders to never come near me, or the First Order.”

                “And yet here I am,” Rey replied, circling him predatorily. “If you truly thought I would listen to those orders of yours then you know next to nothing about me.”

                “You’re right. You’re more of an idiot than I previously thought,” Kylo shot back. “Or you just have a death wish I never knew about.”

                “Maybe so,” Rey said dismissively, ignoring the sting of his sharp words. “Are you going to kill me?”

                Ren wanted to say yes. He wanted to scream at her that he was going to destroy her and put an end to her annoying allegiance to him. The stupid _scavenger_ , assuming she had any role to play in his future. She was nothing; a nobody! He wanted to lash out at her right there and then, but he couldn’t. He stayed motionless, staring at her in rage and admiration. The look on her face said that maybe he wouldn’t kill her, but she was thinking about killing him. There was a deep-seated pain there; a hurt that she had been living with for months. He stared that pain in the face and it reflected back onto him, reminding him of the hopelessness he had experienced when he was first taken from her. It successfully strangled him, cutting off any words from slipping out of his mouth. He suddenly felt ten degrees colder.

                “I should,” Kylo admitted coldly after a while. “For the stupid mistake you’ve made, I should kill you. You deserve it.” Even as the words left his mouth, he knew he didn’t mean them.

                Rey’s lip trembled as his words struck her hard. But she would not relent. She would not give up on Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren, that was not her destiny.

                “Then go ahead, try,” Rey dared, tightening her fists around the hilt of her saber. “If you want to end this here and now, we can.”

                She continued to circle him, stepping closer gradually. His eyes watched her, but he did not move. His own weapon sat motionless, anchored by the hesitation within him.

                Coolly, he remarked, “I see they made you a Jedi Knight.”

                Rey blinked. “Quit trying to stall. Admit your weakness if you won’t stand and fight!”

                “You know my weakness. And so you know why I won’t.” Kylo said quietly.

                Anger and frustration were beginning to cloud Rey’s mind, boiling over in hot tears that she could not keep back.

                “ _Fight me!_ Do _something_!” Rey screamed. “Don’t just stand there and make me feel like _none_ of this was worth it!”

                Kylo shook his head, just opening his mouth to speak before he was interrupted by a sound that was getting closer and closer. His head turned to the right as a group of Stormtroopers appeared at the rim of the valley, headed towards them. A thousand thoughts rushed through his head, the most significant of which was the need to ensure Rey’s safety. Thinking fast, he rushed over to her, causing her to block his path with her blade. It crackled and hummed mere inches from his nose and he appraised it with annoyance.

                “You shouldn’t have come here!” he yelled to her. “You’ve damned us both!”

                Rey too had noticed the oncoming squadron and her mind raced, trying to devise an appropriate escape plan. But the drive to fulfill her mission to save Kylo was the loudest, and it clouded her judgement significantly. She sheathed her weapon and extended a desperate hand to him. The troopers were getting closer; their blasters were trained on Rey.

                “Kylo, please! Come with me, now! We can get away, leave it all behind. Please…Ben.”

                His expression softened at her use of his birth name, and his fingers twitched, wanting so badly to take her hand. But he couldn’t do that now; it was too late.

Gripping her forearm, he got inches away from her face and hissed, “Follow my lead from now on, do you understand? Listen to me!”

Rey barely had time to nod before Kylo made her immobile with the twitch of his hand. Limp, she collapsed against him, where he held her tightly to his front. For months she had longed to be so close to him again, but not like this. She could feel the hum of his lightsaber as it vibrated up his arm and through his chest. He was pointing it at the troopers.

“Hold your fire!” he barked. “She’s _mine_. I will see she is taken to the Supreme Leader myself.”

The troopers back off instantly, not wishing to upset the powerful Kylo Ren. In one swift movement, he picks Rey up in his arms and walks with her like that to the base. She is unable to speak, unable to move. All she can do is look up at him as he looks straight ahead. He looked frightening and wild, the way his hair was tangled and tousled on his head, framing his pale, scarred face in its dark complexity. His eyes were cold and glazed, and his mouth set in a firm line. But there was something there, in the quiver of his chin; an emotion other than anger or fear that was quickly rising to the surface. He was unable to quell it or ignore it. That was what Rey focused on as he carried her to Snoke’s throne room. It was small, and perhaps insignificant, but it was something she could put her hope into, and she did so without regret.

Ren restored her mobility seconds before the elevator doors opened to the throne room. Rey supposed he did this to avoid any kind of physical confrontation with her in enclosed spaces; she would have liked to hit him just then, in truth. Maybe even screaming at him would help. But even that could not repair the year of damage that had been done so easily.

As the doors opened, Rey and Kylo were greeted by a sight they had not expected to see. Snoke, with his guards flanking him, sat in his chair as Luke Skywalker hung, suspended in mid-air before him.

“Luke!” Rey yelled, lurching to run towards him. Kylo’s sudden grip on her arm held her back.

“Well done, my apprentice,” Snoke purred happily. “I’m so pleased you and your guest were finally able to join us.”

Kylo made Rey walk further into the room before he stopped and took a knee, bowing his head to the Supreme Leader. Rey’s hands clenched into tight fists at her sides.

“Master Skywalker, won’t you say hello to your nephew?” Snoke asked teasingly.

“Ben…” Luke’s voice was heavy, pleading and pointed at the same time. So many requests lay just beneath the surface. _Don’t do this…don’t bring her harm…_

“Ahh, all of my playing pieces, together in one room,” Snoke announced, his voice echoing around the red chambers. “Now the game can truly begin.”

Snoke waved his hand before him, dragging Rey with an invisible grip until she was strung up the same as Luke. Both of the captives faced Ren, who didn’t seem able to meet their eyes.

“The man who pushed you to the Dark Side and the girl who gave you your biggest weakness,” Snoke said coolly. “They are nothing more than two of the last connections to your past life; to a part of you that no longer exists. Kill them both, my apprentice, and be done with it. It is time to begin your next chapter.”

When Kylo didn’t move but instead stood transfixed, lost in his own troubling thoughts, Snoke added, “I can provide you with some persuasion if you like.”

Luke’s face began to twist in pain, slowly at first, and then his mouth opened and a horrible scream came out as it felt like his insides were being lit aflame. The pain was excruciating and he vibrated in mid-air, unable to writhe his frozen body. Within seconds the torment was over and his head hung limp against his chest, small strings of drool running down from the corners of his mouth. Kylo watched this all with wide, almost unseeing eyes, not wanting to watch but knowing he was meant to. Rey looked terrified.

“A little more…?” Snoke asked, beginning to attack Rey instead. She groaned and whimpered as the pain began to seep slowly into her body.

Kylo could take no more than that. _“Stop!”_ he yelled, his voice ringing in the ears of those present. “I need no persuasion. I know what I have to do.”

Kylo drew his weapon robotically and stared at it in his palm with resolution. He did know exactly what he had to do, but it tore at his already warped mind, making him feel more conflicted than ever. He reached out with his feelings, sensing Rey’s presence, her determination and hope, and allowing it and it alone to give him the strength he needed to do what needed to be done. He raised his eyes to her and his uncle. A shadow passed over those brown pools, something dark and fierce; a raw power, ingrained into his soul. His lightsaber roared to life.

“Kylo…” Rey pleaded softly, tears slipping down her already wet cheeks.

“Shh,” Kylo whispered back, “it will all be over soon.”

He extended a hand towards them and Rey felt something pull behind her navel for just a split second, but she didn’t move. A loud, earth-shattering crack resounded from behind them and within seconds the ceiling to the throne room was crumbling down on top of Snoke and his guard. They had no time to move or escape the torrent of heavy stone and metal that squashed them like pesky bugs. Luke and Rey fell to the ground relatively unscathed as soon as Snoke’s influence broke. Rey stood almost instantly but Luke remained down, still trembling from the immense pain he had endured.

Kylo gave her no time to speak. “You both need to leave this place,” he ordered. “Get as far away as you can.”

“No.”

Rey stared him down unflinchingly. For a second Ren looked like he was going to explode with fury but it died rather quick, leaving only a spark behind. The determination on her face was a powerful extinguisher, but his anger still remained. The Dark Side had influenced him on a deep psychological level, one not easily mended. There was something fresh and terrifying about him now. His energy was almost feral; unpredictable and dangerous.

 _“Listen to me!”_ Kylo screamed. “You need to let me go! I can’t come back to you now, not after all I’ve done. I can give you _nothing._ I can do nothing for you but bring you pain!”

“No, _you_ listen to _me_ ,” Rey demanded sharply, matching his intensity with ease. “We are _meant_ to be together! You know it as well as I do. The Force has bonded us, and you can shut me out but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s real! It’s still there! Let me in! Ben…”

Kylo’s mouth tightened. “Why do you keep calling me that?”

Rey shrugged lightly, taking a hesitant step towards him. “Because, Ben…I love you. I can love all sides of you, even if I don’t understand them. But right now, I don’t recognize you at all…I love you, but you’re not you…”

Kylo shook his head. “I don’t deserve your love. Not anymore. Let go of the past, Rey. Kill it. It’s only memories now.”

“But it’s not!” Rey closed the distance between them, taking his face in her hands. “You can feel it, just like I can. It’s there. _You’re_ there. Kylo, please. Come back to me…”

“You don’t want me,” Kylo said quietly.

“If I did not want you I would not have come all the way here,” Rey said sharply. “I _need_ you. For nearly a year I have spent every day waiting for you to come back, trying to reach you through the Force. I haven’t given up hope, not once. Don’t tell me you have?”

A shiver passed down Kylo’s spine. There were times where he had felt her, just on the other side, separated by the wall of his own construction. He had wanted to go to her then, too, but had fought that urge, for her protection. And still, there she was, putting herself in harm’s way for him. As he gazed into her tear-filled eyes, he could not deny the fact that he had thought of her constantly in their time apart.

“We can work through this together,” Rey promised. “You and I, we can go somewhere far away and we can heal. I’ll help you.”

A hard breath escaped Kylo’s lips. He was trembling ever so slightly now against Rey’s palms. She could see it in his eyes; he was breaking apart. The Light and Dark within him were battling. She only needed to persuade the Light to win.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I can forgive you, if you work with me. Please, Ben. _Please_ …”

Her lips trembled as they got close to his. Nerves, fear, and excitement all fought for dominance within her. But before she could breathe life back into his empty shell, a blaster shot broke the silence.

Kylo hissed as the shot took him in the lower back. He fell heavily to his knees, just in time for two more to penetrate his abdomen and chest cavity. The fiery blasts filled him with a stinging heat, as though he was burning from the inside out. He groaned in severe pain, unable to keep himself upright in any sense of the word.

 _“NO!”_ Rey screamed, her eyes wide with horror. She looked up in time to see the lone Resistance fighter, an older female with eyes the colour of mountain grass.

Anger tore through her instantly. Her first instinct was to rush the woman and chop her to pieces for what she had done.

“You _idiot! What have you done?!_ ” she screamed, striking out at the fighter who danced expertly out of range. A look of frightened shock and confusion remained permanently plastered on her face.

“Ma’am, that’s Kylo Ren of the First Order. He’s Snoke’s—”

“ _I know who he is!_ For kriff’s sake, get medical here, _now!_ ”

The girl skidded on the smooth floor as she took off, screaming her location into her radio.

A raspy breath from Kylo tore Rey away from the woman. She dropped her lightsaber and ran to him, kneeling down and putting her face close to his. His breath was shallow and his lungs made a sick rattling noise with every movement. Rey’s heart was pounding in her chest as panic threatened to overtake her.

 “Rey…” Kylo’s voice was barely audible, choked as it was by pain and blood.

“Shh, shh,” Rey murmured, cradling his head in her lap. Her shaking hands brushed over his hair. “Don’t talk. It’ll all be okay. Help is coming.”

By the time help did arrive, Kylo was on Death’s doorstep. His breathing had gotten shallower and blood had begun to seep from his mouth. Rey watched in horror as the medical attendants hoisted him with some effort onto a floating table, where medical droids instantly began to flutter around his body, cutting open his shirt to have access to the wounds. They rushed him off to a medical ship, with Rey in tow. Her need to ensure his safety was all that kept her going now; all the strength seemed to have been wiped from her body.

She was not allowed inside the operating room, Jedi Knight or not. Instead she stood outside of it, watching the chaos from a small porthole window on the door. There were so many bodies and droids busying themselves around Kylo that she could hardly see him at all. But when his heart began to give out, she knew. Not by the buzz of the flat-line that seemed to grow increasingly louder, or by the swell of frantic voices within the room, but by her own feelings. As Kylo began to fade, the blockage he had created started to lift. All the pain and anger and fear hit Rey like a freight ship, sending her crashing into the wall behind her. Her eyes widened and she gasped before falling to her knees.

The pain felt very real, and very present. Rey’s hands scratched at phantom wounds on her body. Her head felt like it had been smashed in with a hammer and her heart broke on a constant loop, stealing her breath away with the emotional and spiritual pain of it all. Her body felt like it was on fire. And yet, despite it all, one thought remained clear in her mind: Kylo Ren was dying.

A blood-curdling scream of heartache and pain tore itself free from her throat. People who only wanted to help came rushing to the source of the sound, but when they found it, not one of them dared to get too close. Rey continued to scream until even Luke came out of the room he had been put in to rest, leaning heavily on the wall for support. He knew better than to interfere. What she was experiencing could not be put into words by anyone else. It was a truly specific kind of pain that only she was meant to experience.

Her screams could be heard above all the chaos within the operating room, where droids and humans alike were fighting to regain any symbol of life out of Kylo. They even reached the patient himself as he floated out in the great Somewhere. A lifeline. Desperately, he grabbed on. Something else directed him, and he knew what. Rey was in pain, and the Force was guiding him back to her.

With a sudden loud, gasping inhale, Kylo’s heart began to beat once more. The medical droids continued operating, faster now. Outside, Rey fainted.

When she awoke an hour later, she was on a small cot in a room with a young female medical attendant watching her warily. When she finally came into herself, she sat up fast, making her head spin.

“Oh! Madame Jedi, please, take it easy,” the girl begged. Her voice was a soft coo; comforting and quiet, but annoying.

“Ben,” Rey said instantly, searching the girl’s face for any sign of recognition. “Where is he?”

The girl frowned. “He just came out of the operating room. He’s alive but, the damage was…extensive. He’s being kept in a bacta tank for the time being.”

“Take me to him.” Rey demanded, her eyes alight.

The girl shook her head, laughing nervously. “Miss…you should really be resting. You’ve undergone a lot of—”

“I don’t need you to tell me what I’ve suffered,” Rey said coldly. “I just need you to do what you’re told. Take me to Kylo Ren.”

There was something in Rey’s face that harboured no argument. The girl relented, saying, “Follow me.”

They walked in silence down a few white hallways. With each step Rey’s heart beat a little faster. She didn’t know what to expect when she finally saw him. She could hardly be glad at the simple fact that he was once again in the custody of the Resistance. She was too worried that he wouldn’t survive long enough to know.

The bacta room was long and lined on each side by the cylindrical tanks that appeared to stretch for miles before the eye. Several were in use by people Rey didn’t recognize. The girl led her down to the end of the hall, where one tank stood alone. Within the bubbling liquid, on the other side of the thick glass wall, Kylo was suspended in the bacta fluid. His pants were torn just below the knee and his torso was exposed, allowing Rey to see his wounds to some extent. The medical droids had patched him up as best they could, but she knew there would always be scars. New, circular scars, to match the others that decorated his body like morbid artwork. The breathing apparatus covered his nose and mouth. His eyes remained closed and tiny bubbles clung to his eyelashes and skin. His hair floated about his face as though it had a mind of its own, waving and swirling in the steady current.

“How long will he be like this?” Rey asked quietly, not taking her eyes off of him.

“We are not sure,” the girl answered honestly, with a touch of hesitation. “They say a few days for the bacta to heal his physical wounds. But he suffered in other ways, too. Emotional, spiritual, and mental ways. We don’t know if or when those invisible wounds will heal. I’m afraid that’s up to him now.”

Tears stung Rey’s eyes as she gazed up at him. She wondered if he could feel her.

“Leave me.”

The medical attendant bowed respectfully before she walked out of the bacta room. When Rey could no longer hear the soft echoes of her footsteps, she released a shaky sob. The uncertainty of it all was finally hitting her. Snoke may be dead and Kylo might be in the hands of the Resistance, but the fight was far from over. The Kylo she had known was almost certainly dead, and the man who replaced him was almost a stranger to her. Was he more Dark than Light now? Or did she stand a chance at his salvation?

She pressed a trembling hand to the outside of the tank. It felt ice cold to the touch. Slowly, she shut her eyes and concentrated, reaching out once more, as she had done every day since she had lost him. This time, though, something answered. He was in there. He could feel her, and she could feel him, like an extension of her own soul. His pulse beat steady against her fingertips. Temporary relief racked her body. It had been so long since she had felt that connection, she didn’t want to lose it again. So she remained there, thriving off of his heartbeat and sharing her energy with him. It was very late when her hand finally slipped down the glass and she curled up at the base of it, falling into a deep sleep where she heard his voice, calling out her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmm, yes, although this chapter was not very long, it emitted certain notes of...TLJ and, dare I say, CANON REYLO. How exquisite.


	25. Twenty-Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! AN UPDATE BEFORE IT'S A NEW YEAR! REJOICE! I hope you enjoy this chapter and you all have happy holidays, whatever you celebrate (or don't) :)

Rey was wringing the remaining water out of her hair when Luke stopped her just outside the shower room. He had a look of concern on his face, a mask which he had been wearing consistently since Kylo was brought back to the Resistance base. Rey had quickly tired of seeing this expression and the obvious inflections it held for her alone. Since Kylo had been back, she had found her emotions to be less containable. Even Master Luke was getting on her nerves, worn thin by stress.

                “Are you off to the bacta room?” Luke asked promptly, in a way that suggested he already knew her answer.

                Rey untwisted her hair from around her fingers and sighed, shaking water droplets off her hand onto the floor where a small puddle had already formed.

                “I don’t know, maybe,” she said stiffly. “Why do you ask?” She didn’t have to inquire either; of course she knew already.

                Luke had been unceremoniously uncomfortable about his former Padawan spending that much time alone in a room with the unconscious form of his nephew. He found himself extremely wary of Kylo’s influence on Rey now that he had received a full dosage of what the Dark Side held. He had long known about Rey’s potential as a Dark Side user, and the lingering threat of her downfall. But not once had he told her. Her knowledge of it would only put her at risk.

                “I was there this morning,” he replied. “There’s still no new improvements. His physical injuries are as healed as they’ll get but he still hasn’t shown any signs of waking up. They’re going to pull him from the tank tomorrow morning and try something else to speed things up.”

                Rey squinted at him. A tidal wave of emotions overtook her: anger, resentment, bitterness, fear, love, and strongest of all, hope. But she was not a fool. She knew it would not be so easy to wake Kylo, not now. After all, she had been the one trying anything and everything to stir him since he had been put in the tank.

                “His heart still beats,” she said firmly, recalling the gentle blip of his pulse on the monitoring machine. “He’s still in there. Master Luke, the last time I was there with him, I felt something…something real and solid. Broken, but repairable.”

                Luke shook his head morosely. “Please, do not make Ben into a project for you alone to tackle.”

                “Why not?” Rey shot back.

                Luke hesitated for a moment. The shadow over his eyes darkened infinitesimally; a grey cloud of fear and concern. “I just…I don’t want to see what may happen to you if you should fail. Not saying you will, but it’s a possibility…”

                “Luke—” Rey warned. She had made it clear already that she did not appreciate the Jedi’s pessimistic attitude seeping in to her own dreams.

                “Just listen,” he pleaded. “I know you don’t want to think that he may be irredeemable, but there’s a chance, and you have to respect that. He’s been in Snoke’s clutches for too long as it is. Regardless of the outcome, he is not the same man you once knew and he never will be again. That’s what the Dark Side does. It changes people for the worse.”

                “You think I don’t know that?” Rey snapped, prickling with offense. “You assume I don’t think about that possibility? As if it doesn’t haunt me day in and day out…how dare you? I’m not blinded by love, if that’s what you think. Quite the opposite, actually. Unlike so many of the rest of you, I still see Kylo for what he truly is: our only hope. He has always been our only hope. Master, this is my purpose here, to this story. In knowing Ben I’ve finally figured that out; don’t you see? If I can be with him, if I can help guide him back into the Light, by working together he and I can restore peace to the galaxy _and_ bring balance to the Force! Isn’t that what this has always been about? What prophecy originally dictated your father could do but he failed? Kylo and I won’t fail. This is our destiny, I can feel it. It’s always been connected.”

                Luke flinched at her words, not because they were painful to hear or because her tone was too sharp, but because he had known this particular piece of truth for quite some time, long before he even met Rey. But he had never said anything, because the Force had ordered him not to. As pleased as he was in spite of himself that she figured it out on her own, it terrified him, because he had no idea what was going to happen next. Where the prophecy had been impossibly clear and correct so far, it now faded into vague mystery and fear.

                Long ago, when Ben was still a young, freshly-christened Padawan, Luke had had a prophetic dream. It had changed his perception of the Force, and it had changed his opinion of his nephew irreversibly. What he once saw as an innocent, lively young boy he now viewed with an air of reluctance and worry. It had not been a good dream right from the start.

                In the dream, a floaty voice had dictated the future to him whilst showing him short visions of his nephew. The voice had said, high and clear: _There is a young boy, born into darkness but talented like no other in the ways of the Force. He will show incredible potential, but he will be betrayed. He is mercilessly tormented by inner demons even now. These demons will only get louder and more impossible to ignore as he grows older.  His turn to the Dark Side will come at a time of chaos, after he has already wrought damage himself. He will gain immense power and knowledge, growing darker, angrier, and more afraid with each passing day. This is a child of the Force. Light and Dark, but unbalanced within._

_There is another half, however. A girl. A nobody, apart from her own secret talents in the Force. She will be born ten years after the boy, on a desert planet where she is destined to be abandoned. She is his equal and mirror image in every respect. She will come into his life in his greatest time of need. She is the only one who possesses the strength and power to overcome him; to change the course of his doomed fate. But she too is at risk. She can bring balance, but she can also cause destruction the likes of which have never been seen before. The Dark Side will tempt her, even as she fulfills her destiny._

_When this time comes, you must not interfere._

                The vision had haunted him for decades. He had never told Rey about it, or Ben, or even Leia. If the Force wished for him to remain silent, he would do so, even if he didn’t fully understand. But he had come to learn that everything has a reason, and one day it would make sense to him. But it was getting harder and harder to ignore the questions he had, especially now, with both his nephew and Rey in such unbalanced states of frustration.

                Relenting, he sighs. “I can’t stop you, and I won’t. I just need you to prepare for the worst, too.”

                Rey nodded stiffly. “I’m prepared.”

                _I really doubt that,_ Luke thought to himself as he left her alone.

                In truth, Rey had spent an awful lot of time shut away in the bacta room, sitting at the foot of Kylo’s tank. She would go there and talk to him for hours on end about a vast assortment of topics, or sometimes she would just sit there and meditate in silence. It wasn’t like she was waiting for him to wake up. She was afraid to wait. She had waited for her parents’ return for over a decade and it never came. So no, she wasn’t waiting. She was hoping.

                That day, she ran out of things to talk about quite fast. So she sat at the base of his tank and knotted the hem of her sweater in her hands. Casually, she rested her temple against the cool glass. The machine vibrated lightly as the water coursed and flowed within, creating a low, quiet humming noise in her head. If she shut her eyes and listened closely, she could hear a steady heartbeat intermingling with that sound. But one touch to her wrist reminded her that it was her own pulse she was hearing. With a sigh, she looked up at him. Luke had been right, there was no visible change to him at all besides the puckered, healing entrance wounds from the blaster. His eyes were still shut, his arms still hung limply at his sides. Slowly Rey stood up before him, frowning.

                “I’m scared,” she whispered, as though telling a secret. “I don’t know if and when you’re going to wake up, and that scares me.”

                A steady stream of bubbles floated to the surface of the tank from his breathing mask.

                “I miss you. A lot. Even though we were technically fighting the last time we saw each other. I still need you, Kylo. I don’t know what I’m doing here without you. I’m…lost. And alone. And I’m really scared.”

                She chuckled sadly. “And I know if you were here you’d tell me that Jedi Knights aren’t supposed to get scared. And I’d tell you that was a blatant lie and how would you know, you never were one.” The trembling smile on her lips faded. “But you’re not here, not really. You’re somewhere deep inside your mind. If I could just…”

                Carefully, she pressed first one palm to the glass and then the other, bracing herself against it. She was not at all certain what she was hoping to accomplish or even do, but she had to try something. She knew he was in there somewhere, he had to be. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath in, then let it out, calling out to him with her mind as she did so.

                She felt a sudden pop, like air being let out of a tightly compressed space. Something shifted. She shuddered as the sensation moved through her body. It was the first sign of change. The very thing she had been waiting for for a year was finally happening. Eager, she leaned in to it, racing to connect their minds once more. The thought of what may greet her there, on his end of their bond, did not even occur to her. All she saw was the promise of saving Kylo and bringing him back from the edge. She was elated, until the pain hit.

                It collided with her like a brick wall, jolting her physically as well as mentally. She gasped and hunched over as though hit in the stomach, but did not relinquish her connection to the tank. She struggled to stand straight again and face the pain head-on. It loomed like a growling, angry beast before her, snapping its foamy jaws in her face. She stared all of Kylo’s demons in the eye and it was absolutely horrific, but she did not back down once. While at first she was terrified and felt impossibly ill, she somehow found an inner courage she never knew she had. Her strength was provided by her purpose, allowing her to push on so she could fulfill her destiny, as written in the prophecy.

                At first she didn’t understand. What were these dark emotions that now plagued her? But it didn’t take long to come to the correct conclusion. She was experiencing all of Kylo’s suffering, experiencing the very core emotions and memories that were keeping him from waking up. All this time he had been trapped within his own mind, being tortured by himself. The Light and the Dark were waging a war within him but the longer it went on the harder it was for his body to cope with the strain. And so Rey knew what to do. She steadied herself for attack. Slowly, carefully, she pulled with her mind, allowing his pain to transfer out of his body and flow into her own, like sucking the venom out of a poisoned bite. The weight of it quickly began to crush her and her body reacted accordingly. Drenched in her own sweat, arms shaking uncontrollably, she whimpered and moaned through the ordeal. This was how Luke and Leia found her a few minutes later.

                Luke yelled her name although she did not hear it, and quickly wrapped his arms around her midsection, pulling her away from the tank and thus breaking her connection. The pain and hurt dissipated almost instantly, leaving her feeling numb but also painfully aware of their separation. She gasped for air upon her removal, as though she had been pulled from a bad dream. Her eyes were wide and frantic and she squirmed somewhat weakly in Luke’s grasp.

                “No!” she yelled, her voice raspy. “I was so close! I was helping him!”

                “Rey you can’t!” Luke ordered. “You’re not strong enough!”

                In a show of defiance, Rey roughly yanked herself free of Luke’s grip and stared quite steadily at him, for someone who had just been so weak. Her fists still shook at her sides to remind her observers of this.

                “I have to help him,” she said calmly. “Please. This is the only way I can do it. Our connection is freed; I have access to him now! Master…Leia…I can save him.”

                Leia’s eyes widened slightly upon the girl’s words. Even she could sense the desperation and hope within them. For a moment, she felt it too. And she believed Rey was capable of bringing her son back, she had for a very long time. She was about to pull Luke aside and demand he allow her to continue what she was doing, but she restrained herself in the better interest of her brothers’ sanity.

                _When this time comes, you must not interfere._ Luke opened his mouth to argue, but when these words echoed in his mind he promptly closed it. The Force had a plan, it always did, didn’t it?

                When Luke made no further move towards her, Rey returned to her spot before the tank. Once more she pressed her hands to the glass and shut her eyes. It was much less sudden that time, the plunge into his darkness. The amount of energy it took was a concern, however. She wasn’t sure how long she was going to be able to keep this up, destiny or not.

                Luke and Leia watched all of this in fascinated, anxious silence. The longer Rey went on without any sign from Ben the more stressful it was to be a bystander. Luke furrowed his brow and looked closer at his nephew’s scarred face, searching for any sign of life. He could have sworn that once, for a split second, Ben’s eyebrows scrunched up, as though he had felt something.

                Once again Rey was shaking all over with the strain of exertion. Silently, she cried, not only for her own suffering but also for his. He hadn’t asked for any of this to happen any more than she had. In a way it was almost therapeutic, siphoning all that negative energy from him. It carried her own anger and fears away with it, wiping the slate clean. She was only half-aware of these sorts of technicalities, not fully understanding it herself. It was like Luke had told Leia: the Force bond was organic; something Rey and Ben had always shared, even before they knew one another existed. It was simply just there, a part of everyday life and survival, like breathing. It was accepted, not necessarily analyzed.

                Suddenly Leia noticed the colour rapidly drain from Rey’s face. She shook Luke’s arm and pointed it out to him, only to have him just manage to catch her in his arms before she collapsed to the floor.

                When Rey awoke, she was neatly tucked into the bed, inside her private bedroom. She moved her head from right to left on the pillow, taking note of a jug of cool water and a cup that were set out on her nightstand. Still shaking some, she slowly sat up and poured herself a drink. Her mouth was bone dry and the water tasted incredible. She had three glasses before slowing down. Her body felt sore but surprisingly whole, like she had simply done a particularly taxing workout that day. Her head did hurt quite a bit, but the water was bringing the pain down considerably.

                It took her a while before she noticed that it was dark out. The moon was high in the sky outside her window, signalling that it was very late indeed. She stopped and just listened for a bit. Everything was quiet.

                She cast her eyes to her door and squinted. She could sense something just on the other side of it. Was someone standing there? Curious, she pulled a throw blanket over her shoulders and padded over to the door, opening it slowly. There was no one in the hallway, but the feeling that something was calling her still lingered. She yawned and followed it, her bare feet carrying her quietly to the bacta room.

                The only source of light in the room was the soft, undulating blue glow coming from Kylo’s tank. Rey slipped past the darkness and peered up at him. He still looked the same. As far as she could tell, nothing was different. But she couldn’t help herself. She had to believe that the effort she had put in earlier in the day had been worth something. Otherwise, she wouldn’t do it again. But just then, she found herself shedding the blanket and stepping closer to the glass. Kylo looked haunting in the light.

                “I really hope you can hear me,” she said softly. “I just wanted to see if…if anything has changed. Has it? Are you in there? Can you hear me? Feel me?”

                She pressed a palm to the glass. It felt about ten degrees warmer than normal.

                “Kylo…I love you. I’m still going to be here waiting when you do decide to wake up. I promise.”

                There was no sign of life, no answer to her questions. She sighed. Maybe Luke was right. Maybe this was all a lost cause. But then what did that leave her with?

                She shut her eyes, trying to dispel the negative thoughts that were hounding her. _I can’t allow myself to think like that. He’ll wake up, I know he will. He has to. He has to wake up—_

The glass shook as he slammed his hand against it, pressing from the inside where her hand still remained on the outside. Rey screamed and jumped, completely taken aback by this sudden turn of events. She could hardly believe what she was seeing. His hand, reaching out to touch hers! The first sign of life in what felt like forever!

                As Rey’s wide, awestruck eyes found Kylo’s face, they were greeted by another pair looking back at them. A deep brown colour, they penetrated through her to her very soul. Bubbles rose in a flurry around his head as he breathed harder, slowly regaining his consciousness. The look on his face sent a very simple, clear message:

                _Help me._


	26. Twenty-Six

Almost as quickly as Kylo had opened his eyes, attendants and medical droids flooded the bacta room and ushered Rey out. She tried to fight back against their incessant onslaught, but to no avail. The last thing she heard was the water in the tank being drained and the frantic buzz of voices and mechanical whirs and beeps.

                She didn’t hang around for much longer. Quickly, she tore off in search of Luke or Leia. It was a lengthy search. There was no sign of the General, but she eventually found the Jedi looking rather distraught and upset, talking with one of the Resistance Commanders in low, hushed tones.

                “Luke!” Rey barked, unable to control the look of wild fury and emotion on her face.

                Luke looked up at her, startled by her appearance. He had been dreading the moment she found him after Ben had woken up, and it was finally here.

                “Where is he? What are they going to do with him?” she demanded. The Commander quietly excused himself and hurried away down the hall.

                “Rey, you need to calm down,” Luke urged.

                “Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down?!” She flailed her arms about wildly. “Answer my questions and I might think about calming down!”

                Luke sighed heavily. “He’s being transferred to an imprisonment cell, where he will be observed for a time before a court decides his punishment. And before you yell at me, his own mother made the call. It’s in his best interest.”

                “What? How can you just lock him up like a common criminal? He’s a former Senator! He’s Leia’s son, your nephew!”

                “Yes, and he’s a threat to all of us now! He’s committed high treason and mass murder, do you not see—? Rey, I’m going to need you to open your eyes. I know how hard it must be for you to accept this, but Kylo has changed. I know you think it’s going to be easy to bring him back, but it won’t be. Chances are, he won’t want you to try.”

                “Sucks to be him, then,” Rey grumbled. “Master, I’m not afraid. I know him. I know I can reach him. I will not be swayed to give up on Ben Solo.”

                Luke opened his mouth to speak but found no words would come out. She was right. So many people had given up on Ben Solo over the years, himself included, it was high time someone didn’t. It was the uncertainty of it all more than the darkness within his nephew that disconcerted Luke. But he supposed there was little he could do about that.

                “I don’t expect you to give up,” he finally admitted. “It’s not in you.”

                “You’re right, it’s not,” Rey admitted sternly. “So when can I see him?”

                “Not yet. They’re…going to question him first,” Luke replied carefully.

                Rey narrowed her eyes menacingly. “Question him, or torture him?”

                “Leia wouldn’t stand for torture. But it’s never a guarantee that it won’t happen behind closed doors. Ben is, after all, notoriously difficult. If he reacts badly he’ll have to be subdued somehow.”

                Rey frowned. Her anxieties were eating her alive. She needed to get to him; to be close to him, to keep him safe. But she could tell by the look on Luke’s face there was absolutely nothing she could do in that moment. She would have to wait. And waiting, although something she was quite experienced in, was not an activity she particularly enjoyed.

                So she waited, and waited, and waited. Come the next day, she was still being told to wait. By the third day, the guards outside the wing he was being kept in had lost what little patience they had for the insatiable Jedi Knight. Annoyed by their dismissiveness, Rey reminded herself that she could quite easily take them both out and get through the door without hardly raising a finger. Barely thinking twice about it, she turned around and faced the guards once more, ready to send them flying far out of her reach. But before she could do anything, the door opened and a short, bald man in a prim tan outfit and large spectacles stood staring at her.

                “You must be Rey,” he said in a high, strangely-accented voice. “You can come in now. So sorry to have kept you waiting.”

                Slightly confused, Rey stepped past the guards. Their eyes followed her in shock, with just a hint of annoyed resentment. As soon as the doors had shut behind them, the little man began to speak in a flurry of words.

                “My name is Dr. Cronarke,” he said cheerfully. “You could say I’m in charge here, but others would likely disagree with that statement.”

                “In charge of what, exactly?” Rey ventured.

                “Well the prisoners, my good child! I make sure they stay locked up and I play a part in the questioning process. I study them for scientific purposes, also. And I must say, your, er, _friend_ is quite the interesting specimen.”

                There was something in the way the doctor spoke about Ben that unnerved Rey. He must have been working in this position for years, though. Certainly dealing with evil criminals would warp any sane person’s mind after so long, wouldn’t it?

                Cronarke led her through another set of sliding doors, which he unlocked with a passkey. They opened into a high-ceilinged room where roughly thirty percent was devoted to high-tech machinery and people imputing data, and the other seventy percent of the space was sectioned off into an expansive, elaborate cell. The walls were made of thick panes of glass that stretched all the way to the ceiling. Within the cell was a single cot, a crude washroom, and a shelf full of ratty-looking books. But there, with his back to her, searching through the book titles, was Kylo Ren.

                The mere sight of him alive took her breath away and her feet carried her fast into the room, drawn in by his presence. He still appeared to take no notice of her, however. Clad in black clothes that were not his own, Rey’s eyes followed the wide set of his shoulders, the soft slope of his back, the straight line of his legs.

                “He has been unwilling to tell us anything,” the doctor remarked sadly. “That is why it took so long. No form of persuasion seemed to work on him, not even threats. He acted like he had seen it all before.”

                “That’s because he likely has,” Rey said quietly. Snoke had tortured Kylo with scene after scene depicting Rey’s grisly death. If Kylo’s mind could withstand that somehow without shutting down completely, there couldn’t possibly be much else that could break him.

                “He’s quite an angry soul, you know,” Cronarke went on. “Dark, but passionate. Not wholly evil, but well on his way. I’m fascinated by the way his mind works. And do you know, through all of the intensive questioning he went through, the only time he so much as batted an eyelid was when we brought your name into it?”

                Rey swallowed, shooting the doctor a strange look. “Why would you do that?” she whispered.

                “To see what would happen,” Cronarke shrugged. “I know about your relationship…another interesting matter I would like to dig my fingers into…another time, of course.”

                Rey dismissed the hungry look in the doctor’s beady eyes.

                “When we brought you up he went crazy. Killed two of my assistants without even blinking. Gave them aneurisms, with his mind. It was quite…gruesome.”

                An icy cold chill swept across Rey’s clammy skin and the fine hairs on her arms stood on end. Kylo stood still as a statue within his cell but she could sense him through the thick glass. She could feel the raw power radiating off of him and it was intense. Whatever Snoke had done to him, it had made him far more deadly than ever before. She began to understand her Master’s warnings about Kylo being different and dangerous. An inkling of the fear his victims felt seeped into her bloodstream, but she pushed it away, hiding it inside of herself. She could not be afraid of him. If she was, she didn’t stand a chance at saving him. He would overpower her before she could try any single thing. She knew in her heart of hearts that if she just maintained a cool head and focused all her energy on bringing back the man she once knew, the man she had seen a glimpse of just a few short days ago, she would succeed. He was still in there somewhere. This was the mantra she held on repeat.

                As if wanting to prove this to herself, she stepped toward the glass walls. Her breath created a small circle of fog, constantly growing and shrinking with each exhale. She fixed her eyes on his back, calling out to him so loudly in her own head that her lips silently formed his name. His head raised a little from the book he had been studying. Rey pressed one palm to the glass and it was jarringly cold to the touch.

                A distant echo awoke him, like someone had slammed a door down a very long, dark hallway. He turned, looking for the source of the noise. Silently and swiftly he crossed the cell to stand right before her, just on the other side of the glass. She gazed up at him in cautious wonder, but there was something wrong. His own eyes were searching the space just above her head, roving back and forth and up and down, looking for something that clearly wasn’t there.

                Confused, she asked aloud, “Ben…?”

                His roars of anger tore through to her very darkest depths, rattling her senses. His fists pounded hard against the glass, making them tremble and causing Rey to jump back in startled fear. There was a look of pure rage on his face as he continued to bash his knuckles into the walls, eventually tearing the skin and smearing his own blood across the glass. It was a grisly display of anger that made everyone in the room gasp and go silent.

                Rey’s chest tightened at the sight. Her first thought was that his violent outburst was a reaction to seeing her through the glass. If it was, then perhaps she was in far more danger than she wanted to admit.

                “No need to worry,” Cronarke explained breathlessly. “Inside the cell all these walls appear to be mirrors. That way we can see him but he can’t see us. But it is interesting that he came right to you…”

                _He knows I’m here and he can’t get to me,_ Rey told herself. Still panicked, she watched as he finally relented and stomped away, pacing his room back and forth as blood still dripped off his fingertips.

                “Like a caged animal, is he not?” the doctor suggested in awe, admiring his prisoner.

                Rey shook her head. “No. No, this is wrong,” she said firmly. “He shouldn’t be in there. Or at the very least I should be in there with him.”

                Cronarke laughed. “My dear, you can’t be serious? You saw what just happened. He’ll kill you!”

                Rey frowned, thinking Cronarke might actually be right. She was beginning to feel somewhat ill after everything. She thought she wanted to leave, to get some fresh air or just get away from Kylo, from Cronarke, and everyone else. But her feet remained firmly rooted to the floor and she was unable to look away as Kylo continued to pace around his cell, huffing with rage. She had gone about three shades whiter, much to the concern of her companion.

                “Are you alright?” Cronarke inquired politely.

                Rey shook him off, once again stepping up to the glass wall. “Just leave me for a while, please.”

                The doctor backed off, urging everyone else to do the same. He continued to keep a close eye on the situation, intrigued by the chance that he may get to watch them commune with one another.

                Rey shut her brown eyes, the dark lashes fluttering constantly as she concentrated, trying to breach the boundary between her and Kylo. It was easier than she expected, projecting herself into his space. The second she made contact, he stopped pacing.

                “Kylo…?” she asked tentatively. “Do you…can you see me?”

                Slowly, he turned around. He gave an involuntary shudder when his eyes landed on her, standing so innocently just a few feet away. At first he didn’t know how to react. A part of him wanted to lash out while another part of him wanted to break down completely. He settled for staring in silence and waiting for her to speak first.

                “You can,” she whispered, “that’s good.”

                Kylo’s dark eyes flitted to the mirrored walls of his cell. She cast no reflection. It was just him, alone, by the looks of it. Alone was how he wanted to be. But he couldn’t help the little bit of affectionate excitement that bubbled up at the sight of her, whole and healthy. He repressed it with some effort, though, and glowered at her. He could not afford to be nice to her, not anymore. Not for her sake. He would hurt her eventually, he knew it. After all the inner turmoil he had endured, he trusted himself less than he ever had before around her. He needed her to leave, one way or another. But she was still holding on to him, to the man he used to be. This posed a problem and he needed to fix it before things got too out of hand.

                “Get out,” he warned through clenched teeth.

                Rey frowned. “What? Why?”

                “It’s not safe, and I need you to go.”

                “Kylo, you can’t hurt me. I’m not really here.”

                “I _told_ you I have nothing to give to you but suffering, scavenger,” Kylo spat. “I can make you hurt without even being close enough to touch you.”

                Rey swallowed a sharp lump. Something in Kylo’s demeanor had shifted, and it made her feel increasingly apprehensive.

                “Is that what you want?” he asked coldly. “Do you want me to hurt you?”           

                “No…of course not…” Rey breathed. “I want you to love me, like you used to.”

                Kylo froze, the muscles in his jaw twitching. His upper lip pulled back, baring his gleaming teeth. “I don’t know love anymore,” he growled. “I feel nothing for you.”

                It was a lie, and to an extent they both knew it, but the words cut like daggers anyway. Rey knew he was only trying to disarm her, to make her emotionally vulnerable. She could not let him get to her; it would be her downfall.

                “No, you don’t mean that,” she argued, shaking her head in denial.

                “But I do,” Kylo observed, stalking her like she was prey; inching closer at the promise of bloodshed. “You are nothing. You’re a nobody, suffering delusions of self-grandeur. You think you can save me, that it’s your destiny, but even you have your doubts, especially now…”

                Rey stepped back, keeping as much distance between them as she could.

                “You’re as transparent as ever,” Kylo said snidely. “I can see all your fears, your confusion and anger…it runs rampant in you.”

                “Stop it,” Rey pleaded softly.

                “I can teach you to control it now. I can show you power like you’ve never imagined; strengths you didn’t even know you had.”

                “Kylo, please. Stop. I don’t want to hear this.”

                “Oh, don’t you? Is this not why you came? Why you disregarded everyone’s cautionary tales?” His eyes were alight with malice and knowledge. She had been so eager to see him that it had weakened her defences. He knew everything, even what she didn’t want him to.

                “I came to try and help you!” she yelled defensively. “Everything I’ve done has been to help you and you’re throwing it back in my face!”

                “I don’t _want_ your help!” Kylo shot back. “I don’t want you anywhere near me! So leave!”

                “Kylo—”

                _“GET OUT!”_

Rey was forcefully shot back into her own body and mind, coming-to with a sharp intake of air that jolted her lungs. She staggered backwards, as alarmed as she was angry. She could see him standing there, staring out at her even though he couldn’t see her. The anger was already beginning to fade off of his face and, realizing this, he spun around and stalked off, choosing to ignore his observers at all costs.

                As he turned away, though, Rey realized something with alarming clarity. It had all been a mask; a defence mechanism for her benefit more than his. _The stupid, gallant idiot_ , she thought, not for the first time. Even though their bond was almost fully restored, Kylo was still hesitant to connect with her. He was afraid to hurt her physically, and so he chose to repel her with verbal attacks. At least, that was what Rey hoped to be the truth. It didn’t make her any less angry, in any case. After all the suffering and waiting she had gone through; those nights she spent sleeping at the foot of his bacta tank, waiting for him to come to. She had never felt so foolish and humiliated. But she refused to think she had wasted her time. The Force had brought them back together for a reason and she would not ignore that. If he wanted to be stubborn about it, she could be stubborn too. She would cling to the hope that he was redeemable. The little spark in his eyes that she had caught when he had looked at her betrayed his every word. He had suffered enough, from Snoke’s relentless torture to that of his own mind, and it was time for him to come home to his mother, to Rey.

                As she stomped out of the room, already thinking up her next scheme, Rey furiously told herself, _I’ll be damned if I let him push me away that easily. It’s never worked for him before, it sure isn’t going to work now…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to drag this out but...... :)


	27. Twenty-Seven

Rey had bided her time, and spent it well. She figured out the exact schedules of everyone who had anything to do with Kylo’s cell and tracked them down to the last second. As she suspected, the night guards were the weakest. There were six of them, heavily armed, with two stationed outside the front door, two within, and two constantly patrolling the halls. They switched off halfway through the night with a fresh set of guards, and the second set was always slower than the first. Easy prey for a girl equipped with the Force and a reckless plan.

                The night of the execution was upon her. While everyone went off to bed and slept soundly, she lurked in the shadows, watching the guards on patrol outside Kylo’s cell, although they never once saw her. When it was time, six other guards entered and replaced the others, as was expected. As this fresh set of protection took up their posts, Rey prepared for battle. Her hand tightened faithfully around the hilt of her saber and her feet made no sound as she crept into the hallway and got close. She had no intentions of killing anybody, but she also didn’t mean to hesitate if the need presented itself. She was going to get into that cell and fix all this, one way or another, and no one was going to be allowed to stand in her way anymore.

                The first guard was easy. A patroller, clutching his blaster gun a little too tightly to his chest. Eyes wide, full of anxieties. Perfect target. With a brush of her fingers to the temple of her victim, the guard collapsed, sound asleep. Rey quietly dragged the limp body into an empty closet, propped it up against a wall, and shut the door. The other patrol guard was fairly easy, too, although he did manage a short cry of alarm before she dealt with him. She just had time to stuff him in the closet too when one of the guards who had been manning the door saw her.

                “Hey, you!” he yelled sharply, pointing his gun at her. “What are you doing down here?”

                “You wouldn’t like my answer.” Rey replied simply, wasting no time pulling the blinds on the guard’s consciousness.

                One left outside, two indoors. Things were going almost too smoothly so far. Rey’s eyes darted this way and that, extra sensitive to any sign of movement. Her heart was beating fast, circulating heated blood through her veins, making her skin crawl with nervous excitement and, if she was being honest with herself, a little bit of fear. Kylo was completely unhinged; a terrible ailment for a man who was already recklessly impulsive enough. Rey knew that now, and she bore it in mind as she flawlessly executed her plan. All while chanting repeatedly to herself, _I can do this._

                With a deep breath, she walked straight up to the last remaining guard outside the door. At first he jumped, looking entirely affronted that someone would be approaching him this late at night. He trained the barrel of his blaster gun at her as his hands shook, betraying any sign of bravery he attempted to portray.

                “Stop!” he ordered. “You’re not allowed to be here.”

                “Yes, I am,” Rey said in a perfectly calm voice. “I’m supposed to be here.”

                The guard’s face went blank, washed clean by the power of Rey’s Force trick. It always surprised her when it worked, and then made her feel vengefully joyous. She reminded herself that it was indeed a nasty trick at its most basic level; twisting someone’s mind to fit one’s agenda was a dangerous game to play at. But this was for the greater good.

                “You’re going to unlock this door and grant me entrance,” Rey instructed peacefully, staring deep into the clear blue eyes of the guard.

                “I’m going to unlock this door and grant you entrance,” the guard repeated dreamily before turning around and using a passkey to open the door.

                Rey’s heart hammered even harder in her chest as the door slid open with a whoosh of air. The two guards who had been standing outside Kylo’s cell immediately walked over to them, weapons drawn.

                “What’s going on?” A female guard inquired sternly. “Who’s she?”

                “Who I am and what I’m doing here is of no concern to you,” Rey answered. “You are going to unlock this prisoner’s cell and let me inside.”

                As the other interior guard was turning to walk back to Kylo’s cell and fulfill Rey’s request, his partner grabbed his upper arm and stopped him mid-stride. Rey could see the guard’s eyes squint suspiciously at her from behind the mask.

                “What? Do you have a death wish, girl?” the female guard asked. “This is an extremely dangerous prisoner you’re talking about.”

                “I know who it is I’m talking about,” Rey shot back, instantly feeling a surge of anger at this unnecessary roadblock. _This is wasting time!_ “You will not stand in my way.”

                “Oh, I’m afraid that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” The guard pointed her weapon at Rey and cocked it. “I’m going to have to ask you to come with me now.”

                Rey steeled herself. As the guard cautiously approached her, she could feel the power of her own need begin to take hold of her. She had to get in that cell with Kylo. This is what she had come for, this is what she had already risked a lot for, and she was not going to walk away disappointed.

                With a dismissive swipe of her hand, the guard was sent screaming through the air until she collided heavily with one of the steel walls, sliding down until she was a limp body on the floor. The other two guards remained nonplussed, staring patiently at Rey and awaiting their next command. She wasted no more time. Ushering them both over to the door of Kylo’s cell, she fixed them with an intense stare.

                “You are going to unlock this cell door and let me inside. Once I’m in, you will lock it behind me. Then you will stand sentry outside. Oh, and when you go, take your friend with you.” She gestured vaguely at the female guard lying unconscious several feet away.

                The guards nodded, faithfully unlocking the glass door for her. Rey stared at the open entryway and took another deep, calming breath. This was it. She had no idea exactly what awaited her past that threshold, but once she was inside there would be no escaping. One way or another, she would get what she came for.

                With fingers that were only the slightest bit numb, she removed her lightsaber from its holster at her hip. Next, she removed her cloak and folded it up, setting it along with her saber on the ground. She was defenceless, save for her own personal strength and that which the Force lent her. It was better that way, she had decided.

                Her first step over the threshold made an icy chill run up her spine. As the door closed and locked behind her she felt two feet tall. The glass walls rose to the ceiling and Dr. Cronarke had been painfully correct when he told her that inside the walls appeared to be mirrors. She looked at herself with a bit of contention. Echoes of her seemed to carry on for miles in the reflection. Her eyes were too wide and the colour underneath them was a shade or two too dark. She could not see him looking so afraid. Self-consciously, she rubbed her face in an effort to bring some healthy colour back into her complexion.

                Tearing her eyes away from the haunting visuals of the mirrors, she looked straight ahead. Past the basic amenities of a washroom there sat a cot. Atop that cot lay a man far too large for its capacity; his legs hung awkwardly over the end, his feet able to touch the ground even though he was on his back. He wore no shirt, only the black pants which they had given to him. He had one arm casually thrown over his eyes, blocking out the lights that were never shut off inside. He looked much bigger than she remembered; his chest had broadened and it appeared his entire body had hardened considerably with toned muscle. But there were little inconsistencies in his appearance; gentle sweeps of purple bruising, stained yellow in the oldest spots. His knuckles were still a deep reddish purple, swollen from his furious beating on the cell walls.

                She stood frozen as she stared at him, hardly able to believe that he was physically there, right in front of her, alive. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to brush his hair away from his forehead, but she knew she couldn’t. He couldn’t allow her to just yet, whether he still loved her or not.

                “Kylo,” she said, saying it loud and clear even though she already felt like she was crumbling within.

                He shifted. His arm fell away from his face, revealing tired, sunken eyes. When they opened to find her standing there, he sat up instantly with a gasp. They stood in silence for a moment, neither one of them fully able to believe exactly what they were seeing. Kylo, feeling weakened in his reclined state, stood up slowly, assessing her with eyes that penetrated to her very core. She swallowed nervously but did not back down or break eye contact. She could not afford to show any sign of weakness just yet, no matter how small.

                “What are you doing here?” Kylo finally demanded. “I thought I told you to get out and leave me.”

                “You did,” Rey confirmed. “And you can try to tell me that again, only this time it won’t work quite as well.”

                Kylo’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What do you mean?”

                “I’m here,” she said simply, opening her arms in a gesture of permanence. “I’m physically here, with you. Locked inside.”

                “Are you insane?!” Kylo spat, his anger bubbling up quickly at her disobedience and recklessness.

                “Possibly,” Rey said with utter nonchalance.

                “I cannot believe you,” Kylo shook his head, stepping up to her as the anger rolled off of him in palpable waves. It nearly overpowered her but she remained strong, not daring to look away from his eyes even for a second, despite the fact that it was like gazing into the centre of an active volcano.

                “Do you have such little respect for your own life, that you would waste your time on me? I told you that I am nothing to you anymore. When are you going to see that? We _can’t_ be together, in _any_ capacity—”

                “Why not?” Rey interrupted brazenly.

                Kylo blinked. “Why not—? Are you joking? Do you even know half of what I’ve done since we’ve been apart?”

                “I know enough.”

                “I find that hard to believe,” Kylo got closer to her, clearly trying to unnerve her with the intimacy of the situation, despite the horrible things he was saying. “I massacred entire villages of people because I was told to; I was made to think it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. The Dark Side chewed me up and spit me out. I killed women and children, even as they slept. This isn’t my first time. But of course, you already know what happened at Luke’s Jedi Temple, don’t you?”

                Rey winced, trying extremely hard to not let the memory haunt her.

                “I didn’t see faces when I killed them. I heard their cries, though. The screams of terror and pain that people make before they die a brutal death are actually quite beautiful, did you know? The raw fear fills you with power; I lived and breathed it. And it made no difference to me.”

                “Why are you lying to me? To yourself?” Rey asked poisonously.

                “I’m not,” Kylo growled, “I’m warning you. In the last year alone I have killed and hurt so many people that I have lost count. There is nothing standing in my way from making you just another number. But you walked in here anyway, completely defenceless—” His eyes darted down to the vacant space by her hip where her saber should have been. “You put an awful lot of faith in me.”

                “You won’t kill me,” Rey commented bluntly. “In fact, you won’t even hurt me. You may try, but you won’t succeed. I’m the only person you can’t do that to, not even if you wanted.”

                “That’s stupidly brave of you to say,” Kylo remarked coolly.

                “Because it’s the truth. You’ve had your chance to hurt me on more than one occasion and you haven’t. So you’ve resorted to more verbal methods; taunting me, trying to scare me away. Even that isn’t working, though, because I’m here anyway. And you know why I’m here.”

                “I can’t say I do,” Kylo said darkly.

                “I’m here because I still love you,” she said firmly. “Despite all the terrible things you’ve done—and believe me, I know about it all—I know there’s still hope in you. There’s still Light. And if no one else is going to put the proper effort in to save you, I will. You have no choice but to face me now. You can’t push me away any longer.”

                Kylo glowered at her in silence, unable to do much else. She was right, after all. He couldn’t refuse her now. She’d purposefully pulled that option out from under his feet. He didn’t want to see her feelings for him disappear, even though he thought that was what needed to happen, but now that he had no choice but to tell her what he’d done in the last year, he would have to face those consequences.

                “You know you won’t get away from here easily,” Rey went on, relishing in his angry silence. “You can’t ignore the Light that still lingers inside you.”

                “Of course I can’t. It’s locked itself inside this cell with me.” His tone was bitter but his eyes betrayed him. Full of emotions like desire and rage, fear and longing, those deep brown orbs reflected the boy inside the man.

                Rey swallowed. “Snoke is dead. The man who has haunted you your entire life, who has used you for his own gain to your personal detriment, is gone. Sure, the battle has yet to be won, but…you’re free of him at least.”

                A shadow passed over his expressive face. “Yes, Supreme Leader is dead,” he confirmed icily. “And I was his apprentice; the heir to the First Order, which means they’ll be looking for me quite earnestly. And they’ll know who I’m with.”

                “And I bet they’ll still underestimate what kind of challenge they’re up against to get you back from me,” Rey said in a low snarl, portraying the same fierce spark of emotion and drive that had drawn Kylo to her in the first place. She was equal parts sun and storm; beautifully warm and dangerously feral.

                “Maybe so,” Kylo agreed quietly. “But I can guarantee you’re making the same mistake. The First Order has more than just Starkiller. They are constantly constructing weapons of mass destruction. Not only that, but their armada has tripled in numbers in the last five months alone. You are one person; one scavenger girl with the Force on her side and at the top of their kill list. You’ll have to excuse me, but I fail to be swayed by your brave sentiments. They’re worth nothing in a war of this size.”

                “ _You_ underestimate me. Haven’t I surprised you enough times before?”

                “Plenty,” Kylo agreed, “but you would put the entire Resistance, and thus the Republic, at risk, for me? Your plan is weak and will almost surely fail. No one will join you to fight for me. As far as they’re all concerned, I’m damaged goods. A monster. They want to kill me.”

                “No they don’t…” Rey whispered, shaking her head in the face of her own denial. She had in fact heard on more than one occasion the hissing whispers, clinging to the hope that Leia would see what her son had become and make the right choice.

                “Don’t lie to yourself,” Kylo growled. “I can see it makes you angry, when they say that. But I can hardly blame them, can you? I’ve done terrible things for the First Order. Who’s to say the people who beg and pray for my death didn’t experience loss by my own hand?”

                “That wasn’t you!” Rey argued, trying to repress the swarm of emotions that was spiralling out of control within her. “You’re not like that! Snoke twisted you up; made you less human! They don’t see that, but I can make them—”

                “No, you can’t. They don’t know me like you do, remember. Their conception of me relies on my apathetic portrayal of a Senator and the lengthy list of my crimes against the galaxy.” There it was again, the incessant need to push her away from him. He could see the softness in her eyes, the tears that threatened to overflow, sparkling in the white-blue light of his cell. He choked back his own emotions, hard and bitter though they were to swallow.

                “Not everyone is as foolish or as blind as you are,” he went on, approaching her slowly, cautiously. Trying to intimidate but not overpower. “You put yourself at risk, and everybody on this planet at risk by trying to save me. After everything I have done, I am worthless to you. Rey, you need to give up on me, for your own sake.”

                _“STOP IT!”_ Rey screamed.

The soundwaves of her voice seemed to ripple across the space in-between their bodies, stunning Kylo and forcing him to his knees with a sharp grunt. He struggled against her mental hold, trying but failing to stand up. Rey’s eyes were alight with something he had rarely seen before, but which he had always known to exist: raw power and strength. She was exercising it over him in its purest form, keeping him locked into place and submissive to her. The more he fought it, the stronger her hold became.

“I’ve heard _enough_ ,” Rey hissed, stepping right up to him, forcing him to look up at her from the ground. “You will not convince me to leave or to give up on you, no matter how self-deprecating you get. Your effort is pathetic, but noted.”

She bent at the hips and got inches away from his face, feeling the heat of his breath dance across her own mouth. His eyes bore into hers, not willing to break contact just yet.

“If you’re such a bad guy, prove it to me,” she dared provocatively. “Do something that would be unforgiveable to me. Something meaningful. Look at me and tell me that you don’t love me anymore, that you can’t ever love me again, and mean every single word.”

Kylo’s eyes widened a touch, taken aback by her courage. Her voice didn’t break, although he could see she was fighting it. Flares of pink blossomed on her face, making the freckles across the bridge of her nose and those dusted across her cheeks stand out. She looked half-wild, and Kylo found himself in a very unstable position. She had asked this awful thing of him, and yet in that moment, he was positive he had never been more in love with her.

“Go on,” she hissed. _“Say it.”_

Kylo opened his dry mouth and his throat struggled to push out the words. “I…I don’t—” He fought with it for a few seconds longer, but his voice and all of his power had left him completely. Resigned, he sighed and looked away from her.

“That’s what I thought,” Rey said triumphantly. “And _that_ is why I will not give up on you. As long as you can love, you can be saved. And you do not give up on the people who you love. You fight for them, and with them. But you do not leave them behind. Not ever.”

Her hold on him relaxed and he slumped forward, just barely catching himself with a deft palm to the floor by her feet. He rose slowly, gently flexing and rolling the muscles which had seized under her pressure.

“Rey…” he began softly.              

“No, enough of that,” Rey said, matching his tone. “You have your answer.”

She stepped close to him, nearly closing the gap between them. Kylo inhaled sharply, but didn’t move. His eyes stayed trained on her, trying to figure out what she was planning next.

“I waited for you,” Rey said softly. “I hoped, and I wished, and I fought every single day, waiting to have you back. More than anything though, I missed you. So please, come back to me.”

Her hand trembled only slightly as she brought her fingers up to touch his jaw. He was breathing hard, wanting to turn away but knowing it wouldn’t do him any good. His facial hair had been allowed to grow some during his imprisonment and the layer of black hairs were rough against her palm. Neither one of them spoke.

A gentle shiver passed through Kylo’s body as he felt the warmth from her hand against his skin. He hadn’t realized how cold he was; his exposed skin prickled with gooseflesh and he desired more of her warmth. He could just barely feel it radiating invitingly off of her in their closeness. But he felt frozen more in the metaphorical sense of the word, unable to reach a hand out to touch her or bring himself closer. Everything he had been trained to expect and feel in the last year was quickly evaporating. His instincts were battling one another to the death. He suddenly had a much better understanding of what she had meant when she said he was underestimating her abilities.

When she finally pressed her lips tentatively to his, no longer able to keep waiting or holding back, he did not return the gesture immediately. His lips trembled against her own, but only by the end of it did she feel that gentle push of retaliation from him. When her eyes fluttered open, he was looking at her with an expression that came perilously close to shock. She could see his mind racing behind the veil, trying desperately to come up with a logical reason why she would want to touch someone like _him_. Her heart broke at the realization.

“Kylo…” she whispered pleadingly, leaning in to capture his mouth with hers once more.

She felt his hand caress the back of her head and her heart fluttered in her chest. They separated this time as Kylo made a soft hiccup of emotion, tears now spilling freely down his cheeks.

“I missed you…so much,” he choked, his voice strained. “I’m so sorry, Rey. I’m so sorry…”

“Shh-shh,” Rey whispered, holding him close. “You’re safe now…”

His tears were hot on her skin. She just stood there and held this large, intimidating man in her arms as he cried. She cried with him, partly for him and partly for her. The release of nearly a year’s worth of built-up frustration and heartbreak was as euphoric as it was shocking. Both of them felt like they could either collapse and sleep for hours or face down the entire galaxy. They were both still broken in their own respective ways, but their reunion made them feel more whole than they had in a very long time. The Force breathed life back into them both, swirling around them, blanketing them in its comfort. As it pulsed through them, Kylo stopped crying and simply settled for holding her, feeling her body beneath his hands and against his own. He could hardly believe that he had somehow allowed himself to forget what it felt like to hold her and kiss her. But in a way, it made it even more incredible now that he was getting that chance to experience it all over again. He didn’t expect that. He had been quite decided that she would want nothing to do with him, eventually. If she hadn’t wanted to touch him, well, he couldn’t have blamed her. But there she was, taking him by surprise with her tenacity, as always.

They kissed one another again in earnest, soaking up every ounce of the affection they had been craving for so long. As they continued to kiss and their hands roamed along the plains of each other’s bodies, strange things began to happen around them, which they took no notice of in the moment. Kylo’s cot began to raise, its legs coming off the ground until it floated nearly four feet above it. The same thing happened to the bookshelf. They floated up and up until they were nearly at the ceiling. Only when the lovers parted did the objects come crashing back to the floor.

Books shot everywhere, their pages flying out and scattering about the room, and the wood of the shelf splintered, dwindling it down to a pile of used lumber. Both Kylo and Rey gasped as they finally caught on to what was happening. They each examined the damage done from a distance for a moment, stunned.

“Did we…? Was that us?” Rey asked timidly.

“Must’ve been,” Kylo responded in awe. He turned to face her, a look of awe on his face. “That’s new.”

“Shh…come here.” Rey begged, redirecting his full attention back to her. She took one of his hands in hers and faced his cell walls. The reflection that gazed back at her made her heart swell. She and Ben, together, refreshed determination evident on their faces.

“We’ll carve our own path,” she swore to him, “to victory or to our demise, but either way we stick together. We make those decisions together; not for the benefit of one but for the benefit of the whole.”

Kylo nodded firmly, clinging desperately to his last hope at salvation: her. He hadn’t felt this energized in such a long time. Through their connection, their bond, he felt whole again. She was a part of him as much as he was a part of her. As it always had been, as it always would be.

They faced down their reflections with a new purpose. The Force lapped over their skin like cool, refreshing waves, and they soaked it up, gathering power before releasing it in one great burst outwards. The cell walls cracked with a sound like a lightning strike. Fine lines of breakage spread out, criss-crossing their way to the outer walls, ceiling, and floor. Rendered unstable by the great impact, the walls shattered into thousands of varying shards. Each one crashed to the floor with a sound ten times louder than the last, scattering out and in some cases impaling the scientific equipment. When it was all over and the last few chunks of glass tinkled and broke, the silence was deafening in comparison.

After a moment’s pause, Kylo let go of Rey’s hand and walked forward. As he crossed the boundary of his cell into the room outside, glass crunched delicately beneath his boot. A soft breath of disbelief escaped past his lips.

“Are you ready?” Rey asked from his side. “There’s going to be hell waiting for us on the other side of that door.”

Kylo took a deep breath and grasped her hand again, squeezing it tight.

“I’m ready for just about anything now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo another long chapter out the gate! I hope you all like it. If you enjoy this story please share it/recommend it to others! If you share it on Tumblr, be sure to tag me @reylo-solo so I can see your post and reblog it! See you for the next chapter! :)


	28. Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *mildly* NSFW

                Rey and Kylo had barely made it to the door of the room before it had been opened in their faces to reveal a heavily guarded—and armed herself—General Organa. After a quick and very tense standoff, the two sides briefly called a truce, with Leia demanding the two of them follow her. They hardly had a choice.

                Apparently, it was protocol to handcuff a prisoner upon transport, of any nature. Leia had haughtily debated this notion for a little while, reminding the pesky Captain that said prisoner was her _son_. Eventually, though, she relented, and a still-shirtless Kylo was cuffed securely. He didn’t make a sound as the restraints locked into place about his wrists; he barely even flinched. Now that it was no longer just the two of them, Rey noticed a very apparent change in his demeanor. He was cold as ice and hard as stone, as he had been before she had melted through his façade. And she couldn’t help but wonder how such a guarded attitude would fare in the face of his own angry mother.

                Of course, Rey worried for the salvation of her own skin, too. Leia’s back was straight and her legs were slightly stiff as she walked in front of the two of them, hands clenched into fists at her sides. Rey could practically see the smoke pouring out of the General’s ears. She knew she had committed several crimes that night, but it had all been for the greater good – or at least that’s what she believed, anyway. If she just had a chance to explain herself, things might turn out okay. _Who am I kidding?_ She thought. _We’re screwed._

                Leia led them to her personal office where Luke was patiently waiting with a frown on his face and shut the door hard behind them. Rey flinched at the sharp sound, but once again Kylo didn’t even blink. She wondered if he was used to sounds like that around him, or if he just knew better.

                A tense silence flooded the room. Rey couldn’t even look Luke in the eyes. She kept her gaze firmly trained on the top of Leia’s desk and didn’t raise it once. _This is it,_ Rey braced herself. _Any second now, they’re going to start yelling._

                But they didn’t yell. Leia sighed, prompting Rey to finally chance a fleeting glance at her face, only to see the General’s tired eyes trained on her son across the desk.

                “Ben,” she said in a surprisingly calm voice, “are you alright?”

                Kylo looked at his mother, and she looked back at him. They had the same dark eyes, the same proud cheekbones, the same wilting frown.

                “Yes.” He finally replied.

                “Good.” Her shoulders slackened and she placed her palms flat atop her desk. Her anger had seemingly vanished and Rey began to wonder if it had all been a show, put on before her troops so they wouldn’t think she favoured her traitor son over the cause.

                “Now, what happened tonight?”

                Rey and Kylo shared a side-glance with one another, neither eager to be the first to speak. But when Kylo opened his mouth, Rey forced words to spew from her mouth to keep him from talking. If anyone was going to explain, it had to be her.

                “It was me,” she said in a rush. “I orchestrated the whole thing, and that’s the truth. They wouldn’t let me see him anymore or talk to him, but I knew if I just had that chance I could fix things, for Ben, for the Resistance, for everyone. So I broke into his cell, I tricked the guards into locking me in with him, and we just…talked.”

                Now it was Luke’s turn to fix the pair with a leery eye.

                “You just talked?” he repeated. “Is that how the cell walls came crashing down?”

                “No…we did that together,” Rey answered shyly.

                “You used the Force, you mean,” Luke added.

                “Yes.”

                “Hmm,” He reached under Leia’s desk and pulled out Rey’s cloak, folded neatly, with her lightsaber resting on top of it. “And I suppose you left these outside the cell for a reason?”

                “I went in defenceless on purpose,” she answered simply. “I thought it would be easier that way.”

                “Ben? Is this true?”

                “She said it was, didn’t she?” Kylo’s response was cold but weightless. “Why should my word matter? I’m a traitor.”

                Leia’s anguish was evident on her face for just a split second; her mouth fell open and her eyes creased, reflecting on the downtrodden face of her son. She had seen him wear that same mask of self-deprecation and loathing before, when he was expelled. It hurt her in ways only a mother could imagine to see him that way again. But she hid it well, nonetheless. She had a few masks of her own.

                “I don’t think you’re a traitor,” Leia said firmly, if not a little too loudly. “You were taken from us and threatened…you had no other choice. I know if you had, you wouldn’t have gone.”

                “You’re my mother. Possibly the most biased person on this planet in the present situation,” Kylo remarked starkly. “Everyone out there wants me dead, and the longer I’m here breathing the same air as them, they’ll start to question your tenacity as a General. Do you forget how much they hated me before, when I was still a Senator? They feared me then, imagine what they think of me now.”

                Rey bit down on her lip, hard. As much as she wanted to argue, she knew he was telling the truth. It was all too evident in every pair of eyes that fell upon Kylo. There was no compassion there, no willingness to understand the terms of his imprisonment. There was only cold, dispassionate hatred, fueled by the want of bloodshed and vengeance.

                “You know I’m right,” Kylo went on, acknowledging the heavy silence that had fallen over the room since last he spoke. “I can’t stay here. They’ll come for you before too long. All of you.”

                “I know that.” Leia pinched the bridge of her nose before letting her hand fall in a gesture of desperation. “But what are we supposed to do? If we send you away, the First Order will claim you back. And then who knows what they’ll do to you?”

                “We’re not sending him away,” Rey joined the conversation then, with such clear defiance in her tone that everyone turned to look at her. “So we’d better come up with a plan.”

                Leia sighed. “She’s right. Here, let me take those ridiculous handcuffs off of you.” She removed a master key from a drawer in her desk and unlocked Ben’s restraints. He massaged his wrists gratefully but said nothing more.

                So they tried to come up with a plan. Initially, Rey thought Kylo should go with her to Ahch-To; even though the planet was relatively boring and held less-than-pleasant memories for her, she was willing to go back there if it meant Kylo’s life. But it was quickly shot down, along with her follow-up suggestion of any other boring, desolate planet, because with or without Snoke, if the First Order wanted Kylo, they would find a way to track him, and they likely already had. After the better part of two hours, they believed themselves to have finally devised a plan, if not the _only_ plan. The last card in their hand. Indeed, they had all been staring this particular card in the face the entire time but held onto it, merely trying to rack their brains to come up with literally anything else. But they were at a loss, and they didn’t have much more time to spare. They arrived to this conclusion with much arguing and raised voices, and by the end of it all they were still divided on its efficiency, but they were left with not much else to work with.

                Leia had a stony expression on her face as she hashed over the details one more time. Ben would return to the First Order willingly, citing a daring escape from the Resistance base, in which he took many lives with him. Once he was back in the midst of the enemy and reassumed his rightful place at the organization’s head, he would become a spy for the Resistance, leaking classified intelligence and attack plans. He would destroy the First Order from the inside, like a carefully planted time bomb. The only issue was the threat this risky plan posed to Ben’s survival. The Dark Side had pulled him in once before, what if it did it again?

                “I’ll go with him,” Rey had suggested eagerly; not her first show of allegiance to Leia’s son. She met Kylo’s eye firmly. “I’ll go as his prisoner.”

                “Rey…I’m not sure that’s the safest measure—” Luke began.

                “No, she’s right. It’s a good plan,” Kylo interjected, not taking his eyes off of her. “I need her there, she won’t let me fail. But she won’t join me as my prisoner.”

                Rey furrowed her brow quizzically. Something sparked in the far depths of Ben’s eyes.

                “She’ll join me as my Queen.”

***

                Neither Rey nor Kylo said very much on the quick, hidden walk to her private room after the meeting. She had told Leia and Luke she would stay with him and guard him, as she had been assigned to do so many moons ago. Neither of the twins felt up to the challenge of arguing with her. Rey couldn’t think of anywhere better to keep him besides her room where she had all of her weaponry carefully hidden about the place, and so, her room it was.

                She locked and secured the door behind them and took a deep breath. She was just letting it out in the form of words as she turned around, only to find Kylo standing before her, alarmingly close.

                “Your…Q—your Queen?” she hiccoughed, blinking profusely as she slowly raised her eyes to meet his steady ones.

                That flicker of life still existed in his deep brown orbs, brighter now in the dim blue light of her room. Somehow, he did not look like a man who had suffered quite as much as he had. His face displayed nothing but a cool resolve; a deep undercurrent of excitement that flowed steadily within his veins, lending energy to his every choice and movement. A wisp of a smile showed on his lips.

                “Yes,” he confirmed. “I don’t know the exact title.”

                “No, I…suppose not,” Rey said quietly, worrying her lower lip between her teeth.

                Kylo’s face fell minutely, something that anyone who had not known him for a very long time may not have noticed.

                “Unless, of course, you’d rather be my prisoner…” he suggested warily.

                “No. No, I’d very much like to be your Queen,” Rey said softly, giving a small smile before letting it slip away. “It’s just…I think that may involve me accessing parts of myself that I’ve never looked in the face before. What if…what if I’m consumed by it? Darkness, the fear? What if it eats me alive?”

                “It won’t.” Kylo shook his head. “As long as we’re together, there’s balance, remember? Neither of us can fall to the wayside, so long as the other is there, holding on, like an anchor.”

                He offered her his hand. Her eyes roamed over his palm, tracing the deep indentations of lines that crisscrossed there. She knew what it was he wanted to show her, and when she took his hand, it flowed through her: balance. That calm sensation that surrounded them like a protective bubble, guarding them against their nightmares. It nearly brought the both of them to tears, for neither had felt it in so long. They stayed like that for a long time, drinking in their serenity. Footsteps walking past Rey’s door broke their trance, however, and once they had receded down the hallway Rey allowed herself to breathe again.

                Of course, she couldn’t help but notice that Kylo was still only half-clothed. A rosy glow coloured her cheeks.

                “Let me get you a blanket, you must be freezing,” she assumed.

                Kylo gently grabbed her upper arm. “No,” he whispered, “I’m not.”

                Rey smiled warmly, cupping his face in her hands. Quickly, her smile faltered and her eyes looked impossibly sad. Kylo curled his fingers around her small wrists, feeling the fast flutter of her heartbeat against his fingertips.

                “I’ve dreamt of this moment—the first real moment when it would just be me and you, with nothing left for either of us to say…I’ve dreamt of it for _so long_ , and now that it’s actually here, I find myself not knowing…”

                “…Not knowing what to do,” Kylo finished her sentence with a brief nod. “I know.”

                “I just feel like there’s still so much that hangs in the balance,” Rey sighed.

                “And there is,” Kylo agreed, “but we can’t do anything about it right now.”

                “You’re right. For now, it’s just us.” She ran her thumbs over his cheeks, feeling the coarseness of the dark hairs beginning to grow there.

                She couldn’t stand it, and neither could he. For so long, day in and day out, they had longed for the other. To be able to caress their lovers’ skin again, to kiss them, make love to them, to breathe their air. And now that they had finally reached that point, it felt like there was an aching existential void that still separated them. Even though certain things had changed, and they were both harder persons than they had previously been, it shouldn’t be this difficult.

 _I still love him,_ Rey thought with absolute certainty as she looked into his caramel-coffee eyes. Yes, they still loved one another. That much was clear. They could feel it. However, it was not a strain on their feelings that kept them from acting, but rather the weight of all the words they had left unsaid; the uncertainty of what was to come, both of the galaxy and of themselves. Simply acknowledging it out loud had not dismissed it from the room like an evil spirit. It still remained, leering at them from the shadows, waiting to pounce. Rey took a deep, steadying breath. She supposed it was always going to be there, until the war was won and maybe not even then. To dwell on it would do them no good. There was no time for that now.

Slowly, she closed the chasm between them. Her own lips trembled as they reached his own, which were warm and receptive to her touch. In spite of herself, she stood tall and stared straight at her own darkness and lingering apprehensions with icy resolve. _He’s mine,_ she told them fiercely. _Nothing, and no one, will ever take him away from me again and survive._

She placed her palms on his bare chest and pushed him slowly backwards further into her room; he took measured steps until something solid and cool pressed against his back. Only then did she kiss him again, fervently and deeply, tangling her fingers in his hair. He quickly matched her pace, just as desperate to reclaim the power from the fear. He found himself growing erect quickly, his body eagerly responding to her closeness and heat after being away for so long. She felt it too and it urged her on. Half out of curiosity and half the heat of the moment, she sunk her teeth into the soft flesh of his lower lip.

At first, Ben was surprised. The sting of pain was extremely brief and left a delicious feeling behind that radiated through him. He could taste blood, but not very much of it. Delicately, he dabbed a finger to his lip and it came away with a small stain of red across it. His dark eyes darted to her face and for a moment she had no idea what he was going to do. It thrilled her, that tense period of time between the action and the reaction; both sides staring the other down, waiting for one to make the first move of retaliation. Kylo wasn’t quite sure how to proceed, but that feeling her nip had left behind grew stronger inside of him. It quickly took over and he lunged at her, grabbing her under her thighs and picking her up in one swift movement, causing her to gasp and scramble to grasp his shoulders. He let her go onto her bed and the mattress rushed up to catch her as he leaned over top of her.

Kylo left hurried, breathy kisses along her jaw to the base of her throat, where her shirt cut him off from access to any more of her skin. Frustrated by this, he gripped the collar of her shirt tight and tore it until the thin material made a loud ripping noise and exposed her breasts and stomach. From there, he gladly continued his work, even daring to give her a careful bite or two here and there, as retaliation in their sexual warfare.

“ _Ah_ …Ben…” Rey moaned, arching her back towards his touch. “Ben…”

Kylo uttered a low, attentive groan. “Don’t ask me to stop,” he whispered. “Please don’t ask me to stop…”

Rey laughed breathlessly, her body quivering against him. “I was going to ask you to move faster,” she gasped.

Kylo’s laughter was a warm breath spread across her lower stomach. “Ah, my Queen…you’re going to be the death of me.”

Rey grasped his hair in her fingers and sat up, directing his mouth back to hers. Her face was full of colour and glowing with pleasure.

“Yes, I am your Queen,” she said clearly. “I want you to worship me.”

Kylo’s eyes widened with intense love and admiration, and he promptly did as he had been told.

An hour later, the pair found themselves in Rey’s personal fresher, under Rey’s persistence that Kylo needed to look the part if he was going to go claim any sort of influence back over the First Order. First, she had planted him before the mirror and, much to his alarm, produced a gleaming razor with which she intended to shave his face.

“Is this your plan to kill me?” he had asked, only half-joking.

“What? No! I’m just going to shave you. I’ve done this before, don’t worry.”

“But, there’s a chance…that you could kill me,” At this he couldn’t fight back the crooked smile that appeared on his face and reflected back to her in the mirror.

“Hush.”

When she pulled it off without a single scrape, Kylo was quick to profess that his faith in her capability had never once faltered. Rey had splashed him with water for it and ordered him into the shower, to which he, of course, demanded that she join him.

Now they stood in the shower, Kylo carefully washing the soap from Rey’s hair. The hot water felt good on his injuries and sore muscles, but not nearly as good as she felt against him. The water streamed down her shoulders and along the bumpy curve of her spine, sending little rivulets coursing over the slight swell of her hips and thighs. With his thumb, he traced over six freckles on her right shoulder blade that followed each other in a horizontal line. Enamoured by the pattern, he ducked down and kissed it. In response, Rey made a soft sound of contentment and tilted her head to the left with her eyes shut. Noting this, Kylo kissed the slope of her shoulder, and then her clavicle. His eyes fluttered open for just a brief moment to catch her reaction and when he saw that her lips had parted slightly, he continued on. With his left hand he cradled that side of her throat, exposing the right half to him. The water pushed her hair out of the way and he kissed the length of her throat, feeling the strong, steady pulse of her carotid artery against his lips.

Rey could feel him against the small of her back, stiffening at the taste and feel of her body in his hands. She couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride at this. _He’s mine,_ she reminded herself, shouting it in her head to the dark shadows of tomorrow. _All mine. Every piece of him, every inch…_

His mouth was on her jaw now and she could hear him breathing harder in her ear over the sound of the running water. He turned her around then, suddenly wanting nothing more than to look into her eyes, to see the expression on her face and keep a memory of it forever. Their hair fell wetly over both their faces, dripping consistently in steady streams onto each other’s bodies. Both of them were flushed, although not from the heat of the shower. Their eyes caught one another and it was dark brown boring into hazel and vice versa, creating a fresh swell of heat within each of them that spread outwards from their very far depths.

Rey reached out and touched his face, diverting the rain off his cheekbone onto her hand. All the water made her wish she had experienced the rain on Ahch-To with him, not through a Force bond. She wanted that now, and so much more. As long as he was with her, they would have it all. The rain, the first experiences…they would have the entire galaxy, if they wanted it.

“I will never let you go again,” she swore.

Kylo nodded, “I know.”

And then he kissed her, and they experienced something wholly incredible in a place that made it new to the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was a little late in getting this posted - I got really sick last week and by the weekend I was still recuperating. There will likely be a delay next week too. Bear with me!


	29. Twenty-Nine

A thousand thoughts raced around Kylo’s head as he stood in the cockpit, making sure to keep the shuttle on the right path. With every switch he flicked and every button he pressed there came a different idea of how this plan could go terribly wrong. Near the top of his list was the very real possibility that the First Order may not welcome him back. Maybe they knew he killed Snoke. He was fairly sure they didn’t, but he couldn’t rule it out. Maybe he wouldn’t be as convincing in his role with Rey present. How could he sentence someone to die with her eyes upon him? He never wanted her to see him like that; to see exactly what he was capable of.

                And of course, the most dominant thought of all: what if the Dark Side consumed him? What if he falls? What if Rey falls? He supposed that would mean all hope was lost for the Resistance. He could only hope he’d be dead before it came to that.

                His farewell with his mother, father, and uncle hadn’t done much to ease his concern, either. Han acted as Han always did in serious situations: with a healthy dose of unwarranted humour and awkward ramblings. Leia had wished him well and had hugged him tighter than she had in quite a while. She had reassured him that no matter what, he was still her son, and nothing would change that. As he had looked into her eyes, he couldn’t allow himself not to believe her. Her concern was evident on her face, but it did nothing to hide the motherly way she looked at him. It was the kind of look that could make a thirty-year-old man feel like he was eight again, still needing to hold his mother’s hand to cross the road.

                Luke, on the other hand, had been slightly harder to read. His mouth had been set in a grim line and he had been standing straighter than usual. But he still managed a small smile to accompany his goodbyes and well-wishes, confiding his pride in the two of them. It was all too clear to Kylo that Luke was hiding his doubts, not wanting to sully their exit with his worries. But he hadn’t stopped them, which Kylo supposed was the most he could ask for.

                Kylo harnessed enough of his own doubts as it was. Almost instinctually, as if to check that it was still there, he touched his fingertips to his sternum. Something stirred within him, awakening to his attentions. Something small, and dark, and hard and alive that dwelled inside of him now. A burnt, broken shard of his soul, the one remaining remnant of his temporary fall. A constant reminder of the things he had done and the things he may do still. It carried a heavy weight within him and it frightened him. If only it was possible, he would reach inside of himself and tear it out; he would crush it beneath his boot and never think about it again. If only…

                “Alright, I think I’m finally in this thing,” came Rey’s voice from the hall.

                “About time,” Kylo quipped. “You’ve been back there for almost an hour—oh.”

                He turned in his seat and beheld a sight that stripped him of all the air in his lungs. Rey was standing in the doorway, dressed in the wide-collared black floor-length sleeved gown that Leia had lent her, complete with glittering black jewels tied into her hair buns. She gave him a shy smile and turned around once.

                “What do you think? I’ve never worn a dress before,” she said, beaming.

                “I think…you look amazing,” Kylo said softly, still entranced by her beauty.

                “Thank you,” she blushed. “Do I look like I belong on the Dark Side now?”

                Kylo swallowed. _If only clothing was the one qualifying trait that mattered to the Dark Side_ , he thought. _But she’ll find that out soon enough._

                “Yes,” he replied. “Just remember when we get there to follow my lead. I have no idea how this is going to go.”

                “I’ve got my lightsaber tucked away just in case,” she said, patting the hip of her dress faithfully. She could not be permitted to use it unless absolutely necessary, due to its blue colouring. If she ignited it, she risked exposing herself and Kylo.

                “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Kylo said quietly, continuing to monitor their descent into the belly of the beast. “I’m sending the transmission now; we’re close enough that they’ll be able to receive it. Are you ready?”

                Rey took a deep breath. Her chest strained slightly against the boned bodice of the dress. “I guess I better be.”

***

                When they arrived aboard the _Finalizer_ , General Hux, Captain Phasma, a hoard of thirty-some Stormtroopers, and other high-class personnel greeted them with grave expressions and heavy weaponry. Rey’s heart raced as she followed Kylo towards them.

                “So it is true,” Hux observed coolly once the duo had come close enough. “You’re still alive.”

                “Yes, I am,” Kylo replied smartly. “Great job locating me, by the way, General. Once again you’ve demonstrated your inability to live up to that title your father gave you.”

                Hux’s face darkened. For a moment, murder flared in the glooms of his blue eyes. Rey stepped forward, catching this expression, and glared steadily at the redheaded General. He instantly turned his attention to her. His upper lip twitched, giving him the expression of a person who had just smelled something foul.

                “What’s this?” he spat.

                “This is Rey, but you should address her as befits her rank. She will rule this galaxy alongside me, and fix all the mistakes you’ve been making in the meantime.” Kylo smirked righteously.

                _“What?”_ Hux exclaimed, blinking rapidly at Ren. His pallid skin tone got two shades redder. “You don’t honestly think you can arrive back here after being kidnapped by the Resistance and presume to command _me_? _I’m_ the Supreme Leader! _I’ve_ been ruling in your absence! And I—”

                Hux’s words cut off rather suddenly as Kylo’s phantom hand tightened around his throat. The choking General’s fingers clawed at his windpipe but to no avail. Soon, only the tips of his toes were touching the ground. Rey bit back an astonished gasp. The look of cool impassivity on Kylo’s face alarmed her. He appeared almost as though he was getting _joy_ out of Force-choking Hux. She clenched her hands into fists at her sides, digging her fingernails into her palms until it stung.

                “You’re mistaken, General,” Kylo said calmly. “But what say you now?”

                Gasping and choking, Hux struggled to reply, “Long…live…the Supreme…Leader…”

                “And?” Kylo said, making a point to squeeze harder. Hux was turning a dangerous shade of purple and his eyes were beginning to bug out of his head.

                “And…his Empress…!” Hux gagged.

                The General’s bony body made a surprisingly hard thump as he fell to the ground. He lay there, immobile, sucking in air and coughing it out in a wheezy rasp. All the bystanders had remained completely still throughout the whole ordeal. Now, they all knelt and bowed their heads in Kylo and Rey’s direction.

                “Supreme Leader,” they said in unison, “Empress.”

                Rey’s left hand twitched. She wanted to badly to reach out and grab Kylo’s, for some kind of reassurance, some semblance of grounding. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She only stared back at these people, these bad people who were now _her_ people. She felt sick and dizzy and it was taking much of her energy to fight it off. But at the same time, seeing so many bowed heads before her, acknowledging her as someone equivalent to royalty, it filled her with a sensation she had never known before. A sense of belonging and righteousness. It startled her as much as it excited her.

                Kylo reached in his pocket and tossed a blinking chip onto the ground. It skidded to a halt by Hux’s shuddering body. Rey swallowed nervously as her eyes fell upon it.

                “That holds the coordinates for the Resistance’s new base. You can send out scouting ships if you like, but I guarantee the enemy won’t be there much longer. You’ll want to send out the fleet, then you’ll see exactly where our loyalties lie.”

                The Supreme Leader and his Empress left the crowd behind without another word. Rey hurried to keep up with Kylo’s fast pace, quite positive she was going to fall with every step she took. Speed-walking in a dress was harder than she had thought.

                “That was—” she began.

                “Wait.” Kylo prompted under his breath. He took hold of her elbow and directed her to an elevator. He didn’t release her until the doors had closed. Then he let out a long breath.

                “Kylo…” Rey said quietly. “Whatever that was, I didn’t like it.”

                Kylo shifted. He could see why she hadn’t appreciated it. But, strangely, he felt bad about not being able to agree with her in this instance. He had enjoyed it quite a lot, actually. The unquestionable authority and power fit over him like a glove now, leaving him flushed with a fabulous high. But the fear in her eyes told him he had best keep those thoughts to himself. She had not been conditioned for this, in any sense of the word. This was all new to her, right down to the clothes she wore. Of course she was scared; it would be wrong if she wasn’t.

                “I’m sorry,” he said. “But that…it’s who we have to be while we’re here. Do you understand?”

                She opened her mouth and then shut it and Kylo couldn’t help but wonder how sharp the words she’d left unspoken were.

                “You’re right.” she said shortly, turning her attention to the interior of the elevator doors.

                She didn’t say more during their ride down to their chambers, but Kylo could see it on her face. She was fuming, and confused, and a hundred other things. She was like a good book to him; he could read her so easily. He wondered if others could, too. If so, it put them at risk. How long before she filled her role and committed to the act?

                Their bedchambers were expansive. High, blood-red walls, glossy black floors, a massive four-poster bed, a high-ceilinged training room boasting a good view of the galaxy beyond, and the biggest personal fresher Rey had ever seen. She nearly got lost exploring the room. It even came stocked with a closet full of nothing but weaponry: blasters, bowcasters, rifles, stun batons, battle staffs and more, and next to that closet was another filled with comlinks, homing beacons, motion sensors, disguisers, and so on. Rey probably lost a good fifteen minutes just marvelling at the stock of equipment, wanting to test half of it out right that second.

                “What do you think?” Kylo asked when they met each other in the main chamber.

                “I think I like it a lot,” Rey replied, “but it still feels wrong somehow.”

                Kylo smirked devilishly. “Oh, you just have to let go,” he purred, pressing his front to her back and wrapping his arms about her waist. “You have to let yourself enjoy _some_ things while we’re here or you’ll go absolutely insane…”

                “Mm, and with all those weapons that may not be a good thing,” she said, smiling dreamily. She tilted her head to the side and allowed him to leave a few soft kisses on her throat.

                “Or maybe it would,” he pondered idly into the hollow of her collarbone.

                “As long as we’re allowing ourselves to enjoy things…” Rey reached back, cradling the back of his neck in her palm, urging him to kiss her more. One of his hands slid up her torso to pause between her breasts. She could feel his fingers tighten around the material of his mother’s dress; could practically hear him trying to decide whether or not to tear it to shreds and deal with the consequences later.

                “Well, it appears that—oh, oh _what_ …?”

                Rey gasped at the voice, trying to pull out of Kylo’s grasp instantly but he held her still. Hux stood in the doorway to their chambers, as red as can be, staring at them openly in horror. Kylo, on the other hand, casually perched his chin on Rey’s shoulder and stared impassively at the astonished General.

                “What do you want?” he asked bluntly. “We’re busy, General.”

                “I—uh, um…w-we sent out scouting ships with the coordinates you gave us. It would appear your information was authentic; they found the Resistance base.”

“You sound surprised,” Kylo mused lazily. Hux glared daggers in response.

 “And they tell us that Leia Organa and her hoard of deviants are in the middle of evacuation.”

“As I assumed they would be,” Kylo said.

“Yes, well. What do you propose we do now, Supreme Leader?”

Kylo lifted his head and narrowed his eyes accusingly. “What?”

“Do…do we send out the fleet?” Hux asked stupidly. “Do we go down and attack, or do we follow them to their next hideout…?”

Kylo opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by Rey’s hand. He released her and watched with quite a bit of interest as she stepped slowly toward the General; a skilled predator stalking its weak prey. Raw determination and ferocity glinted in her eyes like knives. Hux seemed to shrink away from her penetrating stare.

“Hux, is it? Are you not a General?” she asked dangerously.

“Y-yes…” Hux sounded dumbfounded.

“Then tell me, _General_ , why do you not act like one?”

Hux blinked. Kylo could feel his outrage at being spoken down to by a strange woman, and one younger than him to boot. But despite his wounded pride, all he managed to stutter out was “Wh-what—?”

With one swipe of her arm she sent Hux careening across the room with a frightened squeak before he smashed into a wall, breaking a glass table on his hard descent to the floor. He lay almost limp for a moment with his arms above his head, shaking tremendously, before Rey reached out again and pulled him back towards her with alarming force, dragging him on his stomach through the broken glass. He was whimpering in pain as he finally came to a halt inches from the toes of her shoes. Like a malicious child playing with her dolls, she brought him into a kneeling position and forced him to meet her eyes. Kylo watched it all happen, too stunned and fascinated to intervene.

“What, do you think we went to all that trouble to get those coordinates for you just for you to let the Resistance slip between your fingers _again_?” Rey asked icily. “Do you think we told you to send the fleet just to _observe_? The fact that you even have to ask what the next step should be is incredibly shameful, General Hux. I have to say, I’m not the least bit impressed by you.”

Hux struggled to speak. It felt like his body was slowly and precisely being crushed.

“I’m…s-s-sorry…Em-Empress,”

“I’m sure you are,” Rey said. “I’m going to release you now. And then you’re going to waste no more of my time. Toddle off and please do attempt to make at least one coherent decision with our military, while you still command it.”

Hux doubled-over and then scrambled to stand, wobbling before scurrying off to do as he was told.

Rey hands were still trembling when Kylo got to her. Part of it had felt like a dream as it happened. Now she was struck with an electric rush of energy that made her blood run hot in her veins. Something within her awoke; that familiar darkness that had been there for as long as she could remember.

“That was…something,” Kylo said slowly. “Are you okay? My mother and the others will all be gone by the time the First Order gets down to that planet. It’s all a part of the plan, remember?”

Rey looked up at him with wide eyes, feeling so unlike herself and yet at the same time, more alive than she had felt in a very long time.

“I’m great,” she said. “I’m good.”

She placed herself comfortably in his arms and kissed him deeply, drinking up his presence, his energy. His touch fuelled her and kept her buzz going. She stretched out a hand and used the Force to ensure the doors were shut and locked this time around.

***

It was dark aboard the _Finalizer_. Rey had no idea what time it was, but it certainly had to be late. She lay awake in the large bed, staring up at the dark panels of its overhanging roof. Her eyes would not close. Her mind would not stop shouting things at her. She could not sleep.

She turned her head to the side to admire Kylo’s sleeping form. He was on his back with his head turned away from her, his bare chest slowly rising and falling with each deep breath, fast asleep. _Ben._ The man she loved. The man she has risked everything for. It made her heart swell to be able to reach over and touch him again. She would never tire of the heat of his skin beneath her fingertips.

He looked so peaceful, she thought. Yet even he had changed in strange ways since they had come aboard the _Finalizer_. He almost seemed crueller, somehow; quicker to anger and tougher to cool. He had said it was who they had to be in their current situation, but she almost didn’t recognize the man he had become. But then again, she didn’t really recognize herself, either.

Very carefully so as not to disturb him, she slipped out from beneath the sheets of the bed. The air was cool on her naked body and she quickly grabbed a silky black bathrobe from the fresher, tying it securely about her waist. She didn’t look back at the bedroom as she left it, heading for the attached training chamber. She quietly shut the door behind her and released a shaky breath.

The room was large and mostly empty, with the same flooring as the rest of their chambers. But the walls were mostly thick-plated windows. Hundreds of thousands of stars twinkled at her from space. The room contained a strange, soft blue-white glow, making everything look ethereal, as though from a dream. She stared out at the galaxy and tried to collect her thoughts.

This was her life now. For a time, however long that was going to be. Empress Rey of the First Order. A character in a bad play and a role she couldn’t fill. Or could she? She had certainly risen to the challenge with alarming vivacity. She stared at her hands, the same hands that had mercilessly attacked Hux under the pretense of keeping up appearances. To her, they looked different somehow. _Can hands look guilty?_

She was a Jedi Knight! She wasn’t supposed to torture people into submission! Not even terrible people like Hux. This wasn’t right, none of it was. The lies, the anger, the fear. Even though the power certainly felt good, she can’t say she liked what it was doing to her. It was making her forget what this was all about; the very thing they were doing this for in the first place: peace, and an end to this war. Freedom. A long, happy life with Kylo. She took a few deep breaths. She wanted all of those things so badly. She supposed that if she had to kill or hurt a few people to achieve them, it might just be worth it. Her hand fluttered to her midsection, wishing, dreaming. _For the future._

She walked about the room for a minute or two, stretching her legs and arms. The only sounds were the gentle, distant hum of the ship engine and her bare feet, padding over the smooth floor. She found a pool of light in the centre of the room, pouring out from dozens of tiny bulbs nestled in the crook where the windows met the ceiling. She sat down in the middle of it and crossed her legs, relaxing her spine and hips. _Deep breath in, and out…in…and out…_

She was walking down the hallway of doors. Every door was a different test, and they all looked the same. There was one calling out to her, whispering to her in foreign languages. She raced towards it, running for what felt like hours down the endless, repetitive hallway. When she finally found it she gripped the silver handle and pushed it open.

She screamed as she fell into the vast chasm. A great darkness pulled her in and consumed her. She could see nothing, hear nothing. She lifted a hand in front of her face, or at least she thought she did. She didn’t see it. This went on for one agonizingly long minute before the atmosphere changed as though someone had just flicked the light switch on. The darkness ebbed away but lingered around the edges of her vision. If she tried to look straight at it, it would slip just out of sight.

Something was beginning to form before her eyes. It was Kylo, trussed up with chains, hanging from the ceiling, looking emaciated and destitute. His chin rested on his chest and right away Rey assumed him to be dead. Her heart fell into her stomach.

“Kylo!” she yelled. Her voice sounded faraway and strange. “Kylo…can you hear me?”

With what was clearly an immense effort, Kylo raised his head. His eyes were bloodshot and had deep shadows beneath them, but she could see them searching for her.

“Rey…?” Kylo moaned.

Rey wanted so badly to go to him, to unchain him, to allow him to rest his entire weight on her side so she could rescue him. But she quickly found that she couldn’t reach him. There was some kind of invisible barrier that separated them, one which she could touch and ripples would flow away from her fingertips, but not one she could penetrate. She grew frustrated fast and hot tears stung the corners of her eyes. She began to bang her fists against the invisible wall, clawing at it with stubby nails, but to no avail. Kylo’s head fell once more to his chest and he trembled, having exhausted himself with the mere effort of such a simple task.

“Rey…” he murmured again, as though falling into a deep sleep. “Run.”

She was backing away slowly as the room crumbled around her and dissipated, replaced once more by the endless darkness. Being alone and trapped within it, unable to see anything at all, made her feel like she was choking for air. But it didn’t last long this time. Somewhat unceremoniously, she was dumped in a circular room with no windows or doors. In fact, it wasn’t so much a typical room as it was a mirror, or rather, several mirrors that made up a room. But the mirrors were foggy, like those of a fresher after a long, hot shower or bath. Her reflection was blurred. It looked as though she was made up of patchy colours and no real shapes. She walked up to herself in the mirror and attempted to wipe the condensation away, but her palm came out dry after touching it.

Something weighed in her other hand. She looked down to discover her own lightsaber hilt there, and she was gripping it tightly. How had she not noticed before? She brought it up to her line of vision and twisted it this way and that, turning it in her hands, inspecting every inch of it to make sure it was really hers. As far as she could tell, it was. She ran her fingertips lightly along the length of it and it began to hum, vibrating as though it had been brought to life by her touch. It was telling her to ignite it. She couldn’t explain how she knew that, she just did. It was like it had its own hollow voice, whispering in her ear. She held it aloft and pressed the button.

The blade shot out, still that icy blue colour it had always been. It roared and crackled and its vibrations tickled up her arm. This was a more unstable power than it had demonstrated before. Something wasn’t quite right, but Rey couldn’t figure out what it was. Lazily, she swung it side-to-side, slashing the blade through the empty air with a noisy _bzzz._ Suddenly it began to move of its own volition and Rey struggled to hold it, trying to fight back against whatever instinct it was leaning towards. She grit her teeth and planted her feet firmly on the ground, but still the saber swung around until its tip touched the foggy mirrors. Just like that, they became completely reflective, projecting Rey’s terrified face back at her in alarming clarity. And then, something truly horrific happened.

Slowly, the colour of her saber began to change as the Kyber crystal within it bled.

It began at the base, near the hilt. The blue began to darken and fade, morphing into a vibrant, fiery red that crawled up the length of the blade like an infectious plague.

“No…” she whispered in awe. She tried to shake her saber, she tried to sheathe it, but it made no difference. The weapon had a mind of its own now and it could not be stopped.

Before long her entire saber was red, an even darker shade than Kylo’s. _No,_ she told herself, _this isn’t right. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be…_

A fierce heat began to grow in her hand, increasing in temperature until she was forced to drop her saber as her skin burned and stung like it was on fire. She cried out in pain, gripping the wrist of her trembling hand.

And then she was back in the training room aboard the _Finalizer_ , drenched in her own sweat and breathing hard. The shock of coming back into her body after her long vision made her fall forwards and she instinctually put out her hands to catch herself. But the weight of her upper body on her palms made the right one sting sharply. With a hiss she sat upright and turned her hand palm-up to inspect it. A thick patch of burnt and blistered skin cut across the soft flesh of her palm, right in the place where she held her saber hilt.  She blinked in horrified fascination and turned her hand this way and that, trying to convince herself that it wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. _It had happened in a vision…how is this possible?_ But her hand continued to sting until the pain had raced all the way up to her shoulder and she was forced to stand. She needed to patch it up before anyone could see. She could not explain what had just happened to her and she couldn’t say she wanted to. If the vision meant what she thought it did, she was more afraid now than she had ever been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for being patient with updates! The last few weeks have been a bit unpredictable. But I'm not trying to slow down just yet! So here's a nice longer one for you :) As always, if you enjoy this story please leave a comment/kudos/bookmark and/or share it! If you post it on Tumblr make sure to tag me @reylo-solo so I can see it and give you the thanks you deserve <3


	30. Thirty

                “What happened to your hand?”

                A simple question, sure enough, but the answer was so damn complicated.

                Rey examined the dirty wrappings across her palm with distaste. If she focused hard enough on it, her burn always seemed to sting just a little, just enough to remind her that it was still there. It was still very real, and it didn’t seem to be healing very fast.

                “Nothing,” That was the best she could do. “I’m accident-prone.”

                _And a terrible liar._ His eyes had narrowed at her ever-so-slightly; their suspicion cut straight through her body like an arrow. But he didn’t say anything more. She had nothing to tell him, anyway.

                Truthfully, she had been trying to deconstruct her vision all on her own since she had it. Yes, her kyber crystal had bled, but as it did so she had found her saber to be more volatile and harder to control; it had vibrated and twitched in her palm, as though it could barely contain whatever power lingered inside of it anymore. Perhaps that meant her rejection of the Dark Side’s temptation? Well, she hoped so. That was how she was going to interpret it, because the other option was far too terrifying to consider even for a second.

                By the sixth day aboard the _Finalizer_ , she had grown quite used to slipping into her form-fitting black outfits. She was beginning to enjoy her own silhouette more. People moved out of her way without her having to ask, and no one discounted her anymore quite like they used to, which was something else she found herself quickly growing used to. But still, despite all of these perks, something was missing. A piece of her had been left behind, with the Resistance. No matter how comfortable she got, she was not this person she was portraying and she never would be. Part of her had always thought that she would never cease being a scavenger, and she still considered herself just that. _A scavenger. A Jedi Knight. A rebel._ These were her core traits, and without them she felt lost. How much longer could she feasibly go on pretending to be something she was not? Living a lie was a lot more exhausting than she had thought it would be and it posed a serious threat to their safety amongst the First Order. She knew that. And she was trying to be better, all the time. But it was hard, and so draining, and by the middle of the second week she typically spent her afternoons dissociating alone or meditating in an effort to hold on to the person she recognized as herself whilst refusing a stranger.

                Kylo, on the other hand, had spent much of his time away from Rey, by no desire of his own. He would give anything to stay with her, but the Resistance needed information, and as the Supreme Leader he was the one who often received said information. So for most of his days aboard the _Finalizer_ thus far, he had spent his time in the company of various military personnel, taking mental notes which he would later recite to his mother in a secure hologram message, any record of which would be promptly destroyed after sending. Rey’s distance only gave him more vitriol in his dealings with Hux and the rest of the First Order, who all quickly caught on to the fact that the Supreme Leader was far more dangerous without his Empress than he was with her. To come back to her and find her so obviously lost in her own thoughts did nothing to comfort him. _This was a bad idea,_ he would tell himself. _Look at what I’ve done to her._

When they were alone together, she was Rey, and only Rey. She wasn’t an Empress or a dark Queen. She was exactly who she wanted to be and no one else. And Supreme Leader Kylo Ren transformed back into Ben Solo, or the man Rey had fallen in love with. Things weren’t nearly as hard when they were with one another behind closed doors, able to talk and act like they normally would, harbouring no secrets with one another. It was easier. But still, the unspoken question lingered between them: _How much longer?_ The only problem was, neither of them knew the exact answer to that.

Now here they were, nearly a month into their operation. Kylo walked the bridge with General Hux, assessing the state of things and listening to reports of yesterday’s nefarious activities against the dreaded Resistance. The red-headed General really was a bore to listen to. Kylo held no fondness for the cold, bratty Armitage Hux. Perhaps it was because on more than one occasion, the General had threatened a mutiny against Kylo, only to be reeled back in by one demonstration of force on Kylo’s part. Or, perhaps, it was because of the dirty glares Kylo often caught from him. He often felt that Hux must know what had transpired with Snoke aboard the _Supremacy._ Or maybe it really was just as simple as a dislike of character. Either way, their relationship was strained to say the very least.

As they walked past the throne room, they noticed it sat vacant, save for one single person who stood staring out a window: Rey. Her shoulders were slack and her back was to them, but both men stopped walking to look in her direction. Even without being able to see her gaze, Kylo could sense her unrest. It was like he had caged a wild animal and tried to domesticate it. He felt horrible, knowing the torture she was going through. It got harder and harder to try and focus on the point of his mission, because although they were doing this for the chance at bringing an end to a war that had gone on long enough, in Kylo’s mind, Rey was the only good thing worth putting any attention towards. He was being made to go against his better judgement and his own personal desires and it bothered him, much more than he had anticipated.

He quietly shut the doors to the throne room, wanting to give her as much privacy as possible. He then urged Hux to continue walking with him, to not linger on the image of Rey’s forlorn character, staring out at the distant realm of space, hoping for something better to come along.

“The Empress seems rather distracted as of late, does she not, Supreme Leader?” Hux posited smugly, not even trying to hide the ugly smirk on his gaunt face. “Almost as if she doesn’t truly belong here.”

Kylo wanted to lash out then and there but he restrained himself with a mountain of effort.

“The line between brave and stupid gets awfully blurred when you speak, doesn’t it?” he remarked coldly.

“Wasn’t she just a scavenger before?” Hux asked with the air of someone who was getting too much enjoyment out of being a pest. “And, correct me if I’m wrong, but was she not the same Padawan who you repeatedly called your own, even though she was Skywalker’s?”

Kylo could taste blood in his mouth. He had never liked General Hux and at that precise moment he wanted nothing more than to murder the snivelling little rat where he stood. But he couldn’t. He hated to admit it, but things would be considerably harder to control without Hux around to act as a middle-man and a punching bag. Not impossible, however…

“Who she was is irrelevant now,” Kylo snarled through clenched teeth. “She chose the Dark Side. She chose me. Not Skywalker, not the Resistance. Me. You would do well to remember that.”

Hux grinned. Long ago he had learned how easy it was to temper Kylo Ren and distract him. It only took one simple ingredient: the girl.

“Snoke was right,” he observed poisonously. “She is your biggest weakness. That doesn’t bode well for you here, Supreme Leader.”

“I beg to differ.”

“He also often told me you had too much of your father’s heart in you. And apparently, it seems you’ve also inherited his inability to commit to anything besides his own selfish tendencies.”

Ren snapped, using the Force to bounce Hux’s face off of a nearby control panel.

“You’re the last person who should ever presume to speak to me about a soured father/son relationship,” Kylo growled. “Didn’t you have Phasma murder your father when you realized he would never give a damn about you? Never give you the power you wanted, because he knew you didn’t deserve it? You couldn’t even kill him yourself.”

Hux laughed maniacally as he stood, dabbing at the blood that dripped out of his split lip.

“I hold no regrets over my actions, unlike you,” he retorted. “Snoke always said you were conflicted. I saw it then and I see it now. She’s changed something within you; made you weak and foolish. Do you regret coming back, Ren? Do you regret ever seeing her, or telling her you loved her knowing the heinous things you’ve done? Do you regret bringing her here, where she has to look your darkness in the eye every day? You do, don’t you? You know as well as I do that she would rather be with that band of rebels than here with you.”

Kylo ignited his saber and held its tip barely an inch away from Hux’s eye. The General jumped at first, but found himself unable to move away from the fiery blade. Kylo looked completely deranged; the pupils of his eyes reflected the electric red of his saber, making him look more demon than human.

“What do you want? Huh?” he demanded sharply. “You dare to test my commitment to the First Order? After you insult your Empress? You must really want to die.”

Hux laughed again, humourlessly. “Ren, you must know she’s no Empress. You’re not married to her, are you? Most of the crew are already suspicious of her supposed authority. They only obey her because they’re afraid of you. As far as _I’m_ concerned she’s still a worthless scavenger.”

Kylo drew a long, thin line across Hux’s cheekbone with his saber. Blood beaded up instantly and dripped down the pale, sharply-angled face. Hux was so terrified he was shaking, and yet he still refused to give up whatever game he was playing. But by now Kylo was far too angry to be rational.

“That’s not how it works,” he spat. “She doesn’t have to be married to me to have authority over the likes of you. She could bring the entire galaxy to its knees, with or without me.”

“Say what you will, Ren, but you know as well as I do that her commitment to the First Order is lacking. As soon as death comes for you, which I sincerely hope it does, any authority she has now will be stripped away and she will be slaughtered like an animal!”

That was it. Something within Kylo actually snapped that time. He dropped his blade and wrapped one gloved hand around Hux’s skinny little throat, squeezing his windpipe closed. He hadn’t felt anger like this in a long time and it consumed him; it made his decisions in the spur of the moment, going against his better judgement to send him into ruin. Of course that had been Hux’s plan all along, but Kylo could not give the General the satisfaction of winning. He would give the annoying ginger what he wanted, allowing him the illusion of success, and then Kylo would silence him forever.

“Will that make you happy, if I marry her?” His voice was too quiet and calm to not be terrifying. “Then so be it. Make the arrangements. I’ll marry her tonight; I have no qualms about that. And once she’s my wife, and your Empress, she can decide what we do with you.”

Hux fell to the floor like a ragdoll as Kylo stalked off, seething.

***

After spending time in the throne room, admiring the ancient relics of the Empire with morbid fascination, Rey had grown bored. She felt useless in this mission, and she hated feeling useless. She was only biding her time, playing a part alongside Kylo, while he gathered secret information and passed it along to the Resistance. At night, he would tell her everything, so at the very least she was up-to-date and could offer her suggestions. But it just wasn’t enough.

She spent most of her time alone. Everyone was either too afraid or too suspicious to linger around in her presence. It made it difficult to gain any kind of inside knowledge that would be useful to Leia and the Resistance. With each passing day she felt more and more like a ghost, floating around the corridors unnoticed, learning all the secrets but not being able to tell them to anybody. It was emotionally draining in its own way, to feel so detached from the physical self for so long.

She wandered away from the throne room, not really paying attention. Her feet carried her and she simply followed. Of course, she couldn’t help but notice how many times she met with groups of people who had all been talking just moments ago, yet as she walked by they went dead silent, simply waiting for her to pass. She pretended not to care, even though it worried her very much. The hostility and suspicion suffocated her at times when it was all she could do just to turn her cheek the other way. But what was she supposed to do? She didn’t particularly care for violent confrontation. Did she do it anyway? Did she hurt them or threaten them to re-establish dominance? She’d never been in such a pecking order before; the dynamics of it were still quite puzzling.

After walking from one end of the ship to the other, she found herself in the belly of the _Finalizer_ , descending gritty steps into the slums of the kitchens, laundry, and maintenance rooms. Everything was darker down here, and it smelled strange, like food and soap and sweat. She could sense a lot of anger; it seemed to congregate down here, feeding off the frustration of the lower-class workers, sustaining itself on their vitriol alone. Like an open wound it festered and rotted, soaking into the very atmosphere around it, dampening the spirits of those who had to live and work in its squalor.

Rey clenched her fists at her sides and walked on, attracted by the sight of orange sparks off in the distance. When she found their source, she was stunned to see a young, grubby girl, no older than nine, trying to fix one of the ion canon targeting mechanisms. Right away Rey spotted what the girl was doing wrong, meanwhile the girl gasped and jumped back, startled by the presence of a woman dressed so regally.

“It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you,” Rey said calmly, staring fixedly at the girl.

She was small and mouse-like, with short hair and less meat on her bones than Rey had at that age. Every inch of her exposed skin was covered in some kind of grime or grease, and her clothing was no exception. The red tenderness of her exposed fingertips told Rey that the girl had already burned herself several times, doing whatever it was she was attempting to accomplish. The girl’s brown eyes were wide and unblinking as they stared at Rey.

“What’s the problem? Are you trying to weld something?” Rey inquired, gesturing at the spot where the girl had just been working.

She received no response, just that same terrified stare.

Rey bent down to take a closer look at things. She could see a piece of piping that had several bad scrapes and scars on its surface, and she figured that had been the girls’ target. Her eyes followed the stretch of the pipe and she quickly deduced it was not actually a pipe, but rather a protective steel covering for the mechanical wires of the sensitive GPS targeting system that helped improve the accuracy of the ion blasters. _Ah, a wiring problem, is it? I could use a challenge._

“Do you mind?” Rey pointed at the mess of tools the girl had scattered on the floor. Again, there was no response, so Rey simply helped herself to the materials she needed.

In less than two minutes she had successfully opened the covering, much to her audience’s astonishment. There was a trick to doing it, and Rey had been sure to carefully explain what she was doing as she did it, so that in the future the girl may have a better idea. She really had no idea if the girl was actually listening or not, but it was better than working in awkward, stuffy silence. Once she had access to the wires, she uncovered the actual problem: the dreaded scenario where in which only one wire is loose out of a collective eight possibilities.

“This could be fun,” Rey muttered to herself.

It took her a little bit longer to puzzle it out, but once she successfully finished it and closed the covering back up, she couldn’t resist beaming with pride. She felt more like herself than she had in weeks! But one look at the girl took that away from her, as though someone had blown out a candle inside of her mind.

The girl obviously knew who Rey was, which only made what she had just witnessed even weirder, and this showed on her face. She looked at Rey with confusion and something almost like revulsion. It was a look that simply said, _what is wrong with you? It’s extremely inappropriate for you to be down here like this. You don’t belong here._

Rey stood, wiping dust from the lap of her dress. She cleared her throat and without another word, turned around and left. She hurried back to her bedchamber, having seen more than enough of the _Finalizer_ for one day. Her encounter with the girl had left her eerily unsettled, and she didn’t like it.

When she arrived, she was surprised to find Kylo already there, pacing about. She closed the door and grabbed his attention, after which he heaved a sigh of relief and walked over to her.

“There you are,” he said. “Where did you go? I was looking for you.”

“I was just…walking,” she answered half-heartedly. “Is everything okay? You look flustered.”

He did. His hair was a mess and his face, although it was clear he was trying to wear one of his clever little masks, showed signs of stress, and maybe even a little panic. They were subtle, tiny things, like his eyes being just a little too wide, and the barely-visible twitch of his lip as he chewed on the inside of it.

“Kylo? You’re scaring me a bit,” she confessed.

He sighed. “Rey…I did something stupid.”

Rey’s stomach lurched. _Oh no,_ she thought. _He’s actually admitting to that? It must be bad…_

“What did you do…?”

He stared at her for a beat as the gears in his head turned at break-neck speeds. How did he even go about explaining this one? He felt like an animal who had been stupid enough to take the bait and now sat awaiting death in a metal snare.

“I may have agreed to an impromptu…er, celebration of sorts, which will take place tonight,” Kylo mumbled.

Rey’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t like where this was headed.

“Elaborate,” she ordered. “What’s the celebration?”

Kylo cleared his throat. “Our wedding,” he answered feebly.

Rey was silent for a painfully long period of time. She didn’t move, or even blink. She stood stock-still, gaping at Kylo, and for an agonizingly long moment there he thought he’d broken her. But then she came back into herself with one great inhale of air. Her eyes went cold and when next she spoke, her voice was calm enough to make the hairs on the back of Kylo’s neck stand on end.

“Our _what_?”

“They said you were at risk so long as you weren’t my Empress by marriage. Everyone’s suspicious of you and they don’t think you belong here, and I just wanted them all to back off,” He purposefully danced around the specifics, but Rey was having none of it.

“Who is ‘they’?”

“Hux,” Kylo spat. His anger was rising again, filling him with hatred for the General.

“You decided we were going to get married without consulting me first because _Hux_ egged you on?” Rey’s tone was accusatory and it hit home with Kylo. “How… _dare_ you?”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Kylo said quickly, his rage momentarily ignored so that he could better monitor hers, which was building in intensity at an alarming pace. “I should’ve never said it, and I didn’t really intend to, but it came out and I can’t take it back. I’m sorry, Rey. This isn’t how I wanted to do this. But we have to.”

“Oh, no. I’m _not_ marrying you, not now and maybe not ever,” Rey spat.

“Rey, listen to me—”

“No! I’m done listening to you! How could you be so irrational and foolish?! You don’t make my decisions for me! You have no monopoly over me; certainly not enough of one to presume I would marry you! What would ever make you think I would want to get married aboard _this_ ship? Surrounded by _these_ people, these _murderers_? I came here because I love you but this is not what I signed up for. I was fine to play your Queen for a few weeks, but your _wife?_ I _cannot believe—_ ”

Kylo stood as still as a statue while she rampaged. He listened, and watched, and didn’t dare speak up until he knew for sure she was done. It took a long time for her to be done in this particular instance.

“I…am an adult, and I don’t _need_ to be married—”

“I don’t know a whole lot about marriage, but aren’t you supposed to ask a person first?!”

“And _I’m sorry_ , did you say this was happening _tonight_? I hope you know we can’t make it, because I just might tear your throat out before we can get there…”

“What are you going to tell your mother and Master Luke? If I get punished because of your stupid decision, I’m going to destroy you, Kylo Ren.”

As she rambled and her levels of anger rose and fell erratically, Kylo watched, and despite all the insults she was hurling at him, he felt himself falling more in love with her. She was a force of nature when she was angry, like a rapidly churning river that he was all too content to be swept up in. Everything she said was true, and valid, and he recognized that he had made a hideous mistake that she may never truly forgive him for. But the insults didn’t hurt his pride or make his hackles raise defensively. He simply absorbed them, remembered them, and swore he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her, if she wanted. _It’s not ideal, but maybe it won’t be so bad,_ he thought. _We can always do it over somewhere else…can’t we?_

Finally, she ran out of steam. Her stream of consciousness stopped flowing and she was left simply pacing back and forth, breathing heavily with her hands on her hips. Her cheeks were stained a bright pink now and the dress felt too tight around her chest. It felt like her head had its own pulse. She suddenly stopped moving and pierced Kylo with a steely gaze, daring him to say something.  

“Yes, you’re right,” he obliged, his voice perfectly steady. “I am an idiot, and irrational, and a fool, and I have a terrible temper. And I let all these things cloud my judgement. I realize marriage isn’t just a game. But I need you to know, when I agreed to this, although I was incredibly angry, part of me conceded to do it because I _wanted to_. I do want to marry you, Rey.”

“Oh, and damn whatever the hell it is I want, right?” she snapped.

“No, that’s not what I meant…” He sighed, getting a little closer to her even though she looked like she might actually bite him if he took one more step. “I know you haven’t been feeling much like yourself lately. It’s hard, and believe me when I say I hate seeing you like this. But I’m not the only one who’s noticed, Rey. People are starting to ask questions about you. As of right now it sounds like we’ll be stuck with these people for another month at least while the Resistance rebuilds its army. That’s a long time to go on trying to dispel any notions that you’re a spy, especially when such accusations are already being muttered in the corridors.”

Rey folded her arms over her chest. She bitterly remembered all the people she had met on her walks that always stopped talking as she passed by.

“A marriage will change their perception of you. And it’s a stupid, fucked-up system, and it makes no sense to me why it should have to be this way, but you’ll have a stronger authority over these people afterwards. They’re a surprisingly traditional bunch, considering the radical political notions that they have.”

Rey shook her head defiantly. “And what happens afterwards, when we get off this godforsaken ship? When we have to return to the Resistance, what then? A marriage doesn’t just magically disappear when it’s not needed anymore. Don’t you see how this could change everything?”

“Yes, I do see that, but maybe it will be for the better rather than the worst,” Kylo responded earnestly, capturing her hands in his.

“How? How could this possibly end well?”

“Because we love one another,” he said softly. “I love you. I want to be with you. We swore we would never let this war come between us again, remember?”

“Yes…” Rey muttered warily.

Kylo sunk down to his knees, still holding her hands. Part of her wanted to reach out and grab him by his hair and pull him back up, but she stood utterly frozen, staring down at him in shock.

“So marry me, please. Because maybe it’s not the time or the place, but when has it ever been for us?”

She couldn’t argue with him there. Every aspect of their relationship had been slightly skewed from the start, but it hadn’t stopped them yet. Even so, these were extremely unprecedented and serious waters they were in, and she was having trouble navigating them. She supposed she always would, whether she married him or not.

She knelt down with him, staring into those soulful brown eyes of his, trying her hardest not to drown in them.

“I do love you, Ben. And I want to be with you, too. But not like this.”

Ben sighed and held her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I know. I get it. I’ll just have to kill Hux and deal with the consequences later.”

He was only half-joking, and Rey could tell. But as she nuzzled closer to his chest, she couldn’t help but wonder what those consequences may be. If he didn’t marry her now after he explicitly said he would, how would that make him look? How would it make _her_ look? Certainly not any more trustworthy than they seemed now. Maybe a show of good faith was exactly what they needed. Maybe, if Rey’s status was elevated through marriage, she could play more of a central role in their mission. People would take her seriously without her having to physically injure anyone as a demonstration of her strength. The ceremony itself would be a sham, certainly; she couldn’t think of anything she wanted less than to have First Order personnel as witnesses to her wedding. But her relationship with Ben wouldn’t change, would it? _No, it can’t,_ she told herself. _Married or not we’re still the same people we’ve always been. And I suppose, if I had to pick a husband, he certainly would be my first choice…_ At least that aspect of her character wouldn’t be a lie. That she loved Kylo enough to commit herself to him was the one thing she knew to be irrevocably true.  _A scavenger. A Jedi Knight. A rebel. An Empress._

“Let’s do it.”

She spoke quietly at first, her words muffled against the front of his outfit. He leaned back a touch, peering down at her with curiosity. After a beat, she lifted her gaze to his and met it squarely, her entire persona having shifted into the realm of pure seriousness.

“What did you say?” Kylo inquired in a whisper.

“I said, let’s do it,” Rey repeated firmly. “Let’s get married. If it means our continued survival on this god-awful ship and the success of this plan, then we should do it.”

Kylo’s eyes widened in shock. That was the last thing he had ever expected her to say when he came looking for her with his unpleasant news.

“Oh…okay,” he said, mystified by her sudden blaze of passion.

“But I want you to know, that after this is all over, you owe me a re-do,” She jabbed her index finger into his sternum. “I never pictured myself getting married and so honestly, I never really gave it much thought before, but nevertheless, after all of this, I expect a beautiful ceremony from you at some point, far away from this war and these people.”

Kylo smiled. “Of course.”

Rey sighed with a touch of finality. This was reckless, and a little bit stupid, and definitely above and beyond what they had been instructed to do. But she had a feeling, a small but strong sense that pulsated and grew within her, that it was what had to happen if this mission was going to be successful. She would be lying if she didn’t admit to being scared out of her wits, but as always, she had Kylo now, and things were never quite as scary when she wasn’t facing them alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we've hit 30 chapters! When I started writing this I never really thought I'd be able to drag this story out this long but here we are, and there's still more to go. I hope you'll stick around for it :)   
> With this chapter I wanted to do something kind of special; something that was sort-of a plot twist but not that big of one, y'know? In my original drafts this wasn't how it was going to go at all but then this idea came into my head and I couldn't get it out, and so I ended up changing everything just the other day to throw this half-cocked twist in there and idk, I'm hoping it wasn't a cliche mistake lol. Let me know if it was, I guess haha.


	31. Thirty-One

_This is not a good idea. This is too soon. I should call the whole thing off while I still have time. I could kill Hux before he got a good chance to gloat, I know I could. That wouldn’t be nearly as big a deal as a wedding will be…_

Kylo’s pacing was beginning to drive everyone mad. Relentlessly he stomped back and forth across the bedchamber, and for a while the only sound that could be heard were his heavy footfalls. Hux cleared his throat several times, to the point where Phasma leaned over and asked if he was alright. Even the wedding officiate, a rather rotund-looking creature named Reiter that Hux had scrounged up from the ship’s crewmembers, was expressing annoyance at the Supreme Leader’s nervous actions. But no matter what they did, Kylo took no notice. His face was completely shrouded in a veil of worry that was entirely his own.

                _What if this ruins everything? What if she resents me for the rest of our lives for forcing this marriage on her?_ His thoughts were merciless. They filled his head with a loud, buzzing white noise; a cacophony of a thousand different words spoken simultaneously that he struggled to silence. It made his heart race and his lungs constrict; suddenly he couldn’t force enough air into them. A thin layer of sweat formed at the base of his neck. _What if, what if, what if —_

                And then she entered the room, dressed in the nighttime sky, and everything inside his head fell silent. His ears rung. He stopped pacing. All eyes were on his soon-to-be wife.

                She wore a tall, spidery crown atop her head, carved from onyx and twinkling with hundreds of crystals. Its peaks wound together like the branches of an ancient tree, reaching towards the sky, towards the sun, towards life. The dress she wore fit her body like its material and her flesh were cut from the same cloth. All black, with a long train carried by two attendants, it sparkled and glittered like the eternal stars. Like her crown, it had spidery veins of material that crawled up her chest to her shoulders, which only aided the illusion that it had somehow come into existence already on her body, as if by magic.

But the gown and the jewels were only one part of her astounding beauty, and a minor one at that. Her skin glowed like she had the sun living inside of her. And her eyes, framed by thick, dark lashes, were trained on Kylo.

He knew for a fact he had never seen anything so beautiful before in his entire life. The libraries on Hosnian Prime, the gently sloping hills of Chandrila, the sunrise on Arakis…none of it compared to the woman before him. She floored him, completely. And just like that, all of his what if’s and fretful concerns were gone; silenced by her eyes as she stepped towards him. There were no what if’s anymore because she was there, with him, and he was so in love with her he would gladly give his own life a thousand times over if she asked him to. It appeared that everyone else present in the room were finally beginning to understand his sentiment when he said she could bring the galaxy to its knees. Despite all her regalia, despite her undisputed natural beauty, she emanated power and ferocity; an incredibly potent source of determination and fearlessness.

The two stared at one another for a long moment when she finally arrived before him, drinking the other in. Their reveries were broken by Reiter, who cleared his throat and waddled over to them.

“Are we ready to begin?” he asked in a husky voice.

Kylo opened his mouth to speak but his throat was too dry and the words got caught. Instead he just nodded.

“You both know the vows you wish to speak?”

Again, Kylo nodded. Rey, too. Although it had been a last-minute decision, Kylo had long known which vows he wished to speak, should he ever take a wife. The planet which they had originated from was long gone, destroyed by the Sith almost a century ago. If he was remembering correctly, it had been called Gailia, and its citizens had put a lot of weight on their ceremonies and traditions, so their wedding vows had been simple and yet elegant. They had struck Kylo instantly the first time he read them in a dusty old book as a teenager and had remained lodged in his mind ever since. So, he had written them out for Rey to read. He didn’t expect her to have them memorized, but she had looked at them shortly after receiving them and something in her expression had shifted. She had looked, for a split second, as though she was going to cry.

“Then let us begin.”

He spoke in a monotone voice, announcing the date and the names of all those present. Neither Kylo nor Rey heard much of that part; they were far too lost in the other’s eyes, too frozen by disbelief to pay much attention. Yet when Reiter bade them to take each other’s hands, they did so eagerly and without any hint of distraction.

“You may speak your vows,” he said, gesturing to Kylo first.

Kylo cleared his throat and stared straight into the beautiful brown pools of her irises, allowing himself to fall into them as he spoke.

“You are blood of my blood, and bone of my bone. I give you my body, that we two might be one. I give you my spirit, ’til our life shall be done. From this day forward it shall be only your name I cry out in the night, and into your eyes that I smile each morning; I shall be a shield for your back as you are for mine. I shall serve you in all those ways you require, and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. Above and beyond this, I will cherish and honour you through this life and into the next. I promise you this, as long as you will have me.”

A single tear fell from the corner of Rey’s eye. The words themselves were beautiful, but spoken from his mouth and directed at her, they bore an entirely new dimension of such. She had never known love like this, nor belonging. And suddenly she felt it all. Years of loneliness and fear fell away from her heart like crumbling stone and she felt like she could breathe again, for the first time in a long time. With this sensation at her back, she repeated the same words to Kylo with a strength to her voice which she hadn’t been expecting. She meant every word and she let it be known.

“And before all of the galaxy and on to the next, you two may be wed. Supreme Leader, you may kiss your bride.” Reiter finished with a small but courteous bow before stepping away from the newlywed couple.

After sharing a soft, lingering kiss, Kylo and Rey barely even blinked. They simply remained there, frozen, holding one another’s hands and staring at each other in complete awe and wonder. Then Hux began clapping sardonically.

“Congratulations, Ren. You’ve successfully proved your impulsivity. Do you feel more powerful having done so?” he asked.

Kylo didn’t have to reply. Rey didn’t even take her eyes off of him as she uttered the two-word command:

“Get out.” It was clear by her tone that it was not up for debate.

Hux froze, having not expected her to say anything at all. Taking orders from a woman, never mind a former scavenger with no social status to speak of, was a new concept to him and it showed.

“W-what?” he stammered.

“Get out before I kill you.” Her voice was cool and calm.

She raised a hand to him but didn’t do anything. She didn’t have to. Hux scrambled out of the room as fast as his spindly legs could carry him. Phasma and Reiter both followed, closing the doors behind them.

Rey’s head shook from side-to-side slowly. Now when she spoke her voice was full of quiet, astounded wonder.

“You’re my husband,” she observed.

“And you’re my wife,” Kylo agreed.

“I…can’t believe we just did that,” she breathed, allowing her voice to tremble and crack. “It’s all real, right? It wasn’t a dream?”

Kylo chuckled nervously. “It’s real. I always was your family, Rey, but now it’s official. You won’t ever have to be left wondering if I’ll return to you, because I will _always_ come back. I swear it. You’ll never be alone again.”

Her eyes were full of tears. “Neither will you.”

“Now, can I kiss my wife again?”

He already loved to say the words “my wife”, knowing that he was referring to Rey. To this amazing girl who had taken him completely by surprise. His other half, his equal, his salvation.

She smiled, brushing away a tear with a knuckle.

“Yes, she would like that very much.”

It was almost a crime to remove her dress from her body, but Kylo did it anyway. They made love slowly and passionately at first, enjoying every simple touch and each breathy moan. The second time was faster and more intense, every touch more heated than the last; fingers gripped at skin and pulled at the sheets, teeth found flesh and lungs gasped for air. Come the third time, though, it was like a completely different experience. Something shifted. Rey could feel it inside of her, opening and swirling, sending her into a whole new realm of being. Ren’s hands slipped down her shoulder blades, his face buried in the hollow of her throat, his moan trickling down her chest in warm curls of air. She dug her own fingernails into his shoulders, resting her cheek atop his head, feeling his tousled hair against her skin. They could both feel warmth spreading out through their bodies, stemming from their physical connection. They had never made love like that before. The shift in dynamic went unspoken by them, though. They both felt it, but neither knew what to make of it yet. Something was simply different that time. Either way, they reclined onto their crooked pillows to catch their breath, each feeling more relaxed and whole than they had in weeks.

Late the next morning, they were both still in bed, undressed and comfortable. Rey was lying on her back with Ren’s arms wrapped around her, staring up at the red silk ceiling of the four-poster. It felt almost like she was coming down from a massive high; her brain was beginning to turn back on, time began to tick by once more. Kylo was still half-asleep, breathing slowly and deeply next to her. When he began to stir she gave his arm a gentle squeeze, tracing random patterns up from his wrist with her fingers.

“Mm…what’s on your mind?” he asked. He knew her far too well to not notice that she was deep in thought.

“Nothing, really. Just wondering what to tell everyone.” She replied.

He turned a little more on his side and nuzzled into her chest.

“No one else _really_ has to know just yet…” he offered once more, his voice muffled against her flesh.

Rey smiled sleepily, shaking her head. “Ben…they’re going to find out eventually, if word hasn’t spread already.”

Kylo shrugged. “So let them. Right now I’m just enjoying it as our little secret.” He left three kisses above her right breast.

“As long as you can admit that it can’t stay that way forever,” Rey sighed.

“Yes, my love,” Kylo agreed, raising his kisses to her throat and jaw. “Is there anything else you require of me, Your Royal Highness?”

Rey chuckled warmly, embracing him. “Just your love. Just you. That is all I require from now until forever.”

“Until forever, it will be yours,” Kylo whispered, steadying himself on his forearms, looking down at her in all her resplendent repose.

It was another two hours after that when the pair were finally getting dressed and forcing themselves to re-enter the real world, although they really didn’t want to. They were so happy to be alone in their little bubble where it was just the two of them, making love endlessly. Popping that bubble was the very thing they had been happily avoiding all morning, but they could do it no longer. The time had come for them to rule over the First Order once more. The fate of the galaxy depended on it. And if they didn’t get their daily log off to the Resistance soon, their asses depended on it also.

But what they found upon entering the control room was a nightmare, and one they had hardly been expecting. Hux carried a smug air of victory, which was never a good thing. The second Kylo and Rey entered, everyone went silent, clearly out of fear of being reprimanded for their actions.

“What did you do?” Kylo demanded.

He had no time for niceties, not when he knew something was amiss. He walked over to the large windows and stared out at a mysterious blue and brown planet that appeared to be on fire. Grey clouds of smoke spurted out into its atmosphere, creating a grime-like shroud that threatened to disguise the entire planet. Transport ships were leaving one after the other, tiny white specks off in the distance, and TIE fighters followed them. Red and green lasers blasted back and forth, some finding purchase in their intended targets.

“While you were rotting in your wedding bed, I took action,” Hux answered in a superior tone of voice that greatly irked Kylo Ren. “A few days ago I received word that Resistance sympathizers and First Order deserters had sought refuge on this archaic trash-heap of a planet known as Sara’q. Naturally, I looked into it. My informant had been correct, but what’s more is that the Resistance has been crafting all their heavy artillery down there, in a secret underground testing facility. So, as of two minutes ago, I launched an unprecedented attack on the planet. Bombs have been unleashed on its most populated areas and, as you can see, fighters are spread out across the sky, ready to fight for our cause. We caught them unprepared and now have them completely surrounded and once we destroy this planet, we will have destroyed the Resistance’s supply of major weaponry!”

“You…did… _what_?” Kylo screamed, crossing the bridge to the General in two fast strides as murder glinted in his eyes.

The General raised a ginger eyebrow. “What’s wrong, Supreme Leader? I thought you wanted all the rebel scum cleansed from the galaxy? Is that not why you came back, so you may seek your revenge?”

“Yes, but I wanted to do it all on _my orders_!”

Rey could feel his temper rising and it concerned her greatly. An irrational Kylo would only serve to undermine their purpose aboard the _Finalizer_. Kylo had already played into Hux’s games too many times, they couldn’t suffer it again. It was like watching two children tease one another relentlessly and she couldn’t handle it anymore. She quickly stepped up to the plate before things could get any worse.

“General. You have overstepped for the last time.”

Her voice commanded the attentions of everyone in the command room. They all fell silent and looked at her. Hux had his usual sour expression stuck to his face.

“I hereby strip you of your title and rank. You have no authority here anymore. You have proven you cannot be trusted with our military.”

“ _What?!_ ” Hux screeched, daring to raise his voice to her. But Rey spoke over him anyways, completely unfazed by his outbursts.

“You argue that my husband is the irrational one, but as of today you have proven yourself to be the one who wears that crown. Your relentless scheming and unwillingness to submit to your superiors has gone on far too long. I may be new here, but I don’t like you, and you have given me no reason to suppose that you could possibly be of any use to me now or in the future. Therefore, I sentence you to die.”

Gasps echoed across the room. She turned to Kylo.

“Do you have any objections, Supreme Leader?”

Hux gazed in horror at Kylo, begging him with his pale blue eyes to spare his life. But it was too late. Everyone present knew as much.

Kylo smirked. “Not a single one, my love,” he said coolly.

Rey snapped her fingers. Two guards in their red armour appeared by her side as if by magic.

“Throw the General into the vacuum chamber and lock the door behind him.” Rey commanded.

“No! _No! You can’t! My father built this army! You will never find anyone else who will do it justice! Let me go! No!”_

Hux’s screams echoed out into the hallway and beyond as he was dragged away by Rey’s guards. A deathly silence fell over the control room. Fear chilled the atmosphere. Rey had just sentenced the General of the First Order’s military to death by ejection into space. And no one had questioned her. No one had spoken up for Hux when his time came. Everyone just looked down at the floor and continued to do so, unable or unwilling to face the whole reality of the situation. Their new leadership was terrifying, that was one thing they could all agree upon.

“Let this be a lesson to all of you,” Kylo said, his voice still tempered with rage. “We will not win this war with reckless decisions. No decisions will be made that haven’t gone through me first.”

“S-sir, what of our military?” a nearby officer spoke up, rattled with nerves.

Kylo looked about the room until his eyes landed on Captain Canaday. He wasn’t any less quarrelsome than Hux, but he at least knew how to stay calm in the heat of battle. And judging by the look of utter terror on his face, he would be easy to control.

“Captain Canaday, surely you can manage for the time being?” Kylo said.

The Captain nodded but didn’t speak a word.

Kylo looked to his bride. “And anyone who steps out of line from here on out will answer to their Empress. That is a promise I am only too happy to keep.”

He ushered her out of the room with a gentle hand on the small of her back. They had matters of their own to discuss now.

“This isn’t working,” Kylo said once they were safe. “This plan needs to be moving faster or it’s all going to fall apart.”

“I know, I know. First things first, though. We have to contact your mother. I’m sure she’s already aware of what’s happened but at the very least she can tell us the extent of the damage done.”

Rey hastily pulled the secret comlink from Kylo’s pocket. Before she could use it he stopped her with a touch to her wrist.

“Remember, don’t mention the wedding,” he said quietly. “Now is not the time.”

“Right. Although, it wasn’t exactly _the time_ when we did it, so…”

“Rey, please.”

Leia’s words were not encouraging in the least. Hux had been right; or rather, his informant had been right. Sara’q held indestructible iron ore at its centre, which the Resistance had been mining under the allowance of the planet’s Elders, who were sympathetic to their cause. So sympathetic, in fact, that they offered food and shelter to First Order deserters, in return for information. All of these factors combined, it had been a haven for the Resistance to craft its heavy artillery and ships in secrecy. Until now, at least.

“Well…how long until you can get your fleet back up and running?” Kylo had asked Leia desperately.

“I don’t know, Ben. A month, maybe two or more. What we’re left with isn’t nearly enough to combat the First Order’s massive fleets, especially not if they have as many Dreadnaughts as you say they do. I’m afraid, Ben, that this is going to drag on for a little while longer.”

Kylo’s face contorted with barely-supressed rage. This was the last thing he had wanted and now he was faced with it anyway. It wasn’t fair.

“Rey…did you really sentence that redheaded nightmare to death?” Leia asked after a moment of silence.

Rey nodded, obviously still coming to terms with that herself. “Yes, I did.”

“Good for you.”

After the conversation with Leia had ended, prospects had never looked bleaker. Kylo began to pace again, running his fingers through his dark locks until they were sticking out at strange angles.

“This is insanity,” he muttered. “What are we supposed to do now? Everything is falling apart around us and we’re supposed to somehow keep this façade alive? _How_?”

Rey, however, looked more or less nonplussed. She was deep in thought again; Kylo could see the gears turning at double-speed inside her head. Her calmness would have infuriated him, if he didn’t love her so damn much.

“All the pieces are already in place…” she mumbled, more to herself than to Ren.

“What did you say?”

Her eyes darted to his face, something dawning in her expression that hadn’t been there before.

“I know everything seems chaotic and hopeless right now, but as far as I can see, our path is clear.”

Kylo squinted at her, puzzled. “I’m not following.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” she asked.

Kylo threw up his arms dramatically as if to say “isn’t it obvious that it’s not?”

“If the Resistance can’t destroy the First Order from the outside, then it’s time for us to do our part. We’re to destroy it from the inside, right? We need to just go ahead and do it, now, before it’s too late.”

She paused, breathing in deep.

“And I think I know exactly how we’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not great, but it's here! Sorry for the wait. Work was insane last week and I had no real time to get this done. Thanks for being patient :)  
> As always, if you like this story please share it! It really helps me out!   
> Also, if you're curious, I melded a few different Celtic wedding vows together to come up with the vows used in this chapter!


	32. Thirty-Two

Rey was scheming, and she was alarmingly good at it.

                It was plain and simple: she had seen a perfect window of opportunity, and she would be damned if she was going to lose it. With Kylo’s help, they formulated a plan in short order; it was incredibly risky and dangerous and could go very, very wrong of course; all their plans were. But they were sticking with it.

                They didn’t have much time to prepare. If they didn’t act quickly, things were bound to get worse and the First Order may actually triumph. They had both seen the statistics. They had seen the impressive artillery and military strength first-hand. They no longer had any qualms about the very real threat posed by such an organization. For so long, Rey had been certain the First Order stood no chance against the Resistance, but she had quickly learned that was a romantic pipe-dream. She always thought that good had to win over bad, and that type of thinking was incredibly foolish. Good is not always victorious simply because it is good. That is a child’s fantasy. Real life is far more complicated than that. Mostly, this just meant that a lot of pressure rested on the shoulders of Rey and Kylo. They had been presented with this chance to put an end to the war – potentially their _only_ chance – and it called for some sacrifices. It was, in a word, frightening.

                The night before the execution of their plan, Rey had confessed these thoughts to Kylo as they rested in one another’s arms in the training room, staring out at the galactic scenery floating before them. She continually twisted a stray lock of her hair around her index finger as she spoke, and her voice sounded faraway, like she was speaking into the void rather than to her new husband. Kylo gave her a gentle squeeze.

                “I’m scared too,” he confessed quietly. “This is…a lot. But we knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this. I think we always knew it was going to come down to something like this.”

                Rey sighed, dropping her anxious hand into her lap.

                “I know it. I just can’t help thinking of all the ways it could go wrong.”

                “Have you thought about what might happen if it goes right?”

                “Yes…briefly.”

                Kylo lips twitched up in a small smile. He dipped his head so that he might speak in her ear.

                “Think on it some more.”

                “If you insist,” she replied, turning her face to better see him. “What are your thoughts?”

                A cloud passed over his face. Dark and weighed down with troubled thoughts, it unleashed a storm in his eyes. She watched a hundred thoughts pass through his mind; could feel their tremors deep within her own soul. There was a pure, fiery anger there, stoked by contempt, vengeance, bitterness, and horrible, horrible pain. His emotions passed through her like a ghost, leaving her feeling cold and frightened.

                “I think I want to burn this organization to the ground,” Kylo finally answered through tightened lips. “All the pain it’s inflicted, I intend to give that back to them in full. And if I go down with it, at least it’s going down.”

                “Don’t say that…” Rey whispered.

                Kylo blinked and just like that shed his angry persona. He kissed the crown of her head.

                “Sorry. I guess I’m feeling pretty confident, in spite of everything. And I know I’ll have you there with me, so, I feel like we can’t lose.”

                Another foolish train of thought, but one Rey shared nonetheless; her faith in this particular concept was not entirely unfounded. They did, after all, have a special bond on their side that no one else possessed. She turned over, kneeling beside him, and took his hands in hers. Their connection vibrated between them; living, breathing, two hearts beating in time. Yes, they could feel one another’s fears and pain, but they could also feel the other’s strength and love. It was an incredibly reassuring feeling, to know they could aid one another in times of distress in such a special way. They felt safer because of it. She possessed his skill, and he had access to her emotions; she could calm him and he could aid her, even if they were miles apart.

                Their Force bond had been a blessing, and a curse, and now it bore the title of powerful weapon.

 

***

 

                “This sounds like the sort of plan you could only think up if you had a death wish.”

                Rey rolled her eyes at the comlink in Kylo’s palm. She figured Luke would say as much.

                “Then surely you can think of something better?” she dared hotly.

                “No, I’m afraid I can’t.”

                “Are you absolutely sure this could work? It’s a lot of risk, and we’re highly unprepared,” Leia’s voice carried notes of concern.

                “It stands a chance,” Kylo responded. “I’ve given you our exact location, making some allowances for time, but there isn’t much of it. I can keep us here for two days, no more. When your fleet approaches the First Order’s, hang back a bit. Wait for us to take down the shields, then make your attack. Every ship we have will be vulnerable. If you can get enough X-wings out to fend off the TIE fighters, the damage you may sustain will probably be minimal. How many bombers do you have?”

                “Only one, after the destruction on Sara’q. Why?”

                “That might be all we need…bring it, but is there a way you can leave it unmanned? Or do you have a few brave droids available?”

                There was a moment’s pause on the other end of the comlink.

                “We…may be able to figure something out,” Leia responded, somewhat warily. “I’m beginning to like this plan less and less…”

                “Mom,” Ben said firmly, “trust me.”

                “I do. You know I do.”

                Once the plan had been set in motion, Kylo and Rey regarded one another studiously. It was beginning to set in that they had no idea if their days were numbered. A thousand unexpressed emotions and thoughts passed between them. It was difficult, but they managed to push such concerns away, for the time being. They were nothing but unwanted distractions at the present moment.

                “I should get down to the command room,” Rey said, trying to disguise the emotion that was weighing her voice down.

                “Be careful.”

                “I will.”

She offered him a small smile. He responded by pulling her into a firm, lingering hug. Neither of them said another word as they parted, each going to their assigned destinations to complete their respective tasks, and no one would be the wiser to their schemes. But they each had their own miniscule cloud of dread that followed them around, growing bigger each time they slipped up and acknowledged it.

Rey’s mission sounded simple enough, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew it was likely going to be a challenge. Captain Canaday, only a few days into his new role as interim-General, did not regard anybody kindly, least of all women who presumed to hold power over him. Rey had known this from the start. She could smell it on him like a bitter perfume; it blanketed him in an air of masculinity and virulent sexism, with notes of anger problems and resentment. It was because she had noticed this so quickly that she had made certain he would not think it prudent to refuse her the way he did others.

After sentencing General Hux to death, Rey’s eyes had carefully canvassed the room of faces looking back at her. It was from that sea of terror she had picked out Canaday, who looked absolutely dumbfounded. She had peered into his mind and had come to two conclusions: the first being that Canaday was, in fact, quite well-versed in the articles of war, and would therefore have no problem assuming control over such a vast military; second, although adept, his mind was incredibly weak and susceptible to outside influence, alerting her to the fact that he would be easy to control. She said this to herself, but also to Kylo, across their bond. Even if he barely noticed it, he had heard the suggestive whisper, he had felt its certainty deep inside himself, and thus had appointed Canaday to fill Hux’s position.

And now, she entered the command room, and all eyes swept over to her. The sharp clicking sound of her shoes on the smooth runway floor echoed around the now-silent room. That familiar sensation of utter power and control coursed through her, nearly making her feel giddy. She was a true Empress now, by marriage and example; no one dared question her authority. They had no choice but to listen to her and consider her in their plans. Things were just as she wanted them to be, finally.

Canaday straightened as she approached him, eyeing her with muted resentment, his lips pressed into a thin line. _Smile, puppet,_ Rey thought to herself, _or I’ll yank on your strings._

“Empress,” Canaday greeted with a twitch of his head that Rey supposed was meant to be something akin to a polite bow. “Everything is going quite well down here. We are continuing to monitor the last known coordinates of the enemy and as of early this morning we have claimed two more planets in the Outer—”

“That is not why I am here,” Rey interrupted coolly.

Canaday blinked stupidly for a moment before stammering, “Oh…? What is it that you need, then?”

“I don’t particularly _need_ anything,” she responded, sounding somewhat bored of the conversation already. “I’ve simply come to discuss some realizations I’ve had that I think may be of some use to you.”

Canaday’s face tightened in a pinch, as though he were struggling to bite his tongue. Rey could hear his thoughts anyway. _What could_ she _possibly have to tell me that I have not already thought of myself? What a waste of time!_ She smirked secretively, for he was such a simple man it made things almost too easy.

“What might those be, my lady?”

Rey began to slowly walk the perimeter of the control room. Having no choice but to follow her, Canaday did so.

“Well, I simply found myself wondering why you continue to monitor the Resistance when surely you must know, as I do, what their next move will be?” She arched one eyebrow inquisitively.

“How do you know that?” Canaday grimaced.

“I assumed it was obvious,” She paused here, for no other reason than to enjoy the look of utter torment on the Captain’s sour face. He couldn’t talk down to her anymore, and he wouldn’t.

“Although I suppose you don’t know Leia Organa as I do. You don’t know the way her mind works so recklessly. General Hux’s death was necessary, don’t you see? I didn’t kill him purely out of malice for his shortcomings; I also killed him so that I may bring the Resistance to us and end this dreadful game of hunter and the hunted.” She waved her hands in the air flippantly. “It goes back and forth so often, it’s awfully tedious and boring to me. Don’t you agree?”

The Captain cleared his throat but said nothing. She had his attention now.

“Hux’s death will be like blood in the water to Organa,” Rey continued, quietly murmuring the words so that only Canaday could hear them. “She won’t be able to resist a perceived weakness. She probably thinks this is an excellent chance to strike; I know I would. As far as she knows, we have beheaded our own military. What she _doesn’t_ know is that we have _you_ , Captain.”

“Hm.” Canaday grunted, deep in thought.

“I guarantee you they are seeking us out as we speak. And when they find us, the battle that will take place will be legendary. They’ll share the story of it for decades; centuries, even. Think of all that glory, Captain, attached to _your_ name…”

Canaday’s eyes opened slightly in wonder, picturing it. Rey filled his head with images of vast amounts of goods and riches, the likes of which he had only ever imagined for himself. He thought he was seeing a vision of the future.

“But how will we do it, you may ask! I have the answer to that, too. Would you like to hear it?”

The Captain nodded emphatically, now completely at her mercy.

“We give them everything we’ve got!” Rey whispered in his ear, charming him even further with her voice. “All our Dreadnaughts, our fighter pilots, our Star Destroyers. Everything. Their resources are so dilapidated after our success on Sara’q; they won’t stand a chance. They’ll come expecting us to be weak or undefended; I bet they’re picturing just our few core ships, floating aimlessly as we scramble to find a new military head. But when they arrive, they’ll find the exact opposite to be true! Picture it, Captain! The look of astonishment and terror on their faces! The battle will be won in no time at all…”

Just like that, Canaday was a bug wrapped up in Rey’s web, completely at her mercy. She found him to be in absolute agreement with her, and eager to begin executing her “brilliant plan”. He quickly made the call to have all heavy artillery and battleships fully-manned and sent out at light speed to their location as quickly as possible. Rey left the control room feeling successful and proud. But she knew the hardest part was still yet to come.

Both she and Kylo were kept busy all through the night as the fleet came in droves. By morning their numbers were immense. They had successfully gathered three-quarters of the First Order in one single place. It had almost been too easy. There had only been some dissention amongst the ranks; certain people seemed to think such an amalgamation of military power would surely be a deathtrap should things go wrong. But in the face of their Supreme Leader and his Empress, such speech was quickly silenced.

The _Finalizer_ was to be at the spearhead of the offense. Its control room quickly bustled with activity as commands and statistics were shared between ships and last-minute preparations were made. It was still early when the scouting ships returned with the news that the Resistance fleet was approaching. Rey lifted her eyes to Kylo’s face, which remained a blank canvas. Neither of them had been expecting the Resistance to get there so soon; they thought it would take Leia some time to convince all her personnel that this was a good plan.

“How many in number?” Canaday demanded into the comlink.

“I see maybe thirty X-wings, one command ship, ten transports, and one lonely bomber,” the scouting pilot replied. “It’s nothing compared to your armada, sir.”

Canaday smiled triumphantly. He turned to face Kylo and Rey, who had been watching the sky for the first sign of the approaching Resistance.

“They really won’t stand a chance,” Canaday announced gleefully. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they saw us and instantly turned tail.”

“If they do, follow them.” Kylo said flippantly.

It didn’t take long before the fleet was visible. It slowly got closer, the smooth silver panelling of the transport and command ships glinting like they were their own stars. It came close enough to display its full strength, and then it stopped. They were hanging back, like Kylo had requested. Canaday and the others watched this spectacle with a mixture of confusion and humour.

“Sir? What are they doing?” A voice crackled through the main comlink, belonging to the Captain of the Dreadnaught to their left.

“Perhaps deciding whether or not it’s worth it?” Canaday offered wryly.

Kylo and Rey shared a look. To anyone else it wouldn’t have seemed like it meant much of anything, but to them it was a silent way of wishing for safety.

Kylo’s hand began to twist slowly clockwise at his side. No one noticed but Rey, until all the doors leading in or out of the control room were suddenly locked shut. It didn’t take long for people to panic.

“What in Maker’s name…?” Canaday demanded harshly, shoving his way to the control panel. “Open the bloody doors!”

The young man being yelled at shook his head, completely at a loss. “I’m trying, sir. They won’t open for anything.”

“What is going on?!” Canaday stomped back over to the window, glaring at the Resistance fleet, which still sat stationary some ways away. “They must be tampering with our system somehow!”

“But sir, that’s not possible. They’d need to have incredibly advanced tech—”

“Oh, shut up, Murtagh!” Canaday wheeled on the poor operations controller, who very promptly shut his mouth.

Next, Canaday got on the comlink and began barking orders at the TIE pilots, telling them to launch an assault because the Resistance was _clearly_ up to something. Kylo wasn’t worried; the Resistance’s fighter pilots were some of the best in the galaxy. It was a foolish attempt at provocation, is all. He watched the TIE fighters zoom off with an air of impassivity. Many lives were to be lost in this battle, he had known that from its conception; it would not do to dwell on it now.

“Is that really necessary, Captain?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Canaday snapped. “Do you not want to put an end to this before they get the better of us?”

“That implies that you think they could,”

“I didn’t _say_ that—”

“You seem to be coming a little undone, Captain,” Kylo mused. “Is manning such a large military taking its toll on you already?”

“Quite the contrary, Supreme Leader! I’m doing a far better job than that hot-headed Hux ever could.”

“Are you sure about that?” Kylo gestured out the window. “Because your TIE fighters are getting decimated at the current moment.”

Canaday saw the scene for himself. Shards of destroyed fighter ships floated aimlessly in space, their pilots all but lost. Only three fighters still remained in flight, managing to dance away from the shots of the X-wings. He cursed loudly.

“I think perhaps the Captain isn’t cut out for this job like we thought,” Rey said keenly to Kylo, eyeing Canaday with the penetrating stare of a hungry cat.

“What are you saying to me, woman?” Canaday snarled, stepping up to her. Rey only smiled.

Kylo laughed sharply. “Wrong move yet again, Captain.”

He discharged his lightsaber. Canaday jumped back in alarm; the gears of his mind quickly spinning behind his wide eyes.

“What…what are you doing?!”

“I’m finishing what I started.”

Rey’s hand slipped around the smooth hilt of her own saber, unclipping it from her hidden holster. As she ignited it, she half-expected it to have turned red like in her dream, but it hadn’t. It glowed a powerful, electric blue, and everyone saw it. After that, it didn’t take them long to clue in.

“A mutiny! This is a mutiny! _Traitors_!” Canaday shrieked. “You sorry excuse for a man…I’ll kill you and your _bitch_ of a wife!”

Kylo only smiled as he swung his blade and delivered death in an instant.

The two fought back-to-back, accessing the other for an advantage when necessary. They moved in perfect synchronicity, like they were two partners in a macabre dance. They took down every person in the control room, even the ones that begged for mercy. No one could escape. When it was all over it was just the two of them left, breathing hard and sweating with exertion, bleeding from wounds they weren’t sure how they had received. But even then they had no time to pause and let the weight of what they had done sink onto their shoulders.

They quickly made their way to the control panel and disabled the shield system for the ship. From there they overrode the defense systems for every ship in the fleet by utilizing a secret code Kylo had been sure to memorize, right down to the last digit. Once this was done, Kylo quickly pulled out his own secret comlink and communicated it to his mother. The time to attack was now.

The Resistance swept down onto the First Order like a bird of prey descending upon its latest meal; fast and deadly. Helping one another, Kylo and Rey turned the _Finalizer_ on the rest of the First Order fleet, firing at will, aiming for ion canons, blasters, and engine rooms. In what seemed like just a few seconds, the entire galactic sky appeared to be on fire, its ashes taking the shape of floating hunks of metal and bodies.

“Where’s the bomber?” Rey asked, squinting through the bright explosions.

“There!” Kylo pointed to a spot just to the northwest of them.

The lone Resistance bomber was floating out into open space. It looked incredibly eerie; it didn’t fire on anything or defend itself and moved slowly, calmly. Rey swallowed hard and carefully took aim, then waited for the bomber to reach its position. In all the maddening chaos, it had managed to go largely unnoticed by the larger ships of the First Order’s fleet, which were positioned in a strategic line just beneath the _Finalizer_.

_Wait…just a little bit further…a little bit more…now!_

She aimed true. A chain reaction began in a blaze of fire, stemming from the exploding bomber. It appeared to bleed onto the Dreadnaught just beneath it, which in turn bled into the next, and so on. Kylo grabbed Rey’s hand and opened a side door out of the control room. They didn’t have any time to waste.

It was chaos throughout the rest of the _Finalizer_. Droids and maintenance workers ran this way and that, panicking, looking for any way to escape. For some reason they couldn’t puzzle out, all of the escape pods were locked and would not deploy. Well, all the ones they had access to, at least.

Kylo and Rey didn’t have any trouble for most of the way to their chambers. Everyone was too concerned for their own safety to notice them passing amongst them. But right before they could turn to the hallway that bore an elevator, they were stopped by an unknown man with a blaster. He didn’t speak, only shot. He had surprised them, popping out of a small, shadowy alcove just as they were passing. His blast nearly took Rey in the chest but Kylo stopped it with a quick thrust of his blade; sparks showered out around them. He lashed out with his saber, wanting to pierce the assailant clean through, but the man was already making a break for it. Kylo would have chased after him, if Rey’s hand on his arm didn’t stop him.

“We don’t have time! C’mon!” She pulled him to the elevator.

Once they reached their chambers, they only had a matter of minutes to get into the secret escape pod and discharge it. After that, they relied on luck and the Force alone. The firefight raged just beneath them and could eat them up just as willingly as it had the rest of the First Order.

Kylo quickly ushered Rey inside the cramped pod and got in with her, setting coordinates somewhat blindly, wanting only to get as far away from the scene of carnage as possible.

In seconds they were blasted out into space, hurtling towards their destination. Through the square window they could see the orange skies. The fiery explosion reached out for them, snapping its deadly jaws, but it did not gain purchase. Rey couldn’t mask the gasping whimper that escaped her mouth in the face of it. Suddenly something didn’t feel right within her.

Kylo’s arms tightened protectively around her, while her own hands went to her stomach. Something answered her touch, something deep inside of her; she couldn’t quite place what it was. It turned and trembled, somehow responding to the trauma of the night. Rey’s eyes widened. Soon her own thumping heartbeat masked the delicate humming of the thing within her. She tried to tell herself it was only her own fear manifesting itself in strange ways; her body’s natural reaction to such intense events taking place in such a short time. But she knew the truth. It was the exact opposite of fear.

It was hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I wanted to make sure it was good. I hope I succeeded? Credit goes to @spacewolfqueen on Tumblr for the beautiful moodboard!


	33. Thirty-Three

Rey sat perfectly still atop the examination table whilst the medical droid buzzed around her, analyzing the severity of her wounds. She stared straight ahead at the blank wall before her with eyes that were glazed over. She was tired, her whole body ached, and her thoughts rambled on inside her mind incessantly, blurring together to create a terrible, jumbled noise that seemed to consume her.

                So much had happened in such a short period of time. She had lied and manipulated and killed. She had run for her life and even thought, for just a second, that she may not make it out alive. The First Order’s strength had been significantly decimated; her plan with Kylo had worked. She was back in the ranks of the Resistance aboard a command ship, where she belonged and could feel safe. She should have been ecstatic, she supposed; delirious with excitement, drunk on the victory. Instead, she was anything but.

                A small part of her didn’t know how to act anymore. She felt like she had been so powerful, even though it had only been for a short time, but she had grown accustomed to it quickly. She wasn’t quite sure how she fit into the puzzle now that her shape had become so strange. She wasn’t a scavenger, or a Padawan, or a powerful Dark-side user; she barely even felt like she was a Jedi Knight anymore, after everything she had done. So who was she now?

For starters, she was no longer an Empress, but she was still married. Her husband was in the next room over, receiving his own exam and talking privately with his uncle. In many respects Rey was happy for Kylo. It seemed he had escaped the First Order’s clutches for good this time and was finally back where he needed to be. Maybe now he could be truly happy. But she had her own concerns that overshadowed such hopes; they screamed much louder than all the rest. No matter how loud they became, however, she couldn’t seem to make sense of them. They wouldn’t sink in. She realized her own confusion, and it worried her.

She remembered her terrifying dream where her lightsaber’s crystal had bled. She still couldn’t quite puzzle out what it had meant, but now she was beginning to wonder if she was placing too much emphasis on what seemed obvious to her. Maybe it wasn’t quite so literal. That was the tricky part about Force visions: more often than not, the meaning was not an easy one to grasp.

For instance, she had initially believed it meant a complete transformation of self. She would leave behind her Light-side, Jedi past and turn towards a dark, merciless future. It was true, she had now fully experienced both halves of the Force, but she felt pulled toward neither one in particular. If she had asked herself only a few months ago which side she fell on, she would have responded with complete conviction that she was a Jedi above all else. But now, after everything that had happened, she wasn’t so sure about that. Certainly she was still a Jedi; she would always be a Jedi, but she had become so many other things. She was an Empress, and then a wife; she felt the cold chill of loneliness and depression as well as the joyous high of pure happiness and love. She had felt raw power course through her entire body and consume her, only to spit her back out and leave her weakened and reeling. She had killed and deceived and loved and lost. She had dappled in the Dark Side of the Force and found it to be wanting. Underneath it all, she was just a human.

She knew that her vision had been a warning; that much had been clear. But perhaps it had signified her own indecision and the struggle of finding the balance within herself, even as she fought to find the balance without. She teetered right on the edge of the in-between, but she wasn’t alone. She had Kylo. He was her counterweight. It didn’t matter what colour her lightsaber was, it didn’t indicate who she was and what she felt to be true. Kylo’s lightsaber was red. His crystal had bled from years of imposed darkness and emotional turmoil, which ate away at his soul like rabid beasts feasting upon a slowly decaying corpse. But still, despite everything, he was inherently good. Rey knew that. She felt it. She could see it in the way he looked at her. The good does not inevitably win against the bad, just as the bad does not always triumph over the good. One can be morally wounded, emotionally compromised, or have their beliefs grow sour, but they do not always have to fall victim to one side or the other; good, or bad. That is a foolish way of thinking. She knew that now. She saw it in Kylo and she felt it within herself.

All these jumbled thoughts raced around her head, tied together by the one truth that she knew for certain, even if she wasn’t sure she was ready to admit it. The one thing about her that was irrevocably changed. The droid snapped her back to reality quite harshly by drawing attention to this little truth.

“Your scars and bruises will all heal nicely,” it said in its fragmented, beeping voice. “And congratulations are in order. You are to have a—”

“Yes, I know,” Rey interrupted rudely, shooting the droid a darkened look.

Even for a droid, it seemed taken aback by this harsh retort.

“Oh. You do?” it asked, puzzled.

“Yes.” Rey sighed. One of her hands floated to her abdomen in a habitual manner, grasping for nothing in particular.

She fixed the droid with another intense stare. “Do not tell anyone about this. Especially not Kylo, Leia, or Master Luke.”

“But—”

“No buts. Do not tell _anyone_.”

“Yes, Rey.”

After the droid left and Rey was all alone in the exam room, the panic began to set in. She had wondered when she’d come into the room if the medical droids would figure it out. She knew it was a possibility, but she was still surprised by it. Since she and Kylo had been picked up by the Resistance, she had been the only one to know about it. She had thought, somewhat foolishly, that she had been wrong; she couldn’t be pregnant. It was just the nerves, twisting a knot in her belly, clenching and unclenching at the stress of battle. But now it had been confirmed for her. There was no denying it anymore.

Her heart raced and cool sweat gathered down the back of her neck. Suddenly she felt cramped; like all the air was slowly being sucked out of the exam room. Quickly, she jumped down from the table and left, walking quickly down the hallway, desperate to be alone somewhere, _anywhere_ else. After a few twists and bends, she came across an empty chamber room and ducked inside. Once the door shut with a hiss of compressed air, all her emotions came pouring out of her mouth in one great gasp. Moisture sprang into her eyes and beaded down her cheeks. She stared at her hands, perplexed by the way they trembled. She was feeling so many things at once – terror, confusion, elation – that even she was puzzled by the way her body was reacting. Everything was beginning to sink in all at once and she struggled to process her emotions as they overwhelmed her.

After a few moments of hyperventilation, she forced herself to take one more great breath and hold it. She counted down seven seconds before she slowly let it out. The Force twisted around her like a sheet, protecting her in its folds. She drew strength from it, something she desperately needed if she was going to continue to go about her day as if nothing had happened.

Finally, she felt somewhat calm. Her heart still beat a little faster than normal, but her hands had stopped shaking. Once more, those hands went to her stomach, rubbing slow circles there. If she focused, she could feel the tiny ping of life deep inside of her, like a bright beacon flashing somewhere in the distance. _How small is it?_ She wondered. _It feels so small, yet so big…_

Before she knew it, words were pouring out of her mouth in a rushed confessional.

“Alright, so. You’re in there; you’re real. I can feel you. I…hope you’re comfortable. I’m a little shaken up, honestly. I guess you must know that. You probably felt all of that just now, too. I’m sorry if it scared you. I just…I thought maybe I’d dreamed you? Maybe…maybe it was just the stress of everything that had made me think you were real. But now that I look back on it, I think a part of me knew you were there from the second you were conceived. I just knew, somehow, that things were different.”

She remembered her wedding night and how suddenly everything had seemed to change, like the universe as she knew it shifted just slightly, just enough to disorient her. There had been a strange pulse within the Force that night; not necessarily ominous in nature but alarming to a degree. She remembered acknowledging that something was different but being unable to place what it was. Her first thought was that it was she who was different somehow, and in a way she had been right.

She chewed on her bottom lip. She wasn’t nervous because she was seemingly speaking to an empty room. In fact, she was positive her unborn child could hear and feel every word she spoke. But there was still an air of intimidation present. Suddenly she felt almost like a child herself; small and fragile in the face of something as big and powerful as fate. The path before her was new and very long, and she knew nothing about what waited for her at the end of it.

“Your Dad doesn’t know yet. Honestly, I’m scared to tell him. I don’t know how he’ll react. I don’t think he ever saw himself with a family. I’m worried that his experiences as a child will deter him from ever wanting one of his own. He has a lot of issues, your Dad. But he’s an incredible man who’s working through them as best as he can. He’s so strong. Even though he’s been beaten down almost consistently, he has yet to back down. I hope you get that from him: his tenacity and strength, because I love that about him. I love him. I thought I could never love another person as much as I love your father, but you’re here now, and I already know you’re stiff competition.”

The wisp of a smile pulled at her lips as visions of what her child might be like floated through her mind. Would he or she be fiery and stubborn or cunning and wise? Would he or she have Kylo’s thick, messy hair? Would he or she be Force sensitive? 

“If anything’s for certain, you’re going to be incredibly reckless,” she continued aloud, “but I suppose that’s okay. Your parents are pretty reckless, too. It gets us in trouble sometimes, and it will definitely land you in hot waters on occasion. But no matter what happens I swear…”

She paused, gulping in a breath of air, allowing herself to feel that surge of maternal instinct course through her, pure and hot.

“I swear I will keep you safe. From this moment on, I won’t let anything bad happen to you, I promise. I will never give up on you or…or leave you, either. I think I speak for me and your father when I say that you will be so incredibly loved and fiercely protected, for as long as we live.”

A strange calmness washed over her. _Yes,_ she thought, _I know this. I feel it._

“Don’t worry, I’m going to tell your Dad soon, when the time is right. And I’ll just hope he doesn’t catch on before that.”

The possibility of Ren finding out the truth through their Force bond had quickly run through her mind. She hadn’t wished to pay it much attention, however. But the fact remained that if she didn’t tell him soon, he would definitely find out on his own, and that would be altogether worse than if she told him herself.

 When she finally left the chamber, she could hear loud voices arguing in the distance, and she thought she heard mention of her own name. Quickly she chased after the noise.

The source of the bickering did not surprise her. Kylo was viciously reprimanding the medical droid whilst Luke attempted to calm him down. It was also no surprise that Luke was losing that particular battle. He was not known for his ability to calm his nephew.

“Kylo!” Rey yelled, stepping into the room.

All eyes swivelled to her and a heavy silence flooded the space, filling it like a vacuum chamber before it finally popped and was released. Kylo enveloped her in his arms.

“Where were you?” he asked, half-panicked. “I came to find you after my exam and the droid said you had left.”

Rey gave the droid a quick apologetic glance, for all the good it would do.

“I just went for a walk,” she explained slowly. “I had a lot to process after everything that happened.”

Kylo seemed to deflate a little, as though he was only just remembering what they had done.

“Oh,” he breathed, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” she answered firmly, unwilling to leave any room for him to second-guess her.

“Glad to have you back, kid,” Luke said, reminding the couple that he was still there. He embraced Rey in a tight hug.

“Master, you weren’t worried about me, were you?” Rey teased.

“Only a little bit,” Luke answered modestly. “A healthy amount.”

“It does feel good to be back, I’ll admit it,” Rey confessed. “I feel like I can breathe again.”

“The Dark Side is a curious thing, in how it affects people,” Luke agreed. “It can completely alter appearances or simply feel like a draining weight has been placed upon a person. Of course, it all depends on how far one is willing to dive into its depths. The farther they go, the more damage they do until they’re not the same person anymore, inside or out.”

Rey swallowed nervously, chancing a look in Kylo’s direction. He looked much the same; perhaps a little more tired than usual. As for herself, she felt the same, if not slightly different. She felt like she had just been getting to know a new version of herself when that same version suddenly died and was gone forever. It was strange, like mourning the loss of someone she never knew personally.

“So what’s next?” Kylo asked, skipping over their conversation as though he had never heard it.

Luke stared at him blankly. “What do you mean?”

“Where do we go? Who do we fight? This war isn’t over yet.”

“Uh,” Luke suddenly looked like he was being faced with an immense decision he didn’t want to make. “You’d better go talk to Leia about that.”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

Kylo began to walk away, expecting Rey to follow him. When she didn’t, he turned around, confused.

“Rey?”

“Um, actually…” She turned to face Luke. “Master, could I have a word with you?”

“Oh, er, of course.”

She gave Ben a small smile. “I’ll come find you soon.”

Kylo looked somewhat put-out, but he gave her a respectful nod before walking away from her.

“Shall we walk?” Luke offered. “Exam rooms make me feel nervous.”

“Is that because you’re old?” Rey asked.

“Mostly, yes.”

Rey took a deep breath once they were out in the clean white hallway.

“It feels like so much has changed in such a short period of time,” she began, keeping her eyes fixed on the shiny floor. “I thought I was going to forget who I was on the _Finalizer_.”

“Did you?”

“No. But I also feel like I’m not quite the same as before.”

“You aren’t,” Luke confirmed quietly, “and you won’t be. Something like that changes you, irreversibly. Did you even think yourself capable of such a scheme before you did it?”

Rey blinked. “No. I didn’t think I’d ever have to do something like that. I wasn’t nearly as prepared as I thought I was.”

“Then what you’re feeling seems completely natural to me.”

“But there’s something else, too. There’s a part of me that’s changed in a more…permanent way,” She hesitated, struggling to wrench the words out of her throat. After all, this was something she never thought she would have to say to him.

“You’re pregnant.”

Luke’s blunt statement, so confident in its tone, threw Rey for a loop. She stammered and stuttered for a moment, completely unsure how to respond. He had stolen her own confession from her! The casual air he emitted at that particular moment astounded her. For some reason she had expected him to be upset or maybe a little disappointed. But he appeared to be neither of those things.

“Well that’s great,” she finally sighed in exasperation. “If you figured it out so quick, there’s no way I can keep it from Kylo.”

“Oh, my nephew is far too distracted right now to catch on,” Luke admitted. “But why are you keeping it from him? Surely you know you will have to tell him sooner rather than later.”

“Yes, I know that. But you know how Kylo gets. It just doesn’t feel like the right time.”

“How long have you known about it?”

“Since the beginning, I think. But I tried to deny until today, when the droid told me. Or, rather, it tried to tell me. I kind of interrupted it.”

“Is that where you were while Kylo was all in a panic? Trying to rectify it with yourself?”

“Yes. I know it goes against the rules, but I didn’t really _mean_ for it to happen…”

“Rey, you’ve already broken too many rules for it to matter anymore. At this point I just expect it from you.” Luke smirked affectionately.

His humour didn’t reach her. She frowned even deeper instead.

“I feel like I’ve disappointed you again and again,” she said softly. “I’m sorry, Master.”

Luke stopped walking, placing a hand upon her shoulder so that she stopped too. She found it hard to look into his blue eyes. They were far too serious for her liking; cutting straight through to the bone.

“You have made me a lot of things, but disappointed has never really been one of them,” Luke said. “You have risked everything time and time again for love. Your faith in my nephew has only made you stronger, and I hardly think something that could reinforce a Jedi’s abilities qualifies as rule-breaking. So, forget about the rules. Forget about all of them, Rey. Let go. You are everything I wished myself to be when I was your age, before the dictations and hubris of the Jedi way of life consumed me. Because of that, I can be nothing but proud of you, and how far you’ve come.”

Rey swallowed a hard lump. She felt like a great weight had just been lifted off of her weary shoulders. She embraced her Master firmly, burying her face in his rough-spun robes. He was the father she never got to have, and as much as he would hate to hear it from her, his opinion mattered to her very much.

“Now,” Luke said, clearing his throat of his own emotion, much to Rey’s surprise. His blue eyes twinkled with moisture. “You’d better go to Ben. I’m afraid he will be in dire need of your calming aura.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked. _As if he isn’t in dire need of it every day and every night._

“Because, you know I sent him to Leia to discuss what he’s to do next. The thing is, Leia doesn’t have anything for him to do. In her mind, he’s done enough. She wants him to leave and find somewhere he can go to recuperate from all the trauma in peace.”

“Oh, no.” Rey sighed.

“Yes, so you should go.”

Without a second thought, she was off. She could sense him through the Force, growing angrier and angrier. Considering Kylo’s entire role in the war thus far had sprouted from his refusal to sit idly by, it was going to be quite the challenge to reason with him, but she was up for it nonetheless. She loved a broken man, and all the jagged edges that came with him.

Gently, she pressed her hand to her stomach. _Don’t worry, little one. I told you I’d tell him soon, and I will. Just not tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter COULD have been longer, buuuut this story is almost over and this is me, dragging it out lol. There's not much Rey & Kylo lovin' in this chapter, but that's all coming, I promise (it's gonna get fluffier, folks). I just needed to get into Rey's head space for this one to elaborate on how she's feeling, all things considered. Let me know how I did!  
> There might not be an update next week; I'm going away for a few days and probably won't have much free time to work on it. But I'm sure I'll be on tumblr so come visit me there: @reylo-solo :)


	34. Thirty-Four

Kylo paced the room, huffing angrily at his mother and wife, who stood patiently watching him, waiting for his episode to be over. The tension-filled silence they were currently floating in had appeared abruptly and seemed to go on for hours when it only lasted a few minutes. Suddenly, Kylo turned his sharp gaze on Rey, who shuddered but did not look away.

“You agree with this?” he asked. His voice quivered as he struggled to level it.

Rey opened her mouth and shut it again. _Did_ she agree with it? _Yes. No. Maybe…_ On the one hand, she had Kylo to think about; how desperately he wanted this, or needed it, and how he had been different since his escape, and maybe this would right him again. But on the other hand there weighed an unknown fate; a person who was not yet a person, someone whom she had never met and yet somehow _knew_ , to an intimate degree. Their child.

Finally, she answered, “Yes.”

Kylo’s mouth clamped tightly shut and he shook his head in disbelief. Tears of frustration and pain glimmered upon the waterline of his eyes, threatening to spill over.

“How?” he asked quietly. “How can you? After everything we’ve suffered through…you would just give up?”

The accusation stung, but Rey showed no hurt on her lovely features. She looked at him calmly, even as she could sense him losing control of himself. It was like watching a handsome doll come apart at the seams, each string snapping and tearing under all the stress one-by-one; sharp singular pin-pricks of betrayal. _My poor, sweet, unravelling doll,_ she thought. _I will stitch you up again._

“I would not,” she said, quite steadily. “And I can’t expect you to, either. The First Order must be destroyed, right down to its roots. They have done nothing good for this galaxy and they never will. And right now, we are winning. They are crumbling, right before our eyes.”

“And I deserve to watch it all happen,” Kylo interjected, his rage flaring.

“Certainly you do,” Rey agreed. “I’m sure your mother would be all too willing to dispatch updates and information to you, wherever you might be.”

“No,” Kylo began pacing again. His muscles coiled beneath his skin like snakes, waiting to lash out. “It’s not enough.”

“What would you have yourself do? Are you going to go to every single planetary system, follow every single lead, and personally execute or imprison any First Order sympathizers?” Leia finally spoke up. She looked exhausted, and rightfully so. She fixed her son with a stare to match, having quickly tired of arguing.

Kylo slowly straightened. The expression on his face chilled Rey to the bone. She had never seen him look so haunted, although she had seen many versions of just such a look before. But there was something there this time, something different and altogether more frightening: desperation.

“I would,” he snarled through clenched teeth.

“Why?” Leia implored. “ _You don’t have to._ Ben, you can finally be free of all this. Let the past go—”

“I can’t!”

“Can’t you just—”

_“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO ME!”_

Both ladies flinched at the scream, not because it frightened them, but because the heart-wrenching pain in Kylo’s voice provoked a strong, instinctive reaction in both of them. He was never supposed to get hurt like this. His voice was never supposed to sound so broken; he was never meant to look so lost and haunted. This was all wrong, and it hurt badly.

_He’s my son; I was supposed to protect him…_

_I love him. I was supposed to keep him safe from harm…_

Kylo was breathing hard. A single tear slid down his cheek, unnoticed by him. He was visibly shaking and they could see the whites of his eyes as he stared back at them, begging them to understand.

“You don’t know what they did to me,” he repeated, much quieter this time. “What they made me do…what they had me believe…the relentless torturing, day in and day out.”

He shuddered violently at some painful memory. Both Leia and Rey wanted to go to him immediately, to comfort him through physical touch, but both knew that was not what he needed, nor what he wanted. Instead they remained silent and still, patiently waiting for him to continue. He had never really gone into any kind of detail about his time with Snoke and no one had ever felt comfortable enough to ask. Maybe this was their chance to learn something about it now. If it was, they would give him all the time in the world to speak.

“For a while there, I think I blacked out,” he went on slowly, precariously. “I think…there are entire months I don’t remember. I just…couldn’t, anymore. I couldn’t handle it. It hurt so much I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Rey gasped softly as tears streamed down her face. Her heart was breaking, impacting her lungs and forcing all the air from them, choking off her supply at her throat. It was like she could feel the hollow echoes of his suffering, passing through her like shadowy swords that pierced her deep.

“They took everything from me. They took my light, my agency…they took _you_ from me,” He gestured at Rey. “And now you want me to walk away and play it safe? How can I, knowing such vile filth still walks the galaxy, feeling no remorse for the things they’ve done? I can’t rest until I know I have taken everything from them, just as they did to me; just as they did to all of us.”

“Ben, I’m so sorry,” Leia said as tears choked her. “I just…I thought you’ve suffered enough for our cause; I didn’t want to endanger you any further. I love you. If you feel like this is your destiny, then so be it. I won’t try and stop you.”

Kylo exhaled slowly, squeezing his eyes shut. Rey watched him struggle to find the balance within himself; sensed the ripples through the Force, as though the very atmosphere surrounding them was slowly repairing itself. When he opened his eyes, they held nothing but resolve. No fear, no anger, no hopelessness. Nothing but deadly determination.

Rey had always admired Kylo’s tenacity. His unwavering ability to stand back up after taking a massive hit was, in a word, impressive. He had gone through years of varying forms of neglect and maltreatment to perfect such a skill; it was obvious in the way he carried himself, even if someone didn’t know his backstory. Even now, as she stared that same man in the eye, she once again got that familiar feeling that he would mow down anything unfortunate enough to stand in his way on the path to his goal. But this time, it worried her greatly. What would he say to her, if she protested? What would he say to the prospect of their child? Suddenly Rey no longer felt like she could tell him at _all_ , at least until his vengeful crusade was over. And that made her feel very alone indeed.

She watched Leia go to her son and embrace him before turning her gaze to the floor, abashed. Why couldn’t she be as supportive and forgiving as Leia? Should she be? She wanted to be, but the feeling in her gut was plain, heavy dread. Of course, she was biased. If Kylo decided to go off and fight the First Order into the farthest reaches of the galaxy, she wouldn’t be able to go with him. Not only was it something he had to do for himself, but she would be too vulnerable and weakened by her early pregnancy to be of much use. _All you have to do is tell him the truth,_ said the voice in the back of her head. _You do that, and he won’t think twice about leaving._

She wanted to tell him now more than ever, but she also wanted him to do what he felt he had to. This could be his chance for proper closure. She could get _her_ Kylo back. She was hesitant to throw such a chance away. She wanted to support him, not hold him back. And she feared that if she told him the truth and thus made him decide to go into hiding with her, he would one day grow to resent their child for taking this chance away from him. Her fingers twitched towards her belly but she fought back the urge to wrap her arms around herself so tightly that nothing could hurt her.

“Rey?”

Kylo’s softly pleading voice snapped her out of her reverie. She blinked and looked up to see that he and his mother had parted, and both were staring at her now, expectantly.

Flustered, she asked, “What?”

“Are you okay with this?” he asked.

She bit the inside of her lip and nodded stiffly. She didn’t know what to do, but her first instinct was to encourage and support him, no matter what; just as he would do for her if the circumstances were reversed – or, say, if she were pregnant.

A shaky smile appeared on Ben’s long face and he walked towards her, pulling her tightly into his chest. She gripped him for dear life, holding the material of his over-shirt in her fists upon his back. Tears threatened to escape her eyes once again but she bit them back this time. She wouldn’t cry. She would smile, and nod, and go along with it, for as long as she could.

“Thank you. I love you.” Kylo whispered into her ear, placing a kiss there immediately after. The warmth of his breath made her shiver pleasantly.

When they separated, Leia was admiring them from the door, smiling affectionately at them both. Kylo cleared his throat.

“You can keep a secret, can’t you, mother?” he asked.

Leia’s eyebrows twitched up. Rey’s heart leapt into her throat.

“Ummm…” Rey tugged on Kylo’s hand. “Are you sure?”

Kylo nodded firmly.

“I would say I’ve had a lot of experience in the field, yes,” Leia replied warily. “Why do you ask?”

“Uh, well, I’m not really sure how to put this, but…” Kylo shifted awkwardly.

“Ben, it really doesn’t take much for you to scare me nowadays,” Leia interjected patiently. “Please just spit it out.”

“Rey and I are married. We were kind of… _forced_ into it out of necessity, but we both wanted to. I mean, I was also partly to blame for the rushed circumstances, I suppose…”

“You’re _married_?” Leia whispered, eyes wide and wet. “You really…there was a ceremony? An officiate?”

“Everything but the feast and the party,” Kylo answered. “And the people that actually mattered, of course.”

“Oh…that’s, that’s incredible…” Leia pressed her fingertips to her lips before opening her arms to Rey. “I always knew there was something special about you.”

Rey smiled wide, despite her inner turmoil, and gladly accepted a tight embrace from her new mother-in-law. It was warm and familiar and it instantly helped her breathe better. She felt at home and safe, like she did when she was with Ben. This really was her family now; there was no going back, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Thank you for loving him,” Leia whispered to her. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Thank you.” Rey replied.

 

Later, while everyone else was on the bridge talking strategy and destinations, Rey was sitting with a BB-unit droid in an empty alcove, making minor adjustments to its hardware. The droid beeped away happily – it was really quite talkative, even for a droid – and Rey was just thankful to have something to do, something to fix her mind on and keep her hands busy. The only reason she wasn’t with everyone else at that moment was simply that she didn’t want to be. She didn’t want to have to listen to everyone hash over the details of her husband’s possible demise, while he joined in the discussion willfully. All of this plus the added weight of carrying a very big secret was too exhausting to even think about at that point, so she had opted out, quietly sneaking away when no one would notice (apart from the droid, apparently).

It was telling her stories of its owner and their adventures together in droid speak. Rey was only half-listening, but the parts she caught were entertaining enough. It was a funny little thing. She couldn’t help but admire the droids who obviously experienced emotion at some fundamental level. The idea that a machine could bond so intimately with another species was fascinating to her.

Rey closed the small compartment she had been working on, making sure the covering was perfectly secure.

“There we go,” she said calmly, patting the round droid twice. “Good as new.”

The droid made a high-pitched squealing noise that Rey supposed was meant to signify joy. With its little round head it bumped her elbow, nuzzling her in thanks. She patted it affectionately.

“Rey, there you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Rey looked up at the voice of Kylo. He stood in the entryway of the alcove, watching her and the droid with a fond expression.

“What are you doing all the way over here?” he asked, stepping closer.

Rey didn’t stand up to greet him but instead remained seated on the hard floor, staring all the way up at his towering figure.

“I just went for a walk and this guy found me,” Rey explained softly, patting the droid once more. “He had a couple loose wires so I helped him out.”

“I see.”

The droid quickly zoomed off after that, its moment with Rey ruined by Kylo’s intrusion. Once it had gone, Kylo had enough room to sit down next to Rey. She still didn’t meet his eyes.

“So are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” Kylo inquired.

Rey blinked but didn’t respond. She _might_ have told him what was bothering her, if she even knew what words to say.

“I know my outburst today probably alarmed you,” Kylo went on, filling the silence she left floating between them. “I’m sorry if it did. I just have a lot of conflicting emotions about all of this and no real way of expressing them, I guess. It’s…tough.”

“I agree,” Rey said quietly. “It really is.”

“How are you holding up? We haven’t really talked about…about everything since we got back.”

This of course was just another way for him to ask her what was wrong, and she recognized that.

“I’m…confused, I suppose,” she answered thoughtfully, with a sigh. “To go from one extreme to the next and back again does things to a person. And I don’t think I’ve really processed the things I did while I was there, either. It’s like, I know I did those awful things, but accepting that fact might just ruin me, you know? I’m not sure I can look it in the eye yet, is all.”

“I understand,” Kylo nodded.

“Even though I was only recently made a Jedi Knight, in my heart of hearts that is what I’ve always been, what I’ve always wanted to be. The Jedi Academy gave me purpose, as I’ve said before. I was very proud when Master Luke chose me as his Padawan. I still am; proud and honoured. But now…”

“You think because you did all those things, maybe you’re not really a Jedi anymore,” Kylo explained for her. “You feel like you’ve done wrong; gone against your better judgement. And you think you’ve sacrificed a crucial part of who you are because of that.”

Rey looked at him, eyes wet. “Yes,” she whispered.

Kylo kissed the top of her head firmly and placed a comforting hand upon her knee.

“The Jedi are meant to maintain the balance of things,” he explained. “That’s all we were doing. Don’t beat yourself up over doing the right thing, even if it didn’t feel like it at the time.”

 _I’m not sure it was the right thing_ now _either_ , Rey thought, but she did not let this retort slip past her lips.

Kylo observed her for a minute, monitoring the flicker of her eyelashes and the deepening shadow of her frown. He never felt more hopeless or useless as he did when she was upset. This time in particular he couldn’t help but feel like he was at least partly to blame for her terrible mood. He had gotten her into this mess, and how could he possibly ask her to dive further into the disaster with him for the sake of his own sanity? She had clearly had enough; her actions thus far had already severely drained her. To request that she join him on his cross-galaxy murder spree sounded ridiculous to him all of the sudden.

“Rey…you should stay here, with my mother. You shouldn’t come with me when I leave.” He said all of this in a very soft voice; so quiet it alarmed Rey a little bit.

She turned her head to look at him again and felt a familiar pang of sadness to see him looking so upset. His eyes were downcast and lonely. She couldn’t help but wonder why he had said that, though. A cold chill swept through her.

“Why not?” she asked warily.

“You’ve done enough, for me, for the Resistance,” Kylo answered. “I can’t ask you to put yourself through more moral torture just for me. I just can’t. It’s not fair to you. I love you far too much to ask you to put yourself in such a compromised position again.”

“Kylo, I would do anything for you,” Rey swore.

“I know that, I do. And I can’t thank you enough. You are my saviour. I’d be dead if it weren’t for you. I owe you my life and so much more. The least I can do for right now is to make sure you’re happy and comfortable. But this is something I have to do for myself. You already know I have to do this, but you don’t have to kill any more. I just want you to be who you want to be, not who you think you have to be for me. That’s why you should stay behind.”

Rey took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. There he was. Classic, valiant Kylo Ren, always putting himself in the face of danger rather than risk exposing her to it. He was ever the gentleman. She could’ve argued with him; in fact she kind of wanted to, it was practically her second nature to bicker with Kylo over these things, but she was far too tired. The growing orb of light inside of her had been sapping much of her energy as it grew, and all she wanted to do was sleep. So she rested her head on Kylo’s shoulder, resigned.

“You’re amazing, you know,” he said, pressing his cheek lightly atop her head. “Thank you for accepting that I need to do this. Thank you for giving me this chance. When it’s all over I will come back to you and we can go away together, somewhere no one can find us if you want. We can be alone, just the two of us.”

Rey swallowed a heavy lump. He sounded so happy, so appreciative. But he didn’t know the truth. The longer she waited to tell him, the harder it seemed to become. What was she going to do, wait until he was climbing into his ship to leave and tell him then?

The little ball of life inside of her seemed to get heavier somehow, just for a moment, as if to tell Rey that it didn’t like being kept a secret. She could feel it low within her womb, twisting away from its mother’s anxiety, even though she knew she shouldn’t be able to feel it yet. For whatever reason, she had felt it since its conception; a separate entity, but a part of her nonetheless. She suspected the Force had a part to play and with gritted acceptance she had acknowledged that her child was most definitely Force-sensitive. It may not even have fingers and toes yet, for all she knew, but it certainly had that particular skill.

Emotion made Rey tremble and threatened to boil over in a sob. Her lungs heaved and ached for the air that she suddenly couldn’t seem to swallow fast enough.

“Kylo, I don’t want you to go,” she whimpered breathlessly.

He squeezed her knee a little tighter. “I know, sweetheart. I’ll be back soon, though, I promise.”

“That’s not the problem,” Rey shook her head. Her lip quivered.

Now Kylo was concerned. He looked directly at her, soundlessly imploring her to meet his gaze, but she refused.

“Then what is?” he asked warily.

She almost said “nothing; forget about it”, but stopped herself from doing so. He was looking at her expectantly; she could feel his eyes on her face, making her cheeks burn red-hot. She wrapped her arms protectively around her midsection and squeezed herself tight, just trying to keep from falling apart.

                “Rey? What’s wrong? Seriously, you’re starting to worry me,” Kylo begged.

                The emotion in his voice prompted her to finally look at him. A chill settled itself deep within her chest. What if he got mad? This wasn’t what she had envisioned for the two of them, certainly it couldn’t have been what he saw, either. If she told him the truth, right there in that alcove, right that second, it could change everything as they knew it. Maybe she wasn’t ready to do that, but when would she be? How could she be? It was the uncertainty of it all more than anything that bothered her.

                “If you go…it’s not just me you’d be leaving behind,” Her voice was so quiet now Kylo had to strain to hear her. She was shaking. “And I don’t want to think…” Her voice broke as she choked off a sob. “I don’t want to think about you not making it back to us.”

                Kylo shook his head, squinting at her. “Us? I don’t understand…”

                “Please don’t be mad. And please don’t think this means you’re stuck here forever, I don’t want you to think that’s what this is—”

                “Rey…”

                She swallowed, stared him dead in the eye, and stepped off the ledge, plummeting into the unknown.

                “Kylo…I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Long time no see! Thanks for sticking around. I hope you like the new chapter. :) This story is almost at the end! I can't say for sure right now how many chapters are left, but there isn't many. I've had so much fun with this piece, and I'm so happy to see the reactions it's gotten have been overwhelmingly positive! I can't thank you all enough for your devoted support. Reylo fam is seriously the best fam, on any platform.   
> Also, we're so close to 100 bookmarks and 400 kudos. Those are crazy numbers to me. So spread the word, let's see if we can reach these milestones before the story ends! :)


	35. Thirty-Five

Those soft hazel eyes pleaded with him; normally her gaze had a gentle and calming effect on him, but just then it felt as though she was cutting straight through him. He stood paralyzed, unable to move, speak, or even blink. She needed him to talk, to respond to her with _something_ , but he could not force any words past his frozen tongue. The only sound he could hear was his own raspy, shaky breathing, loud as crashing ocean waves in his ears.

                _Kylo…I’m pregnant._ The words echoed round and round inside his head, making him feel dizzy. Pregnant. _I’m pregnant. Kylo…_

                These were words he had never expected to ever fall upon his ears. Not even in his wildest dreams had he ever seen himself fathering a child. Considering his rocky relationship with his own father, he had never really wanted it for himself. It was too much pressure; trying to be better for his child than his father had been for him. How did one even begin to assume such a role? Children didn’t like Kylo Ren, they ran from him, in fact. He was too big and broody, his voice too deep and too loud. It was as if children could sense his instability and temper and they feared it more than any adult could, possibly because they recognized it better than any adult could. And although he was sure-footed and capable in battle and times of political duress, he felt as though he would be incredibly clumsy when faced with a child of his own. What if he dropped it? What if he could never give it what it needed from him? What if he wasn’t around enough and it resented him, as he had resented his father? No, it was not a role he was cut out for. Never had been, never would be. He had accepted this long ago. But now…everything was changing all around him, all because of two simple words: _I’m pregnant._

                Rey’s hands were trembling at her sides and her eyes were brimming with tears, spurred on by the panic attached to his silence. It was like pleading with a statue. He was looking right through her, lost in his own thoughts, and she couldn’t seem to pull him back into the present. This terrified her, for good reason. Rey had often said things she regretted; this was nothing new. But never before had she wanted to retract a statement so badly. If she could, she would take a deep breath in and pull her words back from that aching chasm between them both, and swallow them as though they had never escaped in the first place.

                “Kylo, please…” The words caught in her throat and she hiccoughed. Those gentle eyes of hers were like glass; so deeply sad and afraid in their reflection. “Say something…”

                Kylo’s mouth fell open but no sound came out. His brain and his vocal chords could not seem to work together to come up with the appropriate words. He scrambled around inside himself for anything he could grab onto, anything he could say that would make things better, but came up empty. He was so very confused and denial threatened to take hold of him, lost as he was in the face of reality. There was no way she could be pregnant! Well, there _was_ a way, but…he would have known! He would have sensed it when something happened! But then again…

                With dawning terror he recalled a night not long past: their wedding night. Their bodies had seemed to be in perfect harmony, guided by the Force more than by their own will. The whole galaxy had seemed to fall away and all he had known was her. Her breasts had become the mountains of his home planet and he had traversed them by memory, climbing their soft, gentle peaks. Her stomach, arms and hips became the rolling plains that seemed to stretch on forever, off into the horizon. Her legs were the river systems that he swam along, searching for the place where they met. And when he had found that place, _oh Maker_ , he had found salvation. It was there where he had rooted himself. There, where he had given her every inch of himself. There, where he had felt his own soul pour into her, transferring a piece of himself unto her. There, where he found that his heart might just stop beating if she let go of him.

                And it was there, where he had sewn the seed of his own child.

                This memory lanced through him like a hot knife, spurring him into action. He drew in a sharp breath and took a step towards Rey before he dropped hard to his knees before her. The pain reverberated in his hipbones but he could hardly pay it any mind. His focus was trained on one thing, and one thing only.

                His hands grasped her belly, still flat and solid, hiding the secret within. His touch was delicate and barely there. Rey held her breath and stayed still as a statue as she watched him. As his fingers searched, his eyes fluttered closed in concentration.

                It didn’t take long to find it. A strong, harmonious fluttering beat; it was barely there, but Kylo could feel it against his fingertips like the pulse of a person that was very much alive. It was the Force that was answering his touch, but it was also confirming everything undeniably. He could sense the second life-form within her, the tiniest little thing, just a few cells growing together, trying to create something beautiful out of Rey and Kylo’s love. Each tiny little twitch of growth was a gentle pulse in his fingertips. Normally this would be imperceptible except to medical droids equipped with the proper instruments. No person should be able to feel creation at such a micro level. But Kylo could, and Rey could, only because this particular grouping of cells was as much a part of each of them as it was a part of the Force that surrounded it and played a part in its conception. If Kylo pushed just a little further, concentrated just a little harder, he could see it in his mind’s eye; a little ball of light that appeared to float in mid-air, happily bouncing up and down as though caught in a very slow current.

                Suddenly his eyes popped back open and he dropped his hands. They fell uselessly to his sides. All at once his lungs hauled in a gasp of air and his heart felt like it began to beat again after a tense moment’s pause. A cool sheen of sweat raised the skin on the back of his neck until it was prickled with goosebumps. He could not describe what he felt even if he tried his hardest. The only words that came to mind were fear and anxiety. Never before in his life had he ever felt so intimidated by something that could barely even be considered alive.

                “Kylo, what’s wrong?”

                Rey’s voice was laced through with worry and emotion. When he finally lifted his gaze to her, he saw she had gone pale as a sheet. Surely his expression wasn’t that haunted, was it?

                “It’s there,” he croaked, “I felt it, inside…”

                Rey’s face broke into a tentative smile. “I know, I’ve felt it too! Isn’t it…I mean, it’s amazing, right?”

                Kylo nodded slowly and stiffly. He dropped his gaze to her midriff once more, staring at it as though he were expecting a pair of eyes to stare back. He did not stand because he truly did not think his legs would support him if he tried. Noticing this, Rey obliged him and kneeled before him, grasping his upper arms in her hands with a warm grip that pulled him away from his churning thoughts.

                “Please,” she whispered. “I need to know that you’re okay. I know this is not what either of us were planning – I’m not even sure it’s what either of us _wanted_ , either. But…well…it’s happened, hasn’t it? It’s happening. Right now, whether we’re ready or not. So I need to know: are you okay with that?”

                His eyes caught hers and held on for dear life. She was sure, then, and accepting of it. He could see it in the hopefulness of her soft smile, hiding in anticipation in the corners of her mouth. The softness of her eyes was mindful and attentive, awaiting his reply. She was prepared to face this challenge, but she did not wish to face it alone.

                At that particular moment he did not feel anywhere near as confident. Being a father was not something he had ever prepared himself for. He had no real example to go off of. He wished for her acceptance, her ability to resign herself to her fate. Once more he admired her smile and he thought he might kiss her; allow her hopefulness and her confidence to drain into his mouth from her lips, so that he might drink it like a poison and be transformed. If she could be so calm, so set in her mind, he wanted to be, too. So he did kiss her, long and hard, and he held her fast to him, trying to absorb her emotions through touch. He did feel a calmness wash over him when he finally stopped kissing her. His head swam from the heat of the moment and his lips tingled from the pressure of their embrace. She watched him through half-lidded eyes, equally dazed from his unforeseen reaction.

                “I will be, for you,” he confided, his voice barely a whisper. “For…” He gazed perplexedly at her stomach, fumbling for the right pronoun. But Rey knew what he meant.

                Rey let out a long, trembling breath.

                “I’m very scared,” she said bluntly.

                Kylo stared into her eyes and nodded. “I am, too. I think that’s just a natural part of it.”

                She chewed on her lip anxiously, worrying it raw between her teeth. Despite the relief of her confession, the atmosphere of the room was so thick it was nearly suffocating.

                “Will you stay?”

                The three words hung like heavy smoke in the air between them. Kylo’s expression flickered; a brief, minute change, just the subtlest shift of emotion, seen most clearly in the twitch of his eyebrows as they bounced up, the line between them deepened, and then it was over. His face once again melted back into that perfect mask that just barely concealed the true emotions broiling within.

                “Is that…is that why you told me?” he asked meekly. “So that I might not go?”

                Rey opened her mouth, eager to defend herself, but her fire flared and died upon her tongue. She couldn’t lie. It was clear just by his face that he already knew the truth.

                “Partly,” she confessed sheepishly. “But I also needed to tell you. I was going to wait, because I know how much fighting in this war means to you, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t keep it from you. I didn’t want to.”

                Kylo’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. A look of resignation passed over his eyes and he dropped his gaze.

                “Please don’t be mad,” Rey begged. “I know you have to go do this. Don’t let this stop you from finding closure, if it’s what you really need right now.”

                “I’m not mad that you want me to stay. And I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me sooner, either,” His voice held a slight tone of reproachfulness that made Rey bow her head slightly, abashed. “I’m mad at myself, for ever thinking I could possibly leave you behind in all this.”

                The crease in the middle of Rey’s brow deepened and she frowned in puzzlement. His eyes, those damned soulful eyes that had seen over a thousand lifetimes, were deep brown melting pools of empathy mixed with self-loathing. She wanted to stop him right then and there, while she still could, for she knew what he was trying to do. In typical Kylo Ren fashion, he was incapable of seeing himself as anything other than the villain. To him, it always had to be his fault, his problem, and his weight to carry. She hated that he did that. It made her furious, actually. Nothing about him maddened her more than that. But there was something different this time: a strange air of resignation and decision that gave her pause.

                “You’re my other half, Rey. Literally, figuratively…even by galactic law. You are my life, now until the day I die. But despite all of that I’ve been selfish, ever since we got back with the Resistance. I’m sorry.”

                “Kylo, you were tortured…”

                “I know what happened,” he retorted rather sharply. “Don’t get me wrong, I hate the First Order more than I’ve ever hated anything in my life, but I still love you more.”

                Rey shook her head. “What do you mean?”

                “What I mean is that I never knew what true love was until I met you. You came into my life without any kind of warning and I fell for you instantly. Because I know that kind of love now, because I know now what it means to treasure someone else’s life over my own, I can’t allow myself to be consumed by my own hatred, not anymore.”

                “I can’t ask you to stop in your tracks and give up something that means so much to you,” Rey explained, choked as she was by impending tears. “As much as I want you on the Light side, I know that’s impossible. You’re not built for that. You are equal parts dark and light, and I think I am too. If I learned anything on board the _Finalizer_ , it was that. So this drive you have, this craving for vengeance and justice, I’ve felt it, too. It’s an integral part of you. It makes you human.”

                “No, you’re not getting it,” Kylo interrupted. “ _You_ are what makes me human. The second I give in to these terrible impulses is the second I start to turn back into the man I was when I was Snoke’s pet. Revenge means nothing if I can’t come out of it unchanged as a person. And if you make me human…then this baby does, too. You—both of you—are my life now. Fuck the rest. I don’t care anymore. Rey, I love you…I love you so much it terrifies me sometimes. I’m a terrible, misguided, angry person without you. And to think I was just going to turn back into that person, without a second thought, all for the sake of retribution…”

                “Kylo…” Rey reached out for him and he willingly gave her his hands. She held them tight, refusing to let go even for a second. Her hands always felt so small in his, so safe.

                He shook his head. “I won’t go, and you can’t make me.”

                “Oh, Kylo…”

                She threw herself into his arms, knowing he would catch her and never let go. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and let a few stray tears fall from her eyes onto the collar of his shirt. When they finally parted, Kylo neatly tucked a stray piece of her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

                “I’ll find another way,” he said softly. “I’ll work behind the scenes. Being a Senator I got quite good at fighting from a distance.”

                Rey cracked a small smile. “So what now?” she asked.

                “Now? Now we plot and scheme and do everything we can to prevent the re-emergence of the First Order. And then, when it’s all over and we’ve won, you and I are going to get away from here, for good.”

                “I like the sounds of that. Let’s get started.”

                Kylo spent the entire night and well into the morning coordinating attack plans, tracking down every last remaining First Order vessel, and cataloguing every single piece of classified information on the Order that he could touch. After several hours and with sore eyes and a dry throat, he had created and fleshed out a plan of attack, to be debriefed to the pilots and soldiers later that morning. The hunt was officially on, and Kylo made an exceptionally good hunter.

                By the time he got to his room, the smell of breakfast was strong in the hallways as it floated out from the kitchens at the rear of the ship. He had been tempted to sneak into the kitchens and snag himself something to eat, but when he reached his sleeping quarters he was so tired his feet refused to carry him any further, despite protest from his lightly grumbling stomach.

                He undressed and crawled into bed next to Rey, who was fast asleep and snoring, her hair tossed over her face and across the pillow, branching out like a complicated river system. She was so warm beneath the blanket. He latched onto her, slipping a leg underneath hers. She roused just a little, just enough to wiggle in closer to him and adjust to his presence. She leaned her head against his chest, and from there he had a perfect view of her long, dark eyelashes as they fanned out and twitched along the top of her freckled cheekbones.

                Exhaustion allowed sleep to claim him quickly. He fell gratefully into the light, floating sensation of unconsciousness, all too willing to let it wrap him up in its dark, quiet folds. Once deep in the confines of sleep, he dreamed. But in this dream there were no dark prophecies, no angry-looking, beautiful Padawans screaming at him, no world of ash and hellfire. Instead, he dreamed of a planet he just barely remembered, from a very long time ago, with beautiful mountains, turquoise lakes, and rolling hills, green for as far as the eye could see. And he dreamed of a beautiful girl in a beautiful dress, smiling up at him as his parents and uncle looked on, and promising to love him forever. And as he slept, a smile spread across his face, which he buried sleepily in the soft brown hair of that beautiful girl, the mother of his unborn child, who he would love for the rest of eternity and then some.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the finale. I hope you'll stick around to see it. ❤ Thank you for your patience and your comments! I've been feeling pretty downtrodden about my fics and my abilities as a writer, so when I wake up to emails that you guys have left me kudos and lovely comments, it makes this whole thing a hell of a lot easier and reminds me why I do it. Despite everything it's so rewarding and I can't thank you enough!
> 
> come say hi on tumblr!: reylo-solo


	36. Thirty-Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.

_What a strange sight to see,_ Ren thought to himself. _Strange indeed…_

                The reflection that looked back at him from the tall, cracked mirror was, for lack of a better word, that of a stranger. Gone were the weapons he typically carried in his belt, and so were the small collection of cowlicks he typically hosted near the crown of his head. No, today, his hair had been oiled and curled and combed to perfection; anything to keep it from looking a mess. He was dressed in a fine black military jacket with white lining and a crisply-pressed collar, complete with a fine gold chain that connected two ruby-studded golden sun shoulder pins, which kept his black cape in place. The cufflinks on his right sleeve sparkled as they caught the light, twisting as they were between the fingers of his left hand. Even the scar across his face seemed less prominent, or at least more regal. Kylo didn’t know whether to laugh or frown at his reflection.

                A knock came from the door behind him, stunning him out of his personal reverie with a start. He was even more shocked to find that his visitor was none other than his father, Han Solo. Ren’s heart instinctively clenched with anxiety inside his chest. He was a full-grown man now, about to be married, and yet every single time he laid eyes on his father, a tiny voice in the back of his head said, _‘Oh no, he’s leaving again’_.

                Han mustered a sheepish smile and hesitantly entered the room.

                “Hi, son,” he said in his characteristically deep, suave voice. “You nervous?” He gestured vaguely at the mirror.

                “Oh, no, not really,” Kylo said stiffly. “Just preparing myself.”

                “You’ll do great; you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Han said. “Just remember to tell her how beautiful she looks, and it’s smooth sailing from there, I promise.”

                A heavy silence swelled between the two estranged men. A lot of unspoken words lived within that silence. A lot of cruel jabs and personal attacks, but there were a lot of hopeful wishes and proud words, too. None of these would be verbalized, though. It just hurt too damn much. A mutual understanding of their existence was enough for father and son.

                “You look a lot better, you know,” Han commented. “I like you in a nice suit, rather than those silly, glittery things they made you wear in the Senate. You always looked miserable in those things.”

                “I was.” Kylo cleared his throat. “So what do you need?”

                “Uh, well…about that…”

                Han scratched the back of his head and stared fixedly on the floor, a habit he often fell into when he found himself in a situation he’d rather not be in at all. But there was something different about him this time. He didn’t look so serious, so concerned. There was a strange glimmer in his eye that made Kylo suspicious.

                “Listen, kid – er, Ben,” Han stuttered. “Your mom and I…well, we don’t tell you this enough, a-and we _know_ that—”

                “Dad. Spit it out. I kind of have somewhere I gotta be.”

                “I’m getting there!” Han shot back. “Sheesh, you’re just like your mother.”

                Kylo’s lips twitched in a barely-concealed smirk.

                “I just wanted to let you know how proud we are of you,” Han said, all in one breath.

                 Father’s eyes raised to Son’s and inspected them for any sign of trouble, but there were none. Ben stared fixedly at his father, stunned into silence by the mere weight of his words. Yes, Kylo knew his parents were proud of him, for at least some things. But lately he hadn’t been so sure. He’d done so many awful things, so many shameful things, that he didn’t think anyone, least of all his parents, should or could be proud of him. He had come to not expect it at all. He didn’t think he deserved it. So to hear it from his father was quite a cathartic, emotional experience for him.

                “I know we didn’t give you the greatest childhood,” Han said meekly. “I for one know I wasn’t there enough for you. We pushed you away; sent you to Luke. And I didn’t want you to go, because I was so afraid of losing you. I saw the best parts of your mom and I in you before you left, and I…I didn’t want to miss out on watching that develop. I might have left home a lot, but at least I always knew you’d still be there when I got back, waiting at the door for me. So the idea that you wouldn’t be there anymore, waiting…the mere _thought_ of something so important being taken away from me made me feel sick.”

                Kylo felt suspended; unable to move, but not stuck. Just…floating.

                “Anyway…I know you’ve suffered more than your fair share in the last few years,” Han continued. “And I want you to know that your mother and I feel that pain, too. Not because of you, but for you. I always told myself I would do anything if it meant I could keep you safe from all the dangers you were naturally prone to, but after a while I sort-of just realized it wasn’t my battle to fight. It was yours.

                “But, uh, the bottom line is, I don’t want you to think your parents are disappointed in you. We’re not. We are so proud of you, Ben, especially today. Everything you have overcome, and you’re still here…well damn, kid. Even I’m not that strong.”

                Han offered his son a charming smile, which was returned in a mirror image.

                “You’ve sacrificed so much, and now you finally get peace, with Rey. I’m so happy she found you, Ben. I really am. The change she’s brought about in you…I tell you, from the moment I first met her, I knew there was something special about her.”

                “You can’t take credit for this one,” Kylo joked quietly.

                “I’m not, I’m not,” Han smiled. “I just…after everything, I’m just happy you found where you belong. You’ve always deserved this kind of happiness, and now I get to watch you receive it. I’m proud of you, son.”

                _I’m proud of you._ Four words Kylo had not heard his father speak in a very long time. A shiver down his spine. Things were going to be okay. He knew that now.

                “Thanks, dad.”

                Han opened his arms wide, mouth spread in a cheeky grin.

                “Come on,” he urged.

                “Do we have to…?”

                “Yep. You’re never too old to hug your dad. Bring it in.”

                The two shared a brief but tight hug, ending with Han slapping Ben’s back once.

                “Well, I better get going. I’m meant to be walking your wife down the aisle and I don’t even know where she is.”

                Kylo barely supressed a laugh as he watched his grey-haired father saunter off in search of Rey. Not long after Han disappeared from view, Chewie could be heard yowling impatiently.

                “I know, I know! I’m coming, you bossy hairball!” Han was saying. “Who made you wedding planner, anyway?”

               

                The sun had just set behind the Chandrila skyline. They were to be married amongst the trees and forest creatures, and the old stone relics – all that was left of a once powerful monarchy. It reminded the pair strongly of the old city on Arakis, where they had spent so much of their budding romance. That was partly what made them choose this place, seeing as how they could never really return to Arakis. What remained of the stone structures and buildings were all strung up with lights, some of which danced in long-empty windows and made them look like no one had ever left. Birds sang peacefully from the tree tops and a soft, warm breeze rustled the leaves and the hems of skirts. It was starting.

                It was to be a small wedding, with only loved ones and family attending, which meant that Han, Luke, Leia, and Chewie made up ninety-eight percent of the guest list. The other two percent were the officiant, whom they had found within the ranks of the Resistance, and a rather eager-to-help droid named L9. They all stood now with Kylo at the altar, minus Han, who was hiding somewhere in one of the buildings with Rey. _Likely giving her a pep-talk, too,_ Kylo thought to himself. _Poor girl._

                He was too nervous to make any more jokes. His heart was racing and he felt like his lungs were fit to burst out of his chest. No matter what he couldn’t keep himself from moving; whether it was a subtle swaying motion, a relentlessly tapping foot, or eager, jittery fingers, he was never still, not until he saw _her_.

                When he saw her for the first time his heart stopped. His breath caught in his throat. His eyes got wide and every other part of him stilled, because he was completely, utterly mesmerized by her.

                She wore a long, simple, off-white gown that trailed over the short grass behind her as she walked. In her hands there were a bundle of flora. Vivid blooms of deep reds and purples, a tintolive branch, small buds of little white flowers, a few sprigs of balmgrass, and two stunning nightbloomers, from Rey’s planet of Jakku. Her hair was pulled back in a single bun, decorated with a glittering diamond tiara. She wore a glowing smile, and her eyes were fixed on Kylo only.

                As it had so many times in the past, her beauty stole his breath away. No one spoke, or made any sound at all. It made it even easier to forget there were other people there besides the two of them.

                Han released her about five feet from the altar, giving her a tight hug that was rather uncharacteristic of him. But Rey returned it as happily as ever, honoured that he would do such a thing for her, no matter how simple a gesture it was. When she turned to the altar, Kylo’s hand was waiting to take hers. She gave it to him, beaming with a smile like the sun.

                Their vows were short, but lovely. This time around, the wedding felt right. It was personal this time. It wasn’t sudden or awkward; no enemies stood as witnesses, only loved ones. A war was no longer cleaving them apart with anxiety. They could each look deep into the other’s eyes, take in a breath, and let it out with barely a shudder. And although they may already have been married, the two felt a mutual eagerness to get to the end of the ceremony – the part where they kissed one another. The part that made it feel really, really official. This was what they’d been waiting so long for, and it was a challenge to wait even a second longer.

                That first kiss after the officiant declared them married felt like a transformation. Not of the two of them personally, but of the world, the galaxy, everything. It was all changing. Two became one, and everyone could let out the breath they never knew they had been holding for so long.

                Once the sun had set, the party began. Resistance ships zoomed overhead, carrying the rest of the guests. Whilst everyone ate and danced and chatted, the bride and groom snuck away into the trees together, breathless and laughing, the happiest either of them had ever been before.

                Branches and twigs snapped beneath their feet as they ran. Ren playfully chased his wife through the trees; Rey would dodge nimbly around the trunks, angling left and then right, all with her dress hoisted up past her ankles. Her hair was beginning to come out of its bun, and little tendrils floated around her face, fanning out as she spun around to see if he was still chasing her. And of course he was, for how could he not?

                When they finally broke the treeline on the other side, they found themselves atop a sprawling cliff, coated with long, flowing grass and peppered with a variety of wildflowers in different pastel shades. The moon was rising to its peak, shining white as bone in the deep blue sky of evening. The first stars of night twinkled gaily at them. Somewhere off in the distant treetops, an owl was calling.

                “Isn’t it beautiful?” Rey asked, gazing up at the sky in awe.

                “Yes, it is,” Kylo answered. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin in the crook of her shoulder. There he laid a gentle kiss on her neck that gave her goosebumps all down the left side of her body.

                They were both silent for a moment, simply admiring the landscape and the blue-white glow of the moon and stars. The great, sprawling mountain range was but a shadow against the dark background of quickly-encroaching night. The sounds of the party were far-off but could still be heard; a pleasantly thumping drum beat echoing through the mass of trees at their backs.

                In a very soft but confident voice, Rey spoke.

                “I’m not scared anymore.”

                “Scared of what?”

                “Anything,” He could hear her smile as she talked and he could feel the warm glow of exhilaration radiating off of her in waves. “I’m not afraid to have this baby. I’m not afraid of failing you, or our child. I’m not afraid of the First Order rising from the ashes. I’m just simply not afraid.”

                “Why’s that?” Kylo asked, holding her just a little closer, a little tighter.

                “Because I have you now.”

                She turned around in his arms so that she might look upon his face. His eyes reflected the moon, his dark hair the night sky. And across the right side of his face, there was a falling star.

                He was slightly puzzled by her comment, though, and so he said as much.

                “But you’ve always had me,”

                Rey shook her head politely. “Not like this. Not completely.”

                Kylo supposed she had a point. He’d always been consumed by another entity, even when he’d refused to acknowledge its presence.

                “I know that whatever happens after today, I will accept it without fear, because I won’t be facing it alone. Neither of us ever have to be alone again. If we can make it through everything that’s been thrown our way so far, we can make it through anything as long as we’re together.”

                Kylo nodded, unable to put his agreement into the right words. Instead, he dipped his head and kissed her until they were both breathless once more.

                “Ben, I love you,” she whispered, tears glittering in the corners of her eyes. “I love you so much it makes me deliriously happy just thinking about it.”

                “I love you too,” Kylo said, his own voice quivering.

                “Our baby will be so loved,” Rey promised, slowly swaying with her husband to the far-off noise of the party music. “She will never spend the nights thinking that her parents don’t love her, and she will never have to worry that when we leave we won’t come back.”

                Kylo’s eyes widened. “She? Is it a girl?”

                Rey smiled knowingly. “I’m not sure, but I think so. It just feels like it.”

                “Is she…can she use the—the Force, like us?”

                “Every now and then, when there’s a disturbance or when my emotions or yours are heightened, I feel a little jolt, in my belly. Nothing painful or big, just a little tiny movement; a twitch in response to the stimulus. So, I think…yes, she can.”

                An emotional smile spread over Kylo’s face. He gazed down at the gentle swell of her belly, now showing underneath the light, flowy fabric of her dress. They stayed like that for a long time, simply swaying together, just the two of them and their child. They could have stayed there like that for the whole night and then some, but the sounds of voices were calling them back.

                “We should get going. It is our party we’re missing out on, after all.” Rey suggested.

                “You know you can just say you want more cake,” Kylo smirked, taking her hand. “You don’t have to make up excuses.”

                “Fine,” Rey sighed, a grin playing on her mouth. “I really, _really_ want more of that cake.”

                The two headed back to their friends and family, linked forever as one, the Dark and the Light with the Grey in-between, the way it was always meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.  
> Thank you to everyone who read this story. Whether you commented on every chapter or just once in a while, or even if you just left kudos, I thank you. I had such a great time writing this story and it feels weird to end it, but it was time. If you liked it, just know that makes me so happy. It was a slice.  
> Keep me in your thoughts, though - I'm working on something right now that I'm super eager to post in a few months (or less)! If you're interested stick around for that.   
> [I have a tumblr!](http://www.reylo-solo.tumblr.com/)


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